Well I have gone to the psychiatrist this afternoon. I have been evaluated for medication. I was asked questions about how I fell. I was asked again several times if I ever contemplate suicide. I was asked if I have a suicide plan.
At the time I felt decent. I still don't have thoughts of suicide. Since I don't have suicidal thoughts why would I have a suicide plan? Can you answer me that?
Any ways I described the feelings that I had the other night when my heart was pounding in my chest. I also explained that it wasn't the first time that I have felt my heart do that. She told me that it was an anxiety or panic attack. Hmmmmm.
So she told me about several different antidepressants and their side effects. The first two had no sexual side effects known to them. Number one caused major weight gain. Hhhmmmmmm. I'm already pushing 290. I don't need to gain anymore weight.
Number two caused liver failure. Aahhhhhh NO! Why would I want to feel happier only to die of liver failure? I'd rather feel depressed for the rest of my life.
The rest of them caused sexual side effects. Or as she put it sexual dysfunction. Great. So I'm going to feel better and have a sexual dysfunction. Oh well. I haven't exactly been myself in that department lately anyways. So she prescribed one that has the least amount of sexual dysfunction.
I'm now taking Celexa. I start with the first one tomorrow morning. She says that it will take four to six weeks for me to notice a difference. She will re-evaluate me in July to see if it making a difference, and see if it is having a major effect on my sexual functioning. She says if it is having a bad effect there are things that we can do to help out.
So here's to hope.
Back to group again tomorrow night. After Summer and I go to an IEP for our Oldest son. Once again the school has gone great lengths to piss us off. The meeting was originally scheduled for next Fri. They call today and say it was moved to tomorrow afternoon. Yesterday we had the same thing happen with Youngest son's school. That meeting was scheduled for Mon. afternoon. They changed it to next Fri. instead.
We're both getting sick of this shit. Every meeting we have scheduled this year they have changed on us at the last minute. Both of these meetings were scheduled over a month ago. I had requested the time off of work over a month ago. So now I'm going to be late for tomorrows meeting. I'll make Youngest son's meeting because the time slot is now open due to Oldest son's meeting change. We are now in a babysitting bind for tomorrow's meeting now as well. I'm beginning to think that they are doing this on purpose just to piss us off. Maybe I should redirect my inner anger towards them. :D Yeah. I didn't think so. It would be nice though.
It's massage time now. So good night. :D
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Back amongst the living
Sun. May 28
I don't know what it was that hit me but it came on fast and hard. I was fine when I woke up Fri. morning, but by the time I got off work in the afternoon I was running a 102 temp. I went to bed when I got home and didn't get out of bed until yesterday around 3:00. Today I'm feeling pretty good except for the cough and my back hurts from being in bed for so long. And yes Summer took good care of me when I was sick. She even went to the store and brought me home a red rose. Made me feel special. Thanks to all those who sent get well wishes.
As I wrote on Thu. after my group meeting, my therapist was going to call me with a referral on Fri. Well that call came in and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Wed. afternoon. From there I will start taking some sort of meds if he sees fit to prescribe them to me. So we'll have to wait and see how that goes when Wed. gets here.
Tue. May 30
Well I started this post on Sun. but never got around to finishing it. The weekend was pretty good after I started feeling better. The problem was I busted my ass working around the house on Mon. trying to do the stuff I was to sick to do on Fri. and Sat. But it was worth it. We finally got our new closet organizer installed in our room. What a long drawn out project that was. The shelves weren't bad. The bad part was all the crap that we seem to keep hanging on to. Clothes from back in 1994. Clothes that haven't fit 60-70 pounds ago. Papers from god knows what. Books from Jr. High. And that's just MY crap. I won't go into the same stuff that Summer has as well. We are perpetual pack rats. I will wear those pants that are size 36 again someday. Just not anytime soon as I'm now in a 44. Plus all the shirts that I won't wear but can't bring myself to toss out. Like the gift from my parents 3 years ago for my bday. It's a western style, red plaid, snap down shirt. It fits. But still has the tag on it. Red is not my color and western is not my style. But it was a gift and I feel it would be disrespectful to return it. It's even worse to toss it or give it away. So it just sits. There's many more that are like that. They have been worn many times. But I don't have the occasion to wear them anymore. So they sit as well. I really need to consolidate my wardrobe. Anymore if it's not jeans, jean shorts or a t shirt, I'm just not wearing it. I used to wear turtle necks all the time. And sweaters. But that was when I had an occasion to wear them. Like when I worked in Loss Prevention for JC Penney's. But now it's jeans and t shirts to work. Work provides the shirts. Lounge around the house in raggedy t shirts or tank tops after work, and on days like today a nice t shirt to go shopping in. Why get all dressed up in a button down shirt just to make a trip to Walmart and Sam's Cub?
I guess in a way I'm trying to convince myself to get rid of more crap from my closet. But then Summer will seize the opportunity to put more of her stuff on my side of the closet. ;-)~
And that's all for now. Time for payday shopping boredom. Just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive.
I don't know what it was that hit me but it came on fast and hard. I was fine when I woke up Fri. morning, but by the time I got off work in the afternoon I was running a 102 temp. I went to bed when I got home and didn't get out of bed until yesterday around 3:00. Today I'm feeling pretty good except for the cough and my back hurts from being in bed for so long. And yes Summer took good care of me when I was sick. She even went to the store and brought me home a red rose. Made me feel special. Thanks to all those who sent get well wishes.
As I wrote on Thu. after my group meeting, my therapist was going to call me with a referral on Fri. Well that call came in and I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on Wed. afternoon. From there I will start taking some sort of meds if he sees fit to prescribe them to me. So we'll have to wait and see how that goes when Wed. gets here.
Tue. May 30
Well I started this post on Sun. but never got around to finishing it. The weekend was pretty good after I started feeling better. The problem was I busted my ass working around the house on Mon. trying to do the stuff I was to sick to do on Fri. and Sat. But it was worth it. We finally got our new closet organizer installed in our room. What a long drawn out project that was. The shelves weren't bad. The bad part was all the crap that we seem to keep hanging on to. Clothes from back in 1994. Clothes that haven't fit 60-70 pounds ago. Papers from god knows what. Books from Jr. High. And that's just MY crap. I won't go into the same stuff that Summer has as well. We are perpetual pack rats. I will wear those pants that are size 36 again someday. Just not anytime soon as I'm now in a 44. Plus all the shirts that I won't wear but can't bring myself to toss out. Like the gift from my parents 3 years ago for my bday. It's a western style, red plaid, snap down shirt. It fits. But still has the tag on it. Red is not my color and western is not my style. But it was a gift and I feel it would be disrespectful to return it. It's even worse to toss it or give it away. So it just sits. There's many more that are like that. They have been worn many times. But I don't have the occasion to wear them anymore. So they sit as well. I really need to consolidate my wardrobe. Anymore if it's not jeans, jean shorts or a t shirt, I'm just not wearing it. I used to wear turtle necks all the time. And sweaters. But that was when I had an occasion to wear them. Like when I worked in Loss Prevention for JC Penney's. But now it's jeans and t shirts to work. Work provides the shirts. Lounge around the house in raggedy t shirts or tank tops after work, and on days like today a nice t shirt to go shopping in. Why get all dressed up in a button down shirt just to make a trip to Walmart and Sam's Cub?
