Thursday, April 28, 2005

The trip (part VI)

I know that the last to posts were lengthy so I'll try to keep this one short and sweet. There really isn't much to say at this point. I was having a real hard time dealing with the whole Mr. D thing. I was losing a lot of sleep. I was keeping food down but that was because I wasn't eating much. I even started thinking thoughts that really scared me. I wanted to end all the pain and just jump off a bridge . It had been 8 years since I got high and I wanted to get stoned so bad again just to kill the pain. It was a terrible time.
I had bought my wife a ticket to see her family in Utah for 11 days. It would be the longest we would be apart since we were first married and I was in boot camp. I had told my wife that I loved her before she left and that I would not call her while she was gone so she could concentrate on our marriage. I told her that I would be here for her when she returned and that all I wanted in life now was for her to be happy. I told her that anything that I needed to do I would do to save our marriage but that if she came back and said she wanted to be with Mr. D I would not stop her if it what would make her happy. Even though I believed him when he told me that he did not pursue my wife something about the situation didn't sit right with me. Especially when my wife told me that she had feelings for him. So she left on March 26 the day before Easter. She called me few times when she was gone. Not as much as I would have liked but it was her time. I had taken the whole time off of work so I could be with the boys. I also wanted to clear my head of the situation and see what it really was that I wanted in our relationship. The problem was that I was a total wreck without her. I did do alot of thinking when she was gone but most of it was about how much I missed her and wanted her back.
She came home on April 6. She had missed her flight and had to get a new ticket to come home on. When I saw her at the airport I was so happy to see her again but at the same time sad. I thought that she was going to tell me that the marriage was over. She gave me and the kids a hug and then got on the phone. She was on the phone for the next 20 to 30 minutes. That time frame is very important. It is also important to note what she was wearing. She had a long trench coat on so I could not see what she was wearing. As I said she was on the phone from the time she got off the plane to the time she got in the car. The ride home was uneventful and we hardly spoke to each other. When we got home she took the kids in the house, changed clothes, and put the kids to bed. While I was taking all the luggage out of the car. After the kids went to sleep she said that she was too tired to talk and went to bed.
The next day I stayed home from work and we took our youngest son to the Dr.'s for shots. When we got home we took a nap together. Nothing really important happened the rest of the week. We both went back to work on Fri. That was the day that the problems started again. I was checking my email when I received a message that was sent to my wife by friend B. It was forwarded to me from my wife but she didn't send it to me. When I came home from work that day my kids were online and they may have been messing with stuff. We will never know. Anyways the friend was bad mouthing me to me wife. Saying that I will throw a hissy fit over anything. And for some reason she was talking about how cap guns are not a safe toy for kids and started saying that "hubby buy them for the boys because he thinks they are manly toys". Well for starters I did not buy my kids cap guns. I don't think that children should be allowed to play with any form of a toy gun. I called my wife at her work and told her that this shit needed to stop. I told her that I read the email and that I intended to respond to it. Apparently my wife told friend B that I didn't say anything to her when she got off the plane. She was upset that I didn't tell her how nice she looked in her new outfit that she was wearing. That was why I said remember some of the details I told you earlier. How can I talk to her when she is on the phone? It is rude to interrupt someone on the phone. How can I comment on an outfit when I can't see the outfit because of a long trench coat? I told this to friend B in a really long email telling her about alot of the things that have been happening in our marriage. Telling to also stop badmouthing when she has never even met me. The last thing I told her was to mind her own business. (After I called her an old hag and a few other things.) She responded to me saying that yes there are always 2 sides to every story. And that although she appreciated me inviting her over to here my side of the story she agreed that she should mind her own business. I responded back to her telling her that if she was going to stay out of my opinions and feelings then she needed to stay out of my wife's as well. She has not talked to my wife about our relationship to this day. After that My wife really started to open up to me and talk to me. I felt happier than I had in a long time. The following weekend was my wife's 30th birthday. We went out for dinner and went to see Beauty Shop. It was nice to be alone with my wife and not have to worry about the kids interrupting us every 5 minutes. Things were going really good I thought.

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