Monday, July 30, 2007

The lost art of dateing

As I had said in my post about the weekend getaway Miss Kick Ass Rack had hit on a topic that I wanted to discuss, but didn't want to ruin the good points of our weekend away together. In her post she describes an evening out with her husband without the kids. She feels like they have "forgotten how to date". Ironically I felt the same way when Summer and I returned from Reno.

I want to make one thing very clear though before I continue. We did have a wonderful time together. It was relaxing and nice to finally be alone. We really needed the time alone.

Here is the thing though. We really didn't talk much the entire time that we were gone. The drive up was spent listening to the radio. We held hands pretty much the entire time, but conversation was lacking. When we stopped for breakfast at Denny's we sat at the table in silence. Outside of asking if the other was liking the food. Or Summer asking me how my stomach was holding up.

When we got to Reno and got into our room again not much talk. We laid on the bed and almost instantly fell asleep. When we woke up we had a wonderful round of coupling, showered and went down to the casino. We walked around to various places for a little over an hour. Not much talking. Went back to our room and got ready for dinner. While we ate dinner again it was pretty much in silence.

Are you seeing a theme here?

I'll go ahead and spare you the rest of the details.

The point is that somewhere along the line we seem to have forgotten how to carry on a conversation that didn't revolve around the kids. I did feel connected to Summer while we were together but it also felt like something was missing. That something was conversation. It is something that I crave. But it is also something that I have forgotten how to do. There isn't just one of us that is to blame for this. It is both of us. It just seems awkward that with as little time that we do see each other on a regular basis that we have nothing to talk about.' Either we don't want to talk about it because we are on a "date night" (ie. kids, work) or we have already talked about it. How did we ever get to this point? Or maybe a better question would be when have we NOT been at this point.

Like things have always been between us the physical aspect of our relationship while on our getaway was wonderful. As has always been the case throughout our relationship the communication wasn't all that it could have been. In some ways I guess it's a good thing that we have difficulties in communication. It cuts down on the possibilities of an argument. At the same time it frightens me. Our kids won't live with us forever. When the boys move out of the house how will we communicate with each other? I don't want a life of living in the same house with the woman I love and have nothing to talk about. If things go like they have historically for us the sex will be good in the future, but like I said I want more than that. I'm just not sure how to change it.

I like to talk to people. Sometimes. But all the conversations I have are superficial. I don't really have any "deep" talks. That is another regret that I have. When I'm out with my dad whether it be hunting or fishing we have the perfect opportunity to have a meaningful conversation. We always let the chance slip through our grasp though. It's sad really.

For now this is about all I can write. My brain is getting jumbled with thoughts.


FTN said...

I remember us discussing "road trip conversations" a bit way back here... Even though it sounds silly, I've found having a bunch of interesting questions on cards has actually spurred quite a bit of amusing conversation.

Autumn even made us a box of index cards with those types of "conversation-starter" questions for a vacation once. I highly recommend it if you think your communication is withering.

Me said...

I know what you mean. DH has often said to me that he's not sure what we'll talk about when we're older and are on our own. It sad that you can't find stuff to talk about. Do you have hobbies? What about movies and TV?
Hope you can get some resolution!