I guess in a way I'm trying to convince myself to get rid of more crap from my closet. But then Summer will seize the opportunity to put more of her stuff on my side of the closet. ;-)~
And that's all for now. Time for payday shopping boredom. Just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Confused is under the weather
Hi all! yours truly is down with a bad cold, not only that he's been dealing with a horrible allergy season. So who's typing this if he's laying flat on his back? the arthur of Summer Rose, I'm not usually on his blog. Since he's down he asked if I wouldn't mind if I would let every one know, that he will be back as soon as he is feeling better. I will be back hopefully tonight to post this weeks events, I hate leaving but it seems as youngest is begging to go to his little friends and dinner is cooking. So on that note I better leave. Oh and CH came home with a high fever, not good.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Therapy
Well it's another day. I just returned from my group therapy tonight. Actually got out early. There were only two people there and the therapist.
I told the Therapist everything that has been going on in the last week. I actually monopolized the whole meeting. Makes me feel bad for the other guy that showed up. Didn't give him a chance to talk much. But he said that he was ok with it. I'm also ok with it seeing as he pissed me off anyways. Here I am talking about hopw I made 42,000 last year and he's bragging about making that much this year so far. FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!!!
So this was the first time that I have mentioned depression (outside of on the blogs and to Summer). I told him all the stuff that has been going through my head lately, the fight Summer and I had on Mon. night about something so stupid, about the way my heart was pounding on Fri. night. And all the things that I have yet to mention here on my Blog. I told him how I haven't had sex with Summer in over a week. And that I have not had the desire to have sex with her. Hell I haven't even had an erection Since the last time Summer and I had a quickie last week before work.*** That's 8 days without an erection people. Not even a little morning wood. Or a boner in the middle of the day for no apparent reason. To the women out there that may not sound important. But tell me guys- If you didn't have an erection for 8 days wouldn't that alone send you into a state of depression? Usually all Summer had to do was walk into the room and I'd get a stiffie. But the past week we could be laying in bed holding each other naked and nothing.
Well all of that was true until this afternoon anyways. I did get an erection after a fantastic blow job that led to another quickie. So at least it's not completely dead.
Yet.
But anyways back to the post at hand here. After I described all the events of the past week and telling him about how I have had these bouts of depression since about 1992-93, he started asking some questions that I had a hard time answering. (He actually makes me think of digger the way he makes me think). He would ask -Do you truly believe that you will feel like this forever? What purpose does feeling like this serve? Why do you feel like this? You do know that this will end and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, don't you? You say that you focus all of your attention to your wife to take care of her. Who is supposed to take care of you? You seem to have this theme of not letting people take care of you. (referring to these posts here (mainly the last one entitled "here"). Then he kept asking me over and over again- Are you having thoughts of killing yourself? No I'm not. I have not had a suicidal thought since about 1994 when I was in boot camp. But he kept asking me if I was sure. Yes I'm sure. I don't want to die. I just want to stop feeling sad and angry every waking moment.
So to finish this off he said that he is putting in a referral tomorrow morning for me to see a psychiatrist ASAP for an evaluation for medication. So we'll see how that goes. Hopefully Kaiser will move along and get this done and not drag their feet on this.
There is more to tell but I need to spend some time with Summer first. I'll catch you all up some more hopefully tomorrow. If it goes the way I want it to it won't be a pretty post either. It will actually be brutally honest. (Or so I think anyways.)
***Edit/Side note*** The fact that I have not had an erection or sexual desire for Summer in the last 8 days has taken it's toll on Summer as well. She has asked me several times if I still find her attractive. Yes I do. But the thoughts just aren't there. So now not only is my depression affecting me it's now making her feel bad because I don't deire her sexually. Which in turns just gives more things for me to be depressed about.
I told the Therapist everything that has been going on in the last week. I actually monopolized the whole meeting. Makes me feel bad for the other guy that showed up. Didn't give him a chance to talk much. But he said that he was ok with it. I'm also ok with it seeing as he pissed me off anyways. Here I am talking about hopw I made 42,000 last year and he's bragging about making that much this year so far. FUCK YOU ASS HOLE!!!
So this was the first time that I have mentioned depression (outside of on the blogs and to Summer). I told him all the stuff that has been going through my head lately, the fight Summer and I had on Mon. night about something so stupid, about the way my heart was pounding on Fri. night. And all the things that I have yet to mention here on my Blog. I told him how I haven't had sex with Summer in over a week. And that I have not had the desire to have sex with her. Hell I haven't even had an erection Since the last time Summer and I had a quickie last week before work.*** That's 8 days without an erection people. Not even a little morning wood. Or a boner in the middle of the day for no apparent reason. To the women out there that may not sound important. But tell me guys- If you didn't have an erection for 8 days wouldn't that alone send you into a state of depression? Usually all Summer had to do was walk into the room and I'd get a stiffie. But the past week we could be laying in bed holding each other naked and nothing.
Well all of that was true until this afternoon anyways. I did get an erection after a fantastic blow job that led to another quickie. So at least it's not completely dead.
Yet.
But anyways back to the post at hand here. After I described all the events of the past week and telling him about how I have had these bouts of depression since about 1992-93, he started asking some questions that I had a hard time answering. (He actually makes me think of digger the way he makes me think). He would ask -Do you truly believe that you will feel like this forever? What purpose does feeling like this serve? Why do you feel like this? You do know that this will end and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, don't you? You say that you focus all of your attention to your wife to take care of her. Who is supposed to take care of you? You seem to have this theme of not letting people take care of you. (referring to these posts here (mainly the last one entitled "here"). Then he kept asking me over and over again- Are you having thoughts of killing yourself? No I'm not. I have not had a suicidal thought since about 1994 when I was in boot camp. But he kept asking me if I was sure. Yes I'm sure. I don't want to die. I just want to stop feeling sad and angry every waking moment.
So to finish this off he said that he is putting in a referral tomorrow morning for me to see a psychiatrist ASAP for an evaluation for medication. So we'll see how that goes. Hopefully Kaiser will move along and get this done and not drag their feet on this.
There is more to tell but I need to spend some time with Summer first. I'll catch you all up some more hopefully tomorrow. If it goes the way I want it to it won't be a pretty post either. It will actually be brutally honest. (Or so I think anyways.)
***Edit/Side note*** The fact that I have not had an erection or sexual desire for Summer in the last 8 days has taken it's toll on Summer as well. She has asked me several times if I still find her attractive. Yes I do. But the thoughts just aren't there. So now not only is my depression affecting me it's now making her feel bad because I don't deire her sexually. Which in turns just gives more things for me to be depressed about.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
As I said in my previous post **New Post Below** I would come back tonight to post something a little more happy happy. Well I couldn't come up with anything. So instead I borrowed this from April, and AAG.
Bold the ones which are true, or the ones you haven't done.
I’ve Never French-Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex.
I’ve Never French-Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex.
I've Never Had Sex With A Member Of The Opposite Sex.
I've Never Had Sex With A Member Of The Same Sex.
I’ve Never Had A Three-Some.
I’ve Never Been In Love.
I’ve Never Had Sex In A Public Place.
I’ve Never Had Group Intercourse.
I’ve Never Been Spanked.
I’ve Never Been Tied Up.
I’ve Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone.
I’ve Never Made Out With A Stranger.
I’ve Never Gone On A Blind Date.
I’ve Never Had A Crush On A Teacher or Professor.
I’ve Never Slept With A Co-Worker.
I’ve Never Had Sex At The Office.
I’ve Never Been Married.
I’ve Never Been Divorced.
I’ve Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week.
I’ve Never Posed Nude.
I've Never Watched Porn.
I’ve Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them.
I’ve Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner.
I’ve Never Had Sex At A Friend’s House While They Were Throwing A Party.
I’ve Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room.
I’ve Never Flashed Anyone.
I’ve Never Met Anyone From Online.
I've Never Cheated On My Significant Other.
I've Never Masturbated.
I've Never Used A Sex Toy On Myself.
I've Never Used A Sex Toy On Someone Else.
I've Never Danced On A Table Or Bar.
I've Never Strip-Teased For Anyone.
