Well life has been pretty quiet since Easter. Nothing of interest to post about. Well that's not completely true. I/We have some major updates to tell you all about our youngest son. But I'm wanting to be a good husband and let Summer tell you all about it when she gets a chance to update. She is the one that uses her Blog to talk about the kids.
With everything that is going on since his Dr. appointment last week I finally broke down on Mon. night while talking to my mom on the phone. For the first time since I can remember I cried. Although it wasn't very much. Not even a minute. I tried to go to Summer but she was putting our son to bed so I left her alone. I finaly had an opportunity to talk to her for a minute before bed and I just couldn't let go again. Why? Why is it that I can cry with my mom on the phone but can't let go and show my full emotions to my wife? All I wanted when I was on the phone was to go to Summer and have her hold me. Then when I had the chance I had to be the "strong" male figure. What a crock of shit. Just because I am a man does not mean that I don't have feelings. I have these feelings but can't seem to let them out. Summer will be supportive of me if I let them out. I know she will. It may even help her to truly know me. But I just have this dam macho BS going through my head saying that if I open myself up that much it will make me weak. You don't need to tell me I know that it is BS. A true man will be able to let his wife know his true feelings.
And while we are on the subject of letting true feelings out I've also got some more things that I have been keeping inside and not telling her. Mainly because I don't want her to think that I'm pressuring her or begging. We have both been under a lot of stress lately. Ahe wants to deal with her stress by laying next to me in bed and having me hold her till she sleeps. Which we have been doing quite often lately. Don't get me wrong here either. I LOVE to spoon Summer and hold her until she falls asleep. But I also need to get some of my relaxation techniques also. For me to relax and feel better about thw way things are going I have had the strong need to to not just have sex with Summer but to actually take my time and focus all my energy into her pleasure.
**Side note: I stopped writing so that I could eat dinner. After dinner my "needs" were met and I'm feeling like I'm in a much better place than earlier. But I'm going to go ahead and finish what I was saying earlier as Summer and I spent quite awhile talking about what I'm posting now. End side note.**
I was feeling like my needs were being neglected. I felt that if I tried to talk to her about this the other night she would feel that I was pressuring her for sex and that I didn't care about her needs. But I was wrong as usual. We talked and she was very understanding. She actualy wantd to feel the intimate closeness that I wanted. I was the one to apply the brakes this time. I wanted to make love to her so bad but I needed to talk to her first. I just needed to talk and clear the thoughts in my head. It worked. I'm feeling much better since we talked and had intimate relations. Now she's getting ready to give me a massage. So the rest of the post will have to come later.
I'll also run a spell check at a later time. sorry for the horendous spelling.
4 comments:
It is so good to be able to talk things out... ;-)
talking things through is the cornerstone, without it the building just falls down around you. when you think the other person doesn't understand, that is the moment to just ask. good for you two! :)
It's so great that you two can talk about your feelings. Do it now before those concerns turn into resentment. I'm glad your needs were met.
I know this is going to come out ass backward sounding...but I think it's just men who think that women think they're weak when they cry. Women don't think that at all. We eat that up! It's one of the few times we feel that you're truly opening up to us.
Did that make any sense?
I think it's time for another update, too! ;)
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