Tuesday, August 29, 2006

It's almost been a week since I last posted. To be honest I just haven't had the time. Or the ambition to. I'm in kind of a lull you could say. I really haven't even been reading a lot of my regular reads. Just to much other stuff going on that is consuming my time. It don't seem to be letting up either. The kids have both started back to school. Youngest is now in kindergarten. He is in an experimental classroom. This year the school has two classes for his grade that will be attending school all day instead of the normal half day. Last week he was doing great. He was real happy in school, the teachers were amazed at how well behaved he was. But last night I got a call from his resource teacher. She said that he had a problem at school yesterday. He was doing the same things he did last year. He hit, kicked, and yelled at his aid. Basically the same stuff he does at home. So now we are back to where we were a year ago. We have the teachers wanting to know if there is someone that could be able to pick him up from school if he continues to act up. I know that he can't be at the school hitting the staff. But at the same time if they send him home because of this early then he will get the idea that all he needs to do is hit a teacher and he can go home. I'm just lost right now. We have no clue what to do. The teacher was asking me if we had any suggestions as to what they could do to keep him in-line. I haven't got the slightest clue. We're still trying to find something that works ourselves. Nothing we try works for more than a week. It's all very frustrating. To make it worse when SR got home last night from doing a massage for a friend I to tell her about the call. (The teacher also happens to be a friend of hers from church.) When I did she got very upset and started crying and then yelling at me. It just wasn't a pretty night.

The only good news on the topic of youngest is 1) He was real good at school again today. He was the perfect angel that they thought he was last week. 2)We FINALLY have an appointment with the Autism center with Kaiser this week. We will be seeing them on Thu. for our first appointment. They say that it will be an hour long. Then we will make more appointments to finish the evaluations. All the evals will be an hour long to keep the kids from being wore out.

So hopefully we will be getting some answers here soon. All we want is to be able to find out what we should do to get him the education he needs at the same time get him to be of a better temperament.

One last problem with him is that he only has 2 more days left of his medication. We have been trying to get it refilled for 3 weeks now. But his Dr. is on a 2-3 month leave of absence. We have 0 refills on the medication. They won't give us any more until his Dr. approves it. His Dr. said that once we start giving him the meds which we have for over 3 months now not to take him off. So now what the hell are we supposed to do? I told SR to go to Kaiser tomorrow after she takes the kids to school and demand his meds be filled in person or she wants to talk to an administrator. I'm getting tired of Kaiser's BS.

So what else has been eating me the last few days? Lets see. Summer has started her new job last week so that is taking a lot of my time. I'm now doing the homework, cooking, dishes, baths, etc. Again. Just to where we were last year when she was still at the grocery store. I'm not upset about it this time though. It's just time consuming again. Plus I'm now waiting for her to get home before I go to bed at night. So now I'm up till 11PM at night. Or later by the time we talk for a few minutes and then try to fall asleep. She has been calling me on her way home from work so I can help her stay awake. The road I talked about last week with the near miss is the same road she travels. Also due to her late work hours it really isn't leaving much time for improving our "marital" relations. Like I'm even able to perform anymore anyways. But that is another topic for another time. Maybe.

We're also dog sitting again for my parents. So we have the dog until Sun night. My parents are enjoying their retirement by being on a cruise ship from SF to Alaska. So now we have a dog and 2 cats. Let me tell you the dog is just terrorizing the cats. :D

I'm also going to miss the dove season opener this year. This is the first time in many years that I will not have my hunting license before Sept. 1. I'm not sure if I will be going deer hunting at all this year. But I can't bring myself to tell my dad and uncle. They are both trying to get me to make plans with them for deer season. My dad wants me to help him get the jeep ready for the opener. Which is in about 3-4 weeks. I really feel bad about that one. You see my dad was going to sell the jeep last year when he moved. It is a 1946 Jeep Willy's. It was used in WWII as a military jeep and then sold to the public when the war was over. This Jeep has been in the family since 1946. I told him not to sell it and store it in my driveway so we could work on it together and use it for deer season. Now I don't know if I will be able to go. Duck season is looking very unlikely at the moment as well. That is the killer for me.

One last note from me before I sign off. I'm not sure if I posted this before or not and don't want to look. With SR's new job and hours I am in a situation where I must discontinue going to my men's group therapy meetings on Thu nights. On top of that my therapist is on vacation the whole month of Set. So no individual meetings either. I had an appointment set up for Oct 2, but he just called today and cancelled it until Oct 23. So I will now be going almost 3 months at all with no appointments. It just seems like a step backwards for me. I feel that when I am ready to start opening up to my therapist something happens like this. So now when I do meet up with him in 2 months it will almost be like starting over again. Times like this is what makes me wish that I was paying out of pocket for a therapist. At least that way I might be lucky enough to get weekly appointments like some of the other people that I read about.

Now it is time for me to take a break from the computer and get back into the book that I can't seem to put down. My deepest apologies go to O272 my favorite blonde. I was supposed to post something else for her last night but I have just been to caught up with the real world. I will get to it though O I promise.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

More pics from vacation

This is a section of the Truckee River that we stopped at and decided to eat lunch the day that we went rafting.

Scenic overlook at Emmigrant Gap on I80. IOt's views like this that remind me that it would be impossible for me to be happy anywhere outside of California. I live 4 hours from Tahoe and 1 hour to the closest beach on the Ocean. In what other state could I be that close such beautiful scenery?

