Just some ramblings

But first I think we are making some progress with the kids now. Since Sun. she is now actually taking a stand with our youngest son. We went shopping last night for our payday stuff. Our son started acting up as usual and this time instead of doing nothing my wife jumped in before I had a chance to. She told him to stop now. He didn't stop so she took over the role of the disciplining him and did it herself. We didn't have another incident with him the rest of the night. It was the best shopping night we've had in over 2 years. No tantrums. When I tell the kids no now she backs me up like I have backed her up in the past.

Now to the ramblings. I can't seem to shut my mind off anymore. Even when I try to go to sleep it still races with all kinds of things. It seems to keep me up at night with all the thinking about meeningless stuff. I keep thinking about all the stuff that I need to do around the house, worrying about wether we can afford a house payment, and all kinds of other stuff. Most of it comes in my head and leaves just as quick as it comes in. With thinking about all the stuff that needs to be done I can't seem to get motivated to do anything. My favorite time of year is approaching fast. Dusck Season. It's the only season that really matters. But this year I'm not excited about the upcoming season as I am in years past. My dad and I are going deer hunting for a week on the Oregan border in Oct. and at the moment I can care less if I go or not. We've been planning this trip for a year now, and I'm just not excited. And don't get me started about the garage. It needs to be cleaned so bad right now. We can't even walk in it except to the washer and dryer. Thats what I have planned at the moment for my 3 day weeknd.

I received a comment from an annonymous person today. I'n sure you could see it and my response if you looked. But it got me thinking. I know what he/she said is true. I know and admit that it is my fault for our problems. Even saying that I can not go back on my beliefs about divorce/seperation. To me that is not an option. (More on my reasonings in the rest of the ramblings.) I married her for the rest of my life. She married me for the rest of her life. It is a PROMISE that I don't take lightly. Yes we did get married young but that is NOT an excuse.

Another person has told me that I need to go to church with my wife. My answer is yes I agree with you. But I'm not going to go with her unless she invites me to go with her. She knows this but does not invite me. I'm not to sure about the whole church thing anyways. There is a person that attends the church that I do not want to see. He is having an affair with my coworkers son's wife. She is slepping with at least 3 people and the other guy is slepping with a LOT of women in the town we are in. He owns a little trailer and sets up in town and sells coffee out of it. While he does this he propositions married women. Oh did I mention that he was almost an Elder at the church untill the whole affair scandle came out a month ago? The divoce papers are on the judges desk. She has attempted suicide 2 times in the last 2 months. If her husband tries to do anything (go out with friends, tell her he won't help her move this weekend, not mow her lawn in her new house) she says she will request more child support money. Both of the kids want nothing to do with their mom. Now what does that tell you. Her shrink fusked the bitch and said she is completely stable and able to take care of her kids. Even though she attempted suicide. She's just a goldigger. But it's people like that who totaly turn me off of organized religion. HYPOCRITES!

Wow that was a total side tangent that has nothing to do with this Blog. But it does reenforce one of my fears about divorce and seperation. I will do whatever it takes for me to keep custody of my kids. Not for the money but if she wants to leave then she needs to realize that means leaving the kids as well. But we are not at that stage anymore now, and haven't been since June.

Now to my beliefs on divorce. I think that people now are willing to give up to easy. If something goes slightly wrong or if things aren't a story book they want to divorce. Everyone wants to take the easy way out instead of work at things that are hard. They want everything handed to them on a silver platter. I know marriage takes work and I am willing to work my ass off for it. My parents just celebrated 35 years last Mon. My dads parents were married for 71 years when my grandfather died. My mom's parents were married for about 40 years when my mom's dad died of Alzheimers. My grandma is still devoted to her husband that he he passed away 21 years ago and she still has not dated another man. And all 3 examples have gone through hard times but did NOT give up.

