Led Zeppelin - Thank You (Live)

If the sun refused to shine
I would still be loving you
When mountains crumble to the sea
There would still be you and me

Kind woman, I give you my arm
Kind woman, nothing more
Little drops of rain
Whisper of the pain
Tears and love lost in the days gone by

My love is strong
With you there is no wrong
together we shall go until we die
my my my
Inspiration's what you are to me
Inspiration- look, see

And so today, my world smiles
Your hand in mine, we walk the miles
Thanks to you, it will be done
For you to me, are the only one

What I say is
Happiness no longer sad
Happiness, I'm glad

If the sun refused to shine
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea
There would still be you and me.

Ahhh,
Thank you.

As I said in my previous post Summer took some pictures of the results from a few of our youngest sons tantrums. Don't know if this is a good idea or not but when people see these then they get an idea f what we are dealing with. They see that this is real and not made up.

This is of his bedroom door. He got bad and kicked it off the hinges. The holes are stripped now and won't take screws.


Here we have the china hutch that Summer got when her mom passed away. He broke the glass out on one side.


This is the taillight cover to Summer's Explorer. He threw a bungee cord at the truck when we said that we would not buy him a toy. If it isn't bungee cords it's rocks or anything else he can fins to throw. If not our car it would be our neighbors car.


This is the brand new security door that I 9installed less than a year ago. He kicked it and busted the screen. This is supposed to keep burglars out?


This is the hall closet door that he kicked.


His bedroom closet door.


This is looking from our older sons room into our younger sons room.


This is my bedroom door.

This last one is in the living room.

The rest are of drawings on the walls with permanent markers. I'm next going to start documenting any bruises that he gives Summer or myself in his outbursts. I'm still considering getting a video camera to record his different moods. Then take them to the Dr. visits. Maybe even write another letter to Dr. Phil and send along the video tape and pictures. Who knows?

I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted. Even more I can't believe how busy we have been around here the last week or so. So now I have to see what I need to put in as an update.

First off I had a meeting with my therapist on the 18th. We spent the entire appointment talking about youngest son and the issues that we have been having with him. He actually spent the last 10 minutes of the appointment trying to get him an emergency psychiatrist appointment. To no avail. He did ask that Summer and I stay for a few minutes after the appointment (Summer and youngest were there as well but in the waiting room) so that he could find someone to see us immediately. He was able to get someone or rather 2 people to come and see us. They put it in his file that he was seen on an emergency basis. and that this should help in the future as far as getting things done.

On Tue last week I took youngest son to see his therapist again. this time he saw the Dr. alone for about 20 minutes. After that was done the therapist made a new appointment for this week and said that he will continue to need to see us at least every other week if not every week. When we got home there was a message on the answering machine saying that we finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist and that it would be the next day.

So that night Summer took a bunch of pictures of the things that our son has done around the house so I could take them to the appointment with us in the morning. The appointment went pretty well. The Dr. was able to see his behavior change from being really good and cooperative to starting to be destructive and hitting me. We saw this Dr. for almost 2 hours. She said that he will need to be seen by her and the therapist quite often so that we can teach him the tools necessary for him to calm himself down. She also said that he does not have autism, ADHD, ODD, or any of the other things he has been diagnosed with at the other facility. She said that he never should have been put on Wellbutrin to begin with because it is an anti depressant and he doesn't have depression. She believes he is Bi-polar. The problem is that there are no FDA approved meds for children with Bi-polar mood disorders. But she prescribed him a new medicine to take. Depakote. It is a mood stabilizer. She said that he needs more than just medication and that she wants to continue to see him on a more regular basis than his other Dr. did. So that is a plus.

Other than that things have been so-so. The whales are finally out of the area. At least as of 3:00PM yesterday they were finally leaving thew area. So that is a relief. I was on vacation yesterday and today is a holiday so I have had an extended weekend. :D I've been able to catch up on sleep, eat real dinners with the family, and spend a little time with Summer in the evenings.

We attempted to set up the pool over the weekend. That was a flop. Big time. We started to add water to the pool Fri. evening. It was full by Sat. morning and I started to run the pump. By 7PM we heard a loud noise from the back yard and saw the pool collapsed over and emptying itself out. I fixed it and started to refill it. But the torrent of water from the pool draining washed a lot of sand away. So I could actually see the pool slipping and sinking down. Which would cause it to fall over again. So now we have been draining the pool since yesterday morning. Funny how it drains so much slower than it fills.

When it is empty we need to move it closer to the house and hope that fixes it. If not I need to haul a lot more sand. Which I am NOT looking forward to. I thought I was going to break my truck last week. I had it WAY overloaded. I used a front loader at work and dumped a bucket load of sand in the back of my truck. Can we saw 'Maxed out the suspension travel?' My shocks were bottomed out and the springs were bending the wrong way. The front of the truck was almost off the ground. It wasn't pretty.

Other than that I need to get away. Or rather Summer and I need to get away. Together. Alone. Without the kids. For at least one night. Maybe two. A place where we can just lock ourselves up in a room and not come out. A place where talking about the kids is strictly forbidden. Even punishable.

God that sounds so good right now.

My stress levels as of late have been through the roof. Surprisingly enough they are not all due to my youngest son. Most of them are work related. Or to be more truthful whale related. The dam things are back. Again. I wish they would just leave for God's sake. Everyone is making such a huge deal out of this. The news media isn't helping matters either. They keep broadcasting "This is a once in a life time experience. Come out and see 'Delta' and 'Dawn' in person before they go back to the ocean." Whatever.

Seriously if these people wanted to see a whale that badly just go to Vallejo and get a ticket to Marine World. Better yet drive down to Monterey Bay and visit the Aquarium. But don't come by the thousands (YES THOUSANDS!) and clog up my highways and bridges. You idiots are interfering with the operations of our draw bridge. These damn whale lovers obviously have no brain cells left either and can't read. We have a locked gate on the bridge for a reason. It is even posted with a sign that says 'Walkway closed. Use other side' So what do they do? Step over the rail, into a LIVE lane of traffic doing 50 miles an hour and climb back over the rail on the other side of the gate. Then proceed to walk where they are not in sight of the bridge operator. Therefore they are putting themselves in very serious danger. The Coast Guard is telling the tender to open the bridge and she can't because of the people that are standing on the span that is supposed to go in the air. Just annoying the hell out of me. And causing the bridge operator a lot of grief. She's freaking out because if she don't open the bridge in a timely manner the Coast Guard can fine her quite a few bucks.

