End

I want this to just go away. It needs to end. All of it. The crying, the sleepless nights, the worrying, the headaches, all of it. But it just never seems to go away. There is no end in sight. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Just as things looked like they were starting to look up for us someone thought that we obviously didn't deserve the happiness that we had found over the past weekend. Instead we get crushed back down. It's just here and never ending. There is no upside anymore. I was able to do something to make Summer happier than she has been in years on Sat. The hapiness was lasting pretty good into the week too. Now it's all in the past. Gone. The only thing that has ended is our happiness. And our sanity. There's nothing I can do about it either. I want SO badly to just give up. Get away from this mes of a life. But that will solve nothing. Just make things worse. I haven't had a cigarette in almost 2 years. A month ago the smell of smoke would make me turn my nose. Now I'm seeking out people that smoke just to get the second hand smoke. A nice Marlboro sounds SSsooooooooo good right now. That and enough alchohol to send me into a comma. I know that these things will do absolutely nothing to help the situation. But they would help to relieve some of the stress. Being drunk would enable me to feel nothing. That would be very welome right now. To not feel anything.