I've Never Received A Rim Job.
I've Never Given A Rim Job.
I've Never Received A Hand Job.
I've Never Given A Hand Job.
I've Never Had Sex In A Hammock.
I've Never Performed Oral Sex.
I've Never Received Oral Sex.
I've Never Had Anal Sex.
I've Never Had Sex involving a strapon.
I've Never Given/Received A Golden Shower.
I've Never Had Sex With Someone While Fantasizing About Having Sex With Someone Else.
I've Never Had A Sex Dream.
I've Never Had An Orgasm By Myself.
I've Never Had An Orgasm With/By Someone Else.
I've Never Had Phone Sex. I've tried but when the other party isn't willing it gets kinda hard
I've Never Had Cyber Sex.
I've Never Role-Played. I want to though.
I've Never Played Strip Poker.Summer does owe me a game of strip pool sometime soon. ;-)
Bold the ones which are true, or the ones you haven't done.
I’ve Never French-Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex.
I’ve Never French-Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex.
I've Never Had Sex With A Member Of The Opposite Sex.
I've Never Had Sex With A Member Of The Same Sex.
I’ve Never Had A Three-Some.
I’ve Never Been In Love.
I’ve Never Had Sex In A Public Place.
I’ve Never Had Group Intercourse.
I’ve Never Been Spanked.
I’ve Never Been Tied Up.
I’ve Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone.
I’ve Never Made Out With A Stranger.
I’ve Never Gone On A Blind Date.
I’ve Never Had A Crush On A Teacher or Professor.
I’ve Never Slept With A Co-Worker.
I’ve Never Had Sex At The Office.
I’ve Never Been Married.
I’ve Never Been Divorced.
I’ve Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week.
I’ve Never Posed Nude.
I've Never Watched Porn.
I’ve Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them.
I’ve Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner.
I’ve Never Had Sex At A Friend’s House While They Were Throwing A Party.
I’ve Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room.
I’ve Never Flashed Anyone.
I’ve Never Met Anyone From Online.
I've Never Cheated On My Significant Other.
I've Never Masturbated.
I've Never Used A Sex Toy On Myself.
I've Never Used A Sex Toy On Someone Else.
I've Never Danced On A Table Or Bar.
I've Never Strip-Teased For Anyone.
I've Never Received A Rim Job.
I've Never Given A Rim Job.
I've Never Received A Hand Job.
I've Never Given A Hand Job.
I've Never Had Sex In A Hammock.
I've Never Performed Oral Sex.
I've Never Received Oral Sex.
I've Never Had Anal Sex.
I've Never Had Sex involving a strapon.
I've Never Given/Received A Golden Shower.
I've Never Had Sex With Someone While Fantasizing About Having Sex With Someone Else.
I've Never Had A Sex Dream.
I've Never Had An Orgasm By Myself.
I've Never Had An Orgasm With/By Someone Else.
I've Never Had Phone Sex. I've tried but when the other party isn't willing it gets kinda hard
I've Never Had Cyber Sex.
I've Never Role-Played. I want to though.
I've Never Played Strip Poker.Summer does owe me a game of strip pool sometime soon. ;-)
Will it Ever go Away?
Well as you could tell from yesterday's post, (and even from Fri. nights post) I wasn't in a good mood. The thing is I haven't been in a good mood for quite awhile now. I've just been ignoring everything and sweeping it under the rug so to speak. As I have eluded to in a few posts the depression or "funk" is starting to rear his ugly head. I'm not in a good place right now. Nor have I been for quite some time now.
After I pressed publish yesterday Summer came home from the store. And it wasn't pretty at all. Things were said. Voices were elevated. A picture was thrown and broken. (Not by me.) People were crying. I broke my commitment of not yelling at Summer anymore. Suit cases were brought in and packed. And lastly a cigarette was smoked.
All in all it wasn't a pretty site. We did go to bed hugging each other though. We even woke up and started holding each other again. Then I was asked to stay home from work so that we could talk. Which I did gladly. So we stayed in bed for another hour talking. Then after oldest was dropped off at school and youngest was watching a movie we went back to the bedroom to talk some more. I told Summer a lot of things that I have been keeping inside for some time now. Actually months. It was the hardest thing for me to do. Tell her what honestly is going through my head. And we just barely scratched the surface of what goes on in there. I admitted some things to her that I have kept secret for over 18 months now.
Did it do any good? Only time will tell. All I know is that I'm tired of feeling this way and am looking for anything that will get me out of feeling like I do. I'm tired of being angry inside all the time. I'm tired of feeling empty inside. I'm tired of laying in bed with Summer for a week now and feeling no stirring in my groin.
I'm going to try and talk with my therapist after my group meeting on Thu. to see if there is anything that he can prescribe me to make this end.
I'll try to post something more a little later if I feel up to it.
After I pressed publish yesterday Summer came home from the store. And it wasn't pretty at all. Things were said. Voices were elevated. A picture was thrown and broken. (Not by me.) People were crying. I broke my commitment of not yelling at Summer anymore. Suit cases were brought in and packed. And lastly a cigarette was smoked.
All in all it wasn't a pretty site. We did go to bed hugging each other though. We even woke up and started holding each other again. Then I was asked to stay home from work so that we could talk. Which I did gladly. So we stayed in bed for another hour talking. Then after oldest was dropped off at school and youngest was watching a movie we went back to the bedroom to talk some more. I told Summer a lot of things that I have been keeping inside for some time now. Actually months. It was the hardest thing for me to do. Tell her what honestly is going through my head. And we just barely scratched the surface of what goes on in there. I admitted some things to her that I have kept secret for over 18 months now.
Did it do any good? Only time will tell. All I know is that I'm tired of feeling this way and am looking for anything that will get me out of feeling like I do. I'm tired of being angry inside all the time. I'm tired of feeling empty inside. I'm tired of laying in bed with Summer for a week now and feeling no stirring in my groin.
I'm going to try and talk with my therapist after my group meeting on Thu. to see if there is anything that he can prescribe me to make this end.
I'll try to post something more a little later if I feel up to it.
Monday, May 22, 2006
What does no mean?
Just a quick question for all of you out there. What does "NO" mean to you?
Or how about this one: What does "NO! We are NOT keeping one of the kittens."
What does that mean to you?
Does it mean get rid of all the kittens except one?
Does it mean : Do what ever you want. My voice don't mean shit around here anyways.
How about the fact that you can't stand cat's. Period. But you love your wife so much that you bring one home for her. At the same time you love snakes and have wanted one since you were a little kid. Your wife is afraid of snakes so you don't get one. So when the kittens topic comes up you say "If we keep a kitten I'm buying my snake." Fine we won't keep one.
Today I come home all excited because Summer was to take the kittens to the pound. What do I see when I walk in the door? A Fucking kitten. She kept one of the dam cats. One cat is to many in this dam house. They STINK! They scratch furniture, climb on the furniture, meow in the middle of the night, climb on the bed and purr in your ear at 3AM.
So I come home toi find the dam kitten and I say fine. I'm buying my python this weekend. And What do I hear from the people that supposedly love me? No snakes in the house.
Fine. NBo snakes in the house, NO cats in the house either. We now own to OUTDOOR ONLY cats. I will not be ignored on this matter.
When I said NO. I meant NO. Dam it. I refuse to be walked on any more.
Or how about this one: What does "NO! We are NOT keeping one of the kittens."
What does that mean to you?
Does it mean get rid of all the kittens except one?
Does it mean : Do what ever you want. My voice don't mean shit around here anyways.
How about the fact that you can't stand cat's. Period. But you love your wife so much that you bring one home for her. At the same time you love snakes and have wanted one since you were a little kid. Your wife is afraid of snakes so you don't get one. So when the kittens topic comes up you say "If we keep a kitten I'm buying my snake." Fine we won't keep one.