Enough of that. There has to be better things to talk about.



Let's see......






Something better..........




Summer and I were able to connect last night. For some real love making. Not just a quickie 'let's hurry up before we have to get the kids up for school' kind of thing. We took our time last night. The only down part was that we were both so tired that it didn't last as long as we would have liked it to. but it did work it's magic on me and helped me to relax and fall asleep must faster than normal.

If only we could do that every night when I come home. I wouldn't be tossing and turning for 2 hours before I finally fall asleep. I think maybe I need to rethink how I do things when I get home from work at night. Right now I walk in the door and go straight to bed. Maybe I should spend a little time watching TV or on the computer. Or better yet playing my new Playstation 2. Did I forget to mention that earlier? How rude of me.

So Fri. night right after Summer pulls out of the driveway to go on her women's retreat the guy from across the street walks up. He asks me if the kids have any video games for the TV. Yes they do. It's just an old Gamecube but they have something. Then he asks me if they would like to have a Playstation 2 with a bunch of games. I ask how much and he says FREE! Apparently he went to a store that buys old games and game consoles for re-selling. Well they told him that they would only give him $30.00 for the system and about 18 games. He says screw that I'll give it to the kids across the street before I sell it for that price. The cool thing is half the games are rated M so the kids can't play them. So I finally have some games for me the adult to play! :D I can play Tomb Raider, OO7, 2 versions of .........Oh crap! My mind went totally blank. The game that you are a guy that car jacks people.....Grand Theft Auto! That's it. I have the Vice City version and GTA III. And some others. Really the only one that appeals to me on a remote level is G.T.A. So I'll see about talking to a guy at work and see if he wants to trade some games or something.



**I actually started this last night at work. I saved it to finish this morning but now I have other things on my mind so I'm going to just publish as is.**

Time for something a little more upbeat. Unfortunately I can't seem to come up with something on my own. So while browsing blogs today I came across this over at Therese's. I figured what the heck? It'll do until something of my own pops up. :D

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Does it make you a bad parent if you are actually willing and wanting for your child to be placed in some sort of in patient program?

I can't speak for Summer but I am getting closer and closer to seeing if Kaiser has a place that does that. I hate the idea of even thinking about it. But at the same time I just don't know how much more we can take. He was kicked out of his after school program this week. They said he cannot return until next year. The school reduced his hours from full day to half day. They are no longer trying to integrate him into the regular kindergarten class. He stays one on one with his helper the entire time he is at school. If the school determines that he is having a bad day and don't want to listen or becomes violent in any way they send him home. As usual but they are sending him home at the onset now. They used to wait to see if they could calm him down.

The problems with youngest son are just running down and causing problems in other areas as well. Summer and I are snapping at each other quite a bit anymore any time the subject of him comes up. She is just so upset about this whole thing. I am too but she is taking this much harder.which don't make it easy on me. Especially when she shows me bruises that he gives her or when I come in to see her crying because of the problems. I just don't know what to do. There has to be some place out that can help us so that we can live a normal life with our kids. Right now that just isn't possible.

We used to get a small break on the weekends when he would go play with the neighborhood kids. But now most of the kids won't play with him. Or their parents won't let them play with him. That just makes his tantrums and outbursts get worse. He wants to play with kids but the kids won't play with him. So he throws fits and destroys things in the house.

At least if he goes to an inpatient place that would hopefully serve 2 purposes. It will hopefully give the Dr.s enough time to do better evaluations on him and come up with better solutions. It would also give Summer and I the much needed rest we need. We just need to get away from our son.

And saying that makes me feel like a shitty parent. I mean what kind of parents wants to ship their kid off just so they can get time away from them? I'm not talking send them to the sitters for the evening or to the grandparents for the weekend. I'm talking an extended period of time. How long? Who knows. We have had 2 places say up to 90 days. But they are also the same places that say they can't help out because of Kaiser.

Maybe that's the solution! I'll quit my job and go on Welfare. Then I can get all the help we need free of charge! Then the county can't say that they can no longer get involved. They would be able to say "Oh you don't have insurance? We have just the help you need! Come on in." Instead we are getting "Well we'd really like to help you out, BUT you are a contributing member to society. You work 40+ hours a week and you have insurance. You don't sit at home and have babies just to get money from the state. So we can't help you."

It's pretty bad when a person that is doing everything right in this world like working, paying taxes, contributing to society can't get shit. But a crack whore mom can get knocked up every few years, live off the system, get free housing, free food, and a check that I help pay for can get all the free medical help she wants.

What kind of fucked up world is this?

Some people just really annoy the hell out of me. So we have 2 hump back whales swim up through the San Francisco Bay and on up through the bay into our little neck of the woods. SO WHAT! It's like some great big huge deal now to some people. They are loseing their f'ing minds.

I know that i'm about to reveal a little much in the information department but I don't care at the moment. It's not going to be to hard to find out where I am anyways from previous posts.

I'm at work yesterday and part of my job is to deliver paychecks. So about 5:45 or 6:00 I go out to the ferry boats to deliver our measley boot allowance checks. If you want to call them that. They tax our boot allowance checks at 43% so we only get about 29 bucks. WooHoo! Like where are you going to get a quality pair of work boots for that much manoey?

Sorry. Side tracked there.

So when I get to the first ferry the cars are backed up for a 1/4 mile. All lined up. There are people parking 1/2 mile away and walking to the ferry. so I cross over turn on the rotating light and drive in the wrong lane. I get to gate of the ferry and there is close to 100 people standing around hoping to get a glimpse of the whales. When I walked onto the boat the deckhand asked me to stay at theshack to keep people from going where they don't belong.

No problem I say. I'll stay here for a few minutes. A few minutes turned into a few hours. We had people doing the stupidest things. Trying to climb the pillings and walk out the pier that makes the boat slip. Not designed for walking on. We had news reporters walking out our feul dock. Even though there is a chain across the walkway. I tell one reporter that he can't walk out there. He says you talking to me? Yes. But I'm with the press. I don't care who you are you're not authorized to go out there.

We got people trying to walk down the boat slip. Kinda like a boat ramp. While the ferry is trying to come into the slip! All to get a better view. The worst thing is that some of the local people that just want to cross the ferry to get home can't get to the ferry because of all the looky loos. I'm ashamed to say that my parents were 2 of them. And if I didn't have Summer's truck she would have been too. I hang my head in shame.

I finally had to call my supervisor when we almost had a fight break out. Some guy in the line of cars got tired of waiting so her pushed the car inn front of him forward with his bumper so that he could turn around. Get this: CHP didn't believe my boss so they wouldn't dsend someone.

