Sunday, August 28, 2005

It's going to be an interesting day

Well there are a few things on my mind today. The first and most important is that what little conversation that my wife and I had today had some good news. But then things went back to normal soon afterwards. The good news is that my wife is no longer thinking about leaving me and she hasn't thought about that in a few months. The bad part of this morning was that as I was trying to talk to her the 4 year old kept interrupting (we need to find a way of getting more alone time), and she didn't really want to talk to me. So I asked her about a comment she made awhile ago. She said that it seems like all we have is a physical relationship and that if it wasn't for sex we would have nothing. So I asked her today how are we supposed to have a relationship based on anything else if she won't talk to me. She replied that she didn't know. As she got up I noticed a small tear running down her cheek. I asked her why she was crying and she said she wasn't, that it was just the fan blowing on her face. I didn't really believe it but dropped the subject. She left the room to get the kids ready for church. When she came back to change her clothes I tried to talk to her again and she just sat on the bed and started to really cry this time. I asked her again what was wrong and she said she didn't know. She just wanted to be held. So I held her for awhile. After a few minutes I started asking questions like what did I di to upset you? Did I say or do anything wrong? I know that when a woman is crying and just wants to be held that she pretty much does not want to talk about it. I just can't do that for some reason. Especially with my wife. If she is crying I will always think that I did something wrong until she tells me otherwise. She kept answering that she didn't know why she was crying and that I didn't do anything to make her cry. She then looked at the time and said she had to leave or she would be late for church. So her and the kids left 30 minutes ago with her still upset over something that I don't know. So here's my question - Do women really cry for no reason at all and cry just to cry?

So here I am at home waiting for my family to come home from church so we can go to my wifes company picnic this afternoon. She has been at the job for 3 years and has never wanted to attend any of the functions that they put on. But today we are going to a picnic. This will be interesting. Especially since my boss is married to my wifes supervisor. I get along great with him, but my wife can't stand her. The other interesting thing is that one of my wifes coworkers has said a few remarks about her massages that she does for her business. He has asked a few times if she offers a "happy ending" to her massages. If you want to piss my wife off that is the best way. She takes her massage business very seriously. She won't even let someone call her a massues. She is a Massage Therapist. So she told him to stop or she would report him to the owner of the store. I told her to report him anyways but she won't. She don't want to cause problems. The part that upsets me is she won't tell me who said it I have it narrowed down to about 3 people.

The other thing that happened (or has been happening lately) is that I can't seem to give her a compliment without her rolling her eyes, or shaking her head, or just completely disagreeing with me. I love to tell her that she is pretty 'There's my pretty woman/wife' or substitute pretty for beautiful or sexy. I've done that for the whole 12 years that we have known each other, But now she just gets upset saying that no she isn't. I can't help it that's just the way I see her. Me on the other hand I know I'm not any of those things. I'm about 120 pounds over weight. But that's just me. The way I see it I only have one life so live it how I want to. I love to eat red meat and potatoes for dinner. All the weight I lost back in Feb. and March has been put back on in the last few months. When things got better between us I started eating like normal again. It also don't help that I quit smoking 3 weeks ago. I'm constantly eating now. Actually I ran out of cigarettes 3 weeks ago and haven't had a chance to go to the store to get more is the excuse I tell myself.

So here is something that I have noticed from Morgen Z's Blog she said "women give sex to get love, men give love to get sex" . That got me thinking about what I told my wife the first time she told me that all we have is a physical relationship. The way I feel is that I need to have a way of feeling close to her. I'd rather feel close to her on a communication level. That's how I feel the closest to her. But when we don't talk I still need to feel close to her so I end up trying to make love instead. She on the other hand like most women I guess want to feel the connection before making love. So when we do communicate I feel close to her and satisfied but she feels more willing to make love so we both win again. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy sex with my wife, just that I'm just as happy to hold her and cuddle as I am to make love to her.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

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Colonel Ingers said...

Confused,

Just spent a long time reading your blog from beginning to end. I have been moved by all sorts of emotions - anger, frustration, hope, sympathy.

I have a lot I'd like to say to you - mostly about my admiration for your courage and perseverance in fighting to keep your wife and family.

I found your blog through M's "discreet" affair.
I was the one who gave her a blast for what I saw as her deceitful and cowardly behaviour in cheating on her husband.

I just don't get the selfish behaviour of so many partners once the romantic period of their marriage has cooled down. All they see is how they are now without that "spark" and they will do anything, hurt anyone, to regain it again.

What's the answer? I've been thinking about that.....I may leave my thoughts for another post.

Remember....behave in a way that will make you proud in the future. Our honour is one of the few things that is truly our own.

Best of luck.

Michelle said...

"deceitful and cowardly behaviour" I am getting dinged and this isn't even my blog.

Ouch :(

I have enjoyed reading your blog today. It has really helped me see what might being going on with my husband. You asked a question on my blog about besides lack of sex, why I decided to cheat on my husband.

The main problem in our relationship was communication. We do not have the same concept of what a conversation is. I feel that it is sharing your opinions with another person and listening to their opinion. My husband sees it as another person trying to change his mind and his fight to the death to change the other person's mind.

I married him when I was very young and I was not confident enough to try and voice my opinions. As I got older and started to try to discuss things with him, we started fighting. I mostly voiced my opinions about how to raise our daughter. I didn't dare try to touch things like gun control an racism. As soon as I tried to voice an opinion that was different then his, he went into agrument mode with yelling and pointing of his finger. I really think he enjoys fighting.

Two years ago, I stopped trying and he thought everything was perfect. To him this is how it should be. He had no idea that I was slowly pulling away from him. I got stonger and more independent. I realized that maybe our lives would be better if I was no longer married. By our lives, I mean mine and my daughters.

There are obviously other things but I would have to say that that is the main one that really prevented us from even working on the others.

I hope the insight into my failure will help you succeed. Good luck.
:)