A view of Lake Tahoe from the 18th floor of Harrah's. The view is almost as good as tyhe food there.

this would be the back side of the cabin. The downstairs has a small bedroom with a double bed, kitchen, bathroom, dining room, and living room. Upstairs is a big loft with a full bathroom and a king size bed. I've been going to this same cabin since 1983 or 84. When Summer and I got married my cousin let us have the cabin for 7 days for the honeymoon.

This is the clear water of Lake Tahoe. The first time I was ever on the lake in a boat was with my dad in 1989. We had just bought downriggers and a depth finder for the boat. The depth finder was reading 75 feet deep. We lowered the 7 pound ball of lead down 75 feet. Looked over the side of the boat and saw the weight dragging in the sand on the bottom. Cleanest water I have ever been privaleged to see.

I'm lucky to be here

That's right folks. I'm a very lucky person. I almost met my maker on Tue. at work.

Let me set the scene for you. We are on a 2 lane rural highway. (That's one lane each direction.) This highway is notorious for head on collisions as there are a lot of hills that limit visibility. On one stretch of this highway there is a passing lane for t traffic. So in this location there is one lane going east bound, and 2 going west. On the west bound side there is a steep dropoff on the shoulder. On the east bound side there is a 8 foot dirt shoulder and then a hill that inclines about 4 feet to a fence with cattle beyond it.

I am in a barrier truck (a 4 yard dump truck with a crash cushion on the back to absorb the impact of a rear end collision. Placed behind workers on foot to protect them.) on the east bound shoulder. My truck is being a bearier for 5 people on the ground including myself. We are drilling down in the soil to take core samples for the possibilities of widening the highway. We are at this location for a little over an hour during commute traffic. After we have taken our samples we relocate to a different location to the west of us a few miles.

Fast forward to the end of the day. (this is about 8.5 hours later) I'm on my way back to the yard to go home. My boss passes me on his way home and calls me on the radio. He tells me to look at the location where we were working in the morning. As I drive by I see tire marks on the road and two farm hands repairing a sectrion of fence in the location we were woking on the ground. Apparently a car was traveling in the west bound far right lane. He was traveling at a very high rate of speed trying to pass a big rig in the passing lane. In front of him just over the crest of the hill was a slow moving vehicle in the lane he was in. So he slammed on the brakes, lost control and left skid marks going across all 3 lanes of traffic, going right over our footprints where we were standing. Then the vehicle went threw the fence into the pasture. If that had happened 15 minutes earlier or if we had taken a little longer in changing locations all five of us would have been hit and most likely killed 2-3 of us. You see my barrier truck was supposed to protect us from a car that would possibly hit us from the rear. This car was coming from our front. We had no protection from that direction.

Needless to say I am very lucky to be here. Just another close call to chalk up to earning a buck.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


Using your mouth

Your sexual hidden talent is your ability to use your mouth. You are incredibly sensual, a great kisser and a seductive lover. You drive all of your partners crazy with your mouth.

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

That's me! I truly am good at using my mouth. :D

Monday, August 21, 2006

I'm Back!! :-(

Yes people it is true. SR and I returned yesterday afternoon. We truly enjoyed our 5 day's in Tahoe. The cabin was wonderful as usual. We even brought home about 7 brochures/ Homes and Land magazines for homes for sale in the Truckee/Lake Tahoe area. But that is just a pipe dream at the moment. We can't come close to affording the 1+ million dollar price tags on these properties. The cheapest we saw so far was 400k for a 1/4 acre lot with NOTHING on it. But it has given me a renewed interest in playing the lottery again like every Tahoe trip does to me for a few weeks.

I did as predicted take Tue off work as well as the rest of the week. Let me just say that my stress levels on Tue were extremely high. They continued to be even higher on Wed. morning until we actually hit the road. An hour later than planned. I'm a huge stickler for leaving at the planned on time. The fact that we were going on the trip with very little money at all led to more of the stress factor. I felt like nothing was getting accomplished at all on Tue. night and Wed. morning. I didn't start packing the truck until after 8 in the morning. It was supposed to be packed the night before. Couldn't load the truck though because we had laundry to wash to finish the suitcases. Those are the first things that I always pack. But I persevered and we finally got everything loaded.

We finally left and got 25 miles from home when I realized I forgot the first item. My cell phone. Now I know I'm on vacation but I feel naked with out it. I decided to suck it up and feel naked for the duration of the trip though. There's no way in hell I'm turning around now. The rest of the drive went very well. I tell you the best Christmas present I have ever bought for the family was the portable DVD player. The kids didn't fight at all the entire drive. They just watched the movies quietly with their headphones on. Leaving Summer and I to talk on the way.

Finally we got to the cabin. We unload all of our stuff and get everything put away, beds made, making ours for a dew days. Then we realize that the BBQ that was there last year was gone. We also didn't bring one this year because there was one there last year and we didn't have room this year. So that meant a trip to the store to by one. Went to a few stores and couldn't find one at all. We did however find a raft that we did buy. At the last store we found a BBQ. The price wasn't bad either. The tag below the grill said $14.95. I could handle that. We go to pay and come to find out that price was for people with the Safeway Club card. What a crock. So the grill ended up costing $32.00! But we needed it to cook dinners for the whole trip. So I got it. Went back to the cabin ate dinner and sat and relaxed reading a book. I haven't read a book in ages. It felt good to read again. The stress levels finally started to disappear. We all went to bed early that night.