Finally after I was there for over an hour a local police officer comes out to see what is going on. By that time things have died down. The thriongs of people started to thin out around 7:40 or so. The whales swam further up the river and everyone disperseed. He asks me what has been going on and says if it starts up again to call him. Then when I'm finally ready to leave at around 8:00 a CHP officer shows up. He said he was responding to a call about traffic being back up on the highway. I told him he was a bit late and he should have been there when I called for assistance over an hour ago. by that time the crowd of 100 people went down to 10.

All of this comotion because a stupid whale came out to the wrong place. Everyone was there to get a glimpse of the whale. We had over 13 news vans out there for lve coverage. I'm sure some the coverage went national. You may have even seen me on the news. But here's the kicker. If all these stupid yahoos would have had the sense to stay home they would have seen a lot more than they did by beeing out there. No one there saw a thing. The whales never surfaced in front of our location. But the people at home got to see them on TV.

The even worse part is the whales have to came back through my little delta town to get back out to the ocean. Great. Even more yahoos to deal with when that happens.

All this means is that people that never even heard of this place are all of a sudden going to know about us and want to drive out here. Making traffic worse than it is now.

Nothing new

Things are neither getting better or worse. Just kinda in a limbo state. We had an IEP meeting on Fri. with the school. They had us fill out some paperwork with the county that is asking them for assistance with figuring out whats going on. Just what we need. Someone else to give us the run around. Everyone at the IEP said the same thing- there is no rhyme or reason for the outbursts. There is not one single thing that will set him off. What sets him off today will be perfectly fine tomorrow. What calms him down in the morning will set him off at night. There is no pattern at all. So we are going to try and have him go to school half days instead of full days. See if that makes a difference. We've only got till the 15 of June then school will be out. I told them that we want him in the non public school next year.

Still don't know what that means- non public. To me non public means private. But this is not a public school. Whatever. They are a national school from what I remember. At least they are in several states. Not all of them.

Enough about that. Happier thoughts.

Went fishing again on Fri. This time Summer came along with us. Started off pretty bad. The place we were at was terrible. Every cast we would get snagged. Youngest and I lost at least 3 fish each due to the snags breaking our line. So I got a little upset and went to a different spot. Turned out to be a good move. For me anyways! :D I got 4 catfish there. Summer reeled the first one in. Brat! It was the first fish on that pole and the reel. They were both virgins. She had to go and steal my stuff from me.

I B-B-Q'd some burgers on the beach and my sister came along to sit with us and spend time with the kids. In the middle of us eating she comes out and says "Well I guess it's now tradition in our family that we have some type of "issue" to deal with every 6-7 months. First it's *cousin* then it was *cousins dad*. So I guess now it's my turn."

That was it. That's all she said. How crazy is that shit? Not that she "came out" but that she just said it in that way while we were eating our dinner. So I guess it's hereditary. Interesting. She already told my mom but as of telling us still didn't tell our dad.' She has no intentions of telling grandma though. Grandma took it hard enough with our cousin and then his dad (her son). But she is coping with it. But my sister says it's going to be harder for her to accept that about my sister because she (to put it in her exact words) "plays for both teams, and grandma would see that as a choice". So what if it's a choice. As long as your happy to hell with what others think. That's just me though.


Yesterday we went to the May fair. Rode a few rides, walked the fairgrounds and ate fair food. This section is small because of how small the fair was. We walked the whole thing in an hour.

Almost forgot about the best part of the weekend. After we got home from fishing and got the kids to bed I got my red head back! There is something that is just so sexy about red heads. I've had a thing for red heads since I was a little kid. Well Summer had me dye her hair red for her Fri. night. Not just red but intense red.

When we woke up Sat. morning I had forgotten about it. Till she cam out of the shower. That was it. One look at her with the fiery hair and I just had to have her. So she needed an extra shower. :D

Last of all Happy Mother's day to all the mom's out there.

Things are slow here at work tonight so I'm gonna see what happens as far as creating a post. No promises as to the quality. Someone at work pissed me off tonight and I don't know who to be mad at. I have a bag of chocolate in the freezer at work. I have my name written on the bag of chocolate and my name is in plain view. Last night I thought maybe that a piece or two was missing. So I inventoried it all. Today I come to work and go into the freezer to take out my desert and ALL of my candy bars are gone! All that is left are 3 Cadburry Creme eggs that melted on the way home from the store. What good does it do to put your name on something if no one will honor your name? Now I am out 4 candy bars, and won't be going back to the 99 cent store for another week. At least they left my Hungry Man TV dinners alone. I'm tempted to go in the fridge and drink the RedBull in there that don't have a name on it. But I'm a better person than that.

As I wrote a few weeks ago my cousin was coming up from Costa Rica for some meetings this past week. I met him in Sac on Fri. afternoon and he gave me my box of cigars. I'm stoked! They are bigger than I thought they would be. I was able to find a guy at work that is really into cigars and he gave me a lot of info on humidors and what not. He also gave me 2 catalogs and 2 cigars just to test out. So I ordered my humidor and a few accessories and they should be here this week sometime. Here's the thing. I'm not really interested in smoking the cigars. I'm more into just the novelty aspect of having cigars that came straight from South America and were made from a person who was born and raised in Cuba. That and my cousin said that if I wanted to I could sell them for $20 a piece. I might have him bring me up another box when he returns in June. :D

In other news of my brief visit with my cousin, he and his wife bought a cabin in Oregon a few months ago. While we visited he said that he will send me the calender to the cabin and I can choose any open date I like to go up to use the cabin for a week. So we will try to do that towards the end of July, beginning of August. The really cool thing about the cabin is that it is on a lake and there is no driving to the cabin. It is boat in only. How cool is that?! There is good fishing on the lake, he has a fishing boat, ski boat, jet ski, and "skiff" that is used to get to the cabin from the marina.

So that is the plan for this summer's family vacation. we have gone to Tahoe for the last 3 years in a row. This year it is time to go take in some new scenery. Not that I'm tired of Tahoe. Believe me when I say it is my favorite place in Ca. and I haven't begun to explore all there is to do up there. But something new would be welcomed. Plus I like the secluded aspect of the place. So now we just have to wait for the end of summer to get here.




