My Journey of Self Discovery

Ch Is Working Days

2008-06-02T23:00:00.000-07:00

Since my dearest hubby has decided not to come back to blogging, any time soon. He is doing very well. I did ask Ch when he was planning on returning to blog land there was no answer, he owns another blog that family can venture to and leave comments, he has not touched that one either I have no idea what will happen if I don't post for him. There are two posts up on my blog that tells what we are going through I must warn you will, it will not be easy to read. There is so much more to post than what I have there. So much pain and tears seemed to well every time I write. Ch will be back to working night starting in July I'm not looking forward to it, what can you do. It's part of life and his job that he has to do. I'm blessed everyday to have such a wonderful husband Ch has become and every day I let him know it. In the mean time keep watching my blog for further updates.

Love
Summer Rose

2008-02-26T21:00:00.000-08:00

Did I forget to mention in my previous post that I finally got that promotion?

I did?

Sorry. Well I finally got the promotion at work and it was official Last week on the 17th. That's good news #1. Good news #2 is that we got a second person to do my job. That means that the position that has been empty for 2 years is now full. The good thing about that is that I am no longer stuck on the 3:30 to midnight shift. Beginning sometime in May after the new guy is trained I will move back to the day shift for 2 months. Then we will be on a 2 month rotation. That way we will keep up to date on how to do the full aspect of the job and not just the paperwork portion. It also means that I won't be burnt out anymore and will be able to spend some much needed time with my family in the evenings.

Ta-ta!

2008-02-22T08:34:00.000-08:00

Amazingly enough I am still alive. Surprising to hear I know but it is true. I have been pretty much gone from blogging for a month now. Haven't even been stopping by to read any since the beginning of the month. Too many things have gotten in the way lately. But here's a little secret: Not all of the reasons for my disappearance are bad. Our old computer took a dump last month so we were down to one computer. Summer needed the laptop for school so I was out of a computer for awhile. Luckily we did our taxes and got a really nice return so new bought a new one. I love it! Windows Vista isn't nearly as bad as I heard it made out to be either.

I have also refound some old past times as well in the last few weeks. I have started fishing on the weekends with the boys while Summer has been at work. We haven't had much luck but we have had fun all the same. Then at the very beginning of the month I got pretty sick and bored. So I found another favorite past time of mine. Reading. I figured that I have already watched the first three movies of Harry Potter that I didn't need to start from the4 beginning. So I started at book 4 on the 3rd of the month. I finished that book and actually liked it so then I watched the movie. Then went on to the next book and movie the following week. Long story short I finished the last book last night. Did I mention that I started to read it on Tue night? That was a record for me. First off reading 4 books in less than a month, and secondly reading a book in 3 days. There was a downside to reading these books though. i have a tendency when I get into a book to REALLY get into a book. So that was what I was spending all of my waking hours doing. Reading. I was staying up till 2 or 3 in the morning reading. I would read at work instead of working. It would just consume me. I would find myself dreaming about the book but not what I had read but what I thought would happen next. The most surprising thing about reading these four books and the amount of time it took to read them was how interested I was in them. Especially since they were, in thew beginning a kids book.

Enjoy your weekend!

2008-01-22T12:26:00.000-08:00

As Summer said over the weekend I'm taking kind of a break. I just haven't been feeling it lately. with everything that has been going on lately I guess I've just lost the oomph so to speak. That and the fact that the home computer has taken a dump on us. So we are now sharing one computer until we can afford to by a new one. Since Summer is going to school and she needs the computer the most I haven't been online as much. things at work have made me afraid to use the computers at work as well.

The depression has hit me really hard the last week or two as well. I've had at least 4 panic attacks just this month. This is with taking the medication like I'm supposed to. I was so bad last week that when I was driving home from my moms house one night I was actually afraid to be behind the wheel. During an appointment with my therapist last week I told him that I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. I just don't know how much more I can take.

Post #365

2008-01-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

Ch went on a break so I'm going to go ahead, and just post of what I know here. The rest of the details will be on my blog, as soon I get a paper out of the way for school. Once again his depression has gotten the best of him; Mom, dad and sister and sister's friend are in Hawaii celebrating both of their Annie's of being clean I think it's been about 5 yrs for both of them. His funk is caused by not having any time with us, and there is also the kiddo situation which has turned worse than ever. We are looking into getting another emergency I.E.P and possibly looking into suing the county that we live in. So in the meantime keep us in your thoughts and prayers it seems we can never have too many of those.

Thank you for your understanding
Summer Rose

2007-12-11T13:03:00.000-08:00

Hey out there! Do any of you still remember me? I'm CH. I know that I've been lacking lately. That might be an understatement actually. I don't know what it is but I just haven't been able to get the gumption up to post on here as of late. I'm torn. Don't know what to do. Don't know what would make me happier. I've thought a lot recently about shutting down. Then every time I think that I also think that it would be a waste to do so.I have 3 years of my life documented here. I don't want to just give up on it. I'll probably just not post as often. Who knows.

So anyways not much has been going on here in the last few weeks since I last posted. I've been making cookies for Christmas again. I'm on my fifth double batch so far. Still have at least 2-3 more double batches to go. As usual I'm going over board on the cookies again. But we go through a lot. 2 Christmas parties, give some away to our neighbors on Christmas day, then there is the ones we'll take to my parents on Christmas day. So we go through a lot too. It's not like I eat them all to myself. That gets saved for the Cordial Cherries. Those are all MINE!

Hunting has been pretty slow lately. I haven't had many opportunities to go. Although 2 weeks ago I got the chance to go on the best pheasant hunt of my life. It was truly amazing. It was like watching a show on the Outdoor Chanel that was taped in South Dakota. Truly a once in a lifetime hunt for someone from Ca.

Jr. has been keeping us busy with his 4H stuff. He is showing a goat this year. Plus the chili cook off that he has signed up for next month. He's also signed up for the rocketry club as well. So we're pretty busy with that.

Youngest is doing alright. At least he is when I'm around. School has been pretty good for him. Home has been getting a little better. At least we are moving ahead in the right direction.

Summer has started babysitting to make some extra money. She's also going back to school starting next week. I think that she has pretty much given up on massage. She did give it a fair try though. We just need more income coming in. Half of her check is going into the gas tank now. Plus her employer has stopped paying standby time. So if she is not giving massages she's not getting paid. They are really slow lately too so sometimes she's there for 6 hours and only does 1 massage. That's a lot of time to be sitting around and not be getting paid.

As for me my schedule/shift has started taking it's toll on me. Right now I'm just hoping that we can get a second lead worker on the crew. Soon. I love the work aspect of the shift still, but I'm getting tired of not seeing the family. I get to see the kids for about 20 minutes in the morning and half an hour for dinner. Summer and I see each other at dinner and thats about it. Unless she comes home from work early. Which isn't often. Plus she works on my days off and I work on hers. We get to a point where we are doing really well together and we can't see each other. So here's to hoping we get a second lead so that I can go back to days. Or at the very least go on a rotating shift which is what my boss wants. If we get two leads he wants to rotate us every two months so we get the experience of the whole job. not just one part. Right now I'm great at the paperwork aspect. But when it comes to the maintenance aspect I suck. I don't deal with that on my shift.

I am taking some time off soon though so that's going to be nice. SR is going to be taking some time off as well at the same time so we can spend time together. I'm working day shift on the 23rd and 24th so I can attend the work Christmas party. Then I don't go back to work until the 2nd of Jan. I'll be off for 8 days and only use 4 days of vacation. Gotta know how to work the system. :D

Hopefully I'll be back in a week or so. We'll see.

Do I look mad?

2007-11-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

I really need to do something about all the gray hairs in my beard.

For some reason my youngest thinks I look mad in this photo. How can I be mad? I'm out duck hunting! Life don't get better than that. Well unless you wake up to an amazingly sexy wife the next day that is feeling kinda amorous. :D

2007-11-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

And this my friends is just one in a long list of reasons why I hate the dentist.Dentist loses drill bit in patients nasal cavity. I know the possibility of this happening to me are very slim to none, but I'm sure thats what this poor woman thought too.

2007-11-02T17:13:00.000-07:00

Sky Rockets in Flight.

Afternoon delight.

Oh yeah life is good once again. :D

growing up in the 80's (edited)

2007-10-28T13:27:00.000-07:00

I'm terribly sorry about how this turned out. It was supposed to have pictures to go along with all of these but they won't show up for some reason. so I am taking them off of the post so it won't take up a lot of empty space. The pictures would have helped a lot for the younger crowd RS and Therese. Especially for the garbage Pail Kids. Man I LOVED those.

You Know You Grew Up In the 80's if:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.

2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton

3. You know that 'WOAH' comes from Joey on Blossom

4. If you ever watched 'Fraggle Rock'

5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. One of the greatest computer games EVER!

8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

9. You played the game 'MASH'(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it. I totally rocked the stonewashed look. Had two jean jackets. 1 stonewashed and the other was washed in bleach.

11. You know the profound meaning of ' WAX ON , WAX OFF'

12. You wanted to be a Goonie.

13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)

14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

16. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.

17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

18. You still get the urge to say 'NOT' after every sentence.

19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.

22. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying 'I know you are, but what am I?'

23. You remember 'I've fallen and I can't get up'

24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.

28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot. She was hot! I had the biggest crush on her when I was in Jr. High. I would have given my left nut to be with her.

29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as 'NKOTB' I won't comment on this one.

31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on 'Saved By The Bell,' The ORIGINAL class.

32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

33. You just sang those words to yourself.

34. You still sing 'We are the World'

35. You tight rolled your jeans. We didn't tight roll our jeans like pictured here. Instead we used safety pins to get the jeans tight around the ankles and have a crease go up your leg.

36. You owned a bannana clip.

37. You remember 'Where's the Beef?'

38. You used to (and probably still do)
say 'What you talkin' 'bout Willis?'

39. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!

I passed!!

2007-10-27T21:47:00.000-07:00

That's right folks. Back in Aug. I wrote ever so briefly about taking a promotional test for my job. Well guess what? I PASSED!!! I just got the notice in the mail today. I didn't do as good as I did last year (I was ranked 18) but I still passed (22 this year). So that means that my temporary position that I'm in now will become permanent in the coming months. Pay raise here I come!

So if you don't mind SR has something sexy planned to celebrate. :D

2007-10-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

2007-10-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of RS's 'what I learned this week' I decided that I just had to put this one up. Mom gives 4 month old bottle with whiskey.

Honestly I just don't know what to say about this. I've heard of rubbing a little whiskey on a baby's gums when they are teething. But to give them a bottle with whiskey in it completely different. Let's not forget the fact that this is no longer the 50's. There is medicine to use now that wasn't available for teething babies in the "old" days. Just amazing.

Still around

2007-10-24T23:42:00.000-07:00

Well I am still around. Just not nearly as much as I'd like to be. This is really getting pathetic actually. I haven't posted a thing since the 16th!! What the hell is up with that? Is my life really that boreing? Please don't answer that. I already know the answer is yes.The fact is nothing much has been going on that has really been blog worthy. Youngest son turned 7 last Fri. We had his birthday dinner with my parents on Sat. evening. HJe has 2 $20 gift cards for Walmart and you'd think that he has Hilton money now. He's going to buy the entire store out.

Duck season also started on Sat. morning. I didn;t hunt on opening day though. I was getting things ready for that evening. My dad and I did go out on Sun. morning though. We had a good day. Came home with a few birds, took a few pictures and shot some hunting footage. We are both recording our duck hunts this year. I even got to shoot a bird when my dad was taking movies of the decoys. Can'twait to see it. Too bad at was a "real" duck. It's going to take all year if not next season as well to live this down. I'm so ashamed of myself. Below are 2 of the pictures I took on Sun. morning.

Sun. was a hard day to get through towards the end. I didn't get any sleep on Sat. night. My work phone kept ringing every time I tried to fall asleep. People calling in sick or tug boats wanting after hours openings. So finally at about 10:30 I told work not to call me again because I was supposed to get up at 1 in the morning. So that put a stop to that. Then after the last phone call Summer asked me if I "needed some help getting to sleep". That's code for she wants 'The Sex'. So me not being the type of person that turns down a woman in need got to take my sleeping aid. We both went to sleep happy. Then it was up 2 hours later to drive 100 miles each way then back in time to go to work that evening. I LOVE this time of year! DUCK SEASON IS OPEN!!!!!!!!!!

So at the very least this means that I'll be posting my sunrise pictures every week.

2007-10-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

Where to start?

Last week at work I was talking to one of the guys that ones a ferry I'm in charge of. He told about a situation that he is going through with his wife. It brought back a lot of memories for me. He and his wife are going through the same thin g that Summer and I did a few years ago. He intercepted a call from a guy that hung up when he answered. So he checked the caller ID. There were a lot of calls from the same person. He checked the caller ID on the upstairs phone and all calls from the guy were deleted. He looked at the cell phone bill and found that in a 1 month period she called the guy over 200 times. All of the calls coincided with the times that he left the house to go to work. He would leave and the first call would be made less than 5 minutes later. Sounds really familiar with what happened with us. The other thing is that our "guy" was a firefighter, and his is a policeman. So he'd done the same thing that I did. Went and looked at all the phone bills for a few months. The amount of calls is unbelievable.So he went a step further than I did and kicked her out of the house. So now he's living in a 5 bedroom home all alone.

Well to say the least it brought back a few memories. I told him about what Summer and I went through and just listened to him. He's not sure if he can trust her again and asked how I was able to trust Summer again. I didn't really have an answer. It just takes time. Our situation wasn't exactly the same, just eerily similar. So yesterday while I was downtown I happened to see his wife out in front of a bar getting touchy feely with a guy at the entrance. I have met his wife a few times and am 99% sure that it was her. So as someone that he has confided in about the situation should I tell him this? Or should I just keep quiet? I'm not sure what to do especially since she's not staying at the house anymore. Any thoughts?

In other news youngest son returned home on Fri. We drove to S.F. to get him and he was happy to be coming home. We had a good time driving home and went to see my parents after dinner. He hadn't seen them in 6 weeks. It was nice to have him home. But nothing really changed. We are just sitting here waiting for them to get the recommendation written up and sent to Kaiser. Then we will go from there to see what the next step is.

Well it's time to try to catch up on some reading. I've been negligent in that aspect as well as the posting aspect.

2007-10-09T10:55:00.000-07:00

Without really meaning to I guess that I did make my last post the last one for awhile. When I said that it was more out of frustration than anything else. It's just been one hell of a week around here. We dropped youngest off in S.F. last Mon. That was an experience unto itself. Afterwards Summer and I went out to lunch and walked on the beach. Then it was off to SFO to pick up my parents on their way home from their vacation.

Then Wed. we went to my aunts funeral. My family really needs to try to set up a reunion some time. I saw people that I haven't seen in years. The only time my dads side of the family gets together anymore is for funerals. When we got home that night I started yet another blog. This one is for family. To keep everyone up to date on how things are going for us. So that has been taking some time.

I finished scanning all of my parents old photos and am now starting to scan my grandmas. I've also started to create my first DVD. Talk about a pain in the ass. It's going to be a lot more work than I originally thought. Silly me. DVD's are a lot of work!

Went back to S.F. on Fri. to meet with the therapist and visit our son. It's amazing to me how some people think changing jobs or work schedules is as easy as snapping your fingers. We were told that because of our work schedules that we are basically raising our kids as if we were single parents. DUH! So the therapist told me that I should go back to working day shift and things will get better. A lot easier said than done. To go back to my old schedule would give me a pay cut that I can't afford. Then I would have to go back to my old crew and boss that I don't get along with. Then it will cut down my chances of permanent promotion down to nothing. So she suggested that I get a new job entirely. Honestly where do these people live? What fantasy world is it that easy to just find a new job? Like IO said summer of 2006 I was offered a job that would be doing the same as I'm doing now, would pay me twice what I make now, but I would be home less than I am now. I would work 10-13 hours a day 6-7 days a week. I would also work all over the state and sometimes go into Nevada. So I would live in a hotel when I wasn't at home. how easy would that make things? To live in her fantasy world would be wonderful.

We go back to see him tomorrow and then again on Fri. When we see him on Fri. we get to bring him home with us. It'll be nice to have him back. As quiet as it has been here we really miss him. The past week without him has been kinda nice in it's own way to. We were able to clean the house and it stayed clean. We have been able to focus more attention on our Oldest son this past week and that has been nice too. We finally had his 13th birthday party. Just a few weeks late.

That's going to be about all for now. I have to get ready for another IEP meeting this afternoon.

2007-09-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

Well as suspected last nights post didn't go over to well. It was taken compeltely out of context. which further solidifies to me why I need to censor myself on what I fell, think, and write about on my little tiny niche in the blogoshere. I must continue to just keep things inside and that way it won't be taken out of context. If it don't get written then no one knows about it but me. I've lived my life for over 30 years that way. Why stop living it now?

