A little peek into a fun conversation a few days ago between SR, S-I-L and myself. It was a brief conversation but was memorable for me. We were watching a Carrie Underwood video on TV. I believe it was for the song "Before He Cheats" or something like that. Hey it was country. How do you expect me to know? Anyways here's how it went.
SR "She's hot!"
S-I-L "Dam your right she is."
CH Sitting back with a shit eating grin on my face.
S-I-L "Oh things I'd like to do to her."
CH "Oh the possibilities." Smile getting bigger.
SR "What possibilities?"
"Well the possibility of getting the 3 of us alone in the same room together. Oh yeah."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well you said she was hot. So I'm just thinking about the doors that are about to open in our lives."
"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that she was very pretty."
"But you said she was hot."
I faked pouting and we got a good laugh over it.
It never would have worked anyways. She's a country singer.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
So what has been going on in the CH/SR household as of late? Well let's see. It's been awhile since my last "real" update so I'll have to do some back tracking here.
On the Sun. before Thanksgiving my cousin and I went duck hunting at a refuge about 2 hours south of home for me. The 2 of us spent the night in the back of SR's Explorer. Let me tell you sleeping 2 full size adults, one 5'11" 270 pounds, the other 6'5" roughly 200, is NOT the most comfortable place to sleep. But it was a good day of hunting when we did wake up.
On the way home from hunting I had to pick up my S-I-L to drive her to our house to spend the week. What a joyous week that turned out to be with her here as well.
Mon. morning I had another therapy appointment in the morning. I talked to my Dr. about the possibility of having Summer sit in on an appointment with us in the future. He said that would be no problem at all. So she will be attending my next appointment together on the 12th of next month. I can't wait for that day to get here.
The real fun happened on Mon. on my way home from the Dr. though. I got about 5 miles into my 30 mile drive when my truck started to vibrate uncontrollably. I had no choice but to drive about 20 miles an hour on all the back roads I could find. I called my mechanic and said that I'm on my way and will be there when I can. I drove about another 10 miles and was now on top of a one lane levee road. All of a sudden I heard a clang and something bouncing on the ground. I stopped and got out to see my rear drive shaft hanging from the rear axle onto the ground. Two bolts were about 50 feet behind me. Both broke in half. I'm so glad I was on the levee road and not on the highway doing 75. Got towed home and had the vehicle ready to go duck hunting after work on Tue night.
Hunted on Wed. afternoon. Nothing special. Came home and cleaned up my hunting gear.
Thu. we went to my parents house for dinner. It was a good meal as always. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, frozen fruit salad, sweet potatoes (YUCK!!) and pumpkin pie that SR made. Didn't really do much that day at all. Watched some TV and that was about it.
Fri my dad and I took both my boys out pheasant hunting. It was a slow day that didn't last long. After about 45 minutes youngest decided that he had enough and wanted to go home. So home we went. Where I got my hunting stuff reorganized to leave again to hunt Sat. morning.
Gee do you think i have an addiction or something? :D
Hunted most of the day on Sat and learned a very valuable lesson: Cell phones and water DON'T mix. I lifted my jacket up forgetting that my phone was in it. I was going to lay the jacket out on the island to take a little cat nap while the birds weren't flying. I lift up the jacket and splash. In goes the phone. It didn't work after that. But by the time I came home Sat. night it was fine. Drove all the way home with it on top of the defroster outlet and the defroster going full blast for the 2 hour drive. I got very lucky. The phone is only about 2 months old.
Sun. I was supposed to go hunting again but decided to stay home and do some chores instead. Raked leaves, helped my parents rearrange furniture, and clean all the frost out of the freezer in the garage. Let me tell you that with all the frost off the shelves there's SO much more room in there. Before I cleaned it, it was so full we couldn't put anything else in it. Now it's almost empty. Just from the buildup of frost. The mistake of the day was not going hunting. A storm came in Sun. afternoon and it would have been a perfect day to be on the marsh. At least SR took her sister home that night. YAY!!
Which reminds me dear you were supposed to tell me stuff about her after she was gone. I'm ready to listen.
That's been my week in a nutshell. Except that I forgot that last Sun. (the day I brought S-I-L home) SR invited me to go to a concert at her church. It was called Psalm 100. It's a choir that is made up of people from 4 different churches on the delta. I had a really good time there and I'm glad I went.
One last note for those of you interested in the Dr. Phil saga of late I have not watched an episode in a few days now. But that will change tomorrow night. At 7PM my time the episode will air that will be the conclusion to the case of Jeremy and whether or not he molested his 3 year old daughter.