That brings me to my wifes background. Her mom divorced her dad when my wife was 3 months old. He had another wife in Mexico (acceptable divorce). Her second husband fathered my wife's brother and sister then left my wife's mom for another woman. There was a boyfriend but he did things that I will not post here even on an annonymous site. So her mom gave up on all men when my wife was about 12 years old. So she never saw her mom in a relationship. Her mom never had to communicate with anyone about her decisins. So my wife never had an example of how to communicate in a functioning relationship. Well I think I have rambled long enough. If there are spelling mistakes sorry. I'm not going to bother with spell check tonight. I'll check it tommorrow after work.

Yesterday was more than interesting

So we left to go to the company picnic yesterday. When we got there we realized that we forgot the 4 year olds swim vest at home. So I went back to get it. No big deal just wasted 25 miles in gas @ $2.91 a gallon ( don't get me started on the price of gas. Got to Nevada and they pay 50 cents less than us. The gas is refined 40 miles from home and needs to be trucked almost 200 miles to Nevada and they get it cheaper. :-( ). When I get back to the picnic the kids go swimming and so does my wife. It wasn't all that fun for me as my wife didn't introduce me to anyone. I can't stand to be around big groups of people especially people I don't know. I didn't go swimming as I have to keep water out of my ear for awhile do to ear problems. So I spent the afternoon drinking beer watching the family swim. When my oldest son and my wife decided that they had enough swimming I called the 4 year old over to tell him he could still swim but he had to stay in the shallow end of the pool. He decided to go straight to the deep end. So I called him back over to me and made him take a timeout. He then thought that it would be alright to yell and scream at me and anyone close by. So I decide that I would take him home. There was no sense in him wrecking everyone's day. This is a constant problem with him anymore. He thinks if he screams long enough or loud enough that he will get his way. I've had enough of his tantrums so I just take him home now no matter where we are. My wife decided that I had to much to drink to drive so she drove me home. I had 3 beers but it's better safe than sorry. So we come home at 6:00. We were only there for an hour and a half. My wife went back with my oldest son. Unfortunately there was no $ for us to buy dinner and all the food in the house was all frozen. So we had to sit at home to wait for my wife to come home with leftovers. Which wasn't till 9:30. At which time I finally ate and my kids went to bed. Ok that was fine but when I went to bed thats when the problem started. My wife and I were up till 12:30 'discussing' some issues. by this time I had about a 6 pack more to drink. I wasn't drunk but i was ready to talk. So my wife procedes to tell me that I'm to hard on the kids. That just got me really upset. I went from not being able to get mad at my wife for quite a few months to being really pissed. I was almost to point of yelling again. I told her that if she would be a little tougher on the kids I won't need to be so tough. When I tell the kids No I mean it. They don't get it. If they through a tantrum they get sent to their room or they go home if we are out somewhere. My wife on the other hand tells them No (mostly the youngest) and when they scream loud enough she turns no into yes. He gets whatever he wants as long as he screams. For example he wants one of my goose calls. It is stored in the garage hanging from a 9' ceiling. I come home from work he pulled it apart and lost pieces to it. I ask how he got it she says I gave it to him so he would stop screaming. It's been like this for 4 years. He is still at 4 years old sleeping in our room. He will be 5 in Oct. I told her that both kids need to have stability in their lives and at the moment they aren't getting it. I tell them one thing she says the opposite to stop the yelling. She then proceeded to ignore me the rest of the night. I would talk to her and she would turn her back to me and give me the silent treatment. I think I said in the beginning how much that irritates me. So that got me really upset and bringing up stuff that had nothing to do with the picnic. I started to bring up some phone calls that she has been making recently after work. She is starting to sit in her truck when she gets home and talk on the phone. The truly upsetting thing is that the number is a local number. Our phone company only allows us to call 1 prefix locally. Every other number is long distance. So she's making these calls from the driveway on her cell. I don't know who the number belongs to and that makes it worse. When I go out at night and shes in the driveway as soon as she sees me she hangs up. But that is something that I need to not worry about. Or at least try not to worry about. I wanted to talk more but she "was tired and wanted to sleep". I asked if we can't talk now then when. You will be going to work when I get home and when you get home from work it will be bed time. She said she didn't know when. So that is where we are at now. We went to sleep last night with our backs to each other. But when we woke up this morning it was like nothing happened and she was all lovey.

