Monday, August 29, 2005

Yesterday was more than interesting

So we left to go to the company picnic yesterday. When we got there we realized that we forgot the 4 year olds swim vest at home. So I went back to get it. No big deal just wasted 25 miles in gas @ $2.91 a gallon ( don't get me started on the price of gas. Got to Nevada and they pay 50 cents less than us. The gas is refined 40 miles from home and needs to be trucked almost 200 miles to Nevada and they get it cheaper. :-( ). When I get back to the picnic the kids go swimming and so does my wife. It wasn't all that fun for me as my wife didn't introduce me to anyone. I can't stand to be around big groups of people especially people I don't know. I didn't go swimming as I have to keep water out of my ear for awhile do to ear problems. So I spent the afternoon drinking beer watching the family swim. When my oldest son and my wife decided that they had enough swimming I called the 4 year old over to tell him he could still swim but he had to stay in the shallow end of the pool. He decided to go straight to the deep end. So I called him back over to me and made him take a timeout. He then thought that it would be alright to yell and scream at me and anyone close by. So I decide that I would take him home. There was no sense in him wrecking everyone's day. This is a constant problem with him anymore. He thinks if he screams long enough or loud enough that he will get his way. I've had enough of his tantrums so I just take him home now no matter where we are. My wife decided that I had to much to drink to drive so she drove me home. I had 3 beers but it's better safe than sorry. So we come home at 6:00. We were only there for an hour and a half. My wife went back with my oldest son. Unfortunately there was no $ for us to buy dinner and all the food in the house was all frozen. So we had to sit at home to wait for my wife to come home with leftovers. Which wasn't till 9:30. At which time I finally ate and my kids went to bed. Ok that was fine but when I went to bed thats when the problem started. My wife and I were up till 12:30 'discussing' some issues. by this time I had about a 6 pack more to drink. I wasn't drunk but i was ready to talk. So my wife procedes to tell me that I'm to hard on the kids. That just got me really upset. I went from not being able to get mad at my wife for quite a few months to being really pissed. I was almost to point of yelling again. I told her that if she would be a little tougher on the kids I won't need to be so tough. When I tell the kids No I mean it. They don't get it. If they through a tantrum they get sent to their room or they go home if we are out somewhere. My wife on the other hand tells them No (mostly the youngest) and when they scream loud enough she turns no into yes. He gets whatever he wants as long as he screams. For example he wants one of my goose calls. It is stored in the garage hanging from a 9' ceiling. I come home from work he pulled it apart and lost pieces to it. I ask how he got it she says I gave it to him so he would stop screaming. It's been like this for 4 years. He is still at 4 years old sleeping in our room. He will be 5 in Oct. I told her that both kids need to have stability in their lives and at the moment they aren't getting it. I tell them one thing she says the opposite to stop the yelling. She then proceeded to ignore me the rest of the night. I would talk to her and she would turn her back to me and give me the silent treatment. I think I said in the beginning how much that irritates me. So that got me really upset and bringing up stuff that had nothing to do with the picnic. I started to bring up some phone calls that she has been making recently after work. She is starting to sit in her truck when she gets home and talk on the phone. The truly upsetting thing is that the number is a local number. Our phone company only allows us to call 1 prefix locally. Every other number is long distance. So she's making these calls from the driveway on her cell. I don't know who the number belongs to and that makes it worse. When I go out at night and shes in the driveway as soon as she sees me she hangs up. But that is something that I need to not worry about. Or at least try not to worry about. I wanted to talk more but she "was tired and wanted to sleep". I asked if we can't talk now then when. You will be going to work when I get home and when you get home from work it will be bed time. She said she didn't know when. So that is where we are at now. We went to sleep last night with our backs to each other. But when we woke up this morning it was like nothing happened and she was all lovey.

On a side note we got the house appraised today. I will hopefully be a homeowner in the next month. Fingers crossed.


Colonel Ingers said...

Great news that you may soon be a house-owner. A word of caution though. You may want to gather evidence of your wife's behaviour and speak to a lawyer, or at least a knowledgable friend some time soon.
I know it probably sounds underhanded and distrustful of your wife but she has been, and is still being, deceitful. And unless there is a drastic change in your home life, why would that dishonest behaviour not continue? Make sure you take care of your own welfare.

On a positive note, remember what you said about the discovery you made about the difference in what you and your wife found important and meaningful.
Why not try helping her in the development of the massage business that doesn't seem to be going too well?
You could try to contact a "small business" institution. You know, people who help new businesses with all the aspects of starting, premises, accounting, advertising etc.
I'm sure you could find something on the internet. Then show her what you've found and suggest you could look it over together - a joint project that you could both get involved in as real partners.

Don't pin all your hopes on it if you decide to go that way though, she may see it as interference or who knows what.

Best of luck.

Michelle said...

Even though I am coming from the other side of the fence, I wish you the best of luck. My blog really isn't about my marriage. That was over before it began. I really wish my husband and I had tried to make some of the efforts you are making. I really do hope that your wife is as dedicated to making it work as you are.

Anonymous said...

Dude...i just got done reading your entire blog and you have some serious control issues. I can understand the anger and confusion but you make the situation worse by browsing her cellphone, emails, etc. She probably feels trapped. And if you like to do stupid things when drunk, there is probably a history of that behavior.

You need to let her go, try to be on her own, and see what happens. She has obviously "checked out" and is either too scared to make the final leap to leaving you or is guilty over the kids. If she remains in the marriage as it is now, she will ALWAYS resent you.

On the other hand, if she tries living on her own, separate from you, she might realize that the "grass isn't greener" and may come back to you.

good luck.

Confused Husband said...

I do understand what you told me, but there are some things that need clarification. I haven't browsed her emails or her cell phone. She has her own email account and password that I have not known since we have had a computer. In fact we have the hard drive split and I can not access her windows program. The e mails that I have read were because they were sent to my in box, from her account. Neither one of us knows how they got there. We both have seperate passwords for windows to keep the kids off the computer. our youngest son deleted a bunch of files and programs on our last computer without passwords. I don't check her cell phone I look at the cell phine bill.

As far as her leaving on her own to see who she wants to be with a) I'm not going to be her second choice. She either chooses me or she don't. No in betweens. b) I don't believe in seperations or divorces. We took the vows to death do us part, in good times and bad. c) She only takes home 200 a pay check. Everyother week. The cheapest 1 bedroom apt. here goes for 600 a month.

Anonymous said...

no wonder she feels traped you just described how traped she is and do you feel good about yourself knowing that she is only with you because she has no choice? thats not a marriage thats jail.