Danger Will Roberson! Danger!

2007-09-26T23:13:00.000-07:00

Or however it is that the saying from that Lost in Space show goes. To be more accurate it should read: Danger blog readers! Danger!

This isn't going to be a very upbeat post I can guarantee that right off the bat. I'm just in a very shitty mood right now. Very, very shitty mood. I cannot express how shitty I am feeling right now.

To start off with We finally have a date that our youngest son will be going to the 2 week evaluation that we were promised back in May. We received a call on Fri. afternoon from his Kaiser therapist saying that the Edgewood Center in San Francisco will have a bed ready for him on Oct. 1. So it went from a few months of nothing to he'll be leaving in a week. So I called the center yesterday and got a list of things that they need to have done this week before he can go there. Which left SR running all over the place tonight trying to rush through physicals and TB tests. We also now have to go buy him new clothes this weekend because he don't have clothes that are appropriate to wear in S.F. We were going to get his winter clothes for his birthday next month. Now we need them this weekend.

We are in such a rush anymore. For everything. The stress is getting unbearable. We have been letting everything slide lately. The house looks like shit right now. We're behind on laundry, my parents come home from their trip on Mon. afternoon so they won't even be able to see youngest until he comes home. We need to do a ton of housework next week so that we can have oldest son's birthday thingy on Sat. night. We wanted to have a combined birthday party for both boys but that won't be happening now. Youngest is going to miss his brothers birthday too.

To top off all the other crap that we have to do next week my sister called me this afternoon when I got to work and told me that our aunt died this morning. So I will be going to the viewing on Tue. evening and the funeral services on Wed. afternoon. This will be an easier funeral to go too this time though. Summer is going to be able to attend this one with me seeing as youngest will be in S.F. at the time. We just need to decide whether oldest will be going with us or staying home with his Great Grandma. We really don't want to take him out of school. But he also should be around the family as well. It may be the only time he sees some of the relatives at this point.

I know that I wrote a warning in the beginning of this post, but I just can't seem to let myself write what I was warning about. I don't want to revert to what I used to be. Then again if I don't write it out I'll end up keeping it all inside and that will just make it worse. It basically boils down to this: I'm tired of the double standards. I'm tired of be asked to things that are not done for me in return. I have a job too. I am also in a managerial position so I need to set an example. The thing is that when I ask and am turned down I am to just accept it and go on about my day. When I am asked to do the same thing but say that I can't leave work I get an attitude and am treated like I don't care. I do care. The thing is if I run to take care of things every time I'm asked to it is just going to solidify to the kids that they don't have to listen to certain people. They only have to listen to me and that's it. Boundaries need to be set and they need to be enforced. STRONGLY enforced. The parent needs to stick by what they say. I they say NO then it must mean NO. When it comes out any different the child quickly learns that NO actually means no until you get tired of saying no then it will be a yes. Does that make sense? Or am I just talking out of my ass here. Maybe I just don't know a dammed thing.

It's a dammed good thing that I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I haven't seen him since May. With all the other crap that we have had going on I haven't had time to get in to see him. Maybe I'll feel a hell of a lot better tomorrow. that is if I actually open up to him and don't just keep things on the surface. I need to get down inside.

All I can really say right now is that I can't wait for Oct. 20 to get here.

WHAT?!?!

2007-09-21T07:11:00.000-07:00

I opened the internet this morning to find THIS article. Apparently this lady is pushing for a law that states marriages will automatically dissolve after 7 years.

Where do these people come from?

Busy, busy, busy...........

2007-09-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

........with just a smidgen of laziness in there for good measure.

I've been quite busy lately with work, family matters, doctor appointments (sometimes two a week), personal projects that I have decided to start on, and IEP meetings. I have also pretty much cut my blogging time at work down to nothing. Reading some comments on a few blogs has pretty much scared me away from that. For the short term anyways.

I was actually dumb enough to think that once both boys were in school I'd be able to spend more time blogging during my alone time at home. What a silly thought that was. When you don't get home till after midnight, don't fall asleep till almost 2, then get up to help get kids ready for school at 6:45 it leaves you pretty tired. So I'm back in bed when oldest leaves the house. Then get up around noon and the day is pretty much shot. I really need to do something about this.

So youngest is now back in school. He likes it and seems to be doing good there. He's also seeing a therapist through the county now once a week. She has suggested to me that I don't take him hunting at all this year (a little too late for that since he went dove hunting with me, but no more this year), that we don't let him watch any hunting shows on TV and that we don't let him watch any of my hunting movies. So what that means for me is that I'm not allowed to watch hunting movies or TV either when he is at home. ~~Kinda~~ REALLY SUCKS! So the TV hasn't been on much lately when he's at home since that is usually what is on if the TV is on.

In other news oldest going to be a teenager on Thu. I can't believe it. I'm really getting old. I'm in my early thirties and have a teenager. How did this happen? You don't need to answer that. :D I said that to my mom the other day (the not being old enough to have a teenager) and she told me to shut up. SHE wasn't old enough to be a grandparent to a teenager. Add to that the fact that she didn't have a say in the matter either. So I guess that means I need to look elsewhere for my pity parties. :D

Strangely enough oldest son really don't seem too excited about becoming a teenager. I know I was all excited about it. He just wants to know when we will be celebrating it this year since my parents are over seas right now. They are on a Trans Atlantic cruise. They flew to London on Tue. spent4 days there, then got on a ship Sat. morning in Dover and are cruising to New York. Then they will stay in NYC for 4 days and fly home around Oct. 2 I believe. Must be nice to be retired.

As to my personal project that I have been working on, I have started to bring home my parents photo albums from when the got married up to just a few years ago. I have been going through them and scanning the photos that I want to have and trying to restore them as best I can. Some of them are pretty faded. Especially the ones that don't say Kodak on the back. The ones that are printed on Kodak paper aren't faded. It's really weird seeing myself like I used to be. I looked like such a dork back in the late 80's. I also brought back a lot of memories as well. Especially the Christmas photos. I saw a photo taken Christmas of 78 when I received my most remembered toy. It was a Sho Gun Warrior. It had rockets that shot from it's chest and a fist that when you pushed a button would fly into the air. I loved that toy. Didn't it look so cool?!

So for the rest of this post I will just add some of the pictures that I scanned and leave a brief description of what is being looked at.

This would be me about 1977-8. not sure which. We had just got back from a camping trip to Lake Shasta. I cought both of these fish. One is a German Brown and the other is a Small Mouth Bass.

My sister and I in 1979. It was Easter Sunday. My aunt made that shirt for me. It was my favorite shirt.

This one of those pictures taken that serve no purpose except to embarrass the subject. Pay attention Therese! My family was out for a walk and I needed to go use the bushes. So what does my dad do? He takes this picture and tells me that he is going to show it to my girlfriends when I get older. He does just that too. Why? To embarrass the child! It is a parents right to do just that. Especially after all the embarrassment they cause you. More on that later though.

As I said earlier- I was a dork in the late 80's. Here I am at Crater Lake in 1988. Shudder.

MY freshman year of High School. It was spirit week and this day was 60's day. So I dressed like a hippie.

This is at my grandparents 69th wedding anniversary. In the picture are my grandparents and about half of their grandchildren. Unfortunately the person mentioned here
is also pictured. This is the only picture that my mom hasn't photo shopped him out of. She wasn't able to do that with this picture because it would take others out as well.

Ah yes. 1993. I was 19 years old. Living on my own. Don't you just love the hair? I was going for the Jason Newstead look. Shaved sides, long everywhere else. This was taken about 3 weeks before I met Summer.

One last picture. This would be Summer and I the day we got engaged. Weren't we cute?

Randomosity IV

2007-09-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

Orgies.

It's all fun and games.

Till the itching starts.

Sate Fair!

2007-08-28T13:45:00.000-07:00

Sat. was the day that we all went to the California state fair. I had been looking forward to this years fair for quite some time. It's usually a yearly thing that we got to. But last year we went to Tahoe for vacation instead. This year almost didn't happen due to finances but we made it. as a great time. Went and saw all the cool exhibits, the animals, the side shows, the crazy people riding the insane rides, ate fair food, and the most important feature of the fair was people watching. Or to be more accurate stomach watching. :D

The day went pretty well. We only had one small outburst from youngest son because we wouldn't buy him a toy. We told him before hand not to ask for a toy because we were on a tight budget. So what does he do? He asks for a t-o-y every few minutes. Hey he didn't say toy, he spelled it. What are you gonna do? Well what we were supposed to do. We told him n-o. He threw a tantrum, hit and kicked me, I got flustered and and got him with my foot after being kicked 7 too many times. He looked at me asked why I did that, I told him and he settled down. Asked for dinner and things were fine afterwards. All in all though he did pretty dam good for as long as we were there. We left the house shortly after 11:30 and didn't leave the fair till after 10:00. It was close to midnight by the time we got home.

Some highlights of the day:

Spending the day with family. Always a plus.
Seeing the Toytopia exhibit. That was pretty dam cool. Got to see tons of toys that I used to play with as a kid back in the late 70's early 80's. Amazingly enough quite a few of the toys were still in the original packages. Even after 30 years.
Watching the Extreme Super Bike stunt riders. That was simply awesome. I was surprised by how many pictures I took while watching the 12 minute show. Close to 60 pictures and 3 short videos. (I'm testing out the new Google video feature for Blogger and posting a 19 second clip here.)

Some low points of the day:

The heat! It was just over 100 degrees on Sat. It was hot. It wasn't as hot as it was for some of the days I've attended in years past though.
The temper tantrum of youngest son. Enough said.
The cost of food. Un-freaking-believable! Good Lord! we spent 30 bucks just for 3 sandwiches and a thing of fries for Summer, CH Jr. and myself. That don't include the popcorn, lemonades, smoothies, corn dog, slice of pizza, funnel cake and ice cream cone. At least the water was free. There was no way in hell I was going to buy a beer. A 10 ounce cup cost as much as a six pack.
I know I'm probably going to take a ration of shit for this one, but it can't be helped. The funnel cake was a major disappointment. After reading all the reviews for the funnel cake on a few blogs and from from all the comments on those blogs that was my sole purpose for attending this years fair. After hearing about it's "gooey goodness" I just had to have one. It was alright but not worth all the hype I was giving it. It definitely wasn't worth the $5.50 I paid for it. That was for plain powdered sugar. If I wanted fruit toppings, or whipped cream it was an extra dollar per topping. Maybe I built it up to much. I don't know. I do know I will NOT be buying another one in the future.
I was unable to afford a deep fried Twinkie. I have been wanting one of those for years. But youngest ended up getting his toy after we were done buying food for the day. Oh well. I probably would have been disappointed anyways.

That's it for the fair review. One last thing to add though. When did the mow hawk come back into style? I saw no fewer than 6 kids under the age of 12 with this out of date hair style. What's up with that?

So to end I'll show a few photos of the day of fun.

Tagged

2007-08-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

A little over a week ago Digger tagged me over at his WordPress page. Me being the bad person that I am took way too long to get to it. So here goes. Let's see what we can come up with.

1. Blogger who is most like me: I'm not sure if there really is a blogger out there that I read that is like me. I'm a unique sort of guy. :D Truthfully There probably is a few bloggers out there that are like me but they just don't seem to be in the "circle" of blogs that I seem to read. But the blogger that comes to mind is RS. The reason that I say he is the most like me is because he was able to take his marriage from the edge of disaster and save it. So we do have that in common.

2. Blogger I read who is LEAST like me. this one is going to be a little bit easier for me to answer. Thing is there are quite a few bloggers in my "circle" that are total opposites of me. I'll go ahead and go out on a limb here and say that Christian Husband gets this nomination. I think it's for pretty obvious reasons for people that are familiar with the two of us.

3. Name 3 bloggers of the same sex you’d like to have drinks with. This is going to be another tough one to pin down. There are more than three male bloggers out there that I'd like to have drinks with. In the spirit of keeping this tag the way Digger intended it to go I'll go ahead and not nominate a blogger that has already been linked to in this post. Fist on that list would be LBP. Here is a man that shares the same passion that I do for the outdoors. He has a love for hunting and fishing. Need I say more? I'd like to spend more time with LBP than just drinks would allow. Here is a blogger that I'd like to spend some time in the field with.

Next on the drinks list would be FTN. Here is a blogger that has a great sense of humor. He also has an uncanny way of getting tons of comments. I'd like to get just half of his comments. The comments isn't why I'd like to hang out with him though. With FTN it's about his humor and his ability to have male friendships. I could learn from him.

Rounding off the 3 bloggers would be Mr. Husbland. he don't blog much anymore now that he has the addition of a baby to his household.he's another blogger that likes the outdoors. Hunting and camping.

4. Name 3 bloggers of the opposite sex you’d like to share a hot tub with. Now this is a really hard one. :-) Man I kill myself.

How am I supposed to answer this one and stay in good standings with my wife? The last thing I need is to be kicked to the couch at night. Especially with our couch. It's not the most comfortable one. First off though I'll have to say that having someone in the hot tub with a Kick Ass Rack!! is a must. this is a lady that has it all. The BOOBS!! (tm), the red hair, the florescent green finger nail polish and an excellent way with words. how could a hot tub party be complete with out her?

Therese in Heaven is the next lady that I'd like to invite. We could go over the basics of why it is important to save certain stories to tell about kids as they get older. Like brushing their teeth with lube. That is almost a requirement to tell when he gets older. Especially when he has children of his own.

And to keep me in good standings with my wife Summer Rose will be there as well. After Therese and Fadkog leave the fun will really begin in the hot tub. ;-)

5. Which blogger would you vote for in a political campaign? This is a hard one. It may even be the one where I re-link someone from a previous question. FADKOG just had a way with words. She can take the things that most people would think are boring and make it very interesting. She would be a perfect politician. I find nothing to be more boring than politics. With her in the running I'd actually be recording the talks just to hear what she would have to say. She is that good.

6. You are thrown into a dimension where you can read one, and only one, blog. Which one is it? This one is just to hard to answer. I don't think I could get by with just one blog. At the time that Digger first tagged me I had this one answered very easy. Unfortunately things happened and the blog that I was going to put here has gone dark. Finished Last was going to be the one blog that I would have to have with me. He had a way of getting you hooked. Leaving you with cliff hangers that had you chomping at the bit for the next installment. Sadly though he was discovered by a friend IRL and had to shut down his blog. If you are still reading blogs Mr. Nice Guy you are going to be missed.

7. Which blogger is living a life you think YOU might like to be living. There is no one single blogger out there that has a "perfect" life that I would want to live. Where everything they do I say 'Wow! I wish that was me doing everything they do.' The one person that has a facet of life that I'd like to be living right now though would be 2 am somewhere. I don't want anything to do with his marital situation, or his sex life (I don't know a sane person that would want that). But he is in a situation that I would LOVE to be in though. He is in the process of looking for a new job now. Has been for quite some time now. Recently he has had several job offers made to him. So many in fact that he has the opportunity to turn jobs down. That would be a dram come true for me.

Tag three people and you’re on your way! I'll go ahead and tag: Tajlude, Desperate Husband (just because I know you are looking for things to write), and aphron that is of course if you are still blogging.

2007-08-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

I just heard about this on one of my local radio stations. Apparently this guys wife was selling her "goods" for $250 an hour for the last 12 years. Oh and the guy is a sheriff. How could you NOT know that your wife is sleeping around like that? I mean she could hide the money easily enough, but you just can't hide that much use and abuse of your "money maker".

Cops wife arrested for prostitution.

My week in review

2007-08-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

What an interesting week I just had. First we have had someone (read neighborhood kid) coming into our backyard when no one is home. How do we know this? The person broke the gate that I just made 2 months ago. Then the other day when the kids were swimming in the pool with a friend, youngest son was getting out and was standing on the top step of the ladder. 4 feet off the ground. I just happened to be looking out the window to check on them at the right moment to see his friend push him from behind and he fell to the ground. Landing on the side of his ankle. I ended up taking him to the Minor Injury Clinic at Kaiser after dinner that night. He has no broken bones but he did have a sprain in his ankle. So he was on crutches for a few days. The day after this happened he had an appointment with his county social worker. During the meeting he tried to hit her with his crutches.

That same day we also found out that the non public school that he is attending will be shutting down for good on Aug. 24. So we have to find him a new school to attend. What makes it worse is that we had an IEP meeting the first of Aug and the school never said a thing about closing down. Even though they knew about it at the time of the meeting they were still talking to us about the plans they had for our son when regular school started. So now we have to find him a new school.

Before I continue with the next portion I need to add this little disclaimer: I in no way, shape, or form, am writing this portion to be derogatory or offensive to my Catholic readers. This is just from my own little heathen point of view. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way I can go ahead and continue.

