Well here I am after a many year hiatus. So much has happened in the last few years that I have been gone. There have been good things and bad things. Some of it is minor things others are major and the biggest has been life altering and I do not know if I will be able to recover from it.
I really don't know where to start at this point. Do I just jump right in and tell you all what has happened that is so life altering? Or should I try and give you quick updates as to everything that has happened in the last few years that I have not been here? Hell I don;t even know if there are any of my old readers out there anymore. The list of Blogs that I used to read is no longer on my site. I guess that means that either they have all disappeared or that that no one has posted to them in quite some time. Meaning that they have in a sense disappeared.
Either way I find myself in need of a place to let someone, anyone know what is going on in my life. Whether that be to some of my old readers, Some random person stumbling on my site for the first time or even if it to no one at all but for me to look back on and ask what the FUCK was I thinking? Your such a pussy for thinking that you could not recover from this. I know that it is stupid to think that I will not be able to get over this. But when I get inside my head like has been known to happen I can't help it.
If you have read my posts from years before you will no that I was on medications for depression for a few years. 10 years to be exact. I actually was able to completely get off of all the meds in 2015. Now I am back on the meds for depression and also to help me sleep at night. Even when I take a double dose of the med for sleep along with Melatonin I am only getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night. I always wake up between 1 and 2 in the morning and my mind just runs wild thinking about what happened. Why it happened. How it happened. How long it has been going on. Blaming myself even though I did not do this or cause this. plus a thousand other things just comes racing into my head and won't leave. Then when Summer Rose (for new readers she is my wife) wakes up at 3 to do her morning exercises is when it gets worse.
So I guess I will just out right say what has happened. Summer has been cheating on me for over a year. The reason it gets worse when she gets out of bed to do her exercises is because that's the main time that her and her "friend" (from here on out to be referred to as Douchebag) would do their thing. She would tell me that she is working out in the morning, but she was really doing is sexting a person instead. Something that I have tried to get her to do with me for years and she would say that I am gross and disgusting or that I was bothering her. She would take pictures of herself with no clothes on and send them to him. Another thing that she would never ever let me do since we stopped Bogging. She would video call him so he could watch her play with herself. Sometimes with toys that I bought her to use with me. She wear the sexy underwear that I would buy her for him but in 2 years of owning them she would never wear them for me.
I can almost handle the sexting with him. But it is the fact that he was getting things from her that she would refuse to do for me. Also the fact that she let it go WAY beyond just sexting him. She would tell him she loved him. She would tell him that I did not satisfy her in bed. She told him in July that she wished I would just die so that she could get the life insurance money. The life insurance by the way that SHE insisted that I get. She told him I drink to much. She told him that she wanted to find her own place to live but could not afford it.
What was she telling me this entire time? That she loved me. That she wanted to love me forever. She even was asking me as close as August if we could get remarried! This is after she told this Mother Fucker that she loved him and wanted to leave me! Why does this keep happening to me?!? Remember Mr. D from back when I first started this Blog in 2005? How I said that I believed her when she said that they never slept together? How she in her Blog said that they never slept together? Well in 2013 I found out that she did in fact get into his bed and she FUCKED him! MORE THAN ONCE!!!!!! And she expects me to believe that she never fucked this new guy at all. It was only sexting and video messaging on Facebook Messenger. Even though every time I would leave home for a weekend to go hunting or camping she would tell him that I was going to be out of town and that we have a door with a broken lock. She told him how to get into MY FUCKING HOUSE when I'm not home!!!!!! And what do I do? I FUCKING BEG HER NOT TO LEAVE ME! What kind of fucking man am I?
Oh dear readers if there are any left it gets worse than that. Sometime in 2006 or 2007 after she had her massage therapy business going she did it again and just now told me about it. To make it even worse about that guy it was with the same fucking douchebag that she has been sexting with now! She swears now that it was just a hand job after she gave him a massage (something that she has flat out refused to do for me for years). Then in 2010 she she made out a different guy while I was at work. The in 2013 she had an emotional affair with her ex boyfriend for high school. That's when I found out that she fucked Mr. D. She told him what she lied to me about for 8 years. So where does that leave us now? We have been married for 26 years and I don't know who I'm married to anymore. That's 5 times in 26 years that she has cheated on me. I'm really thinking that there are more though. Especially when she made a comment last week "That you know about" which leads me to believe there were more times that she hasn't come clean about yet.
I can't believe it but it has taken me almost an entire week to get this post written. I have so much more to say but I need to end this one here and begin with a new post. At some point I need to write about something happy again. I also need to go into more detail about how things are going right now and other things I just don't want to put too much into one post. Especially after being gone for so long.
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