I would also like to congratulate Emily on reaching the 100 post mark, and also Artfuldodger on his upcoming blogging anniversary.
Congratulations both of you on a job well done.
On the Sun. before Thanksgiving my cousin and I went duck hunting at a refuge about 2 hours south of home for me. The 2 of us spent the night in the back of SR's Explorer. Let me tell you sleeping 2 full size adults, one 5'11" 270 pounds, the other 6'5" roughly 200, is NOT the most comfortable place to sleep. But it was a good day of hunting when we did wake up.
On the way home from hunting I had to pick up my S-I-L to drive her to our house to spend the week. What a joyous week that turned out to be with her here as well.
Mon. morning I had another therapy appointment in the morning. I talked to my Dr. about the possibility of having Summer sit in on an appointment with us in the future. He said that would be no problem at all. So she will be attending my next appointment together on the 12th of next month. I can't wait for that day to get here.
The real fun happened on Mon. on my way home from the Dr. though. I got about 5 miles into my 30 mile drive when my truck started to vibrate uncontrollably. I had no choice but to drive about 20 miles an hour on all the back roads I could find. I called my mechanic and said that I'm on my way and will be there when I can. I drove about another 10 miles and was now on top of a one lane levee road. All of a sudden I heard a clang and something bouncing on the ground. I stopped and got out to see my rear drive shaft hanging from the rear axle onto the ground. Two bolts were about 50 feet behind me. Both broke in half. I'm so glad I was on the levee road and not on the highway doing 75. Got towed home and had the vehicle ready to go duck hunting after work on Tue night.
Hunted on Wed. afternoon. Nothing special. Came home and cleaned up my hunting gear.
Thu. we went to my parents house for dinner. It was a good meal as always. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, frozen fruit salad, sweet potatoes (YUCK!!) and pumpkin pie that SR made. Didn't really do much that day at all. Watched some TV and that was about it.
Fri my dad and I took both my boys out pheasant hunting. It was a slow day that didn't last long. After about 45 minutes youngest decided that he had enough and wanted to go home. So home we went. Where I got my hunting stuff reorganized to leave again to hunt Sat. morning.
Gee do you think i have an addiction or something? :D
Hunted most of the day on Sat and learned a very valuable lesson: Cell phones and water DON'T mix. I lifted my jacket up forgetting that my phone was in it. I was going to lay the jacket out on the island to take a little cat nap while the birds weren't flying. I lift up the jacket and splash. In goes the phone. It didn't work after that. But by the time I came home Sat. night it was fine. Drove all the way home with it on top of the defroster outlet and the defroster going full blast for the 2 hour drive. I got very lucky. The phone is only about 2 months old.
Sun. I was supposed to go hunting again but decided to stay home and do some chores instead. Raked leaves, helped my parents rearrange furniture, and clean all the frost out of the freezer in the garage. Let me tell you that with all the frost off the shelves there's SO much more room in there. Before I cleaned it, it was so full we couldn't put anything else in it. Now it's almost empty. Just from the buildup of frost. The mistake of the day was not going hunting. A storm came in Sun. afternoon and it would have been a perfect day to be on the marsh. At least SR took her sister home that night. YAY!!
Which reminds me dear you were supposed to tell me stuff about her after she was gone. I'm ready to listen.
That's been my week in a nutshell. Except that I forgot that last Sun. (the day I brought S-I-L home) SR invited me to go to a concert at her church. It was called Psalm 100. It's a choir that is made up of people from 4 different churches on the delta. I had a really good time there and I'm glad I went.
One last note for those of you interested in the Dr. Phil saga of late I have not watched an episode in a few days now. But that will change tomorrow night. At 7PM my time the episode will air that will be the conclusion to the case of Jeremy and whether or not he molested his 3 year old daughter.
I would also like to congratulate Emily on reaching the 100 post mark, and also Artfuldodger on his upcoming blogging anniversary.
Congratulations both of you on a job well done.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Where does....
....the time go? It's been well over a week since I finally came clean with the world. In that time I have been trying to stay away so that I could focus on what I needed to so I could stop. Unfortunately it didn't work. I went back to my old ways again on Fri. after work. I caved and watched another episode. So to battle the networks I spent all day Sat. cleaning my garage and preparing to go hunting on Sun. I did go out Sun. and it was a flop. Not because of the birds not being there but because I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.
In trying to keep up with not watching again on Mon. I came home from work and was attacked by my wife. We had a very good afternoon together. Then my dad invited me over to his clubhouse to watch Mon. night Football with the other retired people. So Mon. was good for me in my resolve.