Today I come home all excited because Summer was to take the kittens to the pound. What do I see when I walk in the door? A Fucking kitten. She kept one of the dam cats. One cat is to many in this dam house. They STINK! They scratch furniture, climb on the furniture, meow in the middle of the night, climb on the bed and purr in your ear at 3AM.
So I come home toi find the dam kitten and I say fine. I'm buying my python this weekend. And What do I hear from the people that supposedly love me? No snakes in the house.
Fine. NBo snakes in the house, NO cats in the house either. We now own to OUTDOOR ONLY cats. I will not be ignored on this matter.
When I said NO. I meant NO. Dam it. I refuse to be walked on any more.
Friday, May 19, 2006
Alone
I'm alone this weekend. Almost. Summer is away on her womens church retreat. Oldest is at the school for an overnight astrology night. Youngest is here with me but will be in bed soon. I wanted to go out for a walk with him tonight but it's freakin raining. Again. So that blew our plans for that. All he wants to do is watch the damned TV. He won't do anything else with me. He just wants to watch Monster Trucks Crash Madness. It's a cool video but I wanted more this weekend with him.
Other than that I'm doing pretty shitty right now. I took something that another Blogger wrote the wrong way. Left a comment that I probably shouldn't have. I did send an email back apologizing.
I feel another funk coming on. I've felt it coming on for about a day now. I just can't get motivated about anything. I take everything the wrong way. But this time it's different than all the previous times. It's cool and raining outside right now. But I'm sitting here sweating my ass off. I can actually feel my heart pounding in my chest. Not beating but actually pounding. Like I had just ran the way I did while I was in the Army. but I haven't ran at all. It's just pounding fast and hard. My head feels like it weighs a ton. And yet at the same time my whole body feels like it is only about 5 inches tall. And everything else around me is just 10 times bigger than they really are. I just feel really small right now. I don't know if all this is because of my funk feelings or if it something else.
In a way I know whats causing all of this. I really haven't dealt with the fact that our youngest son has been diagnosed with Autism. I almost agree with rhe school and want to wait untill the Reginal Center completes their evaluation before I accept it. Instead of dealing with it I have been avoiding it. I have been focusiong all my attention onto Summer and how she is feeling. Making sure that she is doing alright. My therapist asked me at my last appointment last week how I was taking the diagnosis. I told him that I don't have any feelings about it because I am just focusing all of my attention to my wife. I mean thaT IS WHAT i'M SUPPOSED TO DO RIGHT? (I have been Blogging for over a year now and I still can't type for shit. Always hitting the caps key when I go for the "a" key.) Take care of my wife first. I know that some people would argue that I should focus my attention on to our son. But in my eyes I need to make sure that she is ok first. The parents are the key factor here. If it weren't for "US" then there would be no "THEM". They need to see us doing ok to be ok themselves.
I really want to just drink myself blind right now. But I also know that it will solve nothing. It will just make things worse. Besides my personal rules won't allow me to drink tonight anyways. I don't drink when I am alone with the kids. If something happens I need to be able to drive. So no alchohol for me this whole weekend.
It has been brought to my attention that I forgot to mentio that I am in group counseling. I have been going to mens group sessions for about 2 months now. I meet every Thu. night for 2 hours. It was at the recomendation of my therapist. I like it a lot. Mainly because it is every week. I only see my therapist once a month if I'm lucky. It's pretty cool. We meet for the 2 hour meeting, but then most of the time 3-4 of us are standing in the parking lot talking for ather 30-60 minutes. We decided last night that we need to set a day when after the meeting we go to the pool hall for a few beers and play some pool after group is over. As usual I'm the youngest person. The rest of the guys are in their 40's to 50's. And they scare the HELL out of me telling stories about their wives as they are going through menopause. *shudders* They told me to enjoy the next 10 years or so. Then all hell will break loose. And here I've been telling Summer for years that I can't wait for her to go through the change. That way we won't have the visitor any more.
Well I'm going to sign off for now. Youngest is wanting me to set up a sleeping bag on the living room floor so he can "camp" out tonight. Besides I think I have gone on feeling sorry for myself enough tonight. Here's to a better weekend.
Other than that I'm doing pretty shitty right now. I took something that another Blogger wrote the wrong way. Left a comment that I probably shouldn't have. I did send an email back apologizing.
I feel another funk coming on. I've felt it coming on for about a day now. I just can't get motivated about anything. I take everything the wrong way. But this time it's different than all the previous times. It's cool and raining outside right now. But I'm sitting here sweating my ass off. I can actually feel my heart pounding in my chest. Not beating but actually pounding. Like I had just ran the way I did while I was in the Army. but I haven't ran at all. It's just pounding fast and hard. My head feels like it weighs a ton. And yet at the same time my whole body feels like it is only about 5 inches tall. And everything else around me is just 10 times bigger than they really are. I just feel really small right now. I don't know if all this is because of my funk feelings or if it something else.
In a way I know whats causing all of this. I really haven't dealt with the fact that our youngest son has been diagnosed with Autism. I almost agree with rhe school and want to wait untill the Reginal Center completes their evaluation before I accept it. Instead of dealing with it I have been avoiding it. I have been focusiong all my attention onto Summer and how she is feeling. Making sure that she is doing alright. My therapist asked me at my last appointment last week how I was taking the diagnosis. I told him that I don't have any feelings about it because I am just focusing all of my attention to my wife. I mean thaT IS WHAT i'M SUPPOSED TO DO RIGHT? (I have been Blogging for over a year now and I still can't type for shit. Always hitting the caps key when I go for the "a" key.) Take care of my wife first. I know that some people would argue that I should focus my attention on to our son. But in my eyes I need to make sure that she is ok first. The parents are the key factor here. If it weren't for "US" then there would be no "THEM". They need to see us doing ok to be ok themselves.
I really want to just drink myself blind right now. But I also know that it will solve nothing. It will just make things worse. Besides my personal rules won't allow me to drink tonight anyways. I don't drink when I am alone with the kids. If something happens I need to be able to drive. So no alchohol for me this whole weekend.
It has been brought to my attention that I forgot to mentio that I am in group counseling. I have been going to mens group sessions for about 2 months now. I meet every Thu. night for 2 hours. It was at the recomendation of my therapist. I like it a lot. Mainly because it is every week. I only see my therapist once a month if I'm lucky. It's pretty cool. We meet for the 2 hour meeting, but then most of the time 3-4 of us are standing in the parking lot talking for ather 30-60 minutes. We decided last night that we need to set a day when after the meeting we go to the pool hall for a few beers and play some pool after group is over. As usual I'm the youngest person. The rest of the guys are in their 40's to 50's. And they scare the HELL out of me telling stories about their wives as they are going through menopause. *shudders* They told me to enjoy the next 10 years or so. Then all hell will break loose. And here I've been telling Summer for years that I can't wait for her to go through the change. That way we won't have the visitor any more.
Well I'm going to sign off for now. Youngest is wanting me to set up a sleeping bag on the living room floor so he can "camp" out tonight. Besides I think I have gone on feeling sorry for myself enough tonight. Here's to a better weekend.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Terrible
That's the way my week has been so far. My boss put me on a mower on Mon. to mow the shoulder of the highway. No big deal. I love to mow. It let's me be by myself and think. But this year my allergies are just kicking my ass. By noon my eyes were so bad that one of them was almost swollen shut. I called Summer to come to the yard and get me some visene. An hour later I called her to come take me home. I couldn't even drive. My right eye would barely open, and the left was almost as bad. They were both very swollen. It was not pretty. I took a shower, and just laid in bed with a cold washcloths over my eyes until it was time to go shopping. Then Summer had to drive to and from the city. The only good thing about it is that my boss didn't charge me any of my sick leave or vacation for leaving early. He said he felt bad so he paid me for the whole day.