On Fri. I had to attend a funeral for my great Uncle. He passed away from Alzheimer’s last week. Well he was a very devout Catholic. So that means that it was a Catholic funeral. A full on Catholic service with communion and everything. It was like attending a mass on Sun. morning. In fact it was THE LONGEST funeral services that I have ever attended. We entered the church just before 1:00 in the afternoon. By the time that the services were done it was close to 3:00! WOW! Let me tell you something-My ass hurt from sitting in those pews for so long. Then with all the ‘Please stand’ and the ‘ You may be seated’, well let’s just say that I got one heck of a workout. I think I can go ahead and skip the gym wok out this week. (Yeah right. Like THAT’S ever going to happen.)

I did learn some interesting things about my Great Uncle though throughout the services. I always knew that his goal in life was to make people laugh. He loved playing jokes on people. Well his older brother told a story of when they were kids. His two brothers were asleep in their bedroom. GU (great uncle) wanted to scare them for a joke so he threw a firecracker between the two beds. Well he missed and caught the drapes on fire instead. His dad ran into the room and stomped the fire out in his bare feet.

Back in the 60's he was going from job to job not really finding anything stable back in Pa. When he was in the Navy during WWII he fell in love with Ca. So he packed his bags and left his wife and 4 kids in Pa. while he was looking for a job and a home. 3 months later he wrote to his wife and said that he was ready for them to move out here with him. Apparently he was so happy to see his wife and kids that 10 months later they had their fifth child. He always said that he wasn't a horny Protestant. Instead he was a very faithful Catholic.

After the services we all went to my cousins house for a few hours to spend time with family and have a little bite to eat. That's when the bad thing happened. My grandma who is 83 years old was walking outside to find a place to sit. She was carrying a plate of food and a cup of coffee. When she went to step from the house to the patio she forgot about the 3 inch difference in height. Down she went. She hit the ground hard. When she landed the entire fall was on her upper arm. Now from her elbow to her shoulder she is different shades of blue, black and purple. Luckily she had no broken bones. We took her to the Dr. on the way home that evening. I was sitting with my back to her when she fell. Then I heard someone hit the ground and saw people rushing to someone. My mom said it was grandma and all I could think was that she broke her hip. Leave it to me to think the worst right off the bat.

2007-08-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

I saw that Therese had made her own Simpson's avatar and I figured I'd do my own too. Seeing as I am a Simpson fan and all. still waiting for my chance to see the movie though.

2007-08-10T22:10:00.000-07:00

For lack of anything else to post tonight I copied this from
Finished Last. It has been pretty busy week around here. I'm taking a test for a promotion at work tomorrow morning. Hopefully I pass it again. The last time they had the test I ranked number 18 in the state, but the test got "compromised" so they threw it out. Then there is the fact that we have had someone breaking into our back yard on several occasions the last 2 weeks. Moire about that tomorrow though.

Enjoy! If you think something is left out or want to know more about something here just ask me in the comments and I'll answer anything you want.

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007? Yes I have. Many times I must say.

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? How public do you consider public to be? If you mean in front of a group of people then the answer is no. I don't think I could deal with that. But if you mean in a parking lot of a Target store while the store is open then yes I have.

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Yes I have. Because my partner is/was a very quiet person during all of our previous encounters. Then in the middle of one encounter she just let out with Harder! Faster! It took me by surprise and I laughed. Worst thing to have done at the time.

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Not that I recall.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? Of course I do. who doesn't like to cuddle after sex. That would be a better question.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE? The easy answer to this would be yes. I could very easily say I regretted having sex with the 2 ladies prior to Summer. but then I wouldn't be who I am today if I didn't have sex with them. So no I don't.

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Nope. Is it even possible for a guy to do? Seriously.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT UP? That is something that has just entered into our sex life. The dirty talk that is. I love it!The dirtier the better.

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX? Well let me think here.HHhhmmmmmmm.....I have 2 kids and got a previous girlfriend pregnant........I think the answer is yes.

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER? I'm not that big on masturbation for starters. So no I haven't.

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND? Nope.

12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME? Yes. very fun too I must say.

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? Yes indeedy.

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? Do I have to answer this question?

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKEN? Several times. Honestly! No joke.

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE? Falling asleep. Or quite possibly one time Summer and I were in the throws of passion before we were married. At the time we were living with her mom. I was a smoker at the time and her mom had supposedly quit. Or wasn't supposed to because of her high blood pressure. Well as we are in the moment her mom walks into the room and asks me for a cigarette. Then asks me for a light. She then proceeds to sit down on the bed and start talking to us. Can we say show stopper? I don't know if she knew what we were doing at the time or not. I know she knew we were having sex while we lived there but I don't know about that moment in time.

Actually some if not all of my most embarrassing sexual moments have happened as a result of Summer's family in one way or another. Her sister had a way of walking in at the wrong time. Still does sometimes. Except now it's more of her calling on the phone at the wrong time instead. Her brother was throwing things at us another time. NO he was NOT in the room but the way the house was designed you could throw things from one room to another at some parts of the house.

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? 19

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW? Plead the fifth.

19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE? Well since I pleaded the fifth who knows? Anything is possible right?

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? Ummm let me check my pulse.

Yup. I still have a pulse so the answer is YES!!!

21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS? 3 But then again that number could change depending on your definition of "sex". With the 4th person there was no "penetration" sex so I just go with 3.

22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR? Sure do. Lost my virginity in a car.

23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO? Not since the last time we slept together. Which was about a month after I broke it off with her. We stayed fuck buddies for a month or so after.

24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIEND'S SIGNIFICANT OTHER? Nope.

25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER? Not that I know of. Unless there is something I should know about my love.

26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD. Sadly I don't get the opportunity to find out. Summer says they are very bad.

27. LINGERIE. Sure!

28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER? I married a former co-worker.

29. WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX?
(*)park
()church
()cemetery
(*)beach
(*)boat
()school
(*)parent's bed Hers NOT mine!
(*)your bed
(*)car
(*)picnic table
()kitchen counter
(*)couch/chair
()dining room/kitchen table
(*)woods (open and/or in a tent)
()hood of a car
(*)bathroom
(*)shower
(*)bathtub
(*)the other person's bed
()porch/deck/balcony
(*)in a house with parents home
()at a party
(*)on top of the washer/dryer
(*)with other people in the room
(*)hotel
()concert
()grandparent's house
(*)field
()bleachers
()bookstore stock room
()linen closet
(*)in a lake
(*)at your place of employment
(*)been caught/walked in on

I am man.....(part II)

2007-08-03T15:32:00.000-07:00

So what was I talking about yesterday? Well nothing major. I just had a bad case of the "wandering eye" the other day.

We had an IEP meeting for youngest son the other day (again). at this meeting there was a new person in attendance. When I walked into the room I instantly noticed her. Well to be more accurate I noticed parts of her.

Now I know that I have said in the past that I am not a huge fan of breasts. At least not a huge fan of large breasts. Now don't get me wrong I do like them. I like to look at them. Touch them. All the other fun things that there are to do with BOOBS! I'm just not a person that notices them before I notice other body parts. Like belly buttons. MMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmm!!!!!

This was not the case at the meeting though.I walked in and instantly noticed the top that she was wearing. It was a re top with black flower shapes in it. The sleeves were long and flare at the wrists. The neck took a really big plunge. Down to her twins. What a nice set of twins they were too. The bra she was wearing didn't push them up but it did push them together. Quite nicely I must say. Made for some really nice cleavage shots. I found myself having a hard time not staring at them. I did good though. I paid attention to what was going on in the meeting. I did good there. But I did find myself glancing over at her.

After the meeting as I was walking to my truck she called me over to talk to me some more. She told me some things that she was not able to say in the meeting because she is contracted through the school. I really noticed them then. She is about a foot shorter than me. So I had to look down to talk to her. That's when I noticed how tanned they were.

So yes. I have to admit it. I am man. I am pig.

Does this mean that I'm no longer attracted to Summer? Does this mean that I want to do things with another woman? Does this mean that I am just a normal living, breathing, sexual man? That has good eyesight?

The answer to the first two questions is HELL NO! I'm still very attracted to Summer, and her new set of twins. But due to the fact that I am a living, breathing, sexual man some things are just inevitable. I'm still going to look. I', just not going to act on anything that may or may not pop into my mind. (More about that some other time.) It could mean that I'm wanting some sex too. Maybe a little of both?

Besides how does the saying go? Just because I'm on a diet don't mean I can't look at the menu.

I am man........

2007-08-02T15:05:00.000-07:00

.......I am pig.

Some things just can't be helped. I am a visual person. When I see something that catches my attention I can't help but notice it. Unfortunately it don't stop there at noticing it. It captivates me. Consumes me. I find myself fighting the urge to stare at it. Trust me when I say that I am not proud of this fact. I really don't like it. It is a part of what makes me.......well........me.

What am I talking about some of you may be saying. Others may know exactly what I'm talking about.

For now though I'm afraid that I must leave it at that and got to work.

The lost art of dateing

2007-07-30T14:54:00.000-07:00

As I had said in my post about the weekend getaway Miss Kick Ass Rack had hit on a topic that I wanted to discuss, but didn't want to ruin the good points of our weekend away together. In her post she describes an evening out with her husband without the kids. She feels like they have "forgotten how to date". Ironically I felt the same way when Summer and I returned from Reno.

I want to make one thing very clear though before I continue. We did have a wonderful time together. It was relaxing and nice to finally be alone. We really needed the time alone.

Here is the thing though. We really didn't talk much the entire time that we were gone. The drive up was spent listening to the radio. We held hands pretty much the entire time, but conversation was lacking. When we stopped for breakfast at Denny's we sat at the table in silence. Outside of asking if the other was liking the food. Or Summer asking me how my stomach was holding up.

When we got to Reno and got into our room again not much talk. We laid on the bed and almost instantly fell asleep. When we woke up we had a wonderful round of coupling, showered and went down to the casino. We walked around to various places for a little over an hour. Not much talking. Went back to our room and got ready for dinner. While we ate dinner again it was pretty much in silence.

Are you seeing a theme here?

I'll go ahead and spare you the rest of the details.

The point is that somewhere along the line we seem to have forgotten how to carry on a conversation that didn't revolve around the kids. I did feel connected to Summer while we were together but it also felt like something was missing. That something was conversation. It is something that I crave. But it is also something that I have forgotten how to do. There isn't just one of us that is to blame for this. It is both of us. It just seems awkward that with as little time that we do see each other on a regular basis that we have nothing to talk about.' Either we don't want to talk about it because we are on a "date night" (ie. kids, work) or we have already talked about it. How did we ever get to this point? Or maybe a better question would be when have we NOT been at this point.

Like things have always been between us the physical aspect of our relationship while on our getaway was wonderful. As has always been the case throughout our relationship the communication wasn't all that it could have been. In some ways I guess it's a good thing that we have difficulties in communication. It cuts down on the possibilities of an argument. At the same time it frightens me. Our kids won't live with us forever. When the boys move out of the house how will we communicate with each other? I don't want a life of living in the same house with the woman I love and have nothing to talk about. If things go like they have historically for us the sex will be good in the future, but like I said I want more than that. I'm just not sure how to change it.

I like to talk to people. Sometimes. But all the conversations I have are superficial. I don't really have any "deep" talks. That is another regret that I have. When I'm out with my dad whether it be hunting or fishing we have the perfect opportunity to have a meaningful conversation. We always let the chance slip through our grasp though. It's sad really.

For now this is about all I can write. My brain is getting jumbled with thoughts.

2007-07-27T13:09:00.000-07:00

I don't know where the time has been going lately. I do know this though: there doesn't seem to be enough of it lately. I mean seriously think about it. Summer is almost over already. School starts again in a few weeks. Aug. 22 I believe. What do we have to show for this years summer vacation time? NOTHING! We haven't done squat this summer. no family vacation like usual. We usually take a trip to Tahoe a few weeks before school starts. Not this year. There just isn't enough money. That and the fact that I'm running dangerously low on vacation time. Things have just sucked it down big time this year. Between Dr. appointments, Summer's surgery, and coming home early to take care of youngest son it's just getting drained. I've got just over 2 weeks but I like to keep that in reserve. I see 100 hours of vacation as zero. Especially when there is only 40 hours of sick leave.

That last paragraph bored the hell out of you all didn't it. It's ok. Admit it. It bored me and I'm the one that wrote it.

Anyways I have a few things on my mind. Unfortunately they aren't enough to make a stand alone post. So it's time for the bullet post!

As I have eluded to previously I'm not a small person. Weight has always been an issue with me. In fact that is why I was kicked out of the Army.I was over weight. Don't take into account that from the day I signed up and the day that I was booted out I lost 80 pounds. I went from a size 42 down to a 36. Then when I left I ballooned right back up there. A few years ago, 2003I believe, I started a new diet. I did the Adkins thing. You know the diet where you eat meat and stuff but no carbs. That means no bread or potatoes. No beer or soda. I did dam good though. I started in June and stopped for the Christmas holiday. Went from 280 down to 206. Once again I was in a size 36. The intention was to go back on the diet after Christmas. Never happened. Now? Now I'm at the heaviest I've ever been. Just over 300. Plus my waist is a 44 now. I have tried various diets through the years and none of them worked except for the Adkins. I can't give up bread or potatoes again though. So now I'm considering something else. My neighbor had a gastric bypass surgery a few months ago. He's dropping weight like crazy. So I'm considering the thought of seeing if Kaiser will approve me for the procedure. I mean they have already told me that I'm "morbidly obese" so whats the harm. Right?

As most of my long time readers know I started this blog because of the problems that Summer and I were going through. Since then it has gone through a few different phases. Mainly now it is used to help me keep my thoughts in check. That was the main problem that Summer and I had. I would think something in the heat of the moment and instead of thinking about it I would say whatever was in my mind. I have done a much better job of that in the past year or two. It still lingers and I catch myself doing it, but I am getting better. It is coming at an expense though. I am now afraid to bring certain topics up in fear of them being taken the wrong way. So I just keep them inside. I know that is a bad thing as well. I really need to find a balance between the two. Some of these things really need to be said and discussed. I just need to get over my fear of losing my temper again.

I have always wanted to get a tattoo. Ever since I was in Jr. High. I just was never in a position where I could afford one. Well that urge of wanting one never went away. In fact it is getting stronger now. I really want one. Badly. I've got several in mind that I want to get. Just don't have a location of where I want them to be.

I really can't wait for the upcoming hunting season to get here. Especially since dove season opens on a Sat. this year. So I'll be out for the morning hunt and then the evening hunt. It's still up in the air if I'm going deer hunting this year though. I will be going duck hunting though. Surprise surprise. :D There is a group of 8 people that are putting in for the opener of goose and duck season at Tule Lake. My dad, 2 uncles, 2 cousins, and one of my uncles is bringing 2 nephews for their first duck hunt. Then we are planning on going back to Tule to go pheasant hunting. The plan now is to leave right after we eat thanksgiving dinner. Make the 11 hour drive, sleep a little bit and hunt Fri. Sat. and Sun. What a way to spend the Thanksgiving holiday!

This really has nothing to do with anything, but I really like this song. That and they are performing at Sac Valley Amphitheatre tonight. And I can't go. It's not that bad though. They are the only ones on the Project Revolution Tour that I'm interested in seeing so a ticket would just be a waste of money anyways.

Randomosity III

2007-07-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Sticks and stones may break my bones

but whips and chains excite me.

Feelin XL

2007-07-23T19:05:00.000-07:00

The other day we went over to my parents house to see my dad. He came home early from his trip to Alaska. 2 weeks early. Anyways we're there and are watching the videos that he took and looking at the pictures. Having a good time.

When it got to be time to leave my dad and I walk in front of summer and my mom who are sitting on the couch. Suddenly Summer and my mom are laughing and Summer is pointing at my dads crotch. Nice dear.

Dad looks down and he has a sticker just about even with his zipper. It is about a 1" circle. All it has on there is the letters XL.

Without missing a beat my dad says "Well I was feeling a bit Extra Large today".

Good times. Good times.

The White Stripes - Icky Thump

2007-07-20T10:28:00.001-07:00

I heard this "song" (I use the pfrase lightly with as much sarcasm as I can type) on the radio the other night for the first time. All in all I must say this is the worst thing to happen to music since that sweater song that Therese posted a few months ago. Had I heard this back then I most definately would have won seeing as there is NOTHING that can hurt a humans ears more than this.

The weekend getaway

2007-07-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

Well Summer and I finally had our weekend getaway to Reno. It was a good time, but like all good things it just wasn't nearly long enough. Why is that? Vacations just never seem to be long enough. We were actually quite lucky to be on this little trip actually. It almost didn't happen because I caught a very bad stomach virus on Thu. It was not pleasant at all. But it was too late to cancel the reservations so there was no way I was going to stay at home. We were going to go on this trip even if it would kill me in the end.