Sorry for the interruption there. Summer and the boys came to work and brought dinner with them! I got eat dinner with my family. Not only that but it was the first home cooked meal that I have eaten in over 2 weeks. This past weekend for me was hectic. After meeting with my cousin on Fri. I decided that I wasn't going to wait anymore and take the boys out fishing. So off to Subway I went to get dinner and we found a spot on the bank of the river and fished for a few hours. We had great time. youngest enjoyed himself immensely. He actually had plans on staying out fishing all night long. He wanted to stay out till the sun came up. That's a long time since we started fish at around 7:00. Jr. and youngest each caught fish. I didn't fish at all. I just sat back and enjoyed the time with my boys. I have never done that. I usually want to be right out there fishing myself and concentrate on myself catching fish. Not this time though. After we ate youngest came over and sat on my lap for a few hours except for when I was baiting hooks or taking fish off of hooks. Finally about 10:00 he decided that he was tired and wanted to go home to go to sleep. It was such a good time I think I might do it again this Fri. since Summer volunteered to work another Fri. night.

Then on Sat. I volunteered to help my sister move. So that was an all day thing. I got some things out of it though. She gave us her old entertainment center, which used to be my parents, and an old dresser to give to youngest. So when I got home I had to take down the stereo and all that goes with it, move in the new entertainment center, and then try to reattach all the wires in the correct place. Next thing I know it's 9:00 and we still didn't have dinner. So off to Mc Donald's I go to get dinner. I pop in a DVD to watch with dinner realize that I hooked the VCR up to the TV instead of the DVD player. The DVD player video cables were plugged into the surround sound where the VCR was supposed to be. So I had to fight with that to get it right. It's done though. I have conquered the home theatre system. I am man. Here me roar! Now if only I could get the DTS Surround to work between the DVD player and the surround system. They are both DTS ready but when I select DTS no sound comes out. It's annoying. I want the optimal sound with my movie watching experience! Instead I'm stuck with Dolby Digital.

Time for a new system complete with Plasma TV right dear? :D

What else can I right about? Summer is going on her church retreat again this month. I'm actually kinda nervous about it this year. When she was gone last year was when I had the "meltdown" and all that stuff that lead to my being on meds. That would be the time that I wrote this gem of a post. So I'm not looking forward to her going for the weekend. Although it's silly of me to relate her leaving with what was going on at the time.

Sorry

I'm sorry guys. I just haven't been "feeling" it this past week. All of the fasmily issues that have been happening have just taken it's toll on me. I feel drained mentally and physically. I will try to get back to reading and writing soon. Maybe tonight at work. We'll just have to wait and see. Just know that we appreciate all the comments and emails that we have received this week. They mean an awful lot to us.

Til I start "feeling" it again.
CH

A letter to Dr. Phil

Please before you read this post read this post first. Then read this one. After that you may then proceed to read the current post. Follow the rules people!

I'm really getting desperate here. After going to my parents and talking with them for a little bit while dropping off my guns, my dad jokingly said that maybe you should try writing to Dr. Phil. Well how desperate am I? Desperate enough to do just that. I wrote a letter to him. I didn't add all the details that my blog readers know, but I did get the important parts. At least most of them. I didn't want to write a novel to the guy. Anyways I'm not expecting an answer directly from Dr. Phil himself. But one of his many hired hands would be greatly appreciated. I was even desperate enough to click the box saying that I'd be willing to appear on the show.

Coming to a TV screen near you: CH and Summer Rose live on Dr. Phil!

My wife Summer Rose and I are the parents of 2 boys. CH Jr. 12 and C 6. We have always had problems with C in the anger department. About 18 months ago we took him to see a therapist with Kaiser (my insurance carrier through work). This was back in November I believe. Then in Jan. he recommended us to go see a child psychiatrist that worked in the office. Our first meeting with her was in March. At that appointment the Dr. said that she believed that he had autism. She set us up with the regional center, sent a referral to the Autism center in San Jose, and gave him a prescription of Abilify. 2.5mg

We continued to see her once a month until June. By that time she increased the dosage of his abilify. 5mg Then our case was transferred to the Roseville autism center as they were a new facility and had no caseload and it would be faster to get through. We got our appointment with them in June of 2006. At that time the tester tested Corey for about 1 hour. We were then told that the results would be ready in about an hour. We came back an hour later and were told that he did not have autism and that he had ADHD. She told us to stop taking the Abilify and give him stratera instead. Then sent us on our way saying they could not help us since he did not have autism.

A month after we had him on the stratera his temper and tantrums were worse than they ever were. We tried to get in to see his Dr. but she had retired unexpectedly on a medical retirement. So we had to go to a new Dr. We got in to see her in late July I believe. She felt that in her opinion that the original diagnosis of autism was correct and that he did not have ADHD. She told us to discontinue the stratera and go back to the abilify. Within a week we saw an improvement.

It wasn't to stay that way though. When he started kindergarten he was expelled the first week of school. He was be abusive to the staff and other students. Hitting them and spitting on them. So he was transferred to another school within the district that had a special day class. We also went back to the Dr. and she upped the dosage of abilify to 7.5mg. Things didn't change much. He was still out of control. Hitting but now he was hitting my wife and I. By the time Christmas came the Dr. had him on7.5mg abilify in the evening and 100mg wellbutrin in the morning,

This is now May and his medication is now 7.5mg abilify and 200mg wellbutrin (I'm a 33 year old male and take the same dosage). His tantrums are getting worse and worse. All the Dr. at Kaiser want to do is give him more medications. They don't want to try to find out why he is like this.

He almost got kicked out of the special day class 2 weeks ago. They were going to send him to a special school 25 miles away.

His tantrums get worse and worse. He will be playing fine and be a really sweet little kid. Then at the drop of a hat he will start hitting, kicking, spitting, and being really mean. For know reason at all. Just this weekend he was playing baseball with Jr. in the front yard. Summer and I were watching them. Suddenly for no reason at all he started hitting Jr. with a baseball bat. Last week he broke his bedroom door off the hinges. 2 months ago he punched a hole in the wall of his room and went into his brothers room. You can see his brothers room from his room.

The real kicker though is that today his teacher called and said that C told her that he wanted to buy a gun to shoot his mom and bury her.

We are at our wits end now. We don't know what to do. The school said that they are going to have to call the police and have a report filed. Then CPS will be contacted. This is all in order to see if the school can get him some mental health care. The special ed director said that worse case scenario he might be taken out of the house for a period of time and taken to a boys home so he can get round the clock help.

We don't know what to do. We love our son and don't want him taken away but at the same time we don't want to live like this forever. We want a happy family. There is more to the story but I wanted to give the basics as much as possible to keep from getting too long. If there is any advice we are open to anything right now.

