Does it make you a bad parent if you are actually willing and wanting for your child to be placed in some sort of in patient program?
I can't speak for Summer but I am getting closer and closer to seeing if Kaiser has a place that does that. I hate the idea of even thinking about it. But at the same time I just don't know how much more we can take. He was kicked out of his after school program this week. They said he cannot return until next year. The school reduced his hours from full day to half day. They are no longer trying to integrate him into the regular kindergarten class. He stays one on one with his helper the entire time he is at school. If the school determines that he is having a bad day and don't want to listen or becomes violent in any way they send him home. As usual but they are sending him home at the onset now. They used to wait to see if they could calm him down.
The problems with youngest son are just running down and causing problems in other areas as well. Summer and I are snapping at each other quite a bit anymore any time the subject of him comes up. She is just so upset about this whole thing. I am too but she is taking this much harder.which don't make it easy on me. Especially when she shows me bruises that he gives her or when I come in to see her crying because of the problems. I just don't know what to do. There has to be some place out that can help us so that we can live a normal life with our kids. Right now that just isn't possible.
We used to get a small break on the weekends when he would go play with the neighborhood kids. But now most of the kids won't play with him. Or their parents won't let them play with him. That just makes his tantrums and outbursts get worse. He wants to play with kids but the kids won't play with him. So he throws fits and destroys things in the house.
At least if he goes to an inpatient place that would hopefully serve 2 purposes. It will hopefully give the Dr.s enough time to do better evaluations on him and come up with better solutions. It would also give Summer and I the much needed rest we need. We just need to get away from our son.
And saying that makes me feel like a shitty parent. I mean what kind of parents wants to ship their kid off just so they can get time away from them? I'm not talking send them to the sitters for the evening or to the grandparents for the weekend. I'm talking an extended period of time. How long? Who knows. We have had 2 places say up to 90 days. But they are also the same places that say they can't help out because of Kaiser.
Maybe that's the solution! I'll quit my job and go on Welfare. Then I can get all the help we need free of charge! Then the county can't say that they can no longer get involved. They would be able to say "Oh you don't have insurance? We have just the help you need! Come on in." Instead we are getting "Well we'd really like to help you out, BUT you are a contributing member to society. You work 40+ hours a week and you have insurance. You don't sit at home and have babies just to get money from the state. So we can't help you."
It's pretty bad when a person that is doing everything right in this world like working, paying taxes, contributing to society can't get shit. But a crack whore mom can get knocked up every few years, live off the system, get free housing, free food, and a check that I help pay for can get all the free medical help she wants.
What kind of fucked up world is this?
7 comments:
It doesn't make you a bad parent for wanting that. You've done all you can do and it's actually a good sign that you can recognize that.
I really have no words of advice to give. I just hope this all works out for the two of you :)
Wow, buddy, I wish I knew what to tell you...this post speaks volumes about the situation...I hope you find the answers soon.
I'm sorry to hear what you and your wife are going through. I'm sure it is emotionally and physically draining. It's natural to beat yourselves up with blame but you're doing the best you can do. I admit I've never been in your shoes but try and look at it this way. You not only have to do the best for your son but think about the others in your family. Your other child must be affected by this situation as well as you and your wife. Of course it would tear you apart to put him a long term program but on the other hand it is tearing your family apart with him at home. I would imagine that your son doesn't like the way he feels either. How frustrating and angry he must be and not know how to deal with it. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Is it possible to get him into a program where you can visit him? 90 days seems a long time to go without seeing your parents, but if you were able to pop in once a week or so, just for a visit, that might make a big difference to him - and to your own willingness to enrol him.
I am so sorry that you are going through all this. And, hey, don't feel bad about wanting some time away from your son. I love my own son to bits, and there is nothing wrong with him, but I am always nicking off for some time on my own!
It absolutely does NOT make you a bad parent to feel the way you do. As one who's been through this already, I can so relate to those feelings, although my child was a little older than yours. And I'm sorry to say, that's the typical school reaction. I've worked in Special Ed for several years and MOST teachers don't want to have to deal with any child who causes even a mild disruption. Here's hoping you get the rest you need, and some answers to help you and your son.
Most of the programs should allow parental visitation for an hour or two a couple of times a week.
Another resource you may want to consider is the city or a city near you. See if you can talk to a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and get some recommendations for a doctor (psychiatrist that may be acceptable for your insurance) and any other resources they may have.
I spoke with a woman that I just met on my volleyball team. She is a LCSW for my city, and she works with families and children here. Her families are not the most involved apparently, but she has a ton of resources and recommendations for doctors she has worked with. A gold mine of a find in my opinion thus far. She also sounded like she was really happy to be helping someone that would actually follow through with what she offered.
I really feel for you over this stuff with your son. It is an impossible situation, and I hope that the therapy and Depakote help. You're doing what needs to be done, despite how hard it is, and that's admirable.
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