Sunday, February 04, 2007

Ever have one......

......of those nights? You know where you have all these thoughts running through your head? Well that's where I'm at right now.

There are several things going through my head right now that are things to post about. But none of them are able to be stand alone posts. I just can't formulate them into something that can really be good to be one post alone. So I guess what I'm going to do is just give little snippets of the things running through my head right now. I apologize in advance if this post makes no sense what so ever or bounces all over the place. It don't even make sense to me!

First off we got out state tax return today. Like I said a few days ago- 'If you don't use E-file why not?' I filed last Sat. Check was deposited this morning in my checking account. It's the only way to go.

That being said we just had to go spend that money today. I paid off a credit card that we used for Christmas presents. 50% of the check gone. *SNAP* Just like that. After that check was written Summer decided that she wanted to get out of the house. So I washed her hair for her in the kitchen sink, gave her a bath/sponge bath, and helped her to get dressed. The boys were complaining about how hungry they were but I had plans. no time to stop and eat. Let's go!

First stop was the barber. I needed a hair cut badly. So did youngest. Afterwards I took the family out for a very late breakfast. It was more like lunch since it was after 12 by the time we got to the restaurant. After that we went to my favorite store. Wal-Mart. We got some things we really needed. Clothes, fishing licenses, you know. The necessities.

I was feeling really good about things. I took my family out for a really good breakfast. Bought them things they needed and wanted. Things were going beyond good. They were excellent. Then we went to work World so that I could buy my first pair of work boots in over 18 months. Not only were they my pair of new boots but they were the first pair of boots that I have paid more than 18 dollars for in over 7 years. I desperately needed work boots. My old ones had holes between the upper and the sole. They both leaked badly. My small toe was ready to pop out of my right boot.

So I got a pair of boots that were a little more than I wanted to spend. 70 bucks. I was alone when I picked them out. Summer was in the truck resting. I was supposed to get myself a new pair of jeans as well. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So as I'm paying for the boots Summer comes in with the boys. She asks me where the jeans are. I told her that I couldn't bring myself to get them. She said that I should get them because I need them. She also said that the money for the boots was fine. I needed them. So that was a good thing.

Then on the way home it hit me. I started feeling kinda low. I don't know what brought it on. I just started thinking about the money that we just spent and I got this low feeling.

That got me to thinking. When I was spending the money I was in this almost euphoric state. then after the money was spent I went straight down. It's always been like that. I just never saw it till now. Now I just need to figure out what it all means.

Well look at that. That almost made a post unto itself.

Secondly things are driving me fucking insane at home. I'm going crazy! Summer has been sleeping in the living room since she got home from the hospital. I'm not able to hold her close when I hug her. When I do hug her I can't think about just enjoying the holding her. Instead I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt her. There really is something to be said about the lack of physical contact affecting your moods. That and the lack of sleep. I can't sleep without her in bed with me. I need to be able to hold her to fall asleep. I'm getting up in the middle of the night to help Summer get off the couch so she can walk around the house to keep her legs from cramping.

I'm NOT complaining about this. It's just taking it's toll on me.

Lastly this one is kinda irritating me. For the last5 days I've been busting my ass doing everything here. But then when the kids do something I'm the one that gets their head snapped off. What the hell is that about? I'm not the one doing something wrong. But I'm the one that is getting snapped at for no reason at all. This is really taking it's toll on both of us.

So how much longer till things go back to normal around here?


Rob said...

Well dude, you raise some interesting points:

money - treat it as a means to an end, use it wisely but don't fret over having spent it. You need it to provide for you and your family. Don't waste it but also don't worry after you've spent it.

closeness with Summer - all in good time bud. Be patient, be a man, tough it out. This too shall pass and she appreciates what you're going through, I'm sure. The same must go for her too.

Getting your head snapped off - I take it that it's from Summer. Well, as much as you feel irritated, just stop and understand what all she is going through right now. So again, be patient and understanding, tough it out. This too shall pass.

Summer Rose said...

You know what dear? I get to take a shower tomorrow night. wanna join me after the boys go to bed?

And yes I'm the so guilty for not sleeping with ch, I can't help it my boobies needed elevation, and no sleeping on the side.

I Love you so much babe.

ArtfulDodger said...

What the heck is normal anyway? Overrated if you ask me. Money is like chocolate, feels great when you have some and when you don't you feel lousy. Moderation in all things. Just don't relate that lousy feeling with guilt, that can be dangerous.

And no wonder you guys are feeling a little cabin fever right now, your whole schedule got thrown out a wack this past week. That'll come back soon. And it'll be even better than before!

Dirty Filthy Princess said...

This too shall pass. It's OK to feel sad that things aren't normal right now and to feel frustrated at being snapped at. But once Summer is feeling better, it will pass. I think it is good that you are able to get your feelings out here on the blog tho.

Summer: PS I know what you mean about feeling guilty, but you can't help it you can't sleep with him. It's a good thing that he is sad you are on the couch, but you don't have to beat yourself up about it.

Therese in Heaven said...

A lot of people, often women but sometimes men, get sort of "high" from shopping. It makes them feel good like alcohol or chocolate, but also makes them crash when its over.

Right after revelation I did some of that "comfort" shopping myself.