Feelin XL

The other day we went over to my parents house to see my dad. He came home early from his trip to Alaska. 2 weeks early. Anyways we're there and are watching the videos that he took and looking at the pictures. Having a good time.

When it got to be time to leave my dad and I walk in front of summer and my mom who are sitting on the couch. Suddenly Summer and my mom are laughing and Summer is pointing at my dads crotch. Nice dear.

Dad looks down and he has a sticker just about even with his zipper. It is about a 1" circle. All it has on there is the letters XL.

Without missing a beat my dad says "Well I was feeling a bit Extra Large today".

Good times. Good times.

The Bible

Just thought I'd leave you all with a little bit of religious teachings from the good book before I leave for the weekend. Play nice!

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

I'm wondering if this was sent out to other bloggers that blog at work. Or was it just me?

Effective Immediately!!

We are asking that somewhere between starting and quitting time and without infringing too much on the time usually devoted to lunch period, coffee breaks, rest period, story telling, ticket selling, vacation planning, rehashing of last nights TV shows, bidding on auction items, and visiting sights like Blogger, and Wordpress, that each employee endeavor to find some time that can be set aside and known as the "WORK BREAK".

To some this may be a radical innovation, but we honestly believe the idea has great possibilities. It can conceivably be an aid to steady employment and it might also be a means of assuring regular pay checks.

While the idea of the Work Break Plan is not compulsory, it is hoped that each employee will find enough time to give the plan a fair trial.

Management

I don't know what it is I just haven't had much time to be blogging lately. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. It's just that with school being out my entire day is focused on the boys and keeping them occupied. There is quite a bit for me to say though. I do hope to get to doing that soon. Things have taken a turn for the better on a few fronts around the house hold. Youngest is still having his issues, but things are moving along quite well the past week or so.

Letters to Santa

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,
I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog,
a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend
most of my time making low-budget porno films.
I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses
of cocktail waitresses while losing money at
the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping,
do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,
PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy


Dear Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your\n folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house.
How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the bogey man does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams, Santa

Love, Marky