Thu we woke up earlier than expected. I was on vacation though dam-it! I was going to sleep in. So I forced myself to lay in bed for about another hour or so watching Summer sleep. When she woke up we got out of bed and got ready for the day. While she was in her morning shower I cooked one of my big breakfasts. Did dishes and it was time to go down the Truckee river in our newly acquired raft. That was a great part of the trip. I haven't gone rafting in years. We did have a few set backs like bringing to much stuff along with us. So it was hard to get comfortable but we managed and we also learned a lesson. Don't bring along a bunch of fishing poles when the raft is full of people. The worst part of the trip was we realized that we put a hole on our new raft. At the same time my left foot fell asleep. When my foot was asleep we hit the "rapids" which weren't really that big but my sleeping foot hit a big rock and bent backwards quite a bit. I thought that I had broken it at first. We got to the bank and I move it a little and it started to "wake up". It wasn't broke just hurt a little bit. We continued on and the river got moving faster and that's when youngest got scarred. He started top cry a little bit until we got to the end. Then he said that was fun let's do it again. Kids. What are you gonna do?

Fri. was the day that Summer was really looking forward to. Her dad drove out from Salt Lake City to spend the weekend with us. While we were waiting for him to get to Truckee I went to look for the whole in the raft. Started pumping air into it so I could find the hole but the air wasn't staying at all. The air was going out as fast as I was putting it in. I originally thought that a hook had gotten into the raft and put a pin hole in it. So I was looking all over the top. Nothing. I turn it over and Youngest says I found it! He was right. There was a hole big enough for me to put my index finger in. I must have hit a log real hard. Right next to it in another chamber was a pin hole leak. I fixed both holes and we drove to Truckee to meat Summer's dad. He was running late due to a flat tire so we drove around Donner lake and went up Historic Route 40. I tell you that was a gorgeous drive. We drove to the top of the mountain and got out at a scenic overlook. That's when I remembered that I left the cameras at the cabin. Summer did have her new camera phone on her though so we did get a pic or two taken with it. Just need to get them on the computer somehow.

Went back to Truckee and met up with F-I-L. Summer got in his car and rode with him to the cabin. When we got there the kids were really excited to finally meat there grandfather for the first time. We got him settled in and went down to the lake to test out the patch job on the raft. What do you know it worked! So the kids and I went out for awhile while Summer and her dad sat on the shore and talked.

The next day (Sat.) we went to South Lake Tahoe for breakfast. We ate at Harrah's Lake Tahoe on the 18th floor. It's the top floor of the building and they have an excellent buffet there. I'm ashamed to say how much I ate. Let's just say that I definitely got Summer's money's worth for my portion. So did youngest. Good lord that boy can eat! After breakfast we took some pics from the top floor before we walked the streets for a little bit. Summer's dad surprised us by giving her a $100 bill and told her to split it between the boys. They were so excited about having money to spend. It didn't take long either. The rest of the day was spent driving around the lake taking more pics. I'll go ahead and let Summer fill you in on the rest of that day.

The last day we woke early and had to get the cabin ready for departure. There was laundry to be done, dishes to be washed,floors to sweep, you know the usual cleanup. As I started to load the truck that';s when I realized that we had a slight problem. Although we were coming home with a case of beer and 2 cases of water less than we arrived with we now had a new BBQ and raft to find space for. Along our garbage bags because there's no garbage service at the cabin. Luckily I just barely squeezed everything in the truck. It was like trying to play tetris. :D The drive home was good. Stopped off at Emigrant Gap to take more pictures of the scenery. Then off to home.

And that my friends is an abbreviated version of our trip. All in all it was great. We really needed to get away for those few days. But next year we need to take more days to be there. We try to pack to much stuff into a short time span. It really makes it feel like we are rushed for time which in turn raises my stress levels up. So next year we are shooting for at least 7 days in the summer and possibly a 3 day weekend this winter just to play in the snow. My only regret about the trip is not stopping at Emerald Bay to take pictures. I wanted to get to Harrah's for breakfast so to save time we just kept driving. Apparently we should have woken up earlier. But it was great. I got a lot of reading done. Read over 150 pages on the trip. Got in the fresh air of the mountains. Away from the people I don't want to be around. The only thing I missed was the internet I'm ashamed to say. I was great without TV for 5 days. But when we went to Harrah's I saw an internet station in the lobby and wanted to get on so bad. Summer had to drag me away. ::hanging head in shame::

I'll post more pics of the trip after Summer gets her post done. I don't want to use anything that she is going to use.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Funny as hell!!

Ok. I wanted to post the picture that goes with this but I can't it to upload here from my camera. So here's the funniest thing that I have ever been priveleged enough to see.

Here's the setting. The whole family walks into the local Sam's Club. SR gets a phone call and leaves the store briefly. So the kids and I take our time looking at things that SR don't like to look at. You know, guy stuff! Electronics. LCD TV's. Plasma TVS! Surround Sound!! Oh God I'm getting myself all worked up just thinking about it............Oh uh.....Where was I? Oh yes. So the kids and I are perusing threw some aisles when we caome to a huge Halloween decoration. It is one of those that blows up with an electric pump, stands aboiut 12 feet high, Is quite big inside and had scarry stuff all over the place. The even have a mummy that is 6 feet tall outside. So youngest son asks me-
"dad, can I go in? PLEASE!"

"Sure go ahead."

Thanks dad."