My eyes are no longer swollen today. But the redness still has not gone away. They still burn and itch. It's all I can do to keep from rubbing them. My allergy pills just don't seem to be cutting it for me this year. In years past it has always been my nose that has given me the problems. This year it's my eyes. I HATE spring and summer. This will go on until the rains return in the fall. UGH!!
Other than that things have been really slow. I'm still in therapy once a month. I go to Men's group therapy once a week. I actually like it. When I get more time I'll talk about how that has been going.
I'll be single dad this weekend. Summer will be going on a women's church retreat this weekend. She leaves on Fri. afternoon and returns on Sun. sometime. Sat. and Sun. will be pretty busy for me with 2 birthday parties and moving furniture for my sister. But Fri. night the oldest will be sleeping at the school for their astrology night so it will just be the youngest and me the whole night. And the whole thing of me being unable to sleep without Summer in bed next to me. It will be a long weekend sleepless weekend. But I know that she needs the time for herself so it will all be good.
My eyes are no longer swollen today. But the redness still has not gone away. They still burn and itch. It's all I can do to keep from rubbing them. My allergy pills just don't seem to be cutting it for me this year. In years past it has always been my nose that has given me the problems. This year it's my eyes. I HATE spring and summer. This will go on until the rains return in the fall. UGH!!
Other than that things have been really slow. I'm still in therapy once a month. I go to Men's group therapy once a week. I actually like it. When I get more time I'll talk about how that has been going.
I'll be single dad this weekend. Summer will be going on a women's church retreat this weekend. She leaves on Fri. afternoon and returns on Sun. sometime. Sat. and Sun. will be pretty busy for me with 2 birthday parties and moving furniture for my sister. But Fri. night the oldest will be sleeping at the school for their astrology night so it will just be the youngest and me the whole night. And the whole thing of me being unable to sleep without Summer in bed next to me. It will be a long weekend sleepless weekend. But I know that she needs the time for herself so it will all be good.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!
Just wanted to wish all of the Moms out there a happy mothers day.
And to all of us out there that have mom's make sure you tell your mom how glad you are to have her in your life. If it weren't for her you wouldn't be here right now.
To those like Summer that have lost your mom cherish the memories of your her. Remember the good times you had together.
I hope all the moms out there have a wonderful day filled with pampering from your kids and your kids' father's.
And to all of us out there that have mom's make sure you tell your mom how glad you are to have her in your life. If it weren't for her you wouldn't be here right now.
To those like Summer that have lost your mom cherish the memories of your her. Remember the good times you had together.
I hope all the moms out there have a wonderful day filled with pampering from your kids and your kids' father's.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Pictures from our trip
This is the beach below our hotel
The beautiful Summer Rose walking on the beach after we got settled in.
Summer and me before we went out to dinner on Sat. night. Sorry about the darkness of the pic. I'm not any good at editing pics to lighten them up.
These are just some pics that we took from the side of the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). They are the reason that I can't imagine living anywhere else in the world.
For more pictures go here!
The beautiful Summer Rose walking on the beach after we got settled in.
Summer and me before we went out to dinner on Sat. night. Sorry about the darkness of the pic. I'm not any good at editing pics to lighten them up.
These are just some pics that we took from the side of the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway). They are the reason that I can't imagine living anywhere else in the world.
For more pictures go here!
IT'S GOOD!!!
Yes folks this is just a very quick update to let you all know that Summer is fine. We returned home from her appointment a little bit ago. The Dr. said that there was no mass noticeable. It was just some of her glands. She is supposed to be taking vitamin E and B6. Then she is to retirn in 8 weeks. We are so relieved right now. She fell asleep right after getting on the freeway to come home and slept pretty much the whole way home.
The Dr. also told her to do her self breast exams a little different than she has been doing them. She has been doing a "walking" method using two of her fingures. Instead she was told to use the flat of her fingures and rub in circles. I guess somehow that makes a difference in how the examination turns out.
Thanks to everyone that sent their well wishes our way. They really ment a lot to both of us. :D
The Dr. also told her to do her self breast exams a little different than she has been doing them. She has been doing a "walking" method using two of her fingures. Instead she was told to use the flat of her fingures and rub in circles. I guess somehow that makes a difference in how the examination turns out.
Thanks to everyone that sent their well wishes our way. They really ment a lot to both of us. :D
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Wish us luck
Well tomorrow at 2:30 PST Summer has her appointment with the breast surgery department. We will just have to wait and see what they say about it. Most likely with her family history they will say she needs another operation to have the lumps (yes that was lumps) removed. When we had the last appointment last week we went in because we thought that she had t lumps in her left breast. But her Dr. found the two we found and one more in her right breast. So I get to go with her to see her get felt up by another woman.
Yes I know that was written in poor taste but it's what I need to do to make this a little less stressful. You take your wife in for the fifth time because of lumps in her breasts and see how well you take it.
On another note she has made her return to posting on her site again. I'm so happy about that. I also found out why she always said that she never has time for posting. She spends a lot of time writing a post then deletes the whole thing because it didn't seem right to her. So she starts over again. I saw her do this more than a dozen times in the last week as she wash trying to write a post.
She also read what I wrote about our trip and she actually liked it. She thought that what I wrote was very sweet and sexy. So I guess that she is ok with me posting some things about our sex life. Which makes my posting sometimes a little easier. I don't have to leave things out sometimes now.
Well that's all I have time for. Work is getting longer now with the warmer weather. We started paving this week. And had the first screw up of the paving season today. My boss didn't order enough asphalt so we had to sit in a lane closure for 2 hours waiting for a truck to go get 5 tons of extra mix. But with the paving season also brings night jobs and getting lent out to other crews so I get little mini vacations from my boss. I love paving.
Yes I know that was written in poor taste but it's what I need to do to make this a little less stressful. You take your wife in for the fifth time because of lumps in her breasts and see how well you take it.
On another note she has made her return to posting on her site again. I'm so happy about that. I also found out why she always said that she never has time for posting. She spends a lot of time writing a post then deletes the whole thing because it didn't seem right to her. So she starts over again. I saw her do this more than a dozen times in the last week as she wash trying to write a post.
She also read what I wrote about our trip and she actually liked it. She thought that what I wrote was very sweet and sexy. So I guess that she is ok with me posting some things about our sex life. Which makes my posting sometimes a little easier. I don't have to leave things out sometimes now.
Well that's all I have time for. Work is getting longer now with the warmer weather. We started paving this week. And had the first screw up of the paving season today. My boss didn't order enough asphalt so we had to sit in a lane closure for 2 hours waiting for a truck to go get 5 tons of extra mix. But with the paving season also brings night jobs and getting lent out to other crews so I get little mini vacations from my boss. I love paving.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Weekend recap part 2
When we last left our romantic weekend getaway Summer and I had just finished having Wild Monkey Hotel Sex! (Sorry FTN I had to use that)
After we finished showering and getting dressed we went out to a nice dinner. Unfortunately we didn't make it back to the hotel in time for the sunset. We were able to see it from the restaurant though. After dinner went back to our room and stood on the balcony just listening to the ocean again. Then Summer asked if I wanted to get back in the whirlpool tub again. Really. Did she even need to ask? Of course I wanted to get back in! So we got back in and spent more time just relaxing this time. I could actually feel myself relaxing all the muscles in my body.
Once again my lovely wife had a surprise for me. She actually wanted me to take a picture of us together in the tub. That turned into a few pictures of us individually as well. Taking the pictures got us both back in the mood for some more Wild Monkey Hotel Sex! This time she had even more in store for me as a surprise. This time as she was rubbing her feet on my chest she started to play with her breasts and pull on her nipples. God I love it when she does that. She then started playing with other areas of her body as well.
