Saturday, July 01, 2006

Mixed emotions

Well this week has brought with it a series of mixed emotions. First the good happy emotion.

Last weekend Summer and I decided to buy a swimming pool. So after busting ass for the last 3 nights after work we finally went swimming today. Let me tell you it was a LOT more work than I first imagined it to be. Thu. was the worst. I had to haul 3 truck loads of sand into my back yard. The first was easy. I just used the front end loader at work and filled my truck. It was so full that I bottomed out my shocks. The second and third were a pain in the ass. I had to shovel all the sand by hand into the truck. Then re-shovel it out into the wheelbarrow. Just to get the yard level enough to lay out the pool.

Last night was the night of truth. We rolled out the new pool and started to put water in it around 6:30. At 7:30 my neighbor rolled his hose into our yard to help with the filling process. Went to bed at 10:30 pool wasn't close to full yet. Then at around 2AM I woke with a jump. Something inside me said check the pool NOW! I went to the yard (without apparel) and the pool was overflowing. I turned off my hose, but then I'm wondering what the hell am I going to do with the other hose? I'm walking around naked in my backyard trying to find a nozzle to put on there. Had to go to the front yard to get one (still naked). Finally found one and got it on the hose. Went back to bed wide awake and unable to sleep.

But this afternoon after running the filter for the allotted time we finally got to go for a cold swim. It was hard work but I think in the long run it will be well worth it.

Now the bad emotion. Or rather confused emotion. I just found out that my favorite cousin is getting divorced. I called him Thu. night because he and his wife are coming to my parents for dinner tomorrow night, and their stopping by my place first. So we were talking and he said the he is moving out on Fri. night. His wife and him or rather he decided a month ago that they needed a divorce. They have two sons. Their anniversary is in two weeks and they are still going on the cruise together.

But apparently he is tired of living a lie and making his wife live the lie too. He prefers the company of men. That's perfectly fine with me. Who am I to judge? I've been with a man myself. But here is where the confused emotion comes in for me. I'm really happy for my cousin that he is finally being honest with himself. His wife is taking it well to. They are still going to remain friends. (Or that's the hope between them). I'm also sad about this. SR and I were close to both my cousin and his wife. We actually tried to go on a vacation with them a few times but school and sports got in the way all the time. We still drove down to see them a few times a year. How do I/we keep that relationship with her? Can we keep the relationship with her as friends? I've never dealt with divorce before in my family so this is new territory for me. I guess the big thing is up to her how she wants to deal with it. He is still my favorite cousin. We will always be close to each other. I'm just unsure of what to do here. Maybe we'll talk about it tomorrow when they are here and the boys are playing. Who knows.

Any thoughts?

7 comments:

O272 said...

I've found that the family ex's tend to fade out. Especially once the ex finds someone new. It sucks, but whatcha gonna do?

How's that pool water? Lukewarm yet?

Anonymous said...

Almost everyone in my family is remarried and there is only one ex that they still keep in touch with. I think if your cousin makes an effort to be friends with the ex and keeps her in the loop it'll be a lot easier for you to maintain the friendship. It can be done but it takes work from all parties. Okay enough of that...

You've been with a man? Why haven't I read this interesting, and very hot, tidbit about you? Damn!

Rob said...

CH, I've been reading your's and Summer's blog archives all weekend, so I know about your past a bit. No need to rehash private issues again. Your decision of course.

About your present concern about your cousin and his wife - I would say this. Do not make them feel uncomfortable by mentioning it, unless they should raise the issue first when you meet. They both know that you two know the news. By all means keep in touch - with both of them, should they wish to maintain contact with you in the future.

Look dude, they are probably two good people there. Their issues are between themselves only - not with you. They haven't grown an extra head by this news. So I say do the right thing. When in doubt, always ask yourself one question:
How would I like to be treated if I were in their shoes?

Think about it....

Hope SR is feeling better btw.

Anonymous said...

Many times family members are automatically "friends". I think if you want to keep a relationship with her, you'll both have to actively pursue friendship.

It will be her choice to accept it or not.

How long were they married?

Confused Husband said...

OThat's what I'm afraid of. Not sure about the pool yet. I'm still in bed.

whoami929 I've said little minor things about it in the past. Like in my 10 things post and 25 sexual things post. But I'm afraid to go into more detail about it. Summer knows all of them but I'm afraid of others reactions.

rob Thanks for the advice! There's no doubt my cousin and I will remain close. I'll just leave it alone and let it happen when it does.

And SR is feeling a little better now. Took her to Docs. yesterday.

Mr. H I believe they have been married for about 10 years. Not possitive though.
CH

Saranonymous said...

Given the reason that they're divorcing, I think it's possible for you to maintain a friendship. It isn't because something awful's happened, like someone cheated on someone else or something like that.

Best wishes. :)

Michael said...

~~picturing you running aroung naked in the yard with your hose in your hand~~ ~~lmao-'hose in your hand'~~ Now THAT needs to be an HNT pic!!!!

The pool will be well worth the effort. It's very relaxing. I would even go for a quick dip sometimes before work. Morning swims are the best...like morning sex! Well, almost.

The best part is watching how much fun the kids have in it. They would have friends over and they played in it all day. That's probably the most active I've ever seen them during the summer.

If you haven't done this already get some tiki torches from Wal-mart and put them around the pool. It's really cool for night swimming...especially if you're skinny dipping ;-)

I would like to say that there's no reason you couldn't stay friends with cousin's wife, especially since they have kids too. But the reality is that the rest of the family takes the cue from the divorced family member. When there are kids involved there will almost always be some contact, but if it's a bitter divorce then the family kind of has to side with family, unless he did something really terrible like molest one of the kids or the family pet or something.

I have a cousin that's been married three times. Ex1 was really hot, but she was psycho. It lasted about 6 months and no one ever saw or spoke to her again. Ex2 was really cool. That lasted about 12 years (i think) and they had 3 kids. My aunt (cousin's g/mother) loved her and they stayed good friends (lunch, shopping, etc) after they divorce. Ex2 has been to every family birth, funeral and a few family functions since the divorce, so it can be done.