So he goes in. As he just walks in where he can't see outside I reach in and tap his shoulder. (He was already real nervous as it was to begin with.) Next thing you know here comes youngest going balls out running out the other end AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! He ran halfway down to the other side of the store before he stopped and turned around. He looks back to see his brother and I laughing uncontrolably. I was laughing so loud people were staring at me with weird looks on theirt faces. Ecept for the ones who were lucky ehough to see. They were laughing too but not as hard as me. I was laughing so hard I could hardly stand anymore. It went on for a few minutes when SR walks up asking what was so funny.

Youngest "I went in the haunted house and someone tapped me."

SR "Really? Were you scared?"

"Yes until I realized it was dad. It was fun. I want to do it again!"

The rest of the trip SR kept saying that she wished she were able to see that. that was 8 hours ago and I'm still laughing out of control as I think about it. I can't wait to be able to tell this to someone in person.


Your Pirate Name Is...

Pegleg Master of Horror

I saw this over at The Girl Next Door's page. I thought that it was cool so I took it. :D I especially got it to terrorize O272 while on vacation. I won't be able to stalk her for a few days so this will have to do until my return. AARRRR!!!!!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

More commedy to brighten your day.

If you don't find this funny something is terribly wrong with you. This is funnier than the last one.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

A real update

Well I guess it's time for me to give a real update. Although if you do have any questions for me please feel free to ask me. I'll answer them in my blog as they come in. So go to this post and keep those questions coming.

So I'm on my third day of a four day weekend. I have no clue what day it is. I mean I know it's Sat. But my body feels like it is Sun. This is really weird for me. I'm so excited about going on our vacation. We so need this right now. I'm wanting to start it early and not go to work on Mon. or Tue. I'll probably be a good boy and go in on Mon. but not Tue. I already have half the day off so might as well make it the whole day. Right? I know. I'm the worst example of what a model employee should be. I take so much time off work.

Any how, I went to my therapist appointment yesterday morning. Didn't attend men's group on Thu. night though. I didn't trust myself to drive with the complete lack of sleep I was having. I finally got some feed back from my therapist this time. Instead of asking questions like he usually does he made some observations this time. Which is what I was looking for in a way. I wanted to be able to get some insight and some feedback from him. That's why I was there in the first place. Well you know what they say. Be careful what you ask for because you just might get it. And get it I did.

Now I want to be clear. He didn't tell me an awful lot. He didn't tell me that I'm an asshole and deserve everything that has happened to me. What he said was entirely true and made sense to me. But what little bit he did tell me hurt a little bit. Well not exactly hurt me but....... I can't seem to find the word. I think maybe irritate me? Not like the time I told him about being molested and he asked who was supposed to take care of me. And said that my parents were supposed to do that and they didn't do it that well. And me taking it like he was saying it was their fault. That infuriated me. Yesterday was nothing like that. You know today is the first time I have said anything about being molested since I wrote that post and talked to my therapist about it. It hasn't even come up again in therapy. Hhmmmm.

Now where was I? Oh yes. Talking about his insights into me and what he said. So this is what he had to say. First off he asked me if I had the conversation with SR about Mr. D's number in the phone. Well you all know the answer to that. We did talk to each other about it. He asked how it had gone. And I told him about it. About how we talked and I told SR that I really didn't care if the number was in the phone. I just wanted to know what it was that she was getting from him that she wasn't getting from me. And that the fact that I had pushed her away from me and towards him. That was what really upset me. I told him that I felt that it was all my fault that the situation happened and I had admitted that to SR. Well you know the story. I wrote about it a few days ago.

This is where he stopped me and made his first observation. This is the one that upset me. He said that it was not entirely my fault. He said that SR had some of the blame also. He said that in the end she is the one that made the decision to seek what she needed from him instead of me. I replied that I was the one that pushed her away though. I was the one that was yelling at her, controlling her, verbally abusing her. (As true as that is it makes my stomach knot up) He said that as true as that was, she never told me in a way that was clear what was going on. She instead decided to seek comfort somewhere else.

Now I do agree with him to a point. But to me it just isn't beneficial. To me it seems that it is taking not just A step backwards but a whole bunch of steps backwards. It puts me back to where we were a little over a year ago when I first started this Journey. It puts me back in the controlling situation and back in the situation that I'm blaming her for our problems.

This is where he made his second observation. He said that I have a way of blaming myself for everything. I blame myself for SR communicating with Mr. D. I blame myself for being molested. I blame myself for my sister being molested. Yet I don't lay any blame on SR for choosing to communicate with Mr. D. I don't blame my cousin for choosing to molest my sister and myself. I don't blame my parents for watching over us better and not seeing the signs of molestation.

I told him that I really didn't want to confront SR about the issue anymore. I said things are going really well with us right now and I don't want to mess things up again. That's when he made his final observation. That was completely dead on. He said that he has been seeing me for a few months now and he has noticed that with me things seem to be either going great and I'm happy as can be. Or everything is going terrible and I'm just down in the dumps. Nothing is going right, and I go into the depression. With me there is no in between. It's one extreme to the next.

That my friends is what I need to figure out now. How to find that "happy" medium. And that was all we had time for yesterday. So now I'm waiting to be able to see him again. Which isn't until Oct. He is taking the entire month of Sep. off for vacation. That means no group therapy either until Oct. because of my being out of town next Thu.

So there is my real update on what's going on with my Self Discovery. It's now time to make cookies for our trip. :D

More Questions for CH **Edited** UPDATED 8/13/06

I got someone to play along! :D These questions were submitted by my favorite blonde.