Tue. I came home from work and again was feeling the urge to cave. So to fight the urge I left to go hunting again. I did not return until this evening. But I found myself driving way to fast in an effort to get home before the show was over. I did slow down when I realized how bad I have become.
So my new resolve is to just admit that I like the show and there's no getting around it. Just over an hour till I can watch again.
As a side not the episode that Taja referred to in the last post has an update coming next week. Dr. Phil is bringing Jeremy back on the show to see what the truth is. Is he molesting his 3 year old daughter or not? We'll just have to see next week.
In trying to keep up with not watching again on Mon. I came home from work and was attacked by my wife. We had a very good afternoon together. Then my dad invited me over to his clubhouse to watch Mon. night Football with the other retired people. So Mon. was good for me in my resolve.
Tue. I came home from work and again was feeling the urge to cave. So to fight the urge I left to go hunting again. I did not return until this evening. But I found myself driving way to fast in an effort to get home before the show was over. I did slow down when I realized how bad I have become.
So my new resolve is to just admit that I like the show and there's no getting around it. Just over an hour till I can watch again.
As a side not the episode that Taja referred to in the last post has an update coming next week. Dr. Phil is bringing Jeremy back on the show to see what the truth is. Is he molesting his 3 year old daughter or not? We'll just have to see next week.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I'm so ashamed
I'm sitting here at my desk hanging my head in shame. I think that I should have my man card taken away. I am finding myself sinking to new lows in my life. I'm resorting to forms of entertainment that I swore I'd never resort to.
I'm watching Dr. Phil!
WHY?!?!?!
How could I let this happen to me? How could I allow myself to watch a show of this type? It's a touchy feely talk show. But for some unexplainable reason for the last two weeks I have found myself coming home from work and instead of getting on the computer and blogging, I am now turning on the TV to watch Dr. Phil. To make it even worse I am looking at the TV listings for the evening to see if I can catch the evening show as well.
Oh what am I sinking to?
Promise me one thing my dearest friends: If you catch me watching Oprah please -SHOOT ME!
I'm watching Dr. Phil!
WHY?!?!?!
How could I let this happen to me? How could I allow myself to watch a show of this type? It's a touchy feely talk show. But for some unexplainable reason for the last two weeks I have found myself coming home from work and instead of getting on the computer and blogging, I am now turning on the TV to watch Dr. Phil. To make it even worse I am looking at the TV listings for the evening to see if I can catch the evening show as well.
Oh what am I sinking to?
Promise me one thing my dearest friends: If you catch me watching Oprah please -SHOOT ME!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Congratulations!
One year ago today my beautiful wife entered into the world of blogging. Through that time she has contemplated leaving quite a few times. She has found a release for the hurt. She has made some very good friends. Through it all I'd like to think that we found each other all over again.
So here's to you baby. I LOVE YOU!!
So here's to you baby. I LOVE YOU!!
Friday, November 10, 2006
A stolen Meme
I'm bored! So I stole this from Artfuldodger. Just part of my new duties as his apostle spreading the word to keep the faith.
1. Explain what ended your last relationship.
The simple fact that she had a self induced miscarriage. Didn't want my baby so she did a lot of crank to get rid of it. Nothing major.
2. When was the last time you shaved?
Can't remember. I think it was a week and a half ago. I HATE to shave. Usually once a week.
3. What were you doing at 8:00 am this morning?
Laying in bed feeling sick.
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Emailing with my favorite blonde, and IMing with SR.
5. Are you any good at math?
That was my favorite subject in school.
6. Your prom night?
Was fun. Went to a Japanese restaurant where they cook the food at your table. Went to the prom danced, and went home.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Have no clue.
8. Are you upset about Britney Spears failed marriage?
Am I supposed to be?
9. Do you know the words to the song on your Myspace profile?
Some of them. I'm going to change the song soon. Then I will know the words.
10. Last thing you received in the mail?
Another hunting catalog.
11. How many different beverages have you had today?
All I've had to drink today was water.
12. Do you ever leave messages on peopleÂ’s answering machines?
Isn't that what your supposed to do?
13. Who did you lose your concert virginity to?
Garth Brooks 1992
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
No
15. What was the most painful dental procedure youÂ’ve ever had?
All four wisdom teeth pulled at the same time.
16. What is out your back door?
The jungle also known as my back yard.
17. Any plans for Friday night?
Getting ready to go pheasant hunting.