Thank you,
Confused Husband

And the plot thickens

This is a continuation of the post below so go read it first. Pretty please?

so After I published the post I finally got ahold of Summer. I had told her what the teacher said and that I was staying home. When she got home as expected she was upset. She instantly got on the phone with someone with the school district. For the life of me I can't think of her position. Anyways Summer called her and I called Kaiser to talk to his psychiatrist. She wasn't in today as it's her day off. So I left a message for her to call us ASAP and that we want an appointment this week. NOT in a month.

Summer's conversation was a little hard to take. She was told that the school district would be willing to help with mental health services, BUT (that's a big but get it?) the school would have to report the incident to the police and have a report written up. Which they would have to do anyways. Then she said CPS would be called and have to come out to the house. Then they would see if they could get us help through the school district. BUT she's not sure if we can get help due to our income and the fact that we have medical insurance already. She also said that there is an option that they could take him to a live in psychiatry place or boys home like the 8 year old I spoke of previously.

After we both were off the phone she started crying and just sat in my lap. All she could say was what did we do wrong? How can we be that bad as parents? I kept saying that we're doing everything we can. It's not our fault it's just the way he is. It was kind of hard to say it like I meant it though. I don't believe it myself.

You want to know what the terrible thing is that makes me a real shitty parent? I actually would prefer that he goes to a live in place for awhile. Es[ecially if it will help him out. Because it is obvious that we aren't making things better. It would be hard to see him gone for the time that it would take. But if it would help out and find the problem and not just mask it with drugs like Kaiser does then it would be well worth it. I hate to see the way Summer feels right now. It tears me up inside. It's even worse when it is your own son that is doing it.

I'll be back with more in awhile.

I'm at a loss

I don't know what to do anymore. Summer don't know what to do either. Things are just getting worse and worse. We both feel so hopeless and like we have no control. This post has been a long time coming actually. I have just been putting it off thinking that this will just go away. Things will cure themselves. Right? They have to. I mean how can they have gotten this bad to begin with? We both want to wish this was just a dream. But we also know that the fact of the matter is this: This our reality. It is not a dream. Or rather this is not the worst nightmare imaginable. It is our lives. And nothing we do ever seems to make it better.

What's that? Is something wrong between Summer and I? Oh no. We are doing much better. The problem is our youngest son. Things are just getting out of control here. And as I just found out today they are getting worse at a rate in which the Enterprise would not be able to catch it in maximum warp drive. (Sorry. TNG is on right now.)

I just don't know where to begin. His temper tantrums are getting much worse. And they happen for no apparent reason at all. For instance he will be playing baseball in the front yard with his brother. They will be playing fine. Then for no reason at all he will just start wailing on Jr. with the bat. He can be sweet and loving like he was the other night when we were watching the stars. Then at the drop of a hat he can turn into devil boy. He has broken his bedroom door off the hinges. Kicked a hole in the wall in the living room. You can stand in his bedroom and see through the wall into his brothers bedroom. I can be playing with him and then for no reason at all he'll get this evil look in his eyes and he will start shouting that he hates me. Or he hates Summer. Or whoever. He'll go int6o a blind rage that has no apparent trigger to us. Then as fast as it started it stops and he is all lovey dovey again.

It happens at school too. He will be listening nicely then all of a sudden go into tantrums at school. Or on the bus. But not last week. His bus driver told me on Fri. that she was really proud of him. He was great the entire week. Same from his teacher. She said that he was really good the entire week.

His therapist says that he is a perfectly normal 6 year old. Bull SHIT! His Psychiatrist says that he has autism and has him on 2 different medications. He takes the same dose of Wellbutrin as I do in the morning. Then he takes 7.5mg of Abilify in the evenings. He started off at 2.5mg then went up to 5mg then the 5mg along with 1 wellbutrin to where he is now. All the doctors seem to do is up the dosage for his medications. They don't do anything else.

Today though. Today was the real kicker. I got a call from his teacher this afternoon. She said that she had to tell me what he had said to her while he was in school today. He told her that he wanted to get a gun to shoot his mom and then bury her. Now I ask you- Is this the behavior of a normal 6 year old? Do all six year olds say they want to shoot and bury their moms? If so I'll back off. But I guarantee that it is NOT normal.

He is already so strong that Summer can't do much to restrain him. He has hit her and left some pretty bad bruises. He can hit me and leave a decent size mark. Just last month he scratched my arm by digging in his nails. It ended up leaving a scar on my right arm.

So now here I am. Staying home from work tonight to do God knows what. Talk to Summer and see what our next step is. Then I'll go to my parents and leave my guns over there. Paranoid? HELL YES I AM! Then we'll call Kaiser and tell them that we need to do something now. Not in a month when they can "fit us in". We need to get inside his head and find out what the hell is going on in there.

When I went to talk to my boss today he told me about his neighbors grandson. This kid is 8 years old and in the exact same class as our youngest. For the same basic reasons. His grandma adopted him. He has a temper like our son. Changes at the drop of a hat the same too. Last week he beat up his grandmother. Again. This week he is now living in a boys home in St. Helena. This 8 year old beat up a Jr. High kid a few moths ago. Seriously. And guess what. According to my boss he is scared of my kid. So what does that tell ya? I know what it tells me. It tells me that somewhere along the line we fucked up big time in parenting him. My boss says that I shouldn't say that. It's just the way he was born. Some people are just born with chemical imbalances or something like that.

I don't know. all I know is that I can't keep going on like this.

So as I had promised yesterday here are some photos that I took with my new camera. I love it! It's the best camera that I've ever owned. It's a Panasonic Lumix DMC FZ7. It is SOOO cool! At least to me. It's nothing like the camera that my parents just bought but I don't have 800 to spend on a camera and another 600 in lenses. But mine has a better zoom. Take that mom and dad. :-)~ (Just kidding)

But before I get into the describing of pictures I'm gonna take a little time to say how great it is to have little kids sometimes. I just spent about an hour and a half laying on the front lawn with youngest. He asked if we could sit outside and look at the stars. Sure we can! Then he says oh wait. I need a towel to lay on. I said I'll just get a picnic blanket. We set it up and he lays down. Instantly gets up and says he needs a pillow. Gets it lays down for about 30 seconds and jumps up again. I'll be right back I need a blanket. He comes back with the comforter from his bed and asks me to cover him up. And here I am roasting. It was 90 degrees here today. I had to turn on the AC at dinner time to keep from getting over heated any more than I already was.