1. What's your middle name? You'll never find out in a public forum.

2. What's 483 x 36? (show your work) yeah right. Who do you think I am? Einstein?

3. What are your thoughts on the recent Mideast peace deal? I don't watch the news. I also don't read the paper. So I have no clue.

4. Do you snore?Nope. SR on the other hand can wake the dead. That's not entirely true. I have actually been known to snore so loudly that I wake myself up. I have an excuse for this though. I have sleep apnea.

5. Do you think the government has the cure for cancer?They sure do. They just won't give it to us because they want to keep the little people like us down.

6. Do you write love letters to SR? Sadly no I don't. But I do send her love text messages quite often.

7. Do you shop quickly or do you read labels and such? I get in and get out. Why read labels?

8. Do you dress up for Halloween? Yes. I dress up like a pirate every year. It's actually getting old though and the kids say its not fair because I look like a pirate on a daily basis.

9. Would you ever encourage your boys to join the military? If it was what they wanted to do yes.

10. Do you prefer the top or bottom when having sex? As long as I'm having sex it really don't matter. I'm game for anything that gets put into the mix.

11. What's the temp like in CA in January? Depends on who you ask. I think the temps are perfect. But thats because tempos in the 30's to 40's is prerfect for me. SR on the other hand says it's to cold. You know this is a lie though. We're in Cali baby! It NEVER goes below 65 degrees and the sun shines on a daily basis.

12. What size shoe do you wear? 13 extra wide.

13. Do you do your bills online? Some of them I do pay online. The ones that don't require automatic payment.

14. Who will feed the cats while you're on vacation? The cats will feed themselves while on vacation. We will leave the food in a self feeder, We have a self waterer, and we just bought an extra liter box yesterday.

***15. What worries you most? That some day the ass holes from PETA will take over and take away my right to go hunting.

16. Would you like to sit on a jury? Yes. But they won't pick me because I think everyone is guilty and the punishments for the crimes are to leniant.

17. Do you like questions? Sure. Bring them on. That's why I opened myself up to these.

18. Are you glad you got a pool?You bet! It was the best money I've spent in a long time.

19. Do you have a good chili recipe? Unforunately no. I just use pre pockaged chili seasoning. Follow the directions and add a few extra seasonings to make it taste the way I lioke.

20. Do you read the newspaper? No. I'm very uninformed. The only thing worth reading in the paper is the comics anyways.

Remember if you have any more questions feel free to ask me. I'm an open book to any questions you want to ask me.

**edit Somehow I forgot to answer this question. My lovely wife brought it to my attention though. Also don't forget to watch the video from the previous post. You'll be rolling on the floor.

More questions have been submitted! This these questions came from hasarder.

1. Which animals do you hunt? My first true love of hunting is hunting waterfowl. I love to hunt ducks and geese. The next things I hunt for is pheasants, quail, and doves. I also do a bit of deer and pig hunting. Someday I want to hunt for more big game animals like black bear, grizzly bear, elk, moose, carribou, and big horn sheep. But those will have to wait.

2. Do you eat them? I eat everything that I shoot. If I don't intend to eat it I just don't shoot it. Plain and simple. Otherwise it is a waste and disrespectful to the animals that I shoot. I do on occaision give some of my ducks away but that is to people that I know will eat them. As for deer and pigs I have never shot one yet. But my uncle has shot a few deer and an elk. He has given me meet from those animals everytime. So he will be getting meet in return if I ever get lucky. In fact while on vacation I will be eating the last of the elk breakfast sausage he gave us. MMMmmmmmm good.

I have never heard of eating roo. Is it good?

This group of questions came from rob.

How well do you know your wife and how well does she know you, do you think? In other words, do you feel that everyone has some secrets and that both you and SR still have some deep secrets hidden from each other? Well rob you've done it again. You have me stumped. I *think* that I know my wife pretty well. A little better actually than she would like me to know her. She knows all of my secrets. She knows more about my secrets than anyone else in the world. I don't have anything hidden from her. Except maybe some things that are still hidden from myself. I've had things that I have hidden from myself for years. Take my molestation for example. I kept parts of that hidden for over 20 years. I'm sure SR has got some secrets that she has in hiding from me. I'd like to think that she don't keep things from me but I'm not a child either. I know that sometimes spouses don't share things with their significant others because they don't want to huirt the other partners feelings. SR falls into that category. I on the other hand believe that if I am hiding a secret from her then that is more hurtful than keeping it a secret. That is why it is so important for me to talk to her about some topics.

These are things that we are still working out.

Friday, August 11, 2006


The funniest thing I've seen today!

I just had to add this to my site. This is just to funny. I found this site through Mr.H

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Pictures from night work

I finally figured out how to get some pictures to load on my blog. Instead of using the picture icon in the create post page I used the Picasa program that came with my Google desktop. It enabled me to take the picture from my camera, adjust the picture, and press a 'Blog It' button. Then it automatically posted the pic to my blog. All I had to do was take the 3 posts and make them into 1. Very cool. So this should be the last of my 3 posts for the day. Remember that in the last post I gave you the option to ask me anything that you want to ask me and I'll be more than willing to answer your questions.


Here is a picture of me while working nights on Tue. night. Behind me is the roller that I have operating for the last 2 weeks. Posted by Picasa

Here's another picture from paving. This is the transfer truck loading hot asphalt into the hopper of our paver. Posted by Picasa

Here's another one of me. This was the last night that we paved. I was taking a break in between mix trucks. Posted by Picasa

CH answers 50 pressing questions.