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
I didn't know it did anything to your hair.
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Yes
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Nope.
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Meaning what? I use the towels the next day ithatsts what you mean.
22. Some things you are excited about?
Getting out of bed. Going pheasant hunting on private land this weekend for the opener. continueing the lovmakingng session SR and I started yesterday morning.
23. What is your favorite flavor of Jell-O?
Haven't had Jello in years.
24. Describe your key chains.
Just a ring witKeyses on it. Noting special.
25. What is the very first song in your iTunes library?
Don't have an iTunes library. My son does but not me.
26. Where do you keep your change?
n the change jar.
27. What kind of winter coat do you own?
Which one? I have quite a few.
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
HS it was sunny. Technical school it was raining.
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Of course. Don't want kids or cats sneeking in.
30. Do you want to keep blogging?
Of course I do.
1. Explain what ended your last relationship.
The simple fact that she had a self induced miscarriage. Didn't want my baby so she did a lot of crank to get rid of it. Nothing major.
2. When was the last time you shaved?
Can't remember. I think it was a week and a half ago. I HATE to shave. Usually once a week.
3. What were you doing at 8:00 am this morning?
Laying in bed feeling sick.
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Emailing with my favorite blonde, and IMing with SR.
5. Are you any good at math?
That was my favorite subject in school.
6. Your prom night?
Was fun. Went to a Japanese restaurant where they cook the food at your table. Went to the prom danced, and went home.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Have no clue.
8. Are you upset about Britney Spears failed marriage?
Am I supposed to be?
9. Do you know the words to the song on your Myspace profile?
Some of them. I'm going to change the song soon. Then I will know the words.
10. Last thing you received in the mail?
Another hunting catalog.
11. How many different beverages have you had today?
All I've had to drink today was water.
12. Do you ever leave messages on peopleÂ’s answering machines?
Isn't that what your supposed to do?
13. Who did you lose your concert virginity to?
Garth Brooks 1992
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
No
15. What was the most painful dental procedure youÂ’ve ever had?
All four wisdom teeth pulled at the same time.
16. What is out your back door?
The jungle also known as my back yard.
17. Any plans for Friday night?
Getting ready to go pheasant hunting.
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
I didn't know it did anything to your hair.
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Yes
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Nope.
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Meaning what? I use the towels the next day ithatsts what you mean.
22. Some things you are excited about?
Getting out of bed. Going pheasant hunting on private land this weekend for the opener. continueing the lovmakingng session SR and I started yesterday morning.
23. What is your favorite flavor of Jell-O?
Haven't had Jello in years.
24. Describe your key chains.
Just a ring witKeyses on it. Noting special.
25. What is the very first song in your iTunes library?
Don't have an iTunes library. My son does but not me.
26. Where do you keep your change?
n the change jar.
27. What kind of winter coat do you own?
Which one? I have quite a few.
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
HS it was sunny. Technical school it was raining.
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Of course. Don't want kids or cats sneeking in.
30. Do you want to keep blogging?
Of course I do.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Well here I am. Stuck in bed. Home from work for the second day in a row. I'm sick. Stuck here in bed, bored of my ass. At least SR was nice enough to leave the laptop home when she went to work this morning. So I can check your blogs every few minutes. So for those of you with site trackers I'm going to give you a huge spike in visitors today.
Anyways I got some bad new today when I called in sick. Apparently my supervisors son got shot over in Iraq a day or two ago. He got hit 2 times in the arm and once in the thigh. He's doing alright now. When he is well enough to fly they are sending to DC to recuperate. They are flying my boss and his wife to DC as well over the weekend to stay there while he recovers. He was due to come home from serving his time in about a month. He was there for somewhere between 18 months and 2 years. Not sure exactly. I d know he was due to come home though because my boss was saying how his daughter couldn't wait to see her big brother soon.
So for now I'm lying in bed, hoping that I get better before pheasant season opens Sat. and feeling bad and happy for my boss and his son. He did get shot, but at least he's still alive and so far has all of his limbs.
Anyways I got some bad new today when I called in sick. Apparently my supervisors son got shot over in Iraq a day or two ago. He got hit 2 times in the arm and once in the thigh. He's doing alright now. When he is well enough to fly they are sending to DC to recuperate. They are flying my boss and his wife to DC as well over the weekend to stay there while he recovers. He was due to come home from serving his time in about a month. He was there for somewhere between 18 months and 2 years. Not sure exactly. I d know he was due to come home though because my boss was saying how his daughter couldn't wait to see her big brother soon.