Little side bar. The entire time the rest of you have been writing and complaining about how cold it is or how much snow you get have been killing me all winter long. I love that weather! So now I'm gonna start complaining about the weather. It's to dam hot! I hate the heat. Anything over 60 is just too dam warm for me. so if any if you want this "nice" upper 80 degree just hitting 90 temps please come and take it! You can have it. End side note.

So after he got all comfy we just laid there and watched the stars and the moon. A little later oldest came out and joined us. Then around 9:30 they decided it was bed time and asked if they could go to bed.

Times like that make me really miss where I grew up. It was in the mountains. I didn't know what a street light was till I was almost 10. So when the stars came out they really came out. Tonight we could see maybe a handful of stars because of all the lights.

So without further boorish writings here are my pics for the day.

This first one is a bridge that the state is putting a new control house on. So I had to work there for my OT today to shut down the road so we could open the bridge for a tug and barge. easy money right there. As long as you can deal with pissed off drivers that cuss you out because they cant get across the bridge until they wait 10-15 minutes. Big deal. You knew the set backs of delta life before you moved here or traveled here.
Just another shot of the bridge this time looking straight down the middle. I was going for a certain effect for this when it is blown up. It should be set so that when it is bigger, no matter what angle you look at it from left or right it should appear that you are looking right down the middle.


This one and the next are just sunset pictures taken from the bridge house of another bridge that I deliver supplies to.

.
And this is the staircase/ladder that you have to climb to get to the bridge house. It's scary enough for me to walk that carrying nothing. But once a week I have to carry 2 3 gallon water jugs up those stairs


This is one of the towers of the bridge. The cement block at the top is called a counter weight. It weighs exactly the same weight as the bridge deck. With the help of the counter weights we only use 1 electric motor per tower. Each motor is less than 15 horse power. The few pics coming next are taking from almost the top of the tower. I was on the bridge house when the bridge was lifted. that brought me 90 feet in the air. There is still another 35 feet to the very top if I need to change a navigation light.


Here we have a sunset picture of the same windmills in the previous photo. Just from a higher viewpoint.




this here is looking towards the bridge that will be taking me almost 200 feet in the air. The town you see in this picture is the town Summer and I live in. We can see the towers of that bridge from our front and back yard.

Lastly we have one of the 2 ferries that I deliver supplies to. Both ferries run 24/7. The operators of the boats work 12 on 12 off. That's hours not days. They have a pretty cool schedule though. They are on what's called a 28 day schedule. So every 28 days they get 7 days off with using no vacation. How cool is that? The down side is that they work a different shift every time they come in from a weekend. The worst part is for me when I have to try and figure out who can cover a shift when someone calls in sick or goes on a vacation. I'll have to explain it later though. I'm pooped!

It's gonna be...

.....a really good weekend. I can feel it already. Even though for me it is half over already. Work went really good last night. Got home and crashed hard. Man was I tired.

Today I woke and it was a beautiful day. It was warm and the sun was shining. After the kids went on their way to school Summer and I went to another follow up appointment from her breast surgery. The Dr. says things are looking good. There is still a little bit of swelling in the left breast but it should go down by the time we have the next appointment. If not he says we may have to go back in and remove some more tissue. Let's hope not. Shall we? After the appointment we went to do some shopping and picked up my parents dog. We're dog sitting this weekend! :D

Then we coupled. It was a beautiful coupling too I might add. I took a shower when we were done and Summer took a nap. I wore her out. ;-) When I got out she asked me to lay down with her some more. So we both took a nap. When she woke up she climbed on top of me and we coupled. Again! The good thing is we finished in time for Summer to shower before the kids got home from school.

To top it off when youngest got home his bus driver said that he has been great all week and that she was very proud of him. His teacher said he was good too. how cool is that?

Even better news I'm working OT tomorrow. 7 hours and I'm only going to be at work for about 2.5 hours.

Some time this weekend I'm going to go ahead and post some new pictures from my new toy. They are very important to me too. I conquered a fear at work yesterday and went 90 feet in the air on a draw bridge and took some photos. So until then!

i miss you
i miss feeling your skin close to mine
that fist touch of our lips as we kiss
the feeling of our tongues slowly exploring one another
the way you shiver when i touch a nipple through your bra
or breathe warm breath onto your erect nipples
the feeling of you playing with me as i start to harden in your hands
and seeing the smile on you face
how it makes you so happy that you can make me hard with the slightest touch

i miss the smell of you as i start to undress you
and pull off your panties
as i lay my head on your thigh and take a deep breathe of your womanhood
the way you wiggle around as i slowly run my finger up and down you opening
very light to the touch

i miss the feeling of your wetness
as i ad just a little bit of pressure
you pull me into your warmth

i miss the sounds of pleasure escaping your lips
as i work my finger in and out of you
the way you start to squeeze me with your growing excitement

i miss it when you can't stand the wait any longer
you tell that you must have me inside of you
you need me inside of you
the gasp you let out as i slowly enter
the smile on your face as i am fully inside
the look of passion

i miss feeling you pushing to meet me at each stroke
the sounds that we make together
the sight of you
the scent of you
the love in your eyes

i miss having you tell me that you want me to fill you
to let it go
to let it happen together

i miss the way that we lay together
just holding each other
happy and content
lightly playing with each other
still feeling the orgasms through our bodies

i miss falling asleep with you on my chest
waking up with you still there
playing with your hair
realizing that this right where we both belong
in each others arms

i miss being with you baby and i know that it isnt easy going through the changes
but if we have learned anything in the last few years it is that we can overcome anything and come out stronger for it

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!

Well as I had previously predicted I have overcome my gift giving curse. Summer was very pleased with all of her gifts that she received for her birthday last night. She wasn't even faking her joy and excitement either. You can't fake the kind of excitement she had last night. So it was a good night. We had my mom and grandma over for dinner. Dad was sick so he stayed home. After everyone left and the kids were in bed, as predicted, she did not throw me down and have her way with me. But what she did do was to tall me that she wanted to feel me inside of her. So she did initiate last night. It's so nice to be the initiatee and not the initiator. And boy did she initiate last night. ;-) Babe you deserve a standing ovation for the things you did last night. Your new found technique is just...........making me drool on the bosses keyboard that's what. I still get all tingly just thinking about it.