1. My roommate and I once: I've never had a roomate. :(

2. Never in my life have I: Had a one night stand.

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always manage to make me smile is: My youngest son

4. High school was: A living hell.

5. When I’m nervous: I fidget

6. The last time I cried was: Don't remeber.

7. If I were to get married right now, my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: My boys

8. Would you rather run naked through a crowded place or have someone e-mail your deepest secret to all your friends? Well all of you are my friends and you know my secrets. You also have seen my best or rather worst sides so I guess it don't matter.

9. My hair: Is getting to that annoying stage where I want to start shaving it again.

10. When I was 5: I almost got help back in kindergaden because I missed to much school. My dad pulled me out almost every Fri. so we could work on the property my parents bought in Northern Cali.

11. Last Christmas: Was a good one. We had lots of fun and my s-i-l stayed with us for a few weeks.

12. When I turn my head left: I see things that are on my right. Strange huh.

13. I should be: More self confident.

14. When I look down I see: Let's cover what I don't see instead. My feet and my "duck" as O would call it.

15. The craziest recent event was: Posting a pic of the "duck" I don't see when I look down.

16. If I were a character on “Friends” I’d be: The one that never gets noticed inb the back ground.

17. By this time next year: I will be one year older.

18. My favorite aunt is: I really don't like to play favorites. It hurts peoples feelings and I don't want to do that.

19. I have a hard time understanding: Womaen. But really who doesn't have a hard time understanding them?

20. One time at a family gathering: I had a little to much to drink and said the Better than sex cake my sister made was actually better than sex. SR didn't exactly enjoy that comment.

21. You know I like you if: I tell you I like you.

22. If I won an award, the first person (people) I’d thank: My wife for all of her support, love, and for being there with me through thick and thin.

23. Take my advice: Don't listen to me I'm confused.

24. My ideal breakfast is: 3 fried eggs, bisquits and gravy, sausage patties, bacon, orange juice, and hash browns. Or a 3 egg omlette with bacon, mushrooms, onions, ham, chedder cheese, hash browns on the side with English muffins and an orange juice.

25. If you visit my home town: Don't blink.

26. Sometime soon I plan to visit: Lake Tahoe. I'll be visiting there in 6 days! ::happy dance!::

27. If you spend the night at my house: Be prepared to be hit on. ;-)

28. I’d stop my wedding if: why would I do that?

29. The world could do without: People that can't drive.

30. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Lick the ass of a cock roach.

31. The most recent thing I’ve bought myself is: A belt.

32. The most recent thing someone else bought for me is: SR bought me dinner at Subway before work the other day.

33. My favorite blonde is: O272

34. My favorite brunette is: Summer Rose of course.

35. My car must have a sign on it that reads: Go ahead and cut me off. It's paid for!

36. The last time I was drunk: I got sick. Real sick.

37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds: Humans. It would be cheaper than air faire.

38. I shouldn’t have been: Such a big procrastinator about seeking help.

39. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair? I shave them more than I shave my face.

40. Last night I: Worked a 10 hour shift.

41. There’s this girl I know who: Is the best negotiator I know.

42: I don’t know: What I don't know.

43. A better name for me would be: Jondalar. He's a main character in my favorite book series.

44. If I ever go back to school I’ll: Regret it every moment.

45. How many days until my birthday: Too many to count.

46. One dead celebrity I wish I’d met is: I have no clue. I always liked John Wayne.

47. I’ve lived at my current address since: Oct. 1, 2000

48. I’ve been told I look like: A pirate or Richard Kearns? The guy that played Al on Home Improvement.

49. If I could have any car, it would be: A 1965 Mustang Convertible, Candy Apple red with 2 Jet Black racing stripes and a big block motor.

50. If I got a new cat tomorrow, I would name it: Snake food.

Stole this from Art, who stole this from Dzer , who stole it from others.

As an added bonus I'll answer any (yes ANY) questions that you email or comment to me. If there is something that you want to know just ask. I'll be as open as I possibly can be.

Feeling much better

Well I didn't end up getting to sleep until after 12:00 PM yesterday. And woke up around 3:00. It's all good though because after I worked last night I'm now off work until next Mon.! Work went much better last night too. We got off earlier than expected and that's always a good thing. :D

I wanted to post some pictures that I had taken the last 2 nights of work and also an HNT pic for those of you that picture me as a pirate. You know who you are. But as stated yesterday Blogger is being a bitch and not allowing me or anyone else post pics.

On to some thing that is of some importance. Summer and I went to her surgery consultation yesterday. It went pretty good. The surgeon said that she is an excellent candidate for reduction surgery. He explained that there are two different kinds of operation he could do. The first is the more commonly used one that can reduce her to a small C cup. It will leave a scar going around the areola, straight down from the nipple to the ribcage, and across the bottom where the underwire would be.

The other technique would be called the "short scar method". It will go around the same paths as the previous method except for the underwire portion. This method will only reduce her to a large C cup. So this method is out as far as she is concerned. The smaller the better is Summer's motto. She was actually wanting to go down to a B like she was when we first met. The Dr. asked her if she would be ok with that again, she said yes. But he said that would be to small for her frame and would not look as well as a C.

Now some other notes from the appointment. She will not be able to do massages for approximately 3 weeks after the surgery. After the surgery she will need to stay 1 night in the hospital. The surgery should take about 3 hours to perform. It will be about 4-5 months before they will be able to do it due to scheduling. Something about the Dr. rubbed me the wrong way. Not sure what it was. Maybe it was lack of sleep. Or his deep booming voice that was to loud for a confined space. Or maybe it was that when he examined her breasts her didn't wash his hands first. Excuse me but I put my mouth there guy. You mind washing up first? I seriously thought Dr.s were supposed to be all about cleanliness. He didn't even wear gloves. :(

Any ways that is all for now. I'm getting warm so I'm finally going to be able to use our pool again.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I'm Tired!!!