On a side note we got the house appraised today. I will hopefully be a homeowner in the next month. Fingers crossed.

Spam comments

Due to the overwhelming amount of spam responses that I received yesterday I was forced to no longer accept anonymous comments. I had to delete so many responses yesterday it got annoying. So here are the rules for my Blog (it's mine so I can make all the rules I want :-) ) if you are going to post comments please NO SPAM! As to the rest of the people that have responded please keep commenting I welcome your input.

It's going to be an interesting day

Well there are a few things on my mind today. The first and most important is that what little conversation that my wife and I had today had some good news. But then things went back to normal soon afterwards. The good news is that my wife is no longer thinking about leaving me and she hasn't thought about that in a few months. The bad part of this morning was that as I was trying to talk to her the 4 year old kept interrupting (we need to find a way of getting more alone time), and she didn't really want to talk to me. So I asked her about a comment she made awhile ago. She said that it seems like all we have is a physical relationship and that if it wasn't for sex we would have nothing. So I asked her today how are we supposed to have a relationship based on anything else if she won't talk to me. She replied that she didn't know. As she got up I noticed a small tear running down her cheek. I asked her why she was crying and she said she wasn't, that it was just the fan blowing on her face. I didn't really believe it but dropped the subject. She left the room to get the kids ready for church. When she came back to change her clothes I tried to talk to her again and she just sat on the bed and started to really cry this time. I asked her again what was wrong and she said she didn't know. She just wanted to be held. So I held her for awhile. After a few minutes I started asking questions like what did I di to upset you? Did I say or do anything wrong? I know that when a woman is crying and just wants to be held that she pretty much does not want to talk about it. I just can't do that for some reason. Especially with my wife. If she is crying I will always think that I did something wrong until she tells me otherwise. She kept answering that she didn't know why she was crying and that I didn't do anything to make her cry. She then looked at the time and said she had to leave or she would be late for church. So her and the kids left 30 minutes ago with her still upset over something that I don't know. So here's my question - Do women really cry for no reason at all and cry just to cry?

So here I am at home waiting for my family to come home from church so we can go to my wifes company picnic this afternoon. She has been at the job for 3 years and has never wanted to attend any of the functions that they put on. But today we are going to a picnic. This will be interesting. Especially since my boss is married to my wifes supervisor. I get along great with him, but my wife can't stand her. The other interesting thing is that one of my wifes coworkers has said a few remarks about her massages that she does for her business. He has asked a few times if she offers a "happy ending" to her massages. If you want to piss my wife off that is the best way. She takes her massage business very seriously. She won't even let someone call her a massues. She is a Massage Therapist. So she told him to stop or she would report him to the owner of the store. I told her to report him anyways but she won't. She don't want to cause problems. The part that upsets me is she won't tell me who said it I have it narrowed down to about 3 people.

The other thing that happened (or has been happening lately) is that I can't seem to give her a compliment without her rolling her eyes, or shaking her head, or just completely disagreeing with me. I love to tell her that she is pretty 'There's my pretty woman/wife' or substitute pretty for beautiful or sexy. I've done that for the whole 12 years that we have known each other, But now she just gets upset saying that no she isn't. I can't help it that's just the way I see her. Me on the other hand I know I'm not any of those things. I'm about 120 pounds over weight. But that's just me. The way I see it I only have one life so live it how I want to. I love to eat red meat and potatoes for dinner. All the weight I lost back in Feb. and March has been put back on in the last few months. When things got better between us I started eating like normal again. It also don't help that I quit smoking 3 weeks ago. I'm constantly eating now. Actually I ran out of cigarettes 3 weeks ago and haven't had a chance to go to the store to get more is the excuse I tell myself.

