I don't know what to do anymore. Summer don't know what to do either. Things are just getting worse and worse. We both feel so hopeless and like we have no control. This post has been a long time coming actually. I have just been putting it off thinking that this will just go away. Things will cure themselves. Right? They have to. I mean how can they have gotten this bad to begin with? We both want to wish this was just a dream. But we also know that the fact of the matter is this: This our reality. It is not a dream. Or rather this is not the worst nightmare imaginable. It is our lives. And nothing we do ever seems to make it better.
What's that? Is something wrong between Summer and I? Oh no. We are doing much better. The problem is our youngest son. Things are just getting out of control here. And as I just found out today they are getting worse at a rate in which the Enterprise would not be able to catch it in maximum warp drive. (Sorry. TNG is on right now.)
I just don't know where to begin. His temper tantrums are getting much worse. And they happen for no apparent reason at all. For instance he will be playing baseball in the front yard with his brother. They will be playing fine. Then for no reason at all he will just start wailing on Jr. with the bat. He can be sweet and loving like he was the other night when we were watching the stars. Then at the drop of a hat he can turn into devil boy. He has broken his bedroom door off the hinges. Kicked a hole in the wall in the living room. You can stand in his bedroom and see through the wall into his brothers bedroom. I can be playing with him and then for no reason at all he'll get this evil look in his eyes and he will start shouting that he hates me. Or he hates Summer. Or whoever. He'll go int6o a blind rage that has no apparent trigger to us. Then as fast as it started it stops and he is all lovey dovey again.
It happens at school too. He will be listening nicely then all of a sudden go into tantrums at school. Or on the bus. But not last week. His bus driver told me on Fri. that she was really proud of him. He was great the entire week. Same from his teacher. She said that he was really good the entire week.
His therapist says that he is a perfectly normal 6 year old. Bull SHIT! His Psychiatrist says that he has autism and has him on 2 different medications. He takes the same dose of Wellbutrin as I do in the morning. Then he takes 7.5mg of Abilify in the evenings. He started off at 2.5mg then went up to 5mg then the 5mg along with 1 wellbutrin to where he is now. All the doctors seem to do is up the dosage for his medications. They don't do anything else.
Today though. Today was the real kicker. I got a call from his teacher this afternoon. She said that she had to tell me what he had said to her while he was in school today. He told her that he wanted to get a gun to shoot his mom and then bury her. Now I ask you- Is this the behavior of a normal 6 year old? Do all six year olds say they want to shoot and bury their moms? If so I'll back off. But I guarantee that it is NOT normal.
He is already so strong that Summer can't do much to restrain him. He has hit her and left some pretty bad bruises. He can hit me and leave a decent size mark. Just last month he scratched my arm by digging in his nails. It ended up leaving a scar on my right arm.
So now here I am. Staying home from work tonight to do God knows what. Talk to Summer and see what our next step is. Then I'll go to my parents and leave my guns over there. Paranoid? HELL YES I AM! Then we'll call Kaiser and tell them that we need to do something now. Not in a month when they can "fit us in". We need to get inside his head and find out what the hell is going on in there.
When I went to talk to my boss today he told me about his neighbors grandson. This kid is 8 years old and in the exact same class as our youngest. For the same basic reasons. His grandma adopted him. He has a temper like our son. Changes at the drop of a hat the same too. Last week he beat up his grandmother. Again. This week he is now living in a boys home in St. Helena. This 8 year old beat up a Jr. High kid a few moths ago. Seriously. And guess what. According to my boss he is scared of my kid. So what does that tell ya? I know what it tells me. It tells me that somewhere along the line we fucked up big time in parenting him. My boss says that I shouldn't say that. It's just the way he was born. Some people are just born with chemical imbalances or something like that.
I don't know. all I know is that I can't keep going on like this.
3 comments:
You didn't fuck up in parenting. I can tell by the posts you do and the posts Summer does that you're great parents!
And you're right the behavior isn't normal.
I have no advice to give other than what you're already doing. Calling Kaiser and getting him in NOW. I would not stand for anything later than Friday on a doctors appointment.
That was a hard post to read and I'm sure it was even harder for you to type.
Ob
First of all I'm sorry to hear about all the troubles you're having. Obviously, this is not normal. I'm sure it's difficult to hear your child say things like that, but I have to assume that's not really "him", ya know? Wish I had something wise to say, but I just really feel sad about the situation. My nephew is 11 and he's the exact same way. Goes from the sweetest kid you ever saw to kicking, biting, clawing, screaming the next. He has been diagnosed with autism also and is on medication. But with getting older, taller, and stronger, he starts to get a little scary with his rage.
It's not normal, but he's not the only one.
I am so sorry, you guys. I hope that you can find a more effective way to deal with the situation, and by "you," I mean the doctors who don't seem to be helping!
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