Slight detour here. I LOVE the new auto save feature Blogger now has. It just saved me from deleting this post.

so Sat. morning came and we were all ready to go. Dropped the kids off with my mom and away we went. This was a slow leisurely trip so I was in no hurry to get to our destination. That being said we stopped off on the way at Denny's for breakfast. What a disappointment. They stopped selling their breakfast skillets. But we persevered! Along the way we decided that we were going to take a slight detour on the way. Usually we just got straight to Reno over I80. But this time I wanted to see some sites. So instead we went over the old Donner Pass. The old highway 40. Now that was a beautiful scenic route. Especially when you get to the summit. The view up there is just breathe taking.

We arrived in Reno at about 12:30 and got checked in to Circus Circus. When we got to our room we were on the 12th floor and the view was nice. We had a room that looked west back onto I80 and the mountains. So we got settled in and saw the bed. Oh yeah. We got a real treat this weekend. We got a room with a king size bed. Let the fun begin. This being an adult weekend with no kids we knew exactly what needed to be done with that bed too.

One look at it and it was.

Oh yeah. We hopped on that bed curled up and took an hour long nap. now that's living right there. I tell you what.

After our little cat nap we went down to the casino and just walked around. Asking each other what we wanted to do. That went on for about 2 hours or so. Until we made our way back to the room. With the king size bed. It looked so inviting. Once again I knew exactly what to do. Lay down for another nap.

Hey I still had the stomach virus! Give a guy a break.

Summer on the other hand had different plans. So we did what she wanted instead. We had adult type of fun.

After our little romp we showered and headed down to El Dorado for our first buffet experience of the trip. I had been hyping this up to everyone I know for a few weeks that I couldn't wait to get to the buffet lines. I was bragging that a buffet hasn't been created yet that could take me out. I was going to make this place wish they had never said all you can eat crab legs and shrimp.

Sadly I must admit it though. Due to the virus this place ate me up and spit me out. I had my ass handed to me. I ate one and a half small plates of food. What a disappointment.

After dinner it was time to walk along the strip and take some night photos. It was a bit warm out though for 9:30 at night so we weren't out long. We then found ourselves back in the casino for some slot machine fun. I/we did pretty well too I must say. I put a 10 in my machine and made that 10 last about 30 minutes. Cashed out with $8.40. At one point I was ahead 2 whole dollars! WooHoo! Summer lost about another dollar. Real high rollers the two of us make right?

It was now time for bed so up we went to our room. I took some more pictures of the city scape before heading to bed and asleep we went. Real party animals.

Sun. it was waking time and what a wake up call I got too I must say. It back at it for the adult entertainment. But it was not just any other frolic that we usually enjoy together. Oh no. Summer actually asked me to re-introduce ice into our adult fun activities. So Sun. morning was extremely fun indeed. Then it was off to the Atlantis for their Sun. Brunch. All you can eat. I had been building this brunch up for the same amount of time as I was the dinner buffet. With the same results. I had my ass handed to me. A sad sad day indeed.

The rest of the drive home was quite nice. We got home felling refreshed and relaxed. That is until we got my moms house and picked up the kids. Then it was right back to normal again. Oh joy.

All in all it was a wonderful weekend away. We enjoyed each others company and had a short amount of time to recharge our batteries. Now we just need to try and get a little bit longer period of time away together. At least 2 nights next time.

These two photos are of Donner lake from the summit. It truly is an amazing site to see.

Here we have what apparently can only be described as 'Beauty and the Beast'. Otherwise known as Summer and CH.

The biggest little city in the world. We were once told that the casinos are not allowed to have all their lights lit up at any one given time. i think if I remember correctly they only have approximately 60% of the lights on at once. It would take up to much energy to have them lit up all in their glory.

I just like the back of this shirt summer is wearing.
This would be the entrance to El Dorado.
This is the Silver Legacy. I have more pictures of what is on the inside of the dome. They have a Silver mine inside that is pretty cool. They are actually celebrating their anniversary this year. I'd love to be there for the celebration they are going to throw. As a side note the Silver Legacy was under construction when Summer and I got married in Reno 1994. The chapel we got married at is about 3 blocks from where this picture was taken.

Finally we have Circus Circus which is where we stayed at. It's a nice hotel especially if you have little rug rats......cough excuse me......kids tagging along. They have circus shows and a carnival inside. But if you want our recommendation go down off the strip and stay at the Atlantis. Much better hotel for the money. Rooms are nicer and the resort is a lot newer. The other thing that we like about Atlantis is that they have much better views there from the hotel rooms. Plus they give you a choice of views. Mountains or the city. Where we were at you don't get a choice. It's whatever they have open. Of course if you want to stay on the strip one of the big 3 pictured here is the place to stay. I really think that the next time we go to Reno we will be staying at Silver Legacy. The rooms are pricey but from what I hear they are well worth it. The nice thing about the big 3 is that they are all connected on the second floor. You can enter in Circus Circus, walk through the circus area and into Silver Legacy, watch the silver mine and laser light show, go into El Dorado take in dinner and a show, then go back to Silver Legacy to gamble, back to your room at Circus circus all without going out into the heat. Which is a blessing on a hot summer day. Especially in Nevada. Or if it is snowing and cold outside in the winter time.

So is our weekend in a nutshell. As I have eluded in comments at FADKOGS there is a little bit more to the weekend, but I want to save that for another post. I'd like to keep this post up beat and positive.

2007-07-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

Lucky Man - Montgomery Gentry

I have days where I hate my job
This little town and the whole world too
Last Sunday when my Steelers lost
Lord it put me in a bad mood

I have moments when I curse the rain
Then complain when the sun's too hot
I look around at what everyone has
And I forget about all I've got

But I know I'm a lucky man
God's given me a pretty fair hand
Got a house and a piece of land
A few dollars in a coffee can
My old trucks still running good
My ticker's ticking like they say it should
I got supper in the oven, a good woman's loving
And one more day to be my little kid's dad
Lord, knows I'm a lucky man

Got some friends who would be here fast
I could call em any time of day
Got a brother who's got my back
Got a mama who I swears a saint
Got a brand new rod and reel
Got a full week off this year
Dad had a close call last spring
It's a miracle he's still here

But I know I'm a lucky man
God's given me a pretty fair hand
Got a house and a piece of land
a few dollars in a coffee can
My old trucks still running good
My ticker's tickin' like they say it should
I got supper in the oven, good woman's lovin'
And one more day to be my little kid's dad
Lord, knows I'm a lucky man

My old trucks still running good
My ticker's ticking like they say it should
I got supper in the oven, a good woman's lovin'
And even my bad days ain't that bad
Yeah, I'm a lucky man
I'm a lucky lucky man

Yes indeed. Sometimes I may not realize this. I may take things for granted. I might not be able to see what I truly have because I'm so caught up in myself. thinking only of everything that is wrong in my life. Through it all though, I truly am, A Lucky Man.

2007-07-09T13:35:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a long time since I have been here with anything of real substance around here. Honestly I have no good reason for that either. I've been running around pretty busy here lately.

Things around the house have been on a slight upswing. Youngest moods have seemed to stabilized. He still has his moments but they are getting to be less frequent and when they do occur they aren't lasting as long. At least that is my observation. I'm sure that SR's will be different. He is a totally different child after I go to work and he is alone with her.
Oldest son spent the weekend with my sister last weekend. We went up there for dinner Fri. night and got to meet her new girlfriend.
Since youngest son didn't get to spend the weekend with her Summer and I took him to go see a movie on Sat. evening. We went to go see Ratatouille. It was a pretty good movie. It was also the first movie I ever went to that I walked out in the middle to get the free refill of popcorn. I always buy the big one with free refill but never get the refill. I'm just a sucker.
The movie experience was a good one though. It was his first trip to a movie theatre. He did really well. Sat there the entire movie and watched in silence.
Two weeks ago we went camping at the family reunion. That was a good trip. Although there weren't as many people there as usual. My great uncles family wasn't there this year. He has Alzheimer's and isn't doing very well. They aren't expecting him to last much longer.
Summer and I have been getting along swimmingly lately. I think she's still excited about her new car. Hell I'm still excited over the new car. It's a gas guzzler though. Well let me rephrase that. The mileage is good on it for a V8. It gets the same mileage as the Explorer. So that is actually pretty good. The thing is that it has a 22 gallon tank. Damned expensive to fill. Especially at 3.15 a gallon.
Just a few more days until Summer and I take off for Reno. The trip is going to be great! We're going to Circus Circus for the night. We leave at 8:00 in the morning Sat. and won't be back till Sun. night. I can't wait! So far the itinerary is based on buffet food. We're eating dinner at the El Dorado Sat. night. The we're hitting the Atlantis for their buffet brunch Sun. morning. At some point on the trip we will be hitting Sportsman Warehouse too. I'll be like a little kid in Toy's R Us. It's the hunting/fishing mans toy store. I'm all giddy.
We have nothing else planned for the trip. Except of course hot crazy hotel sex. We might spend a few dollars in a slot machine but that's just for the free drinks.
You know a funny thing happened the other day. Summer was having a bad day and was kinda depressed. I told her that the reason for the depression was due to lack of sex. I told that it is scientifically proven that people that have sex more frequently are less susceptible to depression and are happier in their day to day lives. Since that talk we have had sex 3 times in 36 hours. And guess what? We're both happier people! (I have absolutely nothing to back up what I said.)

That's all for now. Just dropping in to say that things are going pretty good from my point of view. I can't wait for Reno this weekend.

Randomosity II

2007-07-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

Kinky is using a feather.

Perverted is using the whole chicken.

The Bible

2007-06-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd leave you all with a little bit of religious teachings from the good book before I leave for the weekend. Play nice!

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"

And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some
sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

2007-06-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

Just stopping in real quick like to let you all know that I'm fine. Summer and I are fine as well. I was just at a really bad point the other night. Things are doing alright though. I'm getting ready to go out shopping with the boys now so that we can go camping this weekend at the family reunion. So that is something that we have to look forward to. The boys can't wait5r to see their cousins and go fishing.

On a side note I'm surprised that Summer hasn't said anything yet so I guess I'll have to let it slip a little bit here and finish the details after she gets the time to post up her version. In the previous post I had said that I had the opportunity to make Summer happier than she has been in a long long time. I mean she like a school girl squealing and shrieking. She still is all excited too. I surprised her on Fri. and bought her a new SUV.

that's all for now. Costco waits for no one.

End

2007-06-27T23:31:00.000-07:00

I want this to just go away. It needs to end. All of it. The crying, the sleepless nights, the worrying, the headaches, all of it. But it just never seems to go away. There is no end in sight. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Just as things looked like they were starting to look up for us someone thought that we obviously didn't deserve the happiness that we had found over the past weekend. Instead we get crushed back down. It's just here and never ending. There is no upside anymore. I was able to do something to make Summer happier than she has been in years on Sat. The hapiness was lasting pretty good into the week too. Now it's all in the past. Gone. The only thing that has ended is our happiness. And our sanity. There's nothing I can do about it either. I want SO badly to just give up. Get away from this mes of a life. But that will solve nothing. Just make things worse. I haven't had a cigarette in almost 2 years. A month ago the smell of smoke would make me turn my nose. Now I'm seeking out people that smoke just to get the second hand smoke. A nice Marlboro sounds SSsooooooooo good right now. That and enough alchohol to send me into a comma. I know that these things will do absolutely nothing to help the situation. But they would help to relieve some of the stress. Being drunk would enable me to feel nothing. That would be very welome right now. To not feel anything.

2007-06-24T23:09:00.000-07:00

I'm wondering if this was sent out to other bloggers that blog at work. Or was it just me?

Effective Immediately!!

We are asking that somewhere between starting and quitting time and without infringing too much on the time usually devoted to lunch period, coffee breaks, rest period, story telling, ticket selling, vacation planning, rehashing of last nights TV shows, bidding on auction items, and visiting sights like Blogger, and Wordpress, that each employee endeavor to find some time that can be set aside and known as the "WORK BREAK".

To some this may be a radical innovation, but we honestly believe the idea has great possibilities. It can conceivably be an aid to steady employment and it might also be a means of assuring regular pay checks.

While the idea of the Work Break Plan is not compulsory, it is hoped that each employee will find enough time to give the plan a fair trial.

Management

I don't know what it is I just haven't had much time to be blogging lately. It's not that I don't have anything to write about. It's just that with school being out my entire day is focused on the boys and keeping them occupied. There is quite a bit for me to say though. I do hope to get to doing that soon. Things have taken a turn for the better on a few fronts around the house hold. Youngest is still having his issues, but things are moving along quite well the past week or so.

Randomosity

2007-06-19T23:33:00.000-07:00

All my friends call me Houdini.

Because I pull tricks.

Happy Father's Day!!!

2007-06-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

Seeing as I have to work tomorrow night We had our Father's Day goings on tonight. Last night while out shopping I got my gift. A new BBQ! My oldest son and I were up till almost midnight last night putting it together. We had a good time doing it too.

This morning I was put to work cleaning the back yard so that it would be somewhat ready for the new grill. helped my son straighten the garage up a little, helped Summer fold laundry, and cleaned the pool. Lastly around 2:30 I put a pork roast on the rotisserie and cooked it real slow.

Let me just say that it was AMAZING! I love this new grill. Using the rotisserie is THE way to cook roasts. Next I want to try to cook a rack of ribs on there. My dad did that a few months ago the turned out real juicy.

Any ways this is enough boringness for you to have to read for the night. Hope you all have a wonderful Father's Day!

2007-06-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

I know that I need to update on how things went on Fri. afternoons Dr. appointment. But I want to post about something good for a change. Something "happy". I want you all to know that things aren't all doom and gloom around here. We do in fact have some good times here as well. This weekend had a few of those good times packed into it.

On Fri. afternoon my dad made a unannounced visit to the house. Now usually this would send me into a deep well of differing emotions. I mean it was unannounced. The house was a mess. I had just had a very stressful day with Kaiser and dealing with the school. I just was not in the mood for visitors.

But it wasn't bad at all. We sat in the dining room and just talked for awhile. we talked a lot about the things that happened with youngest son the night before. He actually told me that Summer and I are doing a good job with the kids and are doing the best we can with what we have to deal with. It really made me feel good about myself. Especially coming from my dad. He's not really the type of person that talks a lot about stuff like this. So that actually made my night Fri. It has been so long since we had conversation that had meaning to it. Especially that didn't seem forced or anything like that. It was just natural like.

I actually look forward to more talks like this with my dad. Especially knowing my dad and how he is. Things like this don't come the easiest for him. For me either. I don't know how many times I have wanted to start a conversation with my dad but didn't do it. Just because I didn't know how to start the conversation or I was too scared.

First of all I got myself a new camcorder! I'm so stoked about it. Yes. I just said stoked. It is SOOOO cool. It records straight to DVD. The movies it takes come out so clear. It's amazing. It has a killer zoom too. 32X optical, 1000X digital. On Sat. I went to my parents house to help my dad put his new refrigerator inside (what a fiasco that was!) the house. While there I was showing them my new camcorder and showed them the movies I had taken with it. SO my dad starts talking about how nice the picture is and how cool it would be for him to have a camera like that for the trip he is leaving on this Fri. (he and his brother are driving to Alaska for a 6 week fishing trip). So then he tells my mom that he wants a camera exactly like that for his Fathers Day gift. That just made me feel even better about my camera. For once I have something that he wants! It's usually my dad having something that I then decide 'I have to have one of those too!'. Not his time. What moral booster.

Yes. I know I'm weird like that.

Then Sat. night when Summer got home from work her and I spent over an hour at VS looking for new clothes. She ended up using her entire GC that I gave her for her birthday that night. I can't wait for the clothes to get here.

Oh did I mention that we were in bed when we were looking there?

I didn't?

Ok. Well while we were looking at VS we were in bed. Wearing only what we came to this earth with. When we finished looking it led to some amazing adult activities. She was writhing around on the bad for quite some time just from my fingers. When I finally got inside of her it was like she couldn't have me deep enough. We both climaxed together and just collapsed. I couldn't move a muscle. Let me tell you something: I slept like a rock that night! Almost every time Summer saw me on Sun. she would thank me for Sat. and tell me how much she enjoyed herself.

Sun. was a pretty slow day. In fact I can't remember much about what happened on Sun. at all. Summer and the kids went to church. But the rest of the day is pretty much a blank. That is except for the last half hour before I went to work in the afternoon.

