Well on Sat. the 21st I got my cell phone bill in my e-mail. Guess who my wife is still calling on a regular basis. Mr. D. It seems that she can't stop calling him. She's even sending text messages to him still. As I wrote previously I erased his number off of her phone on Wed. morning. It didn't do any good though because she still sent him a text on Fri. morning I found out. Just what I needed to find out on the day we were supposed to go on another date. I got called into work that morning so we couldn't talk about it during the day. When I got home I tried to talk to her about it but she didn't say to much. All she could say was that she had stopped calling him. But it still hurt me to know that she was keeping up some form of communication with him. We ended up going on our date that night and went to see Star Wars. On the way to theatre I tried to talk to her about pleasant things because I didn't want to argue on our date. She didn't talk the whole 4o minute drive. We ended up watching the movie ( Of all the movies this was my favorite. Including the original 3. It moved much faster.). On the way home I tried to talk to her about other things but was getting no where so I brought up Mr. D again. Every question I asked she would say I don't know why. She didn't know why she calls him still or why she sends him texts, or how she got the number to send the text after it was taken off her phone. By the time got back to the house I was really upset and she was crying. I was on the verge of crying myself but I have a hard time crying unless I'm intoxicated. After I took the babysitter home my wife was almost asleep but I wasn't going to just drop the conversation again. Every time we do that things go fine for awhile but then the subject comes again whether I want it to or not and it just gets worse because it never gets resolved. So I sat in bed with the light on and read a magazine. She finally turned over and wanted to know why I wasn't sleeping because we had to get up early in the morning to go to a Birthday party for my cousins son. I told her I wanted to continue the talk we were having in the car. I went on telling her how I felt and how much out hurt me when she called him. I also wanted to know why she kept lieing to me about how she would not call him anymore. I really wanted to know why I had to keep up my end of the bargain about not suing him for slander but she could break her end by calling him still. That finally got a reaction out of her. She wanted to know why it was so important for me to seek revenge on him. I told her that I wanted to make him hurt as much as I was hurting. I don't want to hurt him physically so all there is left is financially because if he is hurt financially that will hurt him mentally which is where I'm hurting. She said that 2 wrongs don't make a right. So I countered with If you would stop all forms of contact with him I wouldn't want to make the wrong but you seem to want to keep making the wrong of calling him so I want my chance to make a wrong. I was then told that nothing makes me happy anymore. I'm always in a bad mood. She then said that I know how to screw up a nice evening together. So that got us going again on a huge tangent and we ended up in the living room. I don't remember all that was said but we were up till 1:30 in the morning. I remember telling that she does make me happy and I tell her every time that she makes me happy. But she is right I'm not happy about a lot of things. I'm not happy about her keeping contact with Mr. D, about her wanting to screw Mr. D, about her telling everyone in town about our home life (I know I'm telling the whole WWW but you don't know me and the town does. Plus I'm using this as my venting process like she's using the people that we know.), about her refusing to see a counselor and a few other things. I then told her the things that are making me happy - I like the way she tells me that she loves me like she's been doing lately, the way that she holds me, or how she has been talking to me a little more lately, it makes me happy to send her E cards on the internet, or to buy her flowers. It was an emotional talk and we ended up going to bed and held each other for awhile before we went to sleep. The thing is I don't think we ever really solved anything with the Mr. D issue that night. But we did get some things off of our chests so to speak. We woke up on Sun. morning late but she actually told me that she loved me before I said anything to her. After the party that day we didn't really talk that much because we were so tired from the night before.
So that is where we are now. I hope that this will stop the calls to him. She swears to me that she won't call him or text him anymore I just don't know how to believe her right now. It's hard to do after all the hurting that we have done to each other. She might be right in saying that we need some time apart but I just can't imagine living without her. I don't want to lose her or the kids. To quote a portion of an e-mail message my wife sent me today 'I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't have that much faith in me.' It was not a letter to me but a forwarded e-mail.
that's all for now.
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