And that's as far as I'm going to take this one. But I will say that she beat me again with a 2-1 margin. How does she do that? We ended up sleeping a wonderful nights sleep. No kids to interrupt us or wake us up screaming in the middle of the night. No cat meowing or walking on your face at 3 AM. We both slept great.
Summer was the first to wake up on Sun. She got dressed and was going to go out for a walk on the beach while I was sleeping. I woke up though and we just sat there talking. Eventually she got in the shower while I started to pack the clothes and clean the room. When she got out of the shower I went in to dry her off and made love to her for a third time in the weekend. After we were done again (she beat me again this time as well 3-1. How do women do that?) we finally checked out and went to breakfast, and did some shopping for the boys.
When we started our drive home we took the most scenic drive imaginable. We took the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway or Hwy 1) all the way down the coast from Fort Bragg to Bodega Bay. We stopped at almost every scenic overlook that we came to just to take pictures. We even stopped at some places that weren't really places to stop just because the view there was breathtaking. I even made Summer's weekend better when I told her that I was to tired to drive. So she got to drive down the coast for most of the trip.
When we got home the kids were really happy to see us. They were great for my parents.
Summer is now asking if we can do this on a yearly basis. She's talking about doing it again in August possibly. I don't know when we will do this again. I would love to do this once or twice a year. One thing is definite though when we do this next time: We will make it a full weekend! We will leave on Fri. night and return on Sun. night. Leaving on Sat. took most of the day driving. We left the house at 9 AM and arrived at the hotel around 3 PM. So we were not able to take in all that there was to see. Especially the Skunk Train. That is a thing that we do next time we go up there.
The trip also made us think about some other things. We have talked lately about moving out of state. Possibly to Utah to be closer to her dad. But we really don't want to leave California. Where else can you go to see the ocean and the sierras in the same day. As bad as the cost of living is here we love everything else about the state.
The thought about the trip is that we both decided that the next house we move into will have a whirlpool tub or we're not buying.
After we finished showering and getting dressed we went out to a nice dinner. Unfortunately we didn't make it back to the hotel in time for the sunset. We were able to see it from the restaurant though. After dinner went back to our room and stood on the balcony just listening to the ocean again. Then Summer asked if I wanted to get back in the whirlpool tub again. Really. Did she even need to ask? Of course I wanted to get back in! So we got back in and spent more time just relaxing this time. I could actually feel myself relaxing all the muscles in my body.
Once again my lovely wife had a surprise for me. She actually wanted me to take a picture of us together in the tub. That turned into a few pictures of us individually as well. Taking the pictures got us both back in the mood for some more Wild Monkey Hotel Sex! This time she had even more in store for me as a surprise. This time as she was rubbing her feet on my chest she started to play with her breasts and pull on her nipples. God I love it when she does that. She then started playing with other areas of her body as well.
And that's as far as I'm going to take this one. But I will say that she beat me again with a 2-1 margin. How does she do that? We ended up sleeping a wonderful nights sleep. No kids to interrupt us or wake us up screaming in the middle of the night. No cat meowing or walking on your face at 3 AM. We both slept great.
Summer was the first to wake up on Sun. She got dressed and was going to go out for a walk on the beach while I was sleeping. I woke up though and we just sat there talking. Eventually she got in the shower while I started to pack the clothes and clean the room. When she got out of the shower I went in to dry her off and made love to her for a third time in the weekend. After we were done again (she beat me again this time as well 3-1. How do women do that?) we finally checked out and went to breakfast, and did some shopping for the boys.
When we started our drive home we took the most scenic drive imaginable. We took the PCH (Pacific Coast Highway or Hwy 1) all the way down the coast from Fort Bragg to Bodega Bay. We stopped at almost every scenic overlook that we came to just to take pictures. We even stopped at some places that weren't really places to stop just because the view there was breathtaking. I even made Summer's weekend better when I told her that I was to tired to drive. So she got to drive down the coast for most of the trip.
When we got home the kids were really happy to see us. They were great for my parents.
Summer is now asking if we can do this on a yearly basis. She's talking about doing it again in August possibly. I don't know when we will do this again. I would love to do this once or twice a year. One thing is definite though when we do this next time: We will make it a full weekend! We will leave on Fri. night and return on Sun. night. Leaving on Sat. took most of the day driving. We left the house at 9 AM and arrived at the hotel around 3 PM. So we were not able to take in all that there was to see. Especially the Skunk Train. That is a thing that we do next time we go up there.
The trip also made us think about some other things. We have talked lately about moving out of state. Possibly to Utah to be closer to her dad. But we really don't want to leave California. Where else can you go to see the ocean and the sierras in the same day. As bad as the cost of living is here we love everything else about the state.
The thought about the trip is that we both decided that the next house we move into will have a whirlpool tub or we're not buying.
We're back!
Well we came back to reality this afternoon. Both of us thought that we returned too soon but the kids have school in the morning and I have work. The surprise factor went over pretty well I think. Summer had no idea where we were going until we got there. She was very pleased with the room I got when she saw it. She's actually talking about making this a yearly trip now. The view from our balcony was just amazing. I'd post some but Summer wants to put some up on her site. The whole idea for this weekend came from this post. If you read the post all you need to do is substitute whirlpool where she wrote balcony and you will have the ideas of what went on.
The walks on the beach were fantastic. That was the first thing we did after unloading the truck. Summer was so happy the whole time on the beach. I told her that the whole weekend was all about her. I was going to give no input as to what we were going to do. I was going to make no sexual advances on her. The trip was all about making her happy, relaxed, and stress free. Whatever she wanted to do was fine with me. So we walked on the beach for a little while as she collected sea shells to give to the boys and I took lot's of photos of the ocean and Summer. I love to take pictures of her when she don't know I'm taking them. She decided that she had enough walking and wanted to hit the tub.
That's when the fun began. I started to draw the water while she sat down and relaxed. I walked out of the room for a minute and when I returned she was standing there in all her glory. Looking as beautiful as ever. We got in the tub together and just laid the there letting the jets work their magic. After a little bit she decided that she wanted the door open so we could here the waves on the beach. She got into her new nightie that we just bought and she was just drop dead gorgeous in it. Walked over to the door and opened it and the blinds. When she came back I had one hell of a time not making any sexual advances on her like i promised. But I did restrain myself.
When she returned she was the first to make the moves on me. She started running her hands up and down my thighs while her toes played with my manly nipples. That really turned me on. So I returned the favor and ran a hand up and down her thigh as well. Then I took one of her toes and started to lightly run my tongue across it. Then I took her toe and started to nibble on it and suckle it. She must have really like that because she grabbed my package and let out an audible moan. She started playing with the head of my dick and leaned over to kiss me. As our lips met I started to rub her clit. This really turned her on because she said it was time to get out of the tub.
As she stood up her pussy was right in my face so I did what any pussy loving man would do. I kissed it lightly at first, all around the edges, occasionally letting my tongue touch her skin. She leaned into my mouth letting me know she wanted more than light kissing. I ran my tongue down her slit and back to the top letting it flick her sensitive clit. Then went back to kissing. The whole time she is rubbing her nipples and pulling on them. Looking up and seeing that got me even harder and I stuck my tongue all the way inside her tasting her while my nose rubbed on her clit. Which made her move her hands to the back of my head and push it harder into her.
She pulled away from me and stepped out of the tub and put the nightie back on. I was confused at this point as I thought things were going really well. Not to worry though she wanted to lower the blinds a little bit so that the people walking on the trail didn't get more than they planned on seeing. Surprisingly she left the door open though so that we could make love to the sounds of the crashing waves.