I went out to the garage to butcher my hair again. Went in the house and shaved and showered. You know usual before work routine stuff. Then when I got out of the shower Summer was in the room and the door was closed. The kids were in the pool swimming, and Summer kept saying how sexy I was and just sat on the edge of the bed. So I bent over to kiss her. That led to me undressing her. Of course that led to MORE great sex! Except for the fact that her phone kept ringing. Usually this is a bad sign. But not this time. She was as frustrated as me. She just answered and said that she would have to call them back and hung up. We never lost a beat. So that made for a very relaxing night at work last night.

So you see? There are still some good things that happen around here. It's not all doom and gloom. It just seems that the good times are too few and far between right now.

A sinking feeling

2007-06-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

The last 24 hours have been VERY eventful to say the least. I took youngest to see his therapist again yesterday morning. He looked through all of our IEP paperwork (SR keeps every IEP form we get in a binder with page protectors) and he noticed something neither one of us ever did. Back in Sept. when we had an IEP for him the first week of school we had talked about sending him to a non public school. The Spe. Ed diecrtor for the district even called the school during the meeting. Yet there was no documentation saying that we even discussed the school. So now legally the conversation never took place. Great. There is more tom say about that but my mind is racing right now.

Last night while I was at work Youngest asked if he could go play with the neighbor girl (his best friend). So Summer said sure. Next thing she knows the police dept. calls up and says that they have him in there custody and he tried to break into the hardware store ion town! They are going to bring him home. She calls me and I get off work and come home. By the time I get here they have dropped him off and have left. SR's friend from church and a teacher at the school is here. We talk about everything that has happened with him lately and all the crap that we have gone through with the school.

Cut to today. I wake up early and call the Schools Superintendants office. Leave a message for them to call me back. Then I call the Spec e director and leave a message for her to call me back. Then call Kaiser and get transfered to the crisis center at Kaiser. They get all the info from me and say they are going to talk to the head of child psychiatry tyhere and get back to me within an hour. They PROMISE!

After all the phone calls I write an email to the spec ed person and CC it to the superintendant. asst. superintendant and the Protection and Advocasy Inc. (PAI) in Sacramento. which by the way Summer called them last night and they put us on the top of there list and are having an atorney call us on Mon. moprning. YAY!

Any ways that was 2 hours ago. Still no calls from the school dist. even though I gave them my cel and home number. I did receive an email from PAI saying that they received it and for us to call and they will set us up with someone. That was already done though.

So let's go back in time to Kaiser. They called me back in 20 minutes. Amazing! I wasn't expecting that. They said to have him in tyhe office at 1:30 this afternoon. They are also checking an a residential program for him and will have more info on that when we get there this afternoon. I never even mentioned that to the crisis person. They are finally seeing that as a necessity just like we are. I mean it's to the point where we can't even go to the bathroom when we are alone with him.

So Summer is getting off work early today and is going to meet us for the appointment. (My typing is zattrocious today!!)

Anyways now I'm just overwheled with so much right now. I mean we are finally going to get some real help. Hopefully. Kaiswer is seeing that we need to have him in a place where they can better evaluate him. That is making me so happy. But at the same time I'm scared. I'm sad. I feel empty inside. I want to scream. I just want to feel numb to the world. I just don't know what to do. Or how I should be feeling right now.

I know there is no set way to feel. I also know that this is a good thing for him and for the family as a whole. This is the right thing to do. But why does it have to be so hard? Why does it have to hurt so much? Why did it even have to get to this pooint in the first place? This is NOT WHAT WE WNATED AT ALL FOR OUR CHILDREN!!!!!!

I am just so full of conflicting emotions right now. But anger and pure rage is the most prevalent. I just don't know who I'm rtaging and angry with.

I have so much more I want to say but I just can not sort pout my feelings. It is also time ofor us to leave. Youngest and I are going to meet Summer for lunch before the appointment. this may be the last time for awhile. That saddens me the most.

Changes!

2007-06-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

As you can see I have made a few changes here today. What else are you going to do when your at home in bed sick all day?

Some of the changes I really like. Like the new column. Some I'm not to fond of. Like the new template and the fact that the columns don't line up properly. I'm afraid to change the template though because if I change back I'll most likely not be able get the third column back again. The columns not lining up though that's a different story. It is driving me crazy!It's only been there for about ten minutes now and it's already eating at me.

So anyways what do you think of the new look? Should I keep it,or go back to the old one?

On a much more positive note Summer and I have booked a trip for a weekend getaway in July. My mom will watch the boys for the weekend and we will be going to Circus Circus in Reno. Not our favorite casino resort (Atlantis if you were wondering) but it is away from home and the kids so we don't really care. So now we have a room booked and a sitter. Now all we need is a plan of what we are going to do while we are away.

2007-06-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

And then the creator looked upon his creation.
He saw his two creations that were meant to be together for companionship.
He saw them coupling.
It was then that He knew this to be true:
All is well.

Led Zeppelin - Thank You (Live)

2007-05-31T12:36:00.001-07:00

If the sun refused to shine
I would still be loving you
When mountains crumble to the sea
There would still be you and me

Kind woman, I give you my arm
Kind woman, nothing more
Little drops of rain
Whisper of the pain
Tears and love lost in the days gone by

My love is strong
With you there is no wrong
together we shall go until we die
my my my
Inspiration's what you are to me
Inspiration- look, see

And so today, my world smiles
Your hand in mine, we walk the miles
Thanks to you, it will be done
For you to me, are the only one

What I say is
Happiness no longer sad
Happiness, I'm glad

If the sun refused to shine
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea
There would still be you and me.

Ahhh,
Thank you.

2007-05-28T12:16:00.000-07:00

As I said in my previous post Summer took some pictures of the results from a few of our youngest sons tantrums. Don't know if this is a good idea or not but when people see these then they get an idea f what we are dealing with. They see that this is real and not made up.

This is of his bedroom door. He got bad and kicked it off the hinges. The holes are stripped now and won't take screws.

Here we have the china hutch that Summer got when her mom passed away. He broke the glass out on one side.

This is the taillight cover to Summer's Explorer. He threw a bungee cord at the truck when we said that we would not buy him a toy. If it isn't bungee cords it's rocks or anything else he can fins to throw. If not our car it would be our neighbors car.

This is the brand new security door that I 9installed less than a year ago. He kicked it and busted the screen. This is supposed to keep burglars out?

This is the hall closet door that he kicked.

His bedroom closet door.

This is looking from our older sons room into our younger sons room.

This is my bedroom door.

This last one is in the living room.

The rest are of drawings on the walls with permanent markers. I'm next going to start documenting any bruises that he gives Summer or myself in his outbursts. I'm still considering getting a video camera to record his different moods. Then take them to the Dr. visits. Maybe even write another letter to Dr. Phil and send along the video tape and pictures. Who knows?

2007-05-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been a week since I last posted. Even more I can't believe how busy we have been around here the last week or so. So now I have to see what I need to put in as an update.

First off I had a meeting with my therapist on the 18th. We spent the entire appointment talking about youngest son and the issues that we have been having with him. He actually spent the last 10 minutes of the appointment trying to get him an emergency psychiatrist appointment. To no avail. He did ask that Summer and I stay for a few minutes after the appointment (Summer and youngest were there as well but in the waiting room) so that he could find someone to see us immediately. He was able to get someone or rather 2 people to come and see us. They put it in his file that he was seen on an emergency basis. and that this should help in the future as far as getting things done.

On Tue last week I took youngest son to see his therapist again. this time he saw the Dr. alone for about 20 minutes. After that was done the therapist made a new appointment for this week and said that he will continue to need to see us at least every other week if not every week. When we got home there was a message on the answering machine saying that we finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist and that it would be the next day.

So that night Summer took a bunch of pictures of the things that our son has done around the house so I could take them to the appointment with us in the morning. The appointment went pretty well. The Dr. was able to see his behavior change from being really good and cooperative to starting to be destructive and hitting me. We saw this Dr. for almost 2 hours. She said that he will need to be seen by her and the therapist quite often so that we can teach him the tools necessary for him to calm himself down. She also said that he does not have autism, ADHD, ODD, or any of the other things he has been diagnosed with at the other facility. She said that he never should have been put on Wellbutrin to begin with because it is an anti depressant and he doesn't have depression. She believes he is Bi-polar. The problem is that there are no FDA approved meds for children with Bi-polar mood disorders. But she prescribed him a new medicine to take. Depakote. It is a mood stabilizer. She said that he needs more than just medication and that she wants to continue to see him on a more regular basis than his other Dr. did. So that is a plus.

Other than that things have been so-so. The whales are finally out of the area. At least as of 3:00PM yesterday they were finally leaving thew area. So that is a relief. I was on vacation yesterday and today is a holiday so I have had an extended weekend. :D I've been able to catch up on sleep, eat real dinners with the family, and spend a little time with Summer in the evenings.

We attempted to set up the pool over the weekend. That was a flop. Big time. We started to add water to the pool Fri. evening. It was full by Sat. morning and I started to run the pump. By 7PM we heard a loud noise from the back yard and saw the pool collapsed over and emptying itself out. I fixed it and started to refill it. But the torrent of water from the pool draining washed a lot of sand away. So I could actually see the pool slipping and sinking down. Which would cause it to fall over again. So now we have been draining the pool since yesterday morning. Funny how it drains so much slower than it fills.

When it is empty we need to move it closer to the house and hope that fixes it. If not I need to haul a lot more sand. Which I am NOT looking forward to. I thought I was going to break my truck last week. I had it WAY overloaded. I used a front loader at work and dumped a bucket load of sand in the back of my truck. Can we saw 'Maxed out the suspension travel?' My shocks were bottomed out and the springs were bending the wrong way. The front of the truck was almost off the ground. It wasn't pretty.

Other than that I need to get away. Or rather Summer and I need to get away. Together. Alone. Without the kids. For at least one night. Maybe two. A place where we can just lock ourselves up in a room and not come out. A place where talking about the kids is strictly forbidden. Even punishable.

God that sounds so good right now.

2007-05-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

My stress levels as of late have been through the roof. Surprisingly enough they are not all due to my youngest son. Most of them are work related. Or to be more truthful whale related. The dam things are back. Again. I wish they would just leave for God's sake. Everyone is making such a huge deal out of this. The news media isn't helping matters either. They keep broadcasting "This is a once in a life time experience. Come out and see 'Delta' and 'Dawn' in person before they go back to the ocean." Whatever.

Seriously if these people wanted to see a whale that badly just go to Vallejo and get a ticket to Marine World. Better yet drive down to Monterey Bay and visit the Aquarium. But don't come by the thousands (YES THOUSANDS!) and clog up my highways and bridges. You idiots are interfering with the operations of our draw bridge. These damn whale lovers obviously have no brain cells left either and can't read. We have a locked gate on the bridge for a reason. It is even posted with a sign that says 'Walkway closed. Use other side' So what do they do? Step over the rail, into a LIVE lane of traffic doing 50 miles an hour and climb back over the rail on the other side of the gate. Then proceed to walk where they are not in sight of the bridge operator. Therefore they are putting themselves in very serious danger. The Coast Guard is telling the tender to open the bridge and she can't because of the people that are standing on the span that is supposed to go in the air. Just annoying the hell out of me. And causing the bridge operator a lot of grief. She's freaking out because if she don't open the bridge in a timely manner the Coast Guard can fine her quite a few bucks.

Enough of that. There has to be better things to talk about.

Let's see......

Something better..........

Summer and I were able to connect last night. For some real love making. Not just a quickie 'let's hurry up before we have to get the kids up for school' kind of thing. We took our time last night. The only down part was that we were both so tired that it didn't last as long as we would have liked it to. but it did work it's magic on me and helped me to relax and fall asleep must faster than normal.

If only we could do that every night when I come home. I wouldn't be tossing and turning for 2 hours before I finally fall asleep. I think maybe I need to rethink how I do things when I get home from work at night. Right now I walk in the door and go straight to bed. Maybe I should spend a little time watching TV or on the computer. Or better yet playing my new Playstation 2. Did I forget to mention that earlier? How rude of me.

So Fri. night right after Summer pulls out of the driveway to go on her women's retreat the guy from across the street walks up. He asks me if the kids have any video games for the TV. Yes they do. It's just an old Gamecube but they have something. Then he asks me if they would like to have a Playstation 2 with a bunch of games. I ask how much and he says FREE! Apparently he went to a store that buys old games and game consoles for re-selling. Well they told him that they would only give him $30.00 for the system and about 18 games. He says screw that I'll give it to the kids across the street before I sell it for that price. The cool thing is half the games are rated M so the kids can't play them. So I finally have some games for me the adult to play! :D I can play Tomb Raider, OO7, 2 versions of .........Oh crap! My mind went totally blank. The game that you are a guy that car jacks people.....Grand Theft Auto! That's it. I have the Vice City version and GTA III. And some others. Really the only one that appeals to me on a remote level is G.T.A. So I'll see about talking to a guy at work and see if he wants to trade some games or something.

**I actually started this last night at work. I saved it to finish this morning but now I have other things on my mind so I'm going to just publish as is.**

2007-05-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

Time for something a little more upbeat. Unfortunately I can't seem to come up with something on my own. So while browsing blogs today I came across this over at Therese's. I figured what the heck? It'll do until something of my own pops up. :D

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-05-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

Does it make you a bad parent if you are actually willing and wanting for your child to be placed in some sort of in patient program?

I can't speak for Summer but I am getting closer and closer to seeing if Kaiser has a place that does that. I hate the idea of even thinking about it. But at the same time I just don't know how much more we can take. He was kicked out of his after school program this week. They said he cannot return until next year. The school reduced his hours from full day to half day. They are no longer trying to integrate him into the regular kindergarten class. He stays one on one with his helper the entire time he is at school. If the school determines that he is having a bad day and don't want to listen or becomes violent in any way they send him home. As usual but they are sending him home at the onset now. They used to wait to see if they could calm him down.

The problems with youngest son are just running down and causing problems in other areas as well. Summer and I are snapping at each other quite a bit anymore any time the subject of him comes up. She is just so upset about this whole thing. I am too but she is taking this much harder.which don't make it easy on me. Especially when she shows me bruises that he gives her or when I come in to see her crying because of the problems. I just don't know what to do. There has to be some place out that can help us so that we can live a normal life with our kids. Right now that just isn't possible.

We used to get a small break on the weekends when he would go play with the neighborhood kids. But now most of the kids won't play with him. Or their parents won't let them play with him. That just makes his tantrums and outbursts get worse. He wants to play with kids but the kids won't play with him. So he throws fits and destroys things in the house.

At least if he goes to an inpatient place that would hopefully serve 2 purposes. It will hopefully give the Dr.s enough time to do better evaluations on him and come up with better solutions. It would also give Summer and I the much needed rest we need. We just need to get away from our son.

And saying that makes me feel like a shitty parent. I mean what kind of parents wants to ship their kid off just so they can get time away from them? I'm not talking send them to the sitters for the evening or to the grandparents for the weekend. I'm talking an extended period of time. How long? Who knows. We have had 2 places say up to 90 days. But they are also the same places that say they can't help out because of Kaiser.

Maybe that's the solution! I'll quit my job and go on Welfare. Then I can get all the help we need free of charge! Then the county can't say that they can no longer get involved. They would be able to say "Oh you don't have insurance? We have just the help you need! Come on in." Instead we are getting "Well we'd really like to help you out, BUT you are a contributing member to society. You work 40+ hours a week and you have insurance. You don't sit at home and have babies just to get money from the state. So we can't help you."

It's pretty bad when a person that is doing everything right in this world like working, paying taxes, contributing to society can't get shit. But a crack whore mom can get knocked up every few years, live off the system, get free housing, free food, and a check that I help pay for can get all the free medical help she wants.

What kind of fucked up world is this?

2007-05-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

Some people just really annoy the hell out of me. So we have 2 hump back whales swim up through the San Francisco Bay and on up through the bay into our little neck of the woods. SO WHAT! It's like some great big huge deal now to some people. They are loseing their f'ing minds.

I know that i'm about to reveal a little much in the information department but I don't care at the moment. It's not going to be to hard to find out where I am anyways from previous posts.

I'm at work yesterday and part of my job is to deliver paychecks. So about 5:45 or 6:00 I go out to the ferry boats to deliver our measley boot allowance checks. If you want to call them that. They tax our boot allowance checks at 43% so we only get about 29 bucks. WooHoo! Like where are you going to get a quality pair of work boots for that much manoey?

Sorry. Side tracked there.

So when I get to the first ferry the cars are backed up for a 1/4 mile. All lined up. There are people parking 1/2 mile away and walking to the ferry. so I cross over turn on the rotating light and drive in the wrong lane. I get to gate of the ferry and there is close to 100 people standing around hoping to get a glimpse of the whales. When I walked onto the boat the deckhand asked me to stay at theshack to keep people from going where they don't belong.