So for now I'm lying in bed, hoping that I get better before pheasant season opens Sat. and feeling bad and happy for my boss and his son. He did get shot, but at least he's still alive and so far has all of his limbs.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
YEAH!
As I posted in this post back in June, I took a test for a promotion at work. They "said" that I would receive the results in about 6-8 weeks. Well this is now Nov.! Well guess what.
I finally got the results back in the mail! And the results are..........
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I PASSED!!!!!!
Not only did I pass but I got a lot better score than I ever thought I would get. I had originally thought that I was going to fail the test, and IF I passed it would barely pass. Well the letter that I got in the mail said that I scored an 88%. AND I'm #18 on the list. So there are only 17 people ahead of me. One of those people took a promotion from a previous test I did not take last year so there is actually 16 people ahead of me.
So now I need to wait for my superintendent to get home from vacation next week. I have a supervisor right here in the same yard I work at that wants me to take an opening. So if it is in the stars I'm hoping to be promoted by the New Year. I'm actually hoping that the promotion don't come through till after Jan. first. I have a 5% raise coming in my current position on that date. If I get promoted before then I need to wait 18 months to get that 5% when I reach top scale.
Time to celebrate!
I finally got the results back in the mail! And the results are..........
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I PASSED!!!!!!
Not only did I pass but I got a lot better score than I ever thought I would get. I had originally thought that I was going to fail the test, and IF I passed it would barely pass. Well the letter that I got in the mail said that I scored an 88%. AND I'm #18 on the list. So there are only 17 people ahead of me. One of those people took a promotion from a previous test I did not take last year so there is actually 16 people ahead of me.
So now I need to wait for my superintendent to get home from vacation next week. I have a supervisor right here in the same yard I work at that wants me to take an opening. So if it is in the stars I'm hoping to be promoted by the New Year. I'm actually hoping that the promotion don't come through till after Jan. first. I have a 5% raise coming in my current position on that date. If I get promoted before then I need to wait 18 months to get that 5% when I reach top scale.
Time to celebrate!
Sunday, November 05, 2006
lllllloooonngggggggg weekend
This weekend is going by so sloooowwwww! SR was sick yesterday so I didn't go duck hunting with my uncle like planned. I was a good husband and stayed home to take care of her. Turned out to be the better thing to do anyways because there weren't many birds. The bad thing though was that we lost our Comcast service for at least 12 hours if not longer. That meant absolutely no TV and no internet. I was fine without the TV but I was feening like a crack addict for some internet access. I missed some important emails and an instant message. It did turn out to be a good day though. I got to take care of Summer and she got to take care of me as well. ;-)
Today is the day that just doesn't seem to want to end. It's like the clock is standing still! It's not even 3:30 yet. I think part of it is that I got out of bed early today. I was up before 8. First thing I did when I got out of the bedroom was to see if I had internet access back. I checked my emails and replied to the IMer (so sorry I missed you yesterday I really could have used it). Cooked a big breakfast as usual- fried eggs, hash browns, sausage patties, bagels, and OJ. It was good enough to keep me satisfied till a few minutes ago. After breakfast SR and th boys went to church and I stayed home to do some housework and listen to my "non kid friendly" music really loud. ie Eminem. Folded and put away laundry, then cleaned out a cupboard that was getting on my nerves. I really should do that more often. The spice cupboard was a mess. We have 2 unopened and 2 open containers of poultry seasoning, 2 things of celery seed, and a few others that we had doubled up on. No more of that though. I can now see exactly what I have again.
Anyways to the reason for this post. It is actually a two part reasoning. First is the recap of Men's Group from Thu. night. Second is what happened last night while going through some old things of mine.
First off I guess I will try to remember what happened at group the other night. I really should have posted that the other night while it was still fresh. It really has to do with the Self Discovery portion of this blog. My Therapist asked me how I thought the medication was doing and if I was dealing with things better. I told him that I personally don't "feel" any different but that SR has seen a big difference in me. I said that I still get mad but it don't seem to consume me like it used to. I'm not yelling at Summer like I used to do either. I told him that we are doing a lot better now that I have been taking the medications but at the same time I have absolutely NO desire to stay on them for the rest of my life. I hope to get off of them at some point in the not too distant future. He told me that that was a big step in my "recovery".
