Where to begin now?

So where I left off last post was about how Summer had been cheating on me again. I found out on my favorite day of the year. Opening day of duck season. Oct. 24. Which is ironic, because going through some of my very first posts ever, that is the same date I found out about Mr. D. 

Summer, my dad and I went out duck hunting earlier in the day (by the way Summer got her hunting license 3 years ago). When we got home from hunting Summer and I got in the shower together and got dressed to head out to an RV dealership. I had been researching RV's for over a year to purchase and had finally narrowed it down to 2 RV's to choose from. I had thought that she was on the same page as me with getting an RV. We were only there to look. Not making a purchase. I had been watching YouTube videos daily for over a year and decided that I wanted to see one in person.

So we drove an hour away to a place that just got one of the models in that we were interested in. While we were there I was real excited and was happy with what I saw but again was only there to look. I wanted to see the second model first, plus I wasn't going to be ready until some time in spring.

The entire time she just didn't seem into it. Even though for months she would get all excited and tell me that she would see a certain model of trailer going down the road or while watching YouTube she would tell me that certain features are a deal breaker. So on the way home I tried to talk to her and she was being silent until almost halfway home she said that she felt we were moving in separate directions. WHAT?!? 
That took me completely by surprise. I have always wanted to go one direction with her and that was to be together for the rest of our natural lives. I couldn't stand the thought of not being with her. She that was a huge part of the problem. That I make her feel smothered because I always want to spend time with her. I don't always want to spend time with her. I like having some time without her. But when we only have one day a week where we are both off work together I don't think it is too much to ask for that one day to be spent together. She has Fri. to herself to do what she wants. Sat. should be for us together. Sun. is for me without her.

I also don't think that it is too much to ask for her to take a Sun. off so we can be together for 2 days in a row. I always need to take off on Fri. because she won't take a Sun. off to do something with me. But if she wants to go back to her home town she just takes a day off and leaves. Don't even discuss it just says I'm going. I've never had a problem with her going to her hometown. I actually think that she should go more often. I would just like to have some time with her as well. We had planned since July a hunting trip together first weekend in Oct. She told me her boss denied it though. She did however have no problems telling Douchebag that I was going be leaving. Told him the time I was leaving and day I'd be back. We had also planned a hunting trip to Oregon for a year together with my dad and uncle for opening weekend of pheasant season Nov. 14. She said she was denied that as well. Although she did end up having jury duty so I have to give her an out on that.

Anyways I'm getting off track here. So after she told me this we went out to dinner because it was late. Didn't talk all that much. Side note by this time it was almost 7:00 in evening. I had been awake since 2:00 in morning with very little sleep because I was too excited about duck hunting to sleep. When we got home it was time for Summer to go to bed so she could get up at 3:00 to go to work a 12 hour shift  in the morning.

Side note here: It is important to state that after I came home from hunting in Northern Ca. first weekend in Oct. I called in sick to work on Oct. 7, which was a Thu. Summer had a Dr. appt. so she had the day off as well. She went to her appointment alone and when after she came home and we went to Walmart where she an appointment to get a haircut. I did some shopping while I waited. Once her hair was done, we left the store. As we are driving out of the parking lot, she receives a phone call. Her response is "I can't talk right now. I'm with someone" and then hung up. Someone. She said that I was someone. She didn't say I'm with my husband. Didn't say I'm with CH. She called me someone. 

So with that quick detour we now go back to the evening of Oct. 24. After she went to bed it was starting to click that something more was going on. Between being called someone 2 weeks ago, no sex for a week, her hiding her iPad if I walked behind her to let the dog outside or in the house, and now being told we were going different directions, I did what I did in 2005 when I found out about Mr. D. I looked at her phone. I saw her messages to Fucking Douchebag on FB Messenger. She told him how wet he made her and that she wanted to feel him inside of her. I felt sick. I went into the bedroom, told Alexa to turn on the light and asked her what the fuck this was. She yelled your looking through my phone and tried to grab it from me. I told her that if she tried again I would break it in half. I could feel the anger rising. I hadn't lost my temper with her since late 2004 or early 2005. I felt that I was back on the verge. Just thinking about it now is making my hands start to shake and my heart rate is increasing.