No problem I say. I'll stay here for a few minutes. A few minutes turned into a few hours. We had people doing the stupidest things. Trying to climb the pillings and walk out the pier that makes the boat slip. Not designed for walking on. We had news reporters walking out our feul dock. Even though there is a chain across the walkway. I tell one reporter that he can't walk out there. He says you talking to me? Yes. But I'm with the press. I don't care who you are you're not authorized to go out there.

We got people trying to walk down the boat slip. Kinda like a boat ramp. While the ferry is trying to come into the slip! All to get a better view. The worst thing is that some of the local people that just want to cross the ferry to get home can't get to the ferry because of all the looky loos. I'm ashamed to say that my parents were 2 of them. And if I didn't have Summer's truck she would have been too. I hang my head in shame.

I finally had to call my supervisor when we almost had a fight break out. Some guy in the line of cars got tired of waiting so her pushed the car inn front of him forward with his bumper so that he could turn around. Get this: CHP didn't believe my boss so they wouldn't dsend someone.

Finally after I was there for over an hour a local police officer comes out to see what is going on. By that time things have died down. The thriongs of people started to thin out around 7:40 or so. The whales swam further up the river and everyone disperseed. He asks me what has been going on and says if it starts up again to call him. Then when I'm finally ready to leave at around 8:00 a CHP officer shows up. He said he was responding to a call about traffic being back up on the highway. I told him he was a bit late and he should have been there when I called for assistance over an hour ago. by that time the crowd of 100 people went down to 10.

All of this comotion because a stupid whale came out to the wrong place. Everyone was there to get a glimpse of the whale. We had over 13 news vans out there for lve coverage. I'm sure some the coverage went national. You may have even seen me on the news. But here's the kicker. If all these stupid yahoos would have had the sense to stay home they would have seen a lot more than they did by beeing out there. No one there saw a thing. The whales never surfaced in front of our location. But the people at home got to see them on TV.

The even worse part is the whales have to came back through my little delta town to get back out to the ocean. Great. Even more yahoos to deal with when that happens.

All this means is that people that never even heard of this place are all of a sudden going to know about us and want to drive out here. Making traffic worse than it is now.

Nothing new

2007-05-13T23:44:00.000-07:00

Things are neither getting better or worse. Just kinda in a limbo state. We had an IEP meeting on Fri. with the school. They had us fill out some paperwork with the county that is asking them for assistance with figuring out whats going on. Just what we need. Someone else to give us the run around. Everyone at the IEP said the same thing- there is no rhyme or reason for the outbursts. There is not one single thing that will set him off. What sets him off today will be perfectly fine tomorrow. What calms him down in the morning will set him off at night. There is no pattern at all. So we are going to try and have him go to school half days instead of full days. See if that makes a difference. We've only got till the 15 of June then school will be out. I told them that we want him in the non public school next year.

Still don't know what that means- non public. To me non public means private. But this is not a public school. Whatever. They are a national school from what I remember. At least they are in several states. Not all of them.

Enough about that. Happier thoughts.

Went fishing again on Fri. This time Summer came along with us. Started off pretty bad. The place we were at was terrible. Every cast we would get snagged. Youngest and I lost at least 3 fish each due to the snags breaking our line. So I got a little upset and went to a different spot. Turned out to be a good move. For me anyways! :D I got 4 catfish there. Summer reeled the first one in. Brat! It was the first fish on that pole and the reel. They were both virgins. She had to go and steal my stuff from me.

I B-B-Q'd some burgers on the beach and my sister came along to sit with us and spend time with the kids. In the middle of us eating she comes out and says "Well I guess it's now tradition in our family that we have some type of "issue" to deal with every 6-7 months. First it's *cousin* then it was *cousins dad*. So I guess now it's my turn."

That was it. That's all she said. How crazy is that shit? Not that she "came out" but that she just said it in that way while we were eating our dinner. So I guess it's hereditary. Interesting. She already told my mom but as of telling us still didn't tell our dad.' She has no intentions of telling grandma though. Grandma took it hard enough with our cousin and then his dad (her son). But she is coping with it. But my sister says it's going to be harder for her to accept that about my sister because she (to put it in her exact words) "plays for both teams, and grandma would see that as a choice". So what if it's a choice. As long as your happy to hell with what others think. That's just me though.

Yesterday we went to the May fair. Rode a few rides, walked the fairgrounds and ate fair food. This section is small because of how small the fair was. We walked the whole thing in an hour.

Almost forgot about the best part of the weekend. After we got home from fishing and got the kids to bed I got my red head back! There is something that is just so sexy about red heads. I've had a thing for red heads since I was a little kid. Well Summer had me dye her hair red for her Fri. night. Not just red but intense red.

When we woke up Sat. morning I had forgotten about it. Till she cam out of the shower. That was it. One look at her with the fiery hair and I just had to have her. So she needed an extra shower. :D

Last of all Happy Mother's day to all the mom's out there.

2007-05-07T23:52:00.000-07:00

Things are slow here at work tonight so I'm gonna see what happens as far as creating a post. No promises as to the quality. Someone at work pissed me off tonight and I don't know who to be mad at. I have a bag of chocolate in the freezer at work. I have my name written on the bag of chocolate and my name is in plain view. Last night I thought maybe that a piece or two was missing. So I inventoried it all. Today I come to work and go into the freezer to take out my desert and ALL of my candy bars are gone! All that is left are 3 Cadburry Creme eggs that melted on the way home from the store. What good does it do to put your name on something if no one will honor your name? Now I am out 4 candy bars, and won't be going back to the 99 cent store for another week. At least they left my Hungry Man TV dinners alone. I'm tempted to go in the fridge and drink the RedBull in there that don't have a name on it. But I'm a better person than that.

As I wrote a few weeks ago my cousin was coming up from Costa Rica for some meetings this past week. I met him in Sac on Fri. afternoon and he gave me my box of cigars. I'm stoked! They are bigger than I thought they would be. I was able to find a guy at work that is really into cigars and he gave me a lot of info on humidors and what not. He also gave me 2 catalogs and 2 cigars just to test out. So I ordered my humidor and a few accessories and they should be here this week sometime. Here's the thing. I'm not really interested in smoking the cigars. I'm more into just the novelty aspect of having cigars that came straight from South America and were made from a person who was born and raised in Cuba. That and my cousin said that if I wanted to I could sell them for $20 a piece. I might have him bring me up another box when he returns in June. :D

In other news of my brief visit with my cousin, he and his wife bought a cabin in Oregon a few months ago. While we visited he said that he will send me the calender to the cabin and I can choose any open date I like to go up to use the cabin for a week. So we will try to do that towards the end of July, beginning of August. The really cool thing about the cabin is that it is on a lake and there is no driving to the cabin. It is boat in only. How cool is that?! There is good fishing on the lake, he has a fishing boat, ski boat, jet ski, and "skiff" that is used to get to the cabin from the marina.

So that is the plan for this summer's family vacation. we have gone to Tahoe for the last 3 years in a row. This year it is time to go take in some new scenery. Not that I'm tired of Tahoe. Believe me when I say it is my favorite place in Ca. and I haven't begun to explore all there is to do up there. But something new would be welcomed. Plus I like the secluded aspect of the place. So now we just have to wait for the end of summer to get here.

Sorry for the interruption there. Summer and the boys came to work and brought dinner with them! I got eat dinner with my family. Not only that but it was the first home cooked meal that I have eaten in over 2 weeks. This past weekend for me was hectic. After meeting with my cousin on Fri. I decided that I wasn't going to wait anymore and take the boys out fishing. So off to Subway I went to get dinner and we found a spot on the bank of the river and fished for a few hours. We had great time. youngest enjoyed himself immensely. He actually had plans on staying out fishing all night long. He wanted to stay out till the sun came up. That's a long time since we started fish at around 7:00. Jr. and youngest each caught fish. I didn't fish at all. I just sat back and enjoyed the time with my boys. I have never done that. I usually want to be right out there fishing myself and concentrate on myself catching fish. Not this time though. After we ate youngest came over and sat on my lap for a few hours except for when I was baiting hooks or taking fish off of hooks. Finally about 10:00 he decided that he was tired and wanted to go home to go to sleep. It was such a good time I think I might do it again this Fri. since Summer volunteered to work another Fri. night.

Then on Sat. I volunteered to help my sister move. So that was an all day thing. I got some things out of it though. She gave us her old entertainment center, which used to be my parents, and an old dresser to give to youngest. So when I got home I had to take down the stereo and all that goes with it, move in the new entertainment center, and then try to reattach all the wires in the correct place. Next thing I know it's 9:00 and we still didn't have dinner. So off to Mc Donald's I go to get dinner. I pop in a DVD to watch with dinner realize that I hooked the VCR up to the TV instead of the DVD player. The DVD player video cables were plugged into the surround sound where the VCR was supposed to be. So I had to fight with that to get it right. It's done though. I have conquered the home theatre system. I am man. Here me roar! Now if only I could get the DTS Surround to work between the DVD player and the surround system. They are both DTS ready but when I select DTS no sound comes out. It's annoying. I want the optimal sound with my movie watching experience! Instead I'm stuck with Dolby Digital.

Time for a new system complete with Plasma TV right dear? :D

What else can I right about? Summer is going on her church retreat again this month. I'm actually kinda nervous about it this year. When she was gone last year was when I had the "meltdown" and all that stuff that lead to my being on meds. That would be the time that I wrote this gem of a post. So I'm not looking forward to her going for the weekend. Although it's silly of me to relate her leaving with what was going on at the time.

Sorry

2007-05-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry guys. I just haven't been "feeling" it this past week. All of the fasmily issues that have been happening have just taken it's toll on me. I feel drained mentally and physically. I will try to get back to reading and writing soon. Maybe tonight at work. We'll just have to wait and see. Just know that we appreciate all the comments and emails that we have received this week. They mean an awful lot to us.

Til I start "feeling" it again.
CH

A letter to Dr. Phil

2007-04-30T22:41:00.000-07:00

Please before you read this post read this post first. Then read this one. After that you may then proceed to read the current post. Follow the rules people!

I'm really getting desperate here. After going to my parents and talking with them for a little bit while dropping off my guns, my dad jokingly said that maybe you should try writing to Dr. Phil. Well how desperate am I? Desperate enough to do just that. I wrote a letter to him. I didn't add all the details that my blog readers know, but I did get the important parts. At least most of them. I didn't want to write a novel to the guy. Anyways I'm not expecting an answer directly from Dr. Phil himself. But one of his many hired hands would be greatly appreciated. I was even desperate enough to click the box saying that I'd be willing to appear on the show.

Coming to a TV screen near you: CH and Summer Rose live on Dr. Phil!

My wife Summer Rose and I are the parents of 2 boys. CH Jr. 12 and C 6. We have always had problems with C in the anger department. About 18 months ago we took him to see a therapist with Kaiser (my insurance carrier through work). This was back in November I believe. Then in Jan. he recommended us to go see a child psychiatrist that worked in the office. Our first meeting with her was in March. At that appointment the Dr. said that she believed that he had autism. She set us up with the regional center, sent a referral to the Autism center in San Jose, and gave him a prescription of Abilify. 2.5mg

We continued to see her once a month until June. By that time she increased the dosage of his abilify. 5mg Then our case was transferred to the Roseville autism center as they were a new facility and had no caseload and it would be faster to get through. We got our appointment with them in June of 2006. At that time the tester tested Corey for about 1 hour. We were then told that the results would be ready in about an hour. We came back an hour later and were told that he did not have autism and that he had ADHD. She told us to stop taking the Abilify and give him stratera instead. Then sent us on our way saying they could not help us since he did not have autism.

A month after we had him on the stratera his temper and tantrums were worse than they ever were. We tried to get in to see his Dr. but she had retired unexpectedly on a medical retirement. So we had to go to a new Dr. We got in to see her in late July I believe. She felt that in her opinion that the original diagnosis of autism was correct and that he did not have ADHD. She told us to discontinue the stratera and go back to the abilify. Within a week we saw an improvement.

It wasn't to stay that way though. When he started kindergarten he was expelled the first week of school. He was be abusive to the staff and other students. Hitting them and spitting on them. So he was transferred to another school within the district that had a special day class. We also went back to the Dr. and she upped the dosage of abilify to 7.5mg. Things didn't change much. He was still out of control. Hitting but now he was hitting my wife and I. By the time Christmas came the Dr. had him on7.5mg abilify in the evening and 100mg wellbutrin in the morning,

This is now May and his medication is now 7.5mg abilify and 200mg wellbutrin (I'm a 33 year old male and take the same dosage). His tantrums are getting worse and worse. All the Dr. at Kaiser want to do is give him more medications. They don't want to try to find out why he is like this.

He almost got kicked out of the special day class 2 weeks ago. They were going to send him to a special school 25 miles away.

His tantrums get worse and worse. He will be playing fine and be a really sweet little kid. Then at the drop of a hat he will start hitting, kicking, spitting, and being really mean. For know reason at all. Just this weekend he was playing baseball with Jr. in the front yard. Summer and I were watching them. Suddenly for no reason at all he started hitting Jr. with a baseball bat. Last week he broke his bedroom door off the hinges. 2 months ago he punched a hole in the wall of his room and went into his brothers room. You can see his brothers room from his room.

The real kicker though is that today his teacher called and said that C told her that he wanted to buy a gun to shoot his mom and bury her.

We are at our wits end now. We don't know what to do. The school said that they are going to have to call the police and have a report filed. Then CPS will be contacted. This is all in order to see if the school can get him some mental health care. The special ed director said that worse case scenario he might be taken out of the house for a period of time and taken to a boys home so he can get round the clock help.

We don't know what to do. We love our son and don't want him taken away but at the same time we don't want to live like this forever. We want a happy family. There is more to the story but I wanted to give the basics as much as possible to keep from getting too long. If there is any advice we are open to anything right now.

Thank you,
Confused Husband

And the plot thickens

2007-04-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

This is a continuation of the post below so go read it first. Pretty please?

so After I published the post I finally got ahold of Summer. I had told her what the teacher said and that I was staying home. When she got home as expected she was upset. She instantly got on the phone with someone with the school district. For the life of me I can't think of her position. Anyways Summer called her and I called Kaiser to talk to his psychiatrist. She wasn't in today as it's her day off. So I left a message for her to call us ASAP and that we want an appointment this week. NOT in a month.

Summer's conversation was a little hard to take. She was told that the school district would be willing to help with mental health services, BUT (that's a big but get it?) the school would have to report the incident to the police and have a report written up. Which they would have to do anyways. Then she said CPS would be called and have to come out to the house. Then they would see if they could get us help through the school district. BUT she's not sure if we can get help due to our income and the fact that we have medical insurance already. She also said that there is an option that they could take him to a live in psychiatry place or boys home like the 8 year old I spoke of previously.

After we both were off the phone she started crying and just sat in my lap. All she could say was what did we do wrong? How can we be that bad as parents? I kept saying that we're doing everything we can. It's not our fault it's just the way he is. It was kind of hard to say it like I meant it though. I don't believe it myself.

You want to know what the terrible thing is that makes me a real shitty parent? I actually would prefer that he goes to a live in place for awhile. Es[ecially if it will help him out. Because it is obvious that we aren't making things better. It would be hard to see him gone for the time that it would take. But if it would help out and find the problem and not just mask it with drugs like Kaiser does then it would be well worth it. I hate to see the way Summer feels right now. It tears me up inside. It's even worse when it is your own son that is doing it.

I'll be back with more in awhile.

I'm at a loss

2007-04-30T16:12:00.001-07:00

I don't know what to do anymore. Summer don't know what to do either. Things are just getting worse and worse. We both feel so hopeless and like we have no control. This post has been a long time coming actually. I have just been putting it off thinking that this will just go away. Things will cure themselves. Right? They have to. I mean how can they have gotten this bad to begin with? We both want to wish this was just a dream. But we also know that the fact of the matter is this: This our reality. It is not a dream. Or rather this is not the worst nightmare imaginable. It is our lives. And nothing we do ever seems to make it better.

What's that? Is something wrong between Summer and I? Oh no. We are doing much better. The problem is our youngest son. Things are just getting out of control here. And as I just found out today they are getting worse at a rate in which the Enterprise would not be able to catch it in maximum warp drive. (Sorry. TNG is on right now.)

I just don't know where to begin. His temper tantrums are getting much worse. And they happen for no apparent reason at all. For instance he will be playing baseball in the front yard with his brother. They will be playing fine. Then for no reason at all he will just start wailing on Jr. with the bat. He can be sweet and loving like he was the other night when we were watching the stars. Then at the drop of a hat he can turn into devil boy. He has broken his bedroom door off the hinges. Kicked a hole in the wall in the living room. You can stand in his bedroom and see through the wall into his brothers bedroom. I can be playing with him and then for no reason at all he'll get this evil look in his eyes and he will start shouting that he hates me. Or he hates Summer. Or whoever. He'll go int6o a blind rage that has no apparent trigger to us. Then as fast as it started it stops and he is all lovey dovey again.