You all are going to have to wait for Summer to tell you what she got for her birthday. Besides having a full dose of me. :D

In other news my cousin that has been living in Costa Rica for 2 years due to his job is moving back to Cali this summer. He will be coming to Sac next weekend for meetings all week. When he gets here we are going to meet up and he is bringing me a box of hand rolled cigars from a cigar maker that defected to CR from Cuba. so with that also comes a dilemma. I know nothing about cigars. Have not smoked a cigar since I was a teenager and tried smoking swisher sweets. So if any of you pout there know anything about cigars like how they are to be stored and how long they keep please drop me a line and let me know how to care for these. I really want to take good care of them and not have them wasted due to improper storage.

So with that I bid you all a pleasant Mon.

A "happier" post

As per my amazingly sexy wife's request I am going to put up a "happier" post. Apparently my writings have been sad and/or boorish lately. Thanks a lot babe.

So let's see here......happier posts........what could I possibly write about that is happier?

Work?

Projects?

Kids?

Money?

Sex?

Well I guess I could write about a few of those different subjects.

Since I'm the owner of this here piece of real estate I'm gonna start off by showing pics from my home improvement project for the day. Unfortunately I've only got before pics right now. I'm just too dam tired to take the after pics. But I know that you are all very patient people and don't mind waiting another day don't you.




Pretty bad don't you think? The old sink was just moving around all over the place. The faucet leaked from the top and bottom. The drain under the sink leaked in a few different places. You can see in the last picture just how bad it has been leaking over the years and the damage done to the counter top. That counter top is still in place but only temporarily. We'll be looking at counter tops next Fri. It's just going to be the cheapest one we can find. We were hoping that this one would last for the next 3 years but I'm having my doubts. Why wait that long? We're planning on remodeling the entire kitchen in that period of time. Gonna tear down a wall and build another wall. But that's getting ahead of ourselves here.

The project went well today. Not to many set backs this time. Outside of the fact that I screwed up while cutting the counter top for the new sink. I forgot about the new sink having the corners cut off instead of being squared like I cut the hole. Oops! :D That my friends is why we are looking for a new counter top next weekend. Unless y pops can find a way to fix it tomorrow when he comes over for Summer's Bday cake and gifts.

Mentioning that I can't wait till tomorrow! She is going to be so happy with her gifts. She's gonna want to throw me on the bed and have her way with me as soon as my parents and grandma leave. Yeah right. Who the hell am I kidding here? No one but myself is the correct answer.

Is this happy enough yet dear?

Then there is work. I had the opportunity to get off at 10 the other night and still get paid till midnight. Then work a day shift on Thu. to go to a safety meeting. That was B-O-R-I-N-G! But it gave us a chance to put Thu. night to good use if you know what I mean.

You don't know what I mean?

We had S-E-X! Really good sex at that too. I took my time lightly running my finger up and down her entire body. There wasn't a thing she could do about it either. I was laying on her left arm and had her right wrist held tightly in my left hand. She really liked that. A few years ago? She wouldn't even let the thought of that happening enter the equation at all. So she is really opening up. A little at a time but it is better than being stagnant right?

And lastly I'll go ahead and talk about $$$$.

We got another check in the mail this week from the mortgage company this time. It was because we had a left over amount in the impound account. That same day I found out that when we refinanced the house we did not have to pay the April 1 payment. Which I already did. So now we don't have a payment due until the first of June. Then to top it all off I got my OT check the next day from all the OT I worked last month. 38 hours. It was almost 3/4 of a regular pay check. This is awesome! I can't believe the luck we have been having lately in the money department.

Now before anyone starts to think we are wasting our money, we aren't. I have paid 1,000 on the Visa in the last 8 days. I'll pay another 500 on the first of the month. I paid off one of our credit cards completely. We got Jr. new glasses and are going to get his fillings he needs. Just read the posts lately to see what we're doing with the house. The money came from the house so some of it is going back into the house. then there is Summer's Bday gifts. I got a drive shaft for my truck. Finally! I have been driving around on 5 inch lifted 2 wheel drive sitting on 35" tires for 4 years now. I have 4 wheel drive again! I got a new pump for the pool we got last summer since we burnt the original one up. Also got a chlorine generator this year so we won't have the problem of green water when we return from a vacation this year. So it's not going to waste. Believe me. One last thing on the money front- I have not spent one penny on hunting stuff! It's killing me too. I have been so tempted to get an add on membership to my dads club so we can hunt together this year. Some may think it's a waste. I think it's a major investment in family. I want to try to have a better relationship with my dad and this is something we both enjoy doing together.

That's all for tonight. I'm beat. I do have a topic in mind for my next post but it isn't a "happy" post so Summer won't like it.

OK.

I really need this answered for me. Because I'm having a hard time understanding.

What the fuck if wrong with people these days? Seriously!

As if what happened on Mon. at Virginia Tech wasn't bad enough. I'm pretty sure you all know about what happened. I don't watch the news or read the paper and I know what happened. As if that wasn't bad enough there is some drug crazed douche bag in my area has made several threats in the last day or two that he will make what happened on Mon. look like a cake walk. He's going to do the same thing but on a much bigger scale.

So now all the schools in Sacramento, Yollo, and Yuba counties are going to be on lock down tomorrow. And guess what? Our youngest son goes to his special day classes in Sacramento county. Lovely. So now what are we supposed to do? Send him to school tomorrow or keep him home? If we keep him home we will be letting this douche bag run our lives and we will live in fear. If we send him to school and something happens then what?

Then again what if my aunt had a pair of balls? What if? What if? What if? The world is full of what if's.

An interview with The INSTALLINATOR!

Last week I volunteered over at Restoring the covenant to have RS interview me. I thought it would be a good idea to let people know some things about me that maybe I haven't touched on very much. So here is how it went:


The Rules: Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me.” I respond by asking you five personal questions (I will leave these questions for you in my comments) so I can get to know you better.If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate! Then you update your blog with the answers to the questions (please don't leave your answers in my comments unless you don't have a blog). Include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you ask them five questions.

1. What are the issues you have with organized religion? This one I have a hard time explaining. When I was little my parents lived with my grandma for about 2 years. During that time My grandma made my sister and I go to church with here every Sun. Whether we wanted to or not. It was part of the "rules" of living there. At the time it didn't matter to me. I wanted to make grandma happy so I went. When I was5 my goal in life was to become an alter boy when I got old enough. My grandma is Catholic as I think I previously mentioned in some older post. She is the type of person that don't miss church for any reason at all. She brings communion to the people in town that are not able to go to church for whatever reason. In the past 33 years of my life I can only think of 2 times she has missed church and both of them were in the past month. Once when she was in the hospital and the other time 2 weeks ago she was sick or something and didn't make it then either.

