Where do I begin?

The last few days have definitely been interesting. Summer started her new job on Thu. We found out some things about the job that just didn't sit right with me. I tried to talk to her about them but she took it the wrong way. We thought originally that if she wasn't doing massages she would be answering phones and getting paid to do clerical work. That is not the case. If she is doing no massages she is not getting paid at all. In fact if she doesn't have a massage scheduled for that day then she don't report to work. Her employment status is 'on-call'. But she wants to go to work every day that she is scheduled to be there even though she is not being paid. Which is fine. It shows good work ethics. But here's the thing. While she is at work not getting paid we have a kid who is in daycare that isn't free. Plus if she stays home because she don't have an appointment they want her to stay by the phone just in case someone comes in for a drop in basis massage. So she can't go anywhere at all when it is her scheduled time for massages. Which includes every other Sat. She is at work now just to get into the routine of a new job and to get to know the residents. That's fine. But if she wasn't there right now we still would not be able to go somewhere as a family today because she would need to stay at home by the phone all day. The state tried to do that to us a few years ago. It went to court and the judge determined that it was illegal to expect someone to stay home with out pay on there day off just to wait for a call that might not happen. In this case I'm considering that if she does not have an appointment scheduled then that is her day off. The state wanted to have one person from each crew to stay home by the phone for an entire weekend just in case there was an emergency on the highways we work on (accident, pothole, dead animal). But they weren't going to pay you unless there was an actual emergency. To me they are doing the same thing to her.
Well when we talked about it she thought that I was mad at her. I wasn't mad at her. I was upset about the way they are expecting her to be employed. I was upset because now we are paying quite a bit in childcare every week and if she don't do a massage during the week she has no income. So how will we afford the childcare? If she is not actually doing a massage at the place of business then she should be free to do whatever she wants with her day. I also feel that she settled for this job just to get away from the grocery store. I don't want to settle for just any job. She has a real talent and I want to her to get what she deserves for that talent. She says that she is not in the massage business for money. She is in it to make people feel better. That is fine but we have bills to pay. We need to keep our heads above water. Right now we are barely able to breathe. When I try to talk to her about this she tells me I am just greedy. I'm not trying to be greedy. I'm being realistic. As I told her on her blog and in person "I see great things happening for you. But you will never see them if you settle for less than what you are worth. It's not about being rich. It's about getting what you are worth."
Enough of that for now. I think that dead horse has been beat enough.

On to happier things. I went to the shop after work yesterday. The owner said that they are putting the Exploder back together. A seal was pushed out of place by the excess pressure caused by to much oil. They put it back in place and we should be driving it by Tue. I want them to keep it for a day after it is put back together to make sure that it fine. I want them to drive it hard and I also want them to let it idle for a long time too. No word on how much it will cost though. At least it is getting close to being done. That made Summer extremely happy when I told her.

As I have stated before we have been talking quite a bit more lately. Some of the conversations have been great others not so good. She is having a hard time letting go of the past when I used to yell at her. Everytime we try to talk about something that we don't agree I can see her shut down. She keeps thinking is he going to yell at me again? I know it is my own fault for that. I just wish we could move pat it. We are both needing to say things to each other but we are both afraid to say them. I'm afraid of hurting her and she's afraid of making me mad.
We are also starting to read blogs together. We often find ourselves sitting at the computer together reading blogs. Here is a problem that I have not seen when i wanted her to get into Blogging. We only have one computer and now we are having problems because we want to make comments together or we both want to update our own sites at the same time. Really need to get a laptop for her. The reading blogs together gives us something else to talk about at night. We lay in bed talking about what is going on with so and so. Apparently she has a non sexual crush on FTN's wife. Whenever his wife comments she always says how much she loves what she has to say and how much she agrees with her. The latest agreement came when she replied to his post about the Scavenger hunt. (Which I was told to never try to do.)

And this brings us to our current quandary if you will. I have stated before that I don't want this to become a sexual Blog. I also said that Summer don't want me to post about sexual things because it makes her feel uncomfortable. Plus she don't like the subject. But some of the things we have talked about that I feel are important enough to share deal with sex.
I really don't want to leave you all hanging here but I need to get some stuff done now. So if you bare with me I will try to post again tonight.