It is now 5:40 in the AM hours. I've been home for an hour now but can't go to bed. In 20 minutee I need to get in the shower so that Summer and I can go to the Dr. for her surgery consultation. I've been awake since noon yesterday, and don't have a clue as to when I will be going to bed. The past two weeks have been llllllooooooonnnnngggggggggg!I'm dead tire right now. The only thing that has been keeping me going is 1 litre of Mountain Dew, cnady bars, Red Bull, and Full Throttle. Those are nightly by the way. don't get me started on driving home in the mornings either. Those have been pleasant to say the least. The other morning I drove 30+ miles from the job site back to my yard. You know what? I don't remember one second of that drive. I remeber getting in the yard wondering how the hell I got there. That's scary to say the least.

The contractors that we have working for us hauling away the ground up asphalt are an exercise in patience to say the least. I truly have no clue how the hell some of these people get a commercial drivers license. First of all we have 5 drivers contracted out for us and not a one speaks English. They all speak Arab or something like that. Secondly the can't back up a 53 foot trailer to save their lives. Now I know what your all thinking here- Well CH I can't back up a 53 foot trailer to save my life either. That may be true. But are you licensed to drive a trailer like that commecialy where you need to show the ability to do so? I didn't think so. These people do. And they can't do it. Thirdly one of these yahoos didn't even know how to release the air brakes for his trailer. So he held up the job for 15 minutes while he tried to find the "air leak". One of our guys got in the truck and releaqsed the air brakes for the trailer and it worked fine. So we wonder - How did this yahoo even get to the jobsite if he can't release the brakes? Lastly 3 of these yahoos stopped in a live lane of traffic on interstae 80. And sat there for 5 minutes almost causing who knows how many possible accidents tht would have train reacted for quite awhile. Yes they stopped dead stop in an open lane of traffic! And proceeded to get out of their trucks. These are the people that are driving 80,000 pounds of deadly steel on YOUR roadways. This people is why speaking English FLUENTLY should be a requirement to become a US citizen. And why there should be a crackdown on Illegal Aliens. Come here the right way and earn it. At least that way when you hold up my job and piss me off you'll understand me as I'm calling you every name in the book because you have no right to be behind the wheel of a Honda let alone an 18 wheeler.

I'm just too dam tired and feel that I have vented enough. Besides it's after 6 now and SR and I need to take a shower. Here is a pic of me in my work duds for your viewing pleasure.

**EDIT** Blogger is being a bitch at the moment and not loading my picture. Sorry. I'll try to post the pic this afternoon when we get back from the docs.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

WARNING! You'll poke an eye out!

Well before you scroll down I must warn you.......

The next picture is NOT very flattering. For me anyways. But in the name of good fun I will post this anyways. It has been brought up by Mr. Husbland this morning that his ....ahem pouch is more tanned than his ass. So I said to myself that I have never really noticed that. Then I was dared by O to post a pic so that we can compare from last weeks ass pic just how much more tanned I might be. I think that it's just an anomaly that Mr. H has. But we'll just have to see with the proof now won't we. And for this picture of me O will be posting one of herself as well as payment. So check it out here!

Now don't say I didn't warn you! You have plenty of time to exit now.
Picture has been removed to protect people's eyesight and appetites. Sorry.

Honesty II

In continuation of the honesty post that I had written last week here is the follow up.

First off though I want to thank each and everyone of you that took the time to comment on that post. You all have no idea how much your support means to me.

After I wrote that post I did some real serious thinking and soul searching. As a result of that I went back into a depression state. Along with the fact that I had taken another med holiday last weekend. So I hadn't taken my antidepressants in a few days. I won't be doing that anymore. The sexual benefits aren't worth the hell that I feel when I'm in those moods. So I was in pretty much a real bad mood the entire week.

I was feeling very empty inside and feeling very alone. As a result the pool went to hell during the week. It didn't help that I had half the neighborhood kids here swimming in it and I was the one to watch them.

But on Thu. things started to change. While I was at work the one coworker I get along with talked to me and asked what was wrong. She's the only person besides my boss that knows about my depression. She wanted to know why I was so upset this past week. Without going into details I told her that I really felt that I needed to talk to SR but was having a hard time with it. She said that I needed to make it clear to her that I needed to talk to her.

So I sent her a text message telling her that really needed to talk that night. She answered back saying ok and asking when. When I got home that wasn't the right time as I had to go into my group meeting. Which went really well.

I had missed the previous week and really needed to be there this week. I talked to the group about finding Mr. D's number in the cell phone and told the story behind it. Then we talked about suggestions for how I should approach the topics of concern for me. I left feeling a lot better. You see it's not that the men's group is the wrong group for me. It is more that there really is only one person that I want to open up to about what I want to discuss. That person is SR. After I discuss it with her then I will talk to anyone about it.

So when I returned home I posted the Fuck It post while SR was putting the kids to bed. After she came back out we sat together on the couch. Or rather I sat and she laid on my lap and looked up at me. That's when we started talking. We talked about things that had bothering both of us. From my past experiences with a man to Mr. D's number in the phone. We even talked about talking. It was really good. I had found some of the reasons that I would lose my temper and go into my depression states.