 

Had to take a bit of a break there. I'm now at home and it is almost time for bed. I had to calm myself down a bit before continuing on. 

So anyways where did I leave off there? I again asked what the fuck is this shit? Your fucking someone else again? Just rethinking about that night has me on the verge of tears again but I need to get this out. I don't remember what she said next but I took her phone and left the room. She jumped out of bed and followed me into the kitchen and kept grabbing for her phone. I put it into my pocket so she couldn't get to it. 

I can't do this. I need to wait till tomorrow maybe I can finish then. 

So this post was started on Dec. 3. It is now Dec. 8. Let's see if I can get it finished at some point before Christmas.

So she kept trying to grab the phone. I ended up putting it in my pocket. We ended up in the kitchen, I was sitting on one of the counters wearing a pair of shorts and a tshirt. Summer was jolted out of bed and had no clothes on (this is important for later). Again this was on Oct. 24, so the exact words that were said I can't remember. I do know that I kept calling her a whore. Thinking back on that I know that it was wrong. I was not thinking clearly. I was reacting emotionally and not in a responsible manner. She kept saying that he was just a "friend" nothing else. If he was just a "friend" then why was she calling him love? Why did one of her messages say that she was thinking him for letting her get 3 little words out during a video chat: I love you. If he was just a friend then why did she tell him that I back in July that I didn't please her in bed and that I didn't last long enough? Why did she tell him that she wished I would just die so she could collect the life insurance money?

We kept it going till past midnight. The whole time she kept trying to stick her hand up the shorts I was wearing to touch me. In one of my third or fourth posts ever I wrote how she would always try to touch me. She was trying to do it again. Only this time I was having none of it. I kept pushing her away. 

I asked how long this had been going on. She said not long. She kept begging me not to look at her phone anymore and I asked why. She said because he asked her to send her pictures of her without clothes. She said that she didn't do it but she didn't want me to see the message where he asked.

 Finally around 1:00 she went back to bed and I went to sit on the couch and read through all of the messages. In the messages she told him that she was being forced to sleep in the spare bedroom the prior week. Untrue. She came to bed with me that night. She told him early on in Oct. that she wanted to find a place of her own but could not afford it yet, and she was saving money from every check so she can afford it.

I scrolled further and she told him that I was leaving town on Oct. 2 and would not be back until the 4th. She even told him what time I was leaving the house and that she wanted him to come over. Conveniently she told me that her time off request for the 4th was denied. I guess now I know why . She didn't ask for it off so she could be with Douchebag instead.

Then when I saw  a message from Sept. I see that she took a picture of herself at 3:00 in the morning while I was in bed and sent it to him of her laying on the couch without clothes on camera centered on her pussy. The message from her said good morning. Just thinking about your hard dick makes me so wet. Interesting because she sent him the picture without him asking.

I scrolled deeper into the messages and saw that she took a picture of herself wearing lacy underwear with the string up the butt that she never wears for me. Ones that she asked me to buy her almost 3 years ago in Reno. I bought her 5 pairs. She wore one pair that weekend. Never wore them for me again. But she asks Douchebag what color he would like to see her in. Even offers to wear the sexy lingerie for him that she won't wear for me because she "don't feel comfortable". 

She is always telling me that she didn't sleep well at night because the dog needed to go outside. But looking at the messages she would wait till I was asleep to go message him at midnight or 11:00 or 1:00. I always thought it was interesting that the dog always needed to go out in the middle of the night but when she was working nights or was out of town the dog never got out of bed when it was just dog and me. ow that the messages have stopped with Douchebag, the dog miraculously doesn't go out in middle of the night.

Scrolling more I see her tell him she can't afford a place of her own yet.

In July she told him that I don't please her in bed anymore because I don't last long enough. Same conversation she told him that she wished I would die so she can get the life insurance money. That's not happening. When I found out I took her off of the life insurance policy and added our oldest and our 2 nieces instead. She also told him that she didn't want to go on our trip together. She told me she was looking forward to going to Oregon and seeing Crater Lake.

Scrolled through and saw that she fucking sexted him in March on our anniversary!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! Our 26th anniversary she is sexting someone else.

In Feb. she told him when I was going to be out of town goose hunting.