I know this is supposed to be about me not my grandma but bear with me.

So then my parents moved out of her house and we were no longer required to go to church. We lived out of her house for 6 years. Then my mom got accepted in UC Berkeley in 1986. So back to grandmas we move. By this time I'm almost 13. My dad said that it would be up to my sister and I if we wanted to attend church or not. we would no longer have to go if we didn't want to. So we didn't go. I just didn't have the desire to go.

So fast forward a few more years and I'm about 19. It is 1993. I'm heavy into drinking and drugs. I had gotten my GF pregnant and she had a "miscarriage". I was having a real hard time in my life. A friend of mine asked me to go to church with him on a Wed. night. I accepted his invitation and went with him. It was the first time that I attended a non Catholic church. It was also the first time I attended a church in the middle of the week and there really weren't many people there. He took me into his bible study group with his counselor (I can't remember exactly what he was so counselor is what I will call him). I liked it so I went back the following week. I ended up going every Wed. night for quite some time. It is there that I founded my views on religion. The counselor told me that God did not care where we (people) worship. He just cares that you accept Him in your life.

So that is pretty much where my religious beliefs lie at the present.

Now to the exact question. My "issue" with organized religion is that every religion says that they are right and all others are wrong. My Christian friend says my grandma is wrong because she is Catholic and don't worship the "proper" way. Therefore she won't go to heaven. My other friend a Witness says that the Witness's are the only ones going to heaven and everyone else is wrong because they celebrate birthdays and such. SR's pastor says that Catholics are wrong because they believe in purgatory and that praying for the dead will get them into heaven. My grandma says that Christians are wrong because they worship wrong.

Are you getting what me issues are yet? My issue is the belief that you must go to church every Sun. in order to be a true believer. Or that one religion is right and the rest are wrong. I don't think so. I believe that a person should go to where ever he feels closest to God. To some that may be a church. To others it could be the forest. Or the mountains. I feel closer in a natural environment not in a church built by people. I believe that as long as you believe that is what matters. Not what religion you choose.

Make sense?

2. What would your dream vacation entail? My dream vacation would be going on a cruise somewhere. Anywhere actually! Who am I kidding? My dream vacation would be to go to Canada in Sept. for about 2 weeks. Maybe 3. I'd spend the first week hunting early season ducks and geese with a guide. The second week would be on a back pack hunting trip for multiple species. Moose, bear, and caribou. It would actually be 10 days. 2 to walk in to the hunting location 6 to hunt and 2 to walk out. The last portion would be fishing for trout in lakes that the only way to access them is horseback or hiking. I would love to do a trip like that with my dad before he gets too old to do something like that.

Of course the trip he is taking in June is a close second. He's driving to Alaska for 6 weeks to go fishing. He is going to start fishing in Canada and fish a different lake every day for 4-5 weeks.

I know these trips don't include the kids. I want to do a trip like that as well. The hope is to go on a Disney cruise in the Caribbean in the next few years. Before youngest turns 12. that way we can have a mix of alone time for Summer and I mixed with plenty of family time for the 4 of us.

3. What is your favorite thing about being a parent? The best part of being a parent. Let's see here. The ability to take the things I love the most and instill them into my boys. Like hunting, and fishing, or anything outdoors. The way that anything that I like they instantly like as well. For instance one of my favorite movies- Airplane! My oldest son just about has that movie memorized. It really annoys Summer because she hates that movie. Or any movie of it's type. I love to work on my Toyota and get it ready to become a rock crawling beast. Both of my boys get excited about the prospect of taking my truck out when it is finally ready. They both love the same music that I do. Which is nice when oldest buys music from Itunes he gets songs I like too. :D

It's also fun to do "guy" things when Summer isn't around. Like belching and farting. And cracking up over it. Fun times.

4. Is there one biggest lesson you can share with us that you learned from your struggles with Summer a couple years ago? This is going to be a tough one. I learned so much going through that period in our lives. It's also hard because I have a hard time "searching deep down inside" to find my thoughts. If that makes any sense.

I would have to say that one of the bigger things that I learned is that I really need to think before I open my mouth. I had to install a filter between my thoughts and my mouth. That filter is still in the tuning mode but it has helped immensely. I learned that the things I say can hurt very deeply and for an extremely long period of time. I used to believe that if something was bothering me and I was mad about it I could go ahead and spew out all that anger and when I was done spewing everything would be hunky dory. It was better to let it all out than to hold it all in. To a point I still believe that. But there is a proper way to do it and a wrong way. I chose the wrong way. It still tries to rear it's ugly head from time to time. I just know what to look for now. I really need to be quick to catch it and put it under control.

I feel like I'm rambling and not making any sense here.

I guess what I really learned through most of this and not until recently (I knew it but thought I could change it) was that Summer has a completely different temperament than me. She isn't able to just let the things I say roll off her back and take it as venting. She would take it very personally. So I really need to be careful about what I say and how I say it so she understands what I'm upset about.

5. When did you get into hunting? Was that something you've done since you were little? I've been into hunting since I was about7 when we moved out of my grandmas house for the first time. We moved to Northern California about an hour outside of Redding. We lived off the land back then. We grew all of our own fruit and vegetables, raised our own chickens, and bought a cow and pig every year to have butchered. My dad got back into deer hunting when we moved up there. We went every year. Every weekend. He would wake me up very early in the mornings and we'd drive out into the woods and park. Then when the sun would just start to come up we'd get out of the truck and start walking. I was always amazed at the time at how my dad could walk into the woods for hours at a time and still be able to find the truck at lunch time. We hunted deer for the entire time we lived up there. Never got one but we went our every year. Then when we moved back to Grandmas I got my hunting license a couple years later. That was when my uncle took me out duck hunting for the first time. That was in 1988. That has been my true love ever since. There is just something about being in a duck blind before the sub comes up and witnessing the world come alive before your eyes. That my friends is where I feel the most spiritual. Witnessing creation in it's pure form.

Ever since that time I have changed my love for the outdoors. It used to be all about fishing and deer hunting. Now I'm really only into the deer hunting as a way to spend time with my dad. I still have never shot a deer. Although I missed one when I was 17. Now it's all about the ducks. I still like to fish but not like I used too.

So you could say that it was something that I have been into ever since I was little. Just like my oldest son. He went on his first deer hunting trip the day after he turned 6. Went on his first duck hunt a month later. Now he goes out with me every chance he gets. It's something that is in the blood.

I hope this all made sense. If not please ask and I will be more than happy to elaborate on anything you'd like. I'm an open book.