So here is what we talked about. First thing was Mr. D. I wanted to know what it was that she was getting from him that she wasn't getting from me. What was it that made her seek it in someone else instead of me. She said that she got someone to talk to that didn't yell at her and make her feel like she was a failure. I already pretty much knew that answer. I told her that what really upset me about the whole situation with Mr. D was that I had pushed her to him. Like I said earlier, when I met the guy I really liked him. He was easy to talk to. I told her that in the end I really don't care if his number was in the phone. She could go ahead and keep it there. I don't care. I know that she loves me and I love her. That is all that matters.

We then talked about why I keep the "fences" up even with her. I told her that I was using the fences as a defense mechanism with her. Every time I have something that I want to talk to her about that is important to me, she puts the conversation on hold for various reasons. S the issue just sits there eating away at me until I get into a depression and that's when I would lose my temper over stupid piddly shit. No excuse I know. But that also explains why I was in the mood I was in the other night. I had something very important to talk to her about but she would not talk about it. We resolved this issue by agreeing that if either one of us has a topic that we feel is important we will talk about it as soon as the kids are in bed that night. No more putting it off.

That leads us to the big topic of discussion for Summer and I. The topic of me being with a man sexually. Ever since I heard the news about my cousin divorcing his wife I had this "need" to discuss it with Summer. She wanted to talk to me about it as well, but was afraid to. She was afraid that I would take my cousins route and decide that I waned to be with men more than her. That's why the topic kept getting pushed under the rug. When in my reality that was the furthest thing from what I actually wanted to talk about.

I knew that she was going to be thinking that because she knew that I had been with a man before we met and due to the threesome we had with the same man. There was also an incident a few years ago. I wanted t let her know that no matter how much I liked all the experiences I could never leave her to live that way the rest of my life. I enjoy the oral portion of being with a man. That's it. That's all I enjoyed about it. Nothing else. The rest I didn't like at all. Knew that from being molested as a kid. As much as I liked oral with a man I LOVE oral with Summer. I'm a very oral person. What can I say? Nothing could ever take the place of what Summer and I have together. The oral "fixation" if you will that I have is not enough for me to want to leave my marriage over.

So I spent the time talking to Summer and reassuring her that I will NEVER leave her for another man nor woman. She is the only person for me. In the end we both felt so much better after we talked. We went to bed happier than we have in a few weeks. We just laid there and held each other close until we drifted of to sleep.

And that my friends is what I needed to be honest about. I got tired of holding it in that I had this oral fixation. Summer knew about it but not how much I actually liked it. That is what I was hiding from my blog, and my therapist. I was hiding this because I wanted to have Summer's acceptance of me first. If she can accept me for who I am then I don't care what anyone else thinks. You can think this makes me gay. Fine. Call me gay. No skin of my back. Summer is ok with me and that's all I ever really cared about to begin with. So now I feel like the fences are coming down and I'm much happier for it.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Still alive (I think)

Just dropping by to let everyone know that I am still around. Just having a hard time at work. I'm working the night shift this week and next week. 7-5:30. At least that is what it is supposed to be. Didn't get home till 6:30 yesterday morning. Then having to deal with noisy kids at home while I'm trying to sleep is no help at all.

This morning was the worst though. A certain cowoker at work called me up 45 minutes after I fell asleep today. We'll call her C.U.N.T. That is an acronym for Can't Understand Normal Thinking. :D Anyways C.U.N.T. calls me up asking me where the keys are for the 4yard dump truck was that I drove last night. SR answers the phone, and tells me what they want. I said "I don't know. Tell them I'm sleeping." I then heard C.U.N.T. talk to my wife with an attitude before hanging up. That was it. My buttons were pushed. I was PISSED! I felt my blood pressure rise and may face get hot. SR got in the shower then and I called my leadworker. Yelled at him and said that C.U.N.T. (god I love that :-) ) better take my name out of her cell phone and she better not fucking call me ever again. I then called the co-worker that called me sweetie and bitched at her as well since she was left in charge that day as I was working nights and my 2 superiors were in a class. She said that they were just looking for the keys. I told her that I locked them in the truck on purpose and hung up.

Later this afternoon, after pretty much zero sleep, I called my leadworker back and apologized for yelling at him. He said that it was fine he would be pissed as well. Then he asked why I locked the Keys in the truck on purpose. I said it was simple. The keys were locked in the truck when I needed it the night before, plus C.U.N.T. left a shit load of her garbage in thee as well. There was food wrappers, soda bottles, spit out food in a napkin, all over the truck. I told him that I am not her dam maid. He said well we'll just have to deal with that this afternoon.

So an hour ago my supervisor calls me and asks what happened and I explained it to him. He told me not to say anything and let him deal with the other peoples incompetence. He told her that she SHALL (a big word in state terms) remove my number from her phone, she SHALL go through proper chain of command next time, and she SHALL clean the vehicle so it will be ready for me tonight at 7PM. Also said a few other things as well that aren't that important. He did have a question for SR though. He wanted to know why she didn't just yell at C.U.N.T. and let her have it. She said that she thought it would get me in trouble. He said if it happens again she can say whatever she wants to the offending person with no fear of me facing consequences.

That is all for now. I'll update again in a few days if I can get some sleep. Until then I did have an assignment for SR for when I was working nights. Hopefully she will remember. (REMINDER DEAR!) I asked her to write me an erotic post for me to read to keep me company till we can be together again. I hate not being able to have her in bed with me at night.