So here is something that I have noticed from Morgen Z's Blog she said "women give sex to get love, men give love to get sex" . That got me thinking about what I told my wife the first time she told me that all we have is a physical relationship. The way I feel is that I need to have a way of feeling close to her. I'd rather feel close to her on a communication level. That's how I feel the closest to her. But when we don't talk I still need to feel close to her so I end up trying to make love instead. She on the other hand like most women I guess want to feel the connection before making love. So when we do communicate I feel close to her and satisfied but she feels more willing to make love so we both win again. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy sex with my wife, just that I'm just as happy to hold her and cuddle as I am to make love to her.

Other Blogs

So I've been reading quite a few Blogs lately. Some of them pretty good. I find that most of the Blogs I read are about husbands dealing with cheating wives or wives who won't have sex with them. The majority of the Blogs I have been really hooked on lately are the ones with wives going into detail about their affairs. For some reason I am really drawn to these Blogs. But they do make me feel suspicious about my wife. I just can't stop reading them. The Blog that I have been truly captivated with is written by M and is called the tale of my discrete affair.

Some things that I have noticed though in reading a couple of mens Blogs is that their wives have not had sex with them for several months at a time. My wife and I are not in that situation. Even when we were at our worst back in Feb. and March we were still having sex a few times a week. (I'm not trying to turn this into a detailed sex Blog.) One of the things I have noticed is that the worse we get communication wise the better we get in the bedroom. The less we talk the more we make love. I think part of it is because the more we talk with each other the less I feel the need to be with her in the physical sense. I think that the other part of it is that my wife uses sex to keep me from pursuing conversation with her. Again this is all speculation.

One last thought for now. In reading M's Blog someone commented they thought most men would be more upset with the lying and deceiving an affair would cause than the actual act of having sex with someone else. I think that is about where I am. It upset me more that my wife lied to me about what was going on with Mr. D, than the thought that she wanted to have sex with him. For some odd reason the thought of her with someone else gets me turned on. But if it happened without my knowing or being lied to it would piss me off. Is this normal for men or am I a freak?

It's been a while

Well it has been a long time since I last posted. Not sure why the postings have stopped for sure. I guess I just got busy with outside stuff. My wife and I haven't really fought in a few months. We actually just got back from a vacation to Tahoe with the kids. It was a good time. We went to the same cabin that we went to for my birthday back in Feb. We are still in the process of trying to by the house. We are getting it appraised on Mon. morning. The kids started school again 2 days ago. My wife's massage business isn't doing to well though. She doesn't have that many clients yet, and she is really getting discouraged. I think she is averaging 1 massage a week. That's not enough massages for her to quit her part time job at the grocery store. Which is making her feel depressed. We did come to a finding about a month ago though. I figured out that part of how she was reacting to what I had to say was directly related to how she was feeling about her massage practice. If she was happy with her practice like getting a shop to work out of things were really good with us. But then about 3 weeks ago the owner of the shop raised her rent from 10 per client to 200 per month. That put her in a bad mood because she lost her space at the shop because she was not making enough money to afford the rent hike. Thus that started her back to snapping at me for no reason. At least now I know that it is not me that she is upset with. It is her business and landlord. I'm trying to help her out with her business but most of the time she either wants to do it alone or I don't have the money to help her out. The thing that has really upset me in the last few months is that we have been downright broke within a week of getting paid. She does have the massage money but she is not putting that into the family money. She is keeping that for who knows what. I think she's saving for a massage chair for her business but a little bit of money from her massages going into our bank account would be nice. The price of gas isn't helping much either. It now costs almost 55.00 to fill my wife's Explorer.
On to other things that I'm happy about since the last time I wrote. #1 and most important she is no longer calling Mr. D. His number has not showed up on a cell bill in about 3.5 - 4 months. She has stopped emailing other people about our relationship problems. Apparently her sister-in-law found out some things she was writing about and she chewed my wife's ass out for it. She has stopped Text messaging Mr. D. also. The other thing that I am glad about is that I am no longer receiving letters or anything from the people that she is working with. (We are going to her company picnic on Sun. though so that might change.)
So that really is all that is going on since I last wrote. I am glad that I actually got some comments. That is what got me writing again. I was actually told that my blog was good. :) I'm flattered. Although I'm not to happy about the comment spamming some stocks. :( So I guess that's all for now.