Well I'm going to start this off on a really happy note today. When I woke up Thu. morning my son came to me as I was walking out the door for work. He said "Dad I prayed to God last night that he will take care of our cat and bring her home." I told him that was a smart thing to do. So guess what happens an hour later.
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. Well did you guess?


Summer calls me up all excited and said that her kitty came home. Apparently our oldest son saw her as he was walking to the bus stop. He called her and she came up top him and he carried her home. So the house is much happier now.

So I went to the shrink on Fri. afternoon. It was alright I guess. Nothing like what I was expecting it to be like. But then again I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting. He did give an assignment though that I really need to start. He wants me to make up a list of all the things that would set off my temper, then bring it to the next appointment in a few weeks.
so we talked about some things but nothing really that I wanted to focus on. I wanted to focus more on why I feel so depressed at times and also why it is that I have a hard time controlling my temper. He on the other hand wanted to focus more on my marriage to Summer. Although he did say something about our relationship that makes sense. He says that when I always ask her what is wrong or what is bothering her, and she says nothing or I'm fine, it is basically the same thing as constantly bringing her daisies and she don't like daisies. (That was big run on sentence but I couldn't find a way to fix it. Oh well.)
But to me I always saw it as a way of letting her know that I love her so much that I can really tell that something is bothering her. I also said that in a way I do this because you do to people what you want them to do to you. So I when I ask her what is wrong I am wanting her to do the same for me when I have something that is bothering me. Because I fell that if she truly loves me she will ask me if something bothering me when I do things that show I'm bothered. If she don't ask me what is wrong I'm not going to just openly tell her what is wrong. In my mind I think that if she don't ask me then she don't really care to know. No matter how much I want to get it off my chest.
Anyways the whole point to this is that he told me that in doing this I am not being honest with my wife. If something is bothering me I just need to tell her as soon as we get some alone time together. I am also not being considerate of her feelings by asking her what's wrong when she clearly don't want to tell me.
This is going to take some time to start implementing into our daily routines.

I did some more thinking back into my past the other day. Specifically thinking about when the first instance of depression happened to me that I can remember. So far the earliest occurrence that I could come up with was my senior year of high school. I was going through an awful lot of things back then. Most of them things that are only important to a teenage mind. I guess the biggest of those was that I was 18, almost ready to graduate, and I still never had a girlfriend, kissed a girl, been on a date with anyone, and of all the people in my circle of friends I was the only virgin. Like I said a bunch of petty teenage bullshit. But to my 18 year old mind those were the most important things in the world. But then again looking back on it at least I wasn't like some of my friends growing up. Like a friend of mine that was my neighbor from 7th grade to 10th. She got pregnant our freshman year. Ended up being home schooled for 2 years. Or a friend my sr. year who had to drop out of sports to support his baby with his ex girlfriend. But none of that taught me a lesson as I got my ex pregnant 18 months after high school.
Well I think I should get off that subject now.

So how are you all doing?