She came back to me as I finished drying off and started to hold me tightly telling me how happy I made her and that she loves me. I softly kissed her neck saying thank you. She lowered herself down and started to kiss my chest and then kissed a trail down to my nether regions. Where she took me in as far as she could. She did that motion until I told her to stop. (those that have read my previous post recently know why.) She stood back up and I went to my knees this time smelling her sweet aroma. I just love the smell of a wet pussy. I started to lick her with my whole tongue starting at the bottom and by the time I got to her clit I was just using the tip of my tongue. She leaned her back against the wall and pushed her groin towards me. I licked her clit and sucked on it to the best of my abilities. I can't recall a time when she ever smelled or tasted so good. Or a time when she was as vocal as she was that day. She pulled me up and told me to run my tongue across her nipples as we walked to the bed.
She told me that she had to have me inside her she couldn't wait any longer. I laid her on the bed and slowly entered her. Just the tip at first then pulled out. I entered her again slowly a little further and pulled out again. I did that over and over again going just slightly further each time. Until I became a tease and she told me go in all the way this time. I pushed myself all the way in and she had her first orgasm of the day. Then I just slowly worked myself in and out as she moaned her pleasure for all to hear.
Again she shocked me though. She wanted me to stop so that I could lick her again and give a good working over with my tongue. I gladly obliged and started licking and kissing her. I was surprised to see how wet she was. Never in our 12 years have I seen her this wet without her squirting first. (Yes I'm lucky enough to be married to a gusher! :D)I went to her clit once again and lightly grabbed it with my lips and pulled on it. Then did the same to each of her outer lips. She grabbed my head and told me to put my dick inside her NOW!
I entered into her and rolled her on top of me and she started to ride me hard and fast. I guess she really needed to come and soon. She would raise her self up and lower herself hard and fast. When she was all the way down she would rock her hips forward pressing my pelvic bone onto her clit. It was more than she could take and she came hard for the second time. I pushed in as far as I could go and just felt the sensations of her squeezing my shaft hard and fast at first slower until her orgasm subsided. She collapsed on top of me and she rolled me back on top of her. I spread her legs open and began to thrust into her hard and fast. The sensations of my balls hitting her ass was more than I could take and I exploded into the biggest orgasm I had in .....well weeks but it was so good. We both just laid there for awhile listening to the ocean which we had previously drowned out. I rolled over next to her and we fell asleep holding each other.
I woke up and went to sit in a chair so I could just watch her sleep. She looked so peaceful and happy. It didn't last long though. She woke up sooner than I would have liked. I wanted her to sleep longer and get some rest.
We talked a bit and got our showers in and went out to dinner.
This is taking longer than I had originally planned so it will have to be a 2 part post. More to come soon!
The walks on the beach were fantastic. That was the first thing we did after unloading the truck. Summer was so happy the whole time on the beach. I told her that the whole weekend was all about her. I was going to give no input as to what we were going to do. I was going to make no sexual advances on her. The trip was all about making her happy, relaxed, and stress free. Whatever she wanted to do was fine with me. So we walked on the beach for a little while as she collected sea shells to give to the boys and I took lot's of photos of the ocean and Summer. I love to take pictures of her when she don't know I'm taking them. She decided that she had enough walking and wanted to hit the tub.
That's when the fun began. I started to draw the water while she sat down and relaxed. I walked out of the room for a minute and when I returned she was standing there in all her glory. Looking as beautiful as ever. We got in the tub together and just laid the there letting the jets work their magic. After a little bit she decided that she wanted the door open so we could here the waves on the beach. She got into her new nightie that we just bought and she was just drop dead gorgeous in it. Walked over to the door and opened it and the blinds. When she came back I had one hell of a time not making any sexual advances on her like i promised. But I did restrain myself.
When she returned she was the first to make the moves on me. She started running her hands up and down my thighs while her toes played with my manly nipples. That really turned me on. So I returned the favor and ran a hand up and down her thigh as well. Then I took one of her toes and started to lightly run my tongue across it. Then I took her toe and started to nibble on it and suckle it. She must have really like that because she grabbed my package and let out an audible moan. She started playing with the head of my dick and leaned over to kiss me. As our lips met I started to rub her clit. This really turned her on because she said it was time to get out of the tub.
As she stood up her pussy was right in my face so I did what any pussy loving man would do. I kissed it lightly at first, all around the edges, occasionally letting my tongue touch her skin. She leaned into my mouth letting me know she wanted more than light kissing. I ran my tongue down her slit and back to the top letting it flick her sensitive clit. Then went back to kissing. The whole time she is rubbing her nipples and pulling on them. Looking up and seeing that got me even harder and I stuck my tongue all the way inside her tasting her while my nose rubbed on her clit. Which made her move her hands to the back of my head and push it harder into her.
She pulled away from me and stepped out of the tub and put the nightie back on. I was confused at this point as I thought things were going really well. Not to worry though she wanted to lower the blinds a little bit so that the people walking on the trail didn't get more than they planned on seeing. Surprisingly she left the door open though so that we could make love to the sounds of the crashing waves.
She came back to me as I finished drying off and started to hold me tightly telling me how happy I made her and that she loves me. I softly kissed her neck saying thank you. She lowered herself down and started to kiss my chest and then kissed a trail down to my nether regions. Where she took me in as far as she could. She did that motion until I told her to stop. (those that have read my previous post recently know why.) She stood back up and I went to my knees this time smelling her sweet aroma. I just love the smell of a wet pussy. I started to lick her with my whole tongue starting at the bottom and by the time I got to her clit I was just using the tip of my tongue. She leaned her back against the wall and pushed her groin towards me. I licked her clit and sucked on it to the best of my abilities. I can't recall a time when she ever smelled or tasted so good. Or a time when she was as vocal as she was that day. She pulled me up and told me to run my tongue across her nipples as we walked to the bed.
She told me that she had to have me inside her she couldn't wait any longer. I laid her on the bed and slowly entered her. Just the tip at first then pulled out. I entered her again slowly a little further and pulled out again. I did that over and over again going just slightly further each time. Until I became a tease and she told me go in all the way this time. I pushed myself all the way in and she had her first orgasm of the day. Then I just slowly worked myself in and out as she moaned her pleasure for all to hear.
Again she shocked me though. She wanted me to stop so that I could lick her again and give a good working over with my tongue. I gladly obliged and started licking and kissing her. I was surprised to see how wet she was. Never in our 12 years have I seen her this wet without her squirting first. (Yes I'm lucky enough to be married to a gusher! :D)I went to her clit once again and lightly grabbed it with my lips and pulled on it. Then did the same to each of her outer lips. She grabbed my head and told me to put my dick inside her NOW!
I entered into her and rolled her on top of me and she started to ride me hard and fast. I guess she really needed to come and soon. She would raise her self up and lower herself hard and fast. When she was all the way down she would rock her hips forward pressing my pelvic bone onto her clit. It was more than she could take and she came hard for the second time. I pushed in as far as I could go and just felt the sensations of her squeezing my shaft hard and fast at first slower until her orgasm subsided. She collapsed on top of me and she rolled me back on top of her. I spread her legs open and began to thrust into her hard and fast. The sensations of my balls hitting her ass was more than I could take and I exploded into the biggest orgasm I had in .....well weeks but it was so good. We both just laid there for awhile listening to the ocean which we had previously drowned out. I rolled over next to her and we fell asleep holding each other.
I woke up and went to sit in a chair so I could just watch her sleep. She looked so peaceful and happy. It didn't last long though. She woke up sooner than I would have liked. I wanted her to sleep longer and get some rest.
We talked a bit and got our showers in and went out to dinner.
This is taking longer than I had originally planned so it will have to be a 2 part post. More to come soon!