It happens at school too. He will be listening nicely then all of a sudden go into tantrums at school. Or on the bus. But not last week. His bus driver told me on Fri. that she was really proud of him. He was great the entire week. Same from his teacher. She said that he was really good the entire week.

His therapist says that he is a perfectly normal 6 year old. Bull SHIT! His Psychiatrist says that he has autism and has him on 2 different medications. He takes the same dose of Wellbutrin as I do in the morning. Then he takes 7.5mg of Abilify in the evenings. He started off at 2.5mg then went up to 5mg then the 5mg along with 1 wellbutrin to where he is now. All the doctors seem to do is up the dosage for his medications. They don't do anything else.

Today though. Today was the real kicker. I got a call from his teacher this afternoon. She said that she had to tell me what he had said to her while he was in school today. He told her that he wanted to get a gun to shoot his mom and then bury her. Now I ask you- Is this the behavior of a normal 6 year old? Do all six year olds say they want to shoot and bury their moms? If so I'll back off. But I guarantee that it is NOT normal.

He is already so strong that Summer can't do much to restrain him. He has hit her and left some pretty bad bruises. He can hit me and leave a decent size mark. Just last month he scratched my arm by digging in his nails. It ended up leaving a scar on my right arm.

So now here I am. Staying home from work tonight to do God knows what. Talk to Summer and see what our next step is. Then I'll go to my parents and leave my guns over there. Paranoid? HELL YES I AM! Then we'll call Kaiser and tell them that we need to do something now. Not in a month when they can "fit us in". We need to get inside his head and find out what the hell is going on in there.

When I went to talk to my boss today he told me about his neighbors grandson. This kid is 8 years old and in the exact same class as our youngest. For the same basic reasons. His grandma adopted him. He has a temper like our son. Changes at the drop of a hat the same too. Last week he beat up his grandmother. Again. This week he is now living in a boys home in St. Helena. This 8 year old beat up a Jr. High kid a few moths ago. Seriously. And guess what. According to my boss he is scared of my kid. So what does that tell ya? I know what it tells me. It tells me that somewhere along the line we fucked up big time in parenting him. My boss says that I shouldn't say that. It's just the way he was born. Some people are just born with chemical imbalances or something like that.

I don't know. all I know is that I can't keep going on like this.

2007-04-28T23:06:00.001-07:00

So as I had promised yesterday here are some photos that I took with my new camera. I love it! It's the best camera that I've ever owned. It's a Panasonic Lumix DMC FZ7. It is SOOO cool! At least to me. It's nothing like the camera that my parents just bought but I don't have 800 to spend on a camera and another 600 in lenses. But mine has a better zoom. Take that mom and dad. :-)~ (Just kidding)

But before I get into the describing of pictures I'm gonna take a little time to say how great it is to have little kids sometimes. I just spent about an hour and a half laying on the front lawn with youngest. He asked if we could sit outside and look at the stars. Sure we can! Then he says oh wait. I need a towel to lay on. I said I'll just get a picnic blanket. We set it up and he lays down. Instantly gets up and says he needs a pillow. Gets it lays down for about 30 seconds and jumps up again. I'll be right back I need a blanket. He comes back with the comforter from his bed and asks me to cover him up. And here I am roasting. It was 90 degrees here today. I had to turn on the AC at dinner time to keep from getting over heated any more than I already was.

Little side bar. The entire time the rest of you have been writing and complaining about how cold it is or how much snow you get have been killing me all winter long. I love that weather! So now I'm gonna start complaining about the weather. It's to dam hot! I hate the heat. Anything over 60 is just too dam warm for me. so if any if you want this "nice" upper 80 degree just hitting 90 temps please come and take it! You can have it. End side note.

So after he got all comfy we just laid there and watched the stars and the moon. A little later oldest came out and joined us. Then around 9:30 they decided it was bed time and asked if they could go to bed.

Times like that make me really miss where I grew up. It was in the mountains. I didn't know what a street light was till I was almost 10. So when the stars came out they really came out. Tonight we could see maybe a handful of stars because of all the lights.

So without further boorish writings here are my pics for the day.

This first one is a bridge that the state is putting a new control house on. So I had to work there for my OT today to shut down the road so we could open the bridge for a tug and barge. easy money right there. As long as you can deal with pissed off drivers that cuss you out because they cant get across the bridge until they wait 10-15 minutes. Big deal. You knew the set backs of delta life before you moved here or traveled here.
Just another shot of the bridge this time looking straight down the middle. I was going for a certain effect for this when it is blown up. It should be set so that when it is bigger, no matter what angle you look at it from left or right it should appear that you are looking right down the middle.

This one and the next are just sunset pictures taken from the bridge house of another bridge that I deliver supplies to.

.
And this is the staircase/ladder that you have to climb to get to the bridge house. It's scary enough for me to walk that carrying nothing. But once a week I have to carry 2 3 gallon water jugs up those stairs

This is one of the towers of the bridge. The cement block at the top is called a counter weight. It weighs exactly the same weight as the bridge deck. With the help of the counter weights we only use 1 electric motor per tower. Each motor is less than 15 horse power. The few pics coming next are taking from almost the top of the tower. I was on the bridge house when the bridge was lifted. that brought me 90 feet in the air. There is still another 35 feet to the very top if I need to change a navigation light.

Here we have a sunset picture of the same windmills in the previous photo. Just from a higher viewpoint.

this here is looking towards the bridge that will be taking me almost 200 feet in the air. The town you see in this picture is the town Summer and I live in. We can see the towers of that bridge from our front and back yard.

Lastly we have one of the 2 ferries that I deliver supplies to. Both ferries run 24/7. The operators of the boats work 12 on 12 off. That's hours not days. They have a pretty cool schedule though. They are on what's called a 28 day schedule. So every 28 days they get 7 days off with using no vacation. How cool is that? The down side is that they work a different shift every time they come in from a weekend. The worst part is for me when I have to try and figure out who can cover a shift when someone calls in sick or goes on a vacation. I'll have to explain it later though. I'm pooped!

It's gonna be...

2007-04-27T23:24:00.000-07:00

.....a really good weekend. I can feel it already. Even though for me it is half over already. Work went really good last night. Got home and crashed hard. Man was I tired.

Today I woke and it was a beautiful day. It was warm and the sun was shining. After the kids went on their way to school Summer and I went to another follow up appointment from her breast surgery. The Dr. says things are looking good. There is still a little bit of swelling in the left breast but it should go down by the time we have the next appointment. If not he says we may have to go back in and remove some more tissue. Let's hope not. Shall we? After the appointment we went to do some shopping and picked up my parents dog. We're dog sitting this weekend! :D

Then we coupled. It was a beautiful coupling too I might add. I took a shower when we were done and Summer took a nap. I wore her out. ;-) When I got out she asked me to lay down with her some more. So we both took a nap. When she woke up she climbed on top of me and we coupled. Again! The good thing is we finished in time for Summer to shower before the kids got home from school.

To top it off when youngest got home his bus driver said that he has been great all week and that she was very proud of him. His teacher said he was good too. how cool is that?

Even better news I'm working OT tomorrow. 7 hours and I'm only going to be at work for about 2.5 hours.

Some time this weekend I'm going to go ahead and post some new pictures from my new toy. They are very important to me too. I conquered a fear at work yesterday and went 90 feet in the air on a draw bridge and took some photos. So until then!

2007-04-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

i miss you
i miss feeling your skin close to mine
that fist touch of our lips as we kiss
the feeling of our tongues slowly exploring one another
the way you shiver when i touch a nipple through your bra
or breathe warm breath onto your erect nipples
the feeling of you playing with me as i start to harden in your hands
and seeing the smile on you face
how it makes you so happy that you can make me hard with the slightest touch

i miss the smell of you as i start to undress you
and pull off your panties
as i lay my head on your thigh and take a deep breathe of your womanhood
the way you wiggle around as i slowly run my finger up and down you opening
very light to the touch

i miss the feeling of your wetness
as i ad just a little bit of pressure
you pull me into your warmth

i miss the sounds of pleasure escaping your lips
as i work my finger in and out of you
the way you start to squeeze me with your growing excitement

i miss it when you can't stand the wait any longer
you tell that you must have me inside of you
you need me inside of you
the gasp you let out as i slowly enter
the smile on your face as i am fully inside
the look of passion

i miss feeling you pushing to meet me at each stroke
the sounds that we make together
the sight of you
the scent of you
the love in your eyes

i miss having you tell me that you want me to fill you
to let it go
to let it happen together

i miss the way that we lay together
just holding each other
happy and content
lightly playing with each other
still feeling the orgasms through our bodies

i miss falling asleep with you on my chest
waking up with you still there
playing with your hair
realizing that this right where we both belong
in each others arms

i miss being with you baby and i know that it isnt easy going through the changes
but if we have learned anything in the last few years it is that we can overcome anything and come out stronger for it

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!

2007-04-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

Well as I had previously predicted I have overcome my gift giving curse. Summer was very pleased with all of her gifts that she received for her birthday last night. She wasn't even faking her joy and excitement either. You can't fake the kind of excitement she had last night. So it was a good night. We had my mom and grandma over for dinner. Dad was sick so he stayed home. After everyone left and the kids were in bed, as predicted, she did not throw me down and have her way with me. But what she did do was to tall me that she wanted to feel me inside of her. So she did initiate last night. It's so nice to be the initiatee and not the initiator. And boy did she initiate last night. ;-) Babe you deserve a standing ovation for the things you did last night. Your new found technique is just...........making me drool on the bosses keyboard that's what. I still get all tingly just thinking about it.

You all are going to have to wait for Summer to tell you what she got for her birthday. Besides having a full dose of me. :D

In other news my cousin that has been living in Costa Rica for 2 years due to his job is moving back to Cali this summer. He will be coming to Sac next weekend for meetings all week. When he gets here we are going to meet up and he is bringing me a box of hand rolled cigars from a cigar maker that defected to CR from Cuba. so with that also comes a dilemma. I know nothing about cigars. Have not smoked a cigar since I was a teenager and tried smoking swisher sweets. So if any of you pout there know anything about cigars like how they are to be stored and how long they keep please drop me a line and let me know how to care for these. I really want to take good care of them and not have them wasted due to improper storage.

So with that I bid you all a pleasant Mon.

A "happier" post

2007-04-20T22:39:00.000-07:00

As per my amazingly sexy wife's request I am going to put up a "happier" post. Apparently my writings have been sad and/or boorish lately. Thanks a lot babe.

So let's see here......happier posts........what could I possibly write about that is happier?

Work?

Projects?

Kids?

Money?

Sex?

Well I guess I could write about a few of those different subjects.

Since I'm the owner of this here piece of real estate I'm gonna start off by showing pics from my home improvement project for the day. Unfortunately I've only got before pics right now. I'm just too dam tired to take the after pics. But I know that you are all very patient people and don't mind waiting another day don't you.

Pretty bad don't you think? The old sink was just moving around all over the place. The faucet leaked from the top and bottom. The drain under the sink leaked in a few different places. You can see in the last picture just how bad it has been leaking over the years and the damage done to the counter top. That counter top is still in place but only temporarily. We'll be looking at counter tops next Fri. It's just going to be the cheapest one we can find. We were hoping that this one would last for the next 3 years but I'm having my doubts. Why wait that long? We're planning on remodeling the entire kitchen in that period of time. Gonna tear down a wall and build another wall. But that's getting ahead of ourselves here.

The project went well today. Not to many set backs this time. Outside of the fact that I screwed up while cutting the counter top for the new sink. I forgot about the new sink having the corners cut off instead of being squared like I cut the hole. Oops! :D That my friends is why we are looking for a new counter top next weekend. Unless y pops can find a way to fix it tomorrow when he comes over for Summer's Bday cake and gifts.

Mentioning that I can't wait till tomorrow! She is going to be so happy with her gifts. She's gonna want to throw me on the bed and have her way with me as soon as my parents and grandma leave. Yeah right. Who the hell am I kidding here? No one but myself is the correct answer.

Is this happy enough yet dear?

Then there is work. I had the opportunity to get off at 10 the other night and still get paid till midnight. Then work a day shift on Thu. to go to a safety meeting. That was B-O-R-I-N-G! But it gave us a chance to put Thu. night to good use if you know what I mean.

You don't know what I mean?

We had S-E-X! Really good sex at that too. I took my time lightly running my finger up and down her entire body. There wasn't a thing she could do about it either. I was laying on her left arm and had her right wrist held tightly in my left hand. She really liked that. A few years ago? She wouldn't even let the thought of that happening enter the equation at all. So she is really opening up. A little at a time but it is better than being stagnant right?

And lastly I'll go ahead and talk about $$$$.

We got another check in the mail this week from the mortgage company this time. It was because we had a left over amount in the impound account. That same day I found out that when we refinanced the house we did not have to pay the April 1 payment. Which I already did. So now we don't have a payment due until the first of June. Then to top it all off I got my OT check the next day from all the OT I worked last month. 38 hours. It was almost 3/4 of a regular pay check. This is awesome! I can't believe the luck we have been having lately in the money department.

Now before anyone starts to think we are wasting our money, we aren't. I have paid 1,000 on the Visa in the last 8 days. I'll pay another 500 on the first of the month. I paid off one of our credit cards completely. We got Jr. new glasses and are going to get his fillings he needs. Just read the posts lately to see what we're doing with the house. The money came from the house so some of it is going back into the house. then there is Summer's Bday gifts. I got a drive shaft for my truck. Finally! I have been driving around on 5 inch lifted 2 wheel drive sitting on 35" tires for 4 years now. I have 4 wheel drive again! I got a new pump for the pool we got last summer since we burnt the original one up. Also got a chlorine generator this year so we won't have the problem of green water when we return from a vacation this year. So it's not going to waste. Believe me. One last thing on the money front- I have not spent one penny on hunting stuff! It's killing me too. I have been so tempted to get an add on membership to my dads club so we can hunt together this year. Some may think it's a waste. I think it's a major investment in family. I want to try to have a better relationship with my dad and this is something we both enjoy doing together.

That's all for tonight. I'm beat. I do have a topic in mind for my next post but it isn't a "happy" post so Summer won't like it.

2007-04-19T19:57:00.000-07:00

OK.

I really need this answered for me. Because I'm having a hard time understanding.

What the fuck if wrong with people these days? Seriously!

As if what happened on Mon. at Virginia Tech wasn't bad enough. I'm pretty sure you all know about what happened. I don't watch the news or read the paper and I know what happened. As if that wasn't bad enough there is some drug crazed douche bag in my area has made several threats in the last day or two that he will make what happened on Mon. look like a cake walk. He's going to do the same thing but on a much bigger scale.

So now all the schools in Sacramento, Yollo, and Yuba counties are going to be on lock down tomorrow. And guess what? Our youngest son goes to his special day classes in Sacramento county. Lovely. So now what are we supposed to do? Send him to school tomorrow or keep him home? If we keep him home we will be letting this douche bag run our lives and we will live in fear. If we send him to school and something happens then what?

Then again what if my aunt had a pair of balls? What if? What if? What if? The world is full of what if's.

An interview with The INSTALLINATOR!

2007-04-16T13:16:00.000-07:00

Last week I volunteered over at Restoring the covenant to have RS interview me. I thought it would be a good idea to let people know some things about me that maybe I haven't touched on very much. So here is how it went:

The Rules: Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me.” I respond by asking you five personal questions (I will leave these questions for you in my comments) so I can get to know you better.If I already know you well, expect the questions may be a little more intimate! Then you update your blog with the answers to the questions (please don't leave your answers in my comments unless you don't have a blog). Include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you ask them five questions.

1. What are the issues you have with organized religion? This one I have a hard time explaining. When I was little my parents lived with my grandma for about 2 years. During that time My grandma made my sister and I go to church with here every Sun. Whether we wanted to or not. It was part of the "rules" of living there. At the time it didn't matter to me. I wanted to make grandma happy so I went. When I was5 my goal in life was to become an alter boy when I got old enough. My grandma is Catholic as I think I previously mentioned in some older post. She is the type of person that don't miss church for any reason at all. She brings communion to the people in town that are not able to go to church for whatever reason. In the past 33 years of my life I can only think of 2 times she has missed church and both of them were in the past month. Once when she was in the hospital and the other time 2 weeks ago she was sick or something and didn't make it then either.

I know this is supposed to be about me not my grandma but bear with me.

So then my parents moved out of her house and we were no longer required to go to church. We lived out of her house for 6 years. Then my mom got accepted in UC Berkeley in 1986. So back to grandmas we move. By this time I'm almost 13. My dad said that it would be up to my sister and I if we wanted to attend church or not. we would no longer have to go if we didn't want to. So we didn't go. I just didn't have the desire to go.