We then talked about youngest son and how things were going with him. That's where things got a little bothersome for me. I related to him how he is my biggest "trigger" right now. By that I mean that he is the one thing or person that triggers me to lose my composure. I also admitted that when we are out in public actions cause me to be quite embarrassed to be around him. That was actually a break through for me. It took a long time to come out and say that. At the same time it made me feel like shit. He is my son. Yet he is the one that triggers my worst reactions with his actions. The biggest part of the evening came when I said that I know why he acts out in the ways that he does. It's because of the was the I have reacted to situations and he is just practicing what he has seen me do.
Well my therapist said that it was actually a good thing for me to realize that. He thinks it's a big step for me to start realizing what my triggers are and that now I can focus more on how to deal with them better. He also asked me to give an example of how he is "embarrassing" me when we are out. Lucky for me I had the perfect example. It only happened the previous night. So here's the tale. We are on our payday shopping trip. I'm not sure if I've said it in the past but it is something that we do as a family. Every payday the 4 of us pile into the car and drive to "town" to pick up the needed supplies to get us through the next 2 weeks. Any ways we're at Walmart and youngest has some birthday money that is on fire in his little pocket. So while I'm doing the shopping Summer takes him to the toys to spend that money. Well he knows that he is not allowed to have toy guns. No exceptions. So what does he pick out? A toy gun. SR says no you can't have it. He then comes to where I'm at and asks me if it's alright if he gets the gun. I say no. So he screams at me and runs over to SR. She tells him to put it back. He runs away from her. We both go different directions to get him. When she catches up to him he punches her in the back and pushes her and continues running. With the help of oldest son we finally caught up to him and I took him out to the Exploder. He's kicking and screaming the whole time I'm carrying him out the store. When we get to the truck he yells that I'm a big fat meanny and that I'm a stupid person and he hates me. I get him inside and strap him in to his booster seat. I close the door and go behind the truck so he can't see me and sit down. This way I can make sure he is being watched, but at the same time he thinks he's alone. Well his tantrum lasted the rest of the time that SR and oldest were inside. About 40 minutes or so. Screaming the entire time. When SR got out we drove across the street to Sam's Club and he was his nice smiling self again. Asked if he could help put groceries in the cart, talking nice, not asking for things all the time. It was a great rest of the evening.
So I asked my therapist if that was an ok thing to do. He said that is fine. It teaches him to calm himself down. I just have reservations about doing it. You can't imagine the looks I get from people walking by. Really makes me feel even more embarrassed than his actions in the store. He said that I shouldn't worry about others looks and that it is a fine way of dealing with it. It shows him how to calm himself down, it also shows him that I can deal with him without losing my temper therefore teaching him the proper way to deal with things.
So all in all it was a good group meeting.
Now to last night. Seeing as I couldn't read blogs, post on mine or even watch TV we went to bed early last night. Around 9. Well SR was into reading a book and didn't want to turn out the light so I decided to go to the closet to find a book for myself to read. Instead I found an old box of letters. Going all the way back to when I was in high school. Read through a few of them and then just got down further into the box. Well I forgot that SR and I saved every letter that we wrote to each other when I was in Basic Training. I read through some of hers. Looking for the sexy ones she wrote to me. You know I forgot my old nick name? I could always tell when it was a sexy letter because she use my nick name instead of my real name. Then I came across a few of the letters that I wrote to her. I was such an ASS! When she said in the beginning of her Blog that I was controlling she was right. I was in Alabama, she was in Cali. But I still tried to control her through my letters. What the fuck was I thinking? After I read a few of those letters I just put them away and rolled over and held her tight. I said that I love her so much and was sorry for the way that I treated her. I told her how lucky I am to have her in my life and that I'm going to remind myself and her of that every day. So we laid there and held each other until we fell asleep in each others arms.
So that should bring me up to date now. I now know a little more about what I need to work on to improve myself. I just wish I could see my therapist more than once a month to speed this process along in a more timely manner.
Today is the day that just doesn't seem to want to end. It's like the clock is standing still! It's not even 3:30 yet. I think part of it is that I got out of bed early today. I was up before 8. First thing I did when I got out of the bedroom was to see if I had internet access back. I checked my emails and replied to the IMer (so sorry I missed you yesterday I really could have used it). Cooked a big breakfast as usual- fried eggs, hash browns, sausage patties, bagels, and OJ. It was good enough to keep me satisfied till a few minutes ago. After breakfast SR and th boys went to church and I stayed home to do some housework and listen to my "non kid friendly" music really loud. ie Eminem. Folded and put away laundry, then cleaned out a cupboard that was getting on my nerves. I really should do that more often. The spice cupboard was a mess. We have 2 unopened and 2 open containers of poultry seasoning, 2 things of celery seed, and a few others that we had doubled up on. No more of that though. I can now see exactly what I have again.
