Thursday, October 20, 2005

We did it!!!!

Well to start of with I'd like to say that I am now officially a homeowner! My wife and I signed the papers to buy our very first house on Tue. night. We will be receiving our money to pay off all the bills and fix my wife's Explorer by Mon. morning. I'm so happy about being a homeowner. Things didn't start off that well while signing the papers though. The lady we have been dealing with told us that the payments were going to be 1,089.24 a month. That was total payment including taxes and insurance. I thought wow that a lot lower than I expected. Then half way through signing I saw a paper saying that the total payment was going to be 1,309.87. I said hold up here I specifically told you that I can not afford anything over 1,250.00 a month total payment. She says oh I'm sorry I didn't see that. Well isn't that her job to see that stuff? So then I spent the next 30 minutes trying to figure if I can afford to make the higher payment. I can here some of you saying that it's only 59.00 more than you expected. Well that 59.00 is a weeks worth of gas. We are paying 2.75 a gallon for the cheapest station in a 50 mile radius. Most of the stations are more like 2.95 a gallon. Or as high as 3.09 a gallon. Anyways long story short we signed the papers and went out to dinner to celebrate.

Things were not all good though on Tue. Before we left to go to my parents house my wifes work called her up. They said why aren't you at work. She said I'm off tonight. They said no you are on the schedule. So I started in the back ground saying she's not coming in to work we are signing papers tonight. My wife started changing clothes to go to work. I started getting really upset. I told her tell the store go screw themselves buying the house is more important. My wife said without the job there is no house. I said yes there is. I made sure that I could buy the house without you when you were talking about leaving me. I made sure that I could afford the payments on my salary alone so there is a house without that F'ing store. I can't remember what else was said. But she ended up not going to work. That store is getting on my last nerves right now. They changed her dam schedule AFTER it was posted WITHOUT consulting her. So that job can go get fucked.

When we got home from the paper signing there was a message on my machine from a students dad wanting to talk to me about my son and his son in school. He is also my leadworkers son-in-law. And that led to some big problems. But this site is NOT about my kids. I'm just telling you this to give insight on my mood the last 3 days.

Then yesterday she gets a call from my Leadworkers wife (from now on to be called the queen bitch) saying don't bother coming to work the rest of the week. The store's owners son wants to meet with you on Mon. morning. Apparently it was queen bitches daughter (now referred to as hot bitch) on the phone calling my wife to come to work. So hot bitch told queen bitch that
I was yelling at her on the phone. I was not yelling at all. I was not even referring to hot bitch. I was referring to the store in general. So now that we signed the papers on Tue. my wife might be losing her job next Mon. I'm over here worrying if we can make the payments now. When I figured making the payments without my wifes income I was also figuring on not buying food for 4 people to as this was planning for if she left me.

So she told me all of this when I came home from work yesterday. She was asking me how are we going to make it if she loses her job. And then started saying things I couldn't understand through the crying. I told her that you are always telling me that God has a plan for us all. We don't know what his plans are until it is time for us to know. So maybe this is in God's plans and you were meant to lose your job now. Just give it time things will work out. We have money in the savings account (for the first time since we got married) and it is enough to get us by for a few months until the massage business picks up more. In the mean time you can study for the National Exam to get licensed throughout the US. We have enough in savings to pay for the test too so don't worry.
Now here's the hard part- convincing myself. I'm trying to be the strong one here but I'm just as scared as she is. I also feel like a hypocrite for preaching to her but it seemed to help for a while. Then she really started crying saying she misses her mom and wants her back. The good part about that (I feel bad for saying good part here) is that she came to me to have me hold her and comfort her. I"t makes it a lot easier to have her cry when I know it's not because of me and she wants me to hold her. (Did I mention in an earlier post that my wife's mom died 2 years ago?) And that was yesterday. We went out to dinner again. Wow 3 times in a week that's a record for us.

So now I feel like I am a time bomb waiting to explode. With all the bad things and good things and stress. I really need to find a release. Duck season opens on Sat. and that usually is my release but this year I'm just not looking forward to duck hunting. Oh my dad told me yesterday that he is selling all of his duck hunting stuff at his garage sale this weekend and that hurts me too. He said he's not sure if he will hunt much this year or next year because of all the stuff he has planned before he retires in March. God I want a cigarette. And I found 5 of them in my garage a few days ago. They are sitting on my bench calling me but I'm trying to ignore them. I did talk to someone last night and that did help to talk to someone on the outside. I'd like to say Than You for being there for me!

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