She did the same thing when I was goose hunting for a week in Jan.

This was after I took her on a cruise to Mexico the prior week. She had me buy her several hundred dollars in jewelry. Told me she had a great time. Told him she had a bad time and hated being with me for the 4 days.

She was sexting him around Christmas and sending him photos for weeks prior to that. There was no regular talking even in the very first messages that I saw. It was straight to sexting. Saying they wished to actually be in each others beds. SHE WANTED TO BRING SOMEONE ELSE INTO MY BED!!!!!

And this was only the messages that I could see. They also had voice calls via FB Messenger as well at all hours of the night and sometimes while she was at work throughout the year. Then there was the video calls with messenger which happened almost weekly. Then there is the phone calls and text messages that she erased right after they came in. I have no clue how often those happened or for how long they went on for.

Oh....she also wrote to him about a week before I found out that she was worried about him because he "couldn't finish" due to his age. WHAT!?! She tells him I don't last long enough but tells him she is worried about his fucking age!

By this point it was almost 2 in the morning. I couldn't take it anymore. I had been awake for 24 hours at this point and had to get out of the house. I called my sister and she actually answered. I told her I was on my way and she said the door would be open when I got there. I called the dog and loaded her in the truck and we left. Summer asked where I was going and I told her it was none of her business.

The drive that normally takes almost an hour only took me just over 30 minutes and that's with getting gas. I got there just after 2:30. Walked in the door hugged my sister and lost it. She took me to the garage so I didn't wake up my niece. She packed a bowl for me and I talked to her about that happened and about Mr. D and the fact that I feel like I am cheating on her for just watching a pornhub video if we haven't had sex in over a week.

After all this time I feel like if I watch a porn that I cheating on her.

We went inside and stayed up talking till about 4. From there I was getting up and peeing every 20-30 minutes even though I wasn't drinking any water. I was having multiple panic/anxiety attacks. I wasn't sleeping at all. My whole body was shaking. Finally around 5 or 6 in evening my sister drove me home. I couldn't drive because I didn't sleep at all that day. I got home and opened a beer chugged it and opened another. Stayed on deck talking with my sister and her wife for almost an hour before they went back home.

I went into the bedroom and found a way to cast my tablet to the TV and put porn on the TV, covered my head with a pillow and waited for Summer to arrive home from working 12 hour shift. When she got home she had the fucking nerve to be mad at me for porn on the TV saying "Oh I should have known this is what you would do". Really? known this is what I would do? I wasn't even watching it! I was laying on my side away from TV with a pillow over my head. I told her no this is to show you that if I ever wanted to cheat on you this is my idea of cheating. 

This was at about 8:30. We stayed up "talking" till midnight. By this point I was up for just shy of 48 hours. I have no clue what was said in that conversation I was out of it. between the few beers and the total lack of sleep. 

I had already called my boss on Sun. and told him I was not going to be at work on Mon. I slept till about 5 or 6 and couldn't get back to sleep. I got up and went to do something on the computer and for the first time since 2013 I logged into my FB account. I saw that a friend form HS had sent me a messenger message just a few days prior asking how things were doing. He was also the best man at our wedding. I told him things weren't good. So we talked for a few hours.. I also looked up Douchebag and typed out a long message to him, then called Summer at work. I was on the phone with her for over an hour. She kept asking what I was typing on the keyboard. Who was dinging me on messenger (because of course she knows exactly what sound that is). I told her none of her business. Then I finally told her I was typing a message to douchebag. She started begging me not to send it to him. She wouldn't give me a reason at all as to why I shouldn't send it to him.

My friend ended up being the one to talk me out of sending it. Told me I needed to take the high road and be the better man. So I sent it to Summer instead.

After that I messaged my sister and asked if I could stay with her for a few days and she said come on up. She would add my phone to her smart lock so I could walk in at anytime. I went to the bedroom, packed clothes and the dogs things and left. I did leave my wedding ring on the counter with a picture of us in Mexico and wrote on a piece of paper that apparently just like me the picture and ring mean absolutely nothing to her.

I then left and was gone for 5 days.

Wow that was an ordeal to get typed up. It is now Dec. 9 as I am hitting the publish button.

Till next time.