Anyways to the reason for this post. It is actually a two part reasoning. First is the recap of Men's Group from Thu. night. Second is what happened last night while going through some old things of mine.
First off I guess I will try to remember what happened at group the other night. I really should have posted that the other night while it was still fresh. It really has to do with the Self Discovery portion of this blog. My Therapist asked me how I thought the medication was doing and if I was dealing with things better. I told him that I personally don't "feel" any different but that SR has seen a big difference in me. I said that I still get mad but it don't seem to consume me like it used to. I'm not yelling at Summer like I used to do either. I told him that we are doing a lot better now that I have been taking the medications but at the same time I have absolutely NO desire to stay on them for the rest of my life. I hope to get off of them at some point in the not too distant future. He told me that that was a big step in my "recovery".
We then talked about youngest son and how things were going with him. That's where things got a little bothersome for me. I related to him how he is my biggest "trigger" right now. By that I mean that he is the one thing or person that triggers me to lose my composure. I also admitted that when we are out in public actions cause me to be quite embarrassed to be around him. That was actually a break through for me. It took a long time to come out and say that. At the same time it made me feel like shit. He is my son. Yet he is the one that triggers my worst reactions with his actions. The biggest part of the evening came when I said that I know why he acts out in the ways that he does. It's because of the was the I have reacted to situations and he is just practicing what he has seen me do.
Well my therapist said that it was actually a good thing for me to realize that. He thinks it's a big step for me to start realizing what my triggers are and that now I can focus more on how to deal with them better. He also asked me to give an example of how he is "embarrassing" me when we are out. Lucky for me I had the perfect example. It only happened the previous night. So here's the tale. We are on our payday shopping trip. I'm not sure if I've said it in the past but it is something that we do as a family. Every payday the 4 of us pile into the car and drive to "town" to pick up the needed supplies to get us through the next 2 weeks. Any ways we're at Walmart and youngest has some birthday money that is on fire in his little pocket. So while I'm doing the shopping Summer takes him to the toys to spend that money. Well he knows that he is not allowed to have toy guns. No exceptions. So what does he pick out? A toy gun. SR says no you can't have it. He then comes to where I'm at and asks me if it's alright if he gets the gun. I say no. So he screams at me and runs over to SR. She tells him to put it back. He runs away from her. We both go different directions to get him. When she catches up to him he punches her in the back and pushes her and continues running. With the help of oldest son we finally caught up to him and I took him out to the Exploder. He's kicking and screaming the whole time I'm carrying him out the store. When we get to the truck he yells that I'm a big fat meanny and that I'm a stupid person and he hates me. I get him inside and strap him in to his booster seat. I close the door and go behind the truck so he can't see me and sit down. This way I can make sure he is being watched, but at the same time he thinks he's alone. Well his tantrum lasted the rest of the time that SR and oldest were inside. About 40 minutes or so. Screaming the entire time. When SR got out we drove across the street to Sam's Club and he was his nice smiling self again. Asked if he could help put groceries in the cart, talking nice, not asking for things all the time. It was a great rest of the evening.
So I asked my therapist if that was an ok thing to do. He said that is fine. It teaches him to calm himself down. I just have reservations about doing it. You can't imagine the looks I get from people walking by. Really makes me feel even more embarrassed than his actions in the store. He said that I shouldn't worry about others looks and that it is a fine way of dealing with it. It shows him how to calm himself down, it also shows him that I can deal with him without losing my temper therefore teaching him the proper way to deal with things.
So all in all it was a good group meeting.
Now to last night. Seeing as I couldn't read blogs, post on mine or even watch TV we went to bed early last night. Around 9. Well SR was into reading a book and didn't want to turn out the light so I decided to go to the closet to find a book for myself to read. Instead I found an old box of letters. Going all the way back to when I was in high school. Read through a few of them and then just got down further into the box. Well I forgot that SR and I saved every letter that we wrote to each other when I was in Basic Training. I read through some of hers. Looking for the sexy ones she wrote to me. You know I forgot my old nick name? I could always tell when it was a sexy letter because she use my nick name instead of my real name. Then I came across a few of the letters that I wrote to her. I was such an ASS! When she said in the beginning of her Blog that I was controlling she was right. I was in Alabama, she was in Cali. But I still tried to control her through my letters. What the fuck was I thinking? After I read a few of those letters I just put them away and rolled over and held her tight. I said that I love her so much and was sorry for the way that I treated her. I told her how lucky I am to have her in my life and that I'm going to remind myself and her of that every day. So we laid there and held each other until we fell asleep in each others arms.