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Something HUGE!
Well as I told you in this post, I had a HUGE plan made for Summer and I. Well we are now enjoying that plan. We are now on a kid free weekend up in Fort Brag, at an ocean side room. We have a balcony, fire place, and whirlpool tub for two. :D This place is gorgeous. (god I sound like a chick there.) We already walked on the beach, taken a bath together and had some hotel fun. Now we are going to get cleaned up and go out to dinner. The plan now is to be back in the room before sunset so we can sit on the balcony and watch it set over the Pacific Ocean. Then hit the whirlpool again before 10:00. No jets after 10:00. I should have some great photos to post later. This rip is just what Summer needed. She is SO happy right now. She was upset at first because we left the kids with my parents the day after they returned from their cruise but my mom is the one that suggested it. I haven't seen Summer this happy in months. She's just beaming right now and so relaxed. She's already asking if we will make this a yearly trip. We'll have to see about that. It's breaking the bank but well worth it.
Post more as time allows.
****Yes we did bring the laptop with us. Just in case my parents need to contact us. Cell has no service here, and the internet is free. We also wanted to be able to view the pics that we took before we get home so they can be sorted out. ;)
Post more as time allows.
****Yes we did bring the laptop with us. Just in case my parents need to contact us. Cell has no service here, and the internet is free. We also wanted to be able to view the pics that we took before we get home so they can be sorted out. ;)
Thursday, May 04, 2006
25 Sexual things
As I have seen this going around the web lately I've decided to do this myself. I've been in a funk lately and I figure that this just might perk me up.
1) I never kissed a girl until I was 19. (more on that in a post I'm working on.)
2)I was a virgin until 6 days after my 19th birthday. Feb. 19, 1993
3)I have had sex in a public place. On a few occasions. The thrill of getting caught is turn on to me.
4)I love to lay on my stomach and have Summer grind her pussy into my ass. It's even better when she cums and gets my ass all wet.
5)I've never had an orgasm while receiving a blow job. My previous girlfriends weren't good enough and Summer won't let me. I would love to have that experience one time though. To have my dick sucked on as I fill her mouth.
6)The last time I had sex was last night. The time before that was almost 2 weeks ago. We've just been to exhausted with other things to get in the mood lately. But last night we weren't going to let anything stop us. :D
7) I never masturbated as a teenager or kid. The first time for that was actually after I got married, and was away from Summer for a LONG time.
8)I love to have my ass played with.
9)I like having my balls squeezed just before I orgasm. Not to hard though.
10)The upside to #5 is that I receive oral because she likes to do it. Not because the intent is to just get me off.
11)I love the smell of pussy. The first thing that I do before kissing or licking that area is to take a deep breath.
12)I enjoy the foreplay involved with sex more than the actual act of having sex.
13)I want to make sure that Summer is having a good time while making love. I want to make sure that she climaxes first.
14)Even though I want to make love to Summer and have it all be about her, I would like for just on the rare occasion to have her just tell me to lay back and let her take care of me.
15)I also would like once in awhile to just take her and have raw, hard, fast sex. As an appetizer of course then take it slow and make love taking our time afterwards as the main course.
16)We have a game that we bought on vacation a few years ago that we have never played. It's called "Strip Chocolate". It has a board, dice, and cards to use. The best part is that it had chocolate that you have to "paint" onto the expose body parts and lick off when told to. It's still unopened.
17)I don't want to have sex just because she feels obligated to as my wife. I want her to have sex with me because she enjoys it.
18)I see making love to Summer as a way of letting her know how much I love her.
19)As stated in my TMI 100 post (#27) I have had a threesome. It was MFM. There was no penetration involved but we did have a lot of foreplay. The best part was joining the F in giving the other M a blowjob. And having the same done to me. It very intense and pleasurable.
This is taking longer than I thought it would. Need to come up with a few more. Let's see....
20)I've never had a one night stand. I don't think that I could do that either even if I were single.
21)I have to have an emotional bond with someone before I can have sex with them. (I think that's part of why I'm metrosexual.)
22)I consider our sex life to be better now than it was 13 years ago. Then it was about the quantity. Now it's about the quality.
23)I miss the days of waking up in the middle of the night just to have sex.
24)Most Sat. mornings we stay in bed until after 9:00 just to have a few hours to ourselves and take our time while making love to each other. We lock the door and tell the oldest to put in a movie and be quiet until we come out.
25)I shave my groin area a few times a week. I prefer the look of a nicely shaven cock and balls to a hairy unkept pair. Plus the sensations are much more intense as compared to before I started shaving.
And there you have it. My 25 sexual things post. If you liked what you read go ahead and write one yourself and let me know.
1) I never kissed a girl until I was 19. (more on that in a post I'm working on.)
2)I was a virgin until 6 days after my 19th birthday. Feb. 19, 1993
3)I have had sex in a public place. On a few occasions. The thrill of getting caught is turn on to me.
4)I love to lay on my stomach and have Summer grind her pussy into my ass. It's even better when she cums and gets my ass all wet.
5)I've never had an orgasm while receiving a blow job. My previous girlfriends weren't good enough and Summer won't let me. I would love to have that experience one time though. To have my dick sucked on as I fill her mouth.
6)The last time I had sex was last night. The time before that was almost 2 weeks ago. We've just been to exhausted with other things to get in the mood lately. But last night we weren't going to let anything stop us. :D
7) I never masturbated as a teenager or kid. The first time for that was actually after I got married, and was away from Summer for a LONG time.
8)I love to have my ass played with.
9)I like having my balls squeezed just before I orgasm. Not to hard though.
10)The upside to #5 is that I receive oral because she likes to do it. Not because the intent is to just get me off.
11)I love the smell of pussy. The first thing that I do before kissing or licking that area is to take a deep breath.
12)I enjoy the foreplay involved with sex more than the actual act of having sex.
13)I want to make sure that Summer is having a good time while making love. I want to make sure that she climaxes first.
14)Even though I want to make love to Summer and have it all be about her, I would like for just on the rare occasion to have her just tell me to lay back and let her take care of me.
15)I also would like once in awhile to just take her and have raw, hard, fast sex. As an appetizer of course then take it slow and make love taking our time afterwards as the main course.
16)We have a game that we bought on vacation a few years ago that we have never played. It's called "Strip Chocolate". It has a board, dice, and cards to use. The best part is that it had chocolate that you have to "paint" onto the expose body parts and lick off when told to. It's still unopened.
17)I don't want to have sex just because she feels obligated to as my wife. I want her to have sex with me because she enjoys it.
18)I see making love to Summer as a way of letting her know how much I love her.
19)As stated in my TMI 100 post (#27) I have had a threesome. It was MFM. There was no penetration involved but we did have a lot of foreplay. The best part was joining the F in giving the other M a blowjob. And having the same done to me. It very intense and pleasurable.
This is taking longer than I thought it would. Need to come up with a few more. Let's see....
20)I've never had a one night stand. I don't think that I could do that either even if I were single.
21)I have to have an emotional bond with someone before I can have sex with them. (I think that's part of why I'm metrosexual.)
22)I consider our sex life to be better now than it was 13 years ago. Then it was about the quantity. Now it's about the quality.
23)I miss the days of waking up in the middle of the night just to have sex.
24)Most Sat. mornings we stay in bed until after 9:00 just to have a few hours to ourselves and take our time while making love to each other. We lock the door and tell the oldest to put in a movie and be quiet until we come out.
25)I shave my groin area a few times a week. I prefer the look of a nicely shaven cock and balls to a hairy unkept pair. Plus the sensations are much more intense as compared to before I started shaving.
And there you have it. My 25 sexual things post. If you liked what you read go ahead and write one yourself and let me know.
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