So that should bring me up to date now. I now know a little more about what I need to work on to improve myself. I just wish I could see my therapist more than once a month to speed this process along in a more timely manner.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Where does the time go?
Seriously. Where does it go? I can't believe it has been a week since my last post. I've been very busy lately. Dr's appointments, hunting, work, shopping, you name it.
So for starters let me say thank you to the people that voted in my poll. O made a question that some others agreeed with. She asked me what did it matter to me what anybody else thinks. The answer to that is............I have no clue! It's not really that it mattered per se, but more that I was curious. Just to ease everyones concerns Summer and I did find the time (somehow) to watch an episode of Pornocopia together. We sat on the couch, she laid down in my lap and we watched the whole thing. After wards she told me that it wasn't her cup of tea. She told me that yes in her oppinion she considered it to be porn. For the sole reason that she believes that it shows you how to make a porn movie. She then told me that won't hold it against me if I do watch the shows. She just won't watch with me. So we have an understanding that makes us both happy.
On to new news. Summer went duck hunting with the boys and me on Sun. It was a real fun day. This was the first duck hunting trip for her in 6 years. We couldn't do the stuff we used to do when the birds stopped flying, but it was still a great day. So for your viewing pleasure here is a photo of SR in her war paint. NOT make up.
Isn't she sexy? That is just the sexiest thing ever to me. A woman wearing camo. Anyways the day was warm. Actually hot. For duck hunting at least. It was in the upper 70's! I'm really wishing for some of that cold wet weather that is hitting some of the other Bloggers. I ended the day with 1 duck. Youngest was as happy as could be. He got to carry the duck all the way back to the parking lot. That made his day.
Halloween was just another day. The kids dressed up top go trick or treating. We went to about 15 houses and youngest said it was time to go home. He was done. Complete opposite of last year. I took him down 4 streets and he didn't want to stop. He was dressed as a knight and oldest was dressed as the scary figure in Scream. Again. Summer was happy though. This was the first halloween that she didn't have to work in the evening in quite awhile. So she did get to go out with the boiys as they begged for candy.
That's about it for now. I hope to post a more meaningful post tomorrow night or Sat. after I return from duck hunting. I had a good men's group meeting tonight and would like to share how it went.
So for starters let me say thank you to the people that voted in my poll. O made a question that some others agreeed with. She asked me what did it matter to me what anybody else thinks. The answer to that is............I have no clue! It's not really that it mattered per se, but more that I was curious. Just to ease everyones concerns Summer and I did find the time (somehow) to watch an episode of Pornocopia together. We sat on the couch, she laid down in my lap and we watched the whole thing. After wards she told me that it wasn't her cup of tea. She told me that yes in her oppinion she considered it to be porn. For the sole reason that she believes that it shows you how to make a porn movie. She then told me that won't hold it against me if I do watch the shows. She just won't watch with me. So we have an understanding that makes us both happy.
On to new news. Summer went duck hunting with the boys and me on Sun. It was a real fun day. This was the first duck hunting trip for her in 6 years. We couldn't do the stuff we used to do when the birds stopped flying, but it was still a great day. So for your viewing pleasure here is a photo of SR in her war paint. NOT make up.
Isn't she sexy? That is just the sexiest thing ever to me. A woman wearing camo. Anyways the day was warm. Actually hot. For duck hunting at least. It was in the upper 70's! I'm really wishing for some of that cold wet weather that is hitting some of the other Bloggers. I ended the day with 1 duck. Youngest was as happy as could be. He got to carry the duck all the way back to the parking lot. That made his day.Halloween was just another day. The kids dressed up top go trick or treating. We went to about 15 houses and youngest said it was time to go home. He was done. Complete opposite of last year. I took him down 4 streets and he didn't want to stop. He was dressed as a knight and oldest was dressed as the scary figure in Scream. Again. Summer was happy though. This was the first halloween that she didn't have to work in the evening in quite awhile. So she did get to go out with the boiys as they begged for candy.
That's about it for now. I hope to post a more meaningful post tomorrow night or Sat. after I return from duck hunting. I had a good men's group meeting tonight and would like to share how it went.
Yes I'm still alive
Just stopping in real quick like to let you all know that I am in fact still alive and breathing. I've just been so dam busy. I'm really going to try and make a real post later this evening. But first I need to go to men's group tonight. I really must say that I am so sorry for not posting. I've actually missed it quite a bit.
So till tonight.
So till tonight.
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