So fast forward a few more years and I'm about 19. It is 1993. I'm heavy into drinking and drugs. I had gotten my GF pregnant and she had a "miscarriage". I was having a real hard time in my life. A friend of mine asked me to go to church with him on a Wed. night. I accepted his invitation and went with him. It was the first time that I attended a non Catholic church. It was also the first time I attended a church in the middle of the week and there really weren't many people there. He took me into his bible study group with his counselor (I can't remember exactly what he was so counselor is what I will call him). I liked it so I went back the following week. I ended up going every Wed. night for quite some time. It is there that I founded my views on religion. The counselor told me that God did not care where we (people) worship. He just cares that you accept Him in your life.

So that is pretty much where my religious beliefs lie at the present.

Now to the exact question. My "issue" with organized religion is that every religion says that they are right and all others are wrong. My Christian friend says my grandma is wrong because she is Catholic and don't worship the "proper" way. Therefore she won't go to heaven. My other friend a Witness says that the Witness's are the only ones going to heaven and everyone else is wrong because they celebrate birthdays and such. SR's pastor says that Catholics are wrong because they believe in purgatory and that praying for the dead will get them into heaven. My grandma says that Christians are wrong because they worship wrong.

Are you getting what me issues are yet? My issue is the belief that you must go to church every Sun. in order to be a true believer. Or that one religion is right and the rest are wrong. I don't think so. I believe that a person should go to where ever he feels closest to God. To some that may be a church. To others it could be the forest. Or the mountains. I feel closer in a natural environment not in a church built by people. I believe that as long as you believe that is what matters. Not what religion you choose.

Make sense?

2. What would your dream vacation entail? My dream vacation would be going on a cruise somewhere. Anywhere actually! Who am I kidding? My dream vacation would be to go to Canada in Sept. for about 2 weeks. Maybe 3. I'd spend the first week hunting early season ducks and geese with a guide. The second week would be on a back pack hunting trip for multiple species. Moose, bear, and caribou. It would actually be 10 days. 2 to walk in to the hunting location 6 to hunt and 2 to walk out. The last portion would be fishing for trout in lakes that the only way to access them is horseback or hiking. I would love to do a trip like that with my dad before he gets too old to do something like that.

Of course the trip he is taking in June is a close second. He's driving to Alaska for 6 weeks to go fishing. He is going to start fishing in Canada and fish a different lake every day for 4-5 weeks.

I know these trips don't include the kids. I want to do a trip like that as well. The hope is to go on a Disney cruise in the Caribbean in the next few years. Before youngest turns 12. that way we can have a mix of alone time for Summer and I mixed with plenty of family time for the 4 of us.

3. What is your favorite thing about being a parent? The best part of being a parent. Let's see here. The ability to take the things I love the most and instill them into my boys. Like hunting, and fishing, or anything outdoors. The way that anything that I like they instantly like as well. For instance one of my favorite movies- Airplane! My oldest son just about has that movie memorized. It really annoys Summer because she hates that movie. Or any movie of it's type. I love to work on my Toyota and get it ready to become a rock crawling beast. Both of my boys get excited about the prospect of taking my truck out when it is finally ready. They both love the same music that I do. Which is nice when oldest buys music from Itunes he gets songs I like too. :D

It's also fun to do "guy" things when Summer isn't around. Like belching and farting. And cracking up over it. Fun times.

4. Is there one biggest lesson you can share with us that you learned from your struggles with Summer a couple years ago? This is going to be a tough one. I learned so much going through that period in our lives. It's also hard because I have a hard time "searching deep down inside" to find my thoughts. If that makes any sense.

I would have to say that one of the bigger things that I learned is that I really need to think before I open my mouth. I had to install a filter between my thoughts and my mouth. That filter is still in the tuning mode but it has helped immensely. I learned that the things I say can hurt very deeply and for an extremely long period of time. I used to believe that if something was bothering me and I was mad about it I could go ahead and spew out all that anger and when I was done spewing everything would be hunky dory. It was better to let it all out than to hold it all in. To a point I still believe that. But there is a proper way to do it and a wrong way. I chose the wrong way. It still tries to rear it's ugly head from time to time. I just know what to look for now. I really need to be quick to catch it and put it under control.

I feel like I'm rambling and not making any sense here.

I guess what I really learned through most of this and not until recently (I knew it but thought I could change it) was that Summer has a completely different temperament than me. She isn't able to just let the things I say roll off her back and take it as venting. She would take it very personally. So I really need to be careful about what I say and how I say it so she understands what I'm upset about.

5. When did you get into hunting? Was that something you've done since you were little? I've been into hunting since I was about7 when we moved out of my grandmas house for the first time. We moved to Northern California about an hour outside of Redding. We lived off the land back then. We grew all of our own fruit and vegetables, raised our own chickens, and bought a cow and pig every year to have butchered. My dad got back into deer hunting when we moved up there. We went every year. Every weekend. He would wake me up very early in the mornings and we'd drive out into the woods and park. Then when the sun would just start to come up we'd get out of the truck and start walking. I was always amazed at the time at how my dad could walk into the woods for hours at a time and still be able to find the truck at lunch time. We hunted deer for the entire time we lived up there. Never got one but we went our every year. Then when we moved back to Grandmas I got my hunting license a couple years later. That was when my uncle took me out duck hunting for the first time. That was in 1988. That has been my true love ever since. There is just something about being in a duck blind before the sub comes up and witnessing the world come alive before your eyes. That my friends is where I feel the most spiritual. Witnessing creation in it's pure form.

Ever since that time I have changed my love for the outdoors. It used to be all about fishing and deer hunting. Now I'm really only into the deer hunting as a way to spend time with my dad. I still have never shot a deer. Although I missed one when I was 17. Now it's all about the ducks. I still like to fish but not like I used too.

So you could say that it was something that I have been into ever since I was little. Just like my oldest son. He went on his first deer hunting trip the day after he turned 6. Went on his first duck hunt a month later. Now he goes out with me every chance he gets. It's something that is in the blood.

I hope this all made sense. If not please ask and I will be more than happy to elaborate on anything you'd like. I'm an open book.

2007-04-16T00:00:00.001-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUMMER!!

They call me

2007-04-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

..... The Installinator! (thats to be said in an Arnold Swartzenager voice with booming echo)All tremble before the mighty powers of The Installinator!

I have discovered new powers on this journey of mine. I have now discovered that I can in fact take an old toilet out of a bathroom and put a new one in it's place. I just won't tell you that I started this project at 10:30 in the morning and didn't finish until **Cough**4:30 **Cough**in the afternoon. It wasn't all my fault though. Honestly. After I got the old toilet out I decided to check and see if there was any dry rot in the flooring due to the leakiness of the old toilet and fittings. I wasn't sure about the condition so my dad came over and took a look at it. H said that the floor was fine so there was no need to replace it. But he said that I might as well replace the valve that comes out of the wall and the pipe too since it was old and ugly (the pipe. The valve leaked). Not a problem. He left and I went outsides to turn off the water to the house. Come inside grab some channel locks and turn the pipe. SNAP! Problem.

I busted the elbow inside the wall. Or rather the copper pipe that goes to the elbow then to the outside. So I drive to my dads house so I could calm down and find what to do next. I know nothing about plumbing. He says we need to cut a whole in the wall to access the copper pipe and solder a new elbow on it. He says the reason that the pipe broke was that when the house was built they didn't nail the elbow to a 2x4 like they are supposed to.

We go to Ace and grab our stuff and get home to cut a hole in the wall. It's 6x17 if you really wanted to know. And yes it is still there. After the hole was cut we found something out. When dad and I remodeled the master bath 4 years ago we took out the 2x4 bracing for the elbow. We (he) soldered the new fitting on the pipe and he left. I was once again on my own to replace the toilet.

And what do ya know. I did it. I installed a new toilet in the front bathroom. It's shiny and sparkly and oh so pretty. Except for the chip in the porcelain on the lid to the tank. Grrrrrrrr.

That my friends is why they call me The Installinator!

Stay tuned next week when The Installinator! installs a new kitchen sink and faucet. I may even put up a picture or two of that job when it's done. I'm really getting into this home repair stuff. If only it didn't leave me too tired for sex. that's right friends. I'm tired. And I thought only women used that line. What the hell is wrong with me?

It's here!

2007-04-13T20:23:00.001-07:00

I've done it. I have survived 2 years of this place we call the blogosphere. I have documented a bigger part of my life here on My journey of self discovery. The good, the bad, the ugly and almost everything else in between. I've talked about my beginnings as a mentally abusive ass hole, and the process of regaining control over my life. I have discussed the diagnosis of depression and the effects it has had on me. Then there is the medication that I take to help with the depression.

Through it all I have met a lot of people out here. Some of them I have come to become good friends with. Others have just dropped out to never be heard from again. I have learned a lot in the past few years. The biggest being that I'm not alone in the way that I feel. Summer and I are not alone in our marital problems. We are not alone in overcoming our problems and traveling the road to a happier marriage.

To all of you out there that have read the ramblings of my life for the last two years I want to say THANK YOU! For whatever reason it is that you have stuck around here I'm glad you have. It has meant a lot to Summer and I both.

Is that a tumbleweed?

2007-04-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

Boredom.

That is the state I am in right now.

I have packed my bags apparently and relocated out of California. The place that has been home to me and my family for the last 33 years.

I am now living in Boredom.

Population:1

There really is no geografical location for Boredom. It's just there. Or here rather. Where ever "here" is.

I'm at work and it is my Fri. All of my stuff has been done for over an hour. I have just spent the last 30 minutes doing "busy" work. That's what McDonalds used to have me tell people to do when I was a manager there. "Busy" work is work that you do when there is nothing else to do but you need to look busy. So that is what I have done. I have even done most of my job for Sun. when I come in. I can't do anymore or else I will have all of Sundays work completed. Can't even go home early. I have to stay here till midnight on the dot. That is when the next shift of bridge tenders and ferry boat opperators come on. I need to be here to make sure that they all have reported to their perspective places of work. Or be here if one of them calls in sick. Then I have the fun job of waking someone up at O'dark-thirty and ask them if they want to come in to work and cover a shift. Fun stuff. I had to do that last night. Luckily the first person I called accepted and I didn't have to wake anyone else at 11:50 PM.

My cock is much bigger than yours.

My cock can walk right through the door.

With a feeling so pure.

It's got you screaming back for more.

I love, love, LOVE my Ipod! It's the best gift ever. Thank you baby. Kiss kiss. I listen to it all the time at work. I got myself some cheapy speekers for it at Wallyworld (Walmart). Now I don't have to have those damed uncomfortable earphones inside my ear. I need more songs on it though. 143 just isn't enough. I haven't even come close to using the potential for memory that this thing has.

Don't cry to me

If you loved me

You would be here with me

Don't lie to me

Just get your things

I've made up youyr mind.

Shhhh. If you promise to not tell I'll let you allin on a little secret.

Do you promise not to tell?

Pinky swear it then!

Summer's birthday is on Mon. I can't wait for it to get here. I'll actually be at work that night though. So in reality I can't wait for thr day to arive that we celebrate her birthday. I'm going to go for it this time. I'm going to get her some gifts. Or rather I have already got her some gifts. I swear upon all that I hold dear to me I WILL break the cycle this time around. I will(!) give her gifts that she will melt over. M-E-L-T melt. If that is spelled wrong it don't really matter. There's no one else in Boredom to correct me so :-P. She will not be upset over the gifts that I give her. This curse has been going on for too long now. 2 Valentines in a row. Christmas this past year. It's been awful. No more though. I say enough of that. I have found the cure.

If your feeling like a pimp

Go ahead brush your shoulders off

Ladies is pimps too

Go ahead brush your shoulders off

This is crazy baby don't forget that boy told ya

You gotta git that dirt off your shoulder

I remember what they tought to me

Remember condescending talk of who I otta be

Remember listening to that and then to this again

So I pretend to be a person that was fittin in

And now you think this person really is me

and I'm

Tryin to bend the truth

But the more the more I pull away

Cause I'm

Lieing my way from YOU!

Hey I've managed to kill 45 minutes here.

Well I guess it would be nice

If I could touch your body

I know not everybody has got a body like me baby

But I gotta think twice

Before I give this heart away

Cause I know all the games you play

Because I play them too baby

Well I'm sure if there really is much else to randomize about here in Boredom. except this: Summer has the best dam husband ever. Know why? Do you even care why? Didn't think you cared but I'm gonna tell you anyways cause I OWN this state! The other day before Summer and I went out on our date I sent flowers and a card to her at her work. I told her that I couldn't wait to be alone together on our night out. Then just this morning after I went to see my therapist I drove by her work and dropped off a card for her just saying that I loved her. Gave it to a receptionist and said to deliver it to Summer when she gets a chance. Pretty dam cool. You know what else? I did it withoutexpecting to get sex in return. In fact I know I'm not going to have sex tonight. Or tomorrow for that matter. Dam family members visiting.

Honey why you callin me so late?

It's kinda hard to talk right now.

Honey why you cryin?

Is everything ok?

I gotts whisper cause I can't be to loud.

Well my girls in

the next room

sometimes I wish she was you

I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear you voice

Sayin my name it sounds so sweet

comin from the lips of an angel

hearin those words it makes me weak

ly it down

never wanna say good-bye

but girl you make it hard to be faithful

with the lips of an angel.

As hard as it is to say good-bye it really is time. I'm off work!

2007-04-12T15:02:00.001-07:00

I don't know why I do this but it seems that every time I go to see my therapist I have something specific in mind that I want to talk about. But when I get there I end up talking about something else. The meeting goes in a complete different direction than what I have in mind before I walk in there.

Today I wanted to talk about why is it that I get so bent out of shape and mad at certain things and that at others I just blow them over like they were nothing. Instead we talk about my new position and how it is affecting the family. And the things that I could do to help make the transition better for Summer and our youngest.

Although those are important things they just weren't what I had in mind.

Oh well. time for work. Till later.

Almost there!!

2007-04-11T23:32:00.000-07:00

Looking at my blog the other day I realized that I am very close to my second Blogiversary. On April 13, 2007 I will have enjoyed 2 years of blogging. Where does the time go? Beats the hell outta me I tell you that much. Anyways I'll be off of work that day so I'll have to think of something to do to celebrate the occaision. Any ideas? I'm thinking something like this here. I did it last year. I had some readers give me questions and I answered them as honestly as possible.

Anyhoo I just wanted to throw that out there. Just for what ever reason.

Actually I'm doing this because I want presents! Cash will be fine thank you very much.

2007-04-09T14:30:00.001-07:00

What a weekend!

I tell you what.

What.

Anyway we did just what I set out to do. Get some things that have been a long time coming. Everyone in the family got shoes. Summer got a bunch of clothes. I got a new monitor for the computer. What a difference an extra 3 inches makes. I'm sure some of my readers already know how much of a difference that 3 inches can make. ;-) It wasn't all fun and games though. Not by a long shot. We got our oldest son new glasses. I bought some things to do projects around the house. Like a new toilet, and wood to make a new gate and repair a section of fencing. This coming weekend I'm going to get a new counter top for the kitchen and a new sink and faucet. So now I have a crap load of stuff to keep me occupied for quite some time.

In other news I have felt the return of some very familiar yet unwanted feelings. I am having a very hard time sorting them out. If they even can be sorted out. I don't know. I just know that I am very, very irritable lately. I'm sleeping most of the day away. Going through varying emotions. One second I'm happy then for no rhyme or reason I'm pissed and snapping at everything. Then I go to just having a knot in my throat to being so tired that I can't function. And these are only the ones that I can put a finger on. There are more that I can't even come close to describing.

Now keep in mind these feelings aren't coming in a specific order like I described above. They come at random. They leave at random. No warnings at all. It truly is annoying.

I'd like to write some more but I seem to have pissed the day away and now I need to prepare for work.

Beautiful

2007-04-05T13:51:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood
A beautiful in the neighbor hood.
could you be my
would you be my
won't you be my neighbor

Yes my friends it is a beautiful day in the neighborhood today. The day didn't start off with the looks of being this beautiful, but by golly it sure is turning out that way now. I actually thought it was going to be a crappy day to start off with. The kids woke me up screaming and fighting this morning right after Summer went to work. It was just down hill from there. Then I checked my mail when it got here. Well let me just say I'm tickled pink now. I have this warm and fuzzie feeling inside my gut right now. I'm so far above cloud 9 I don't know what cloud I'm on. I do know I don't wanna come back down from this cloud. This cloud.*

So what can possibly make me this happy? Sex? Nope. Summer's been at work.drugs? Nope. I stopped that a long time ago. Alcohol? Nope. I have to go in to work tonight. Money? DING DING DING DING! We have a winner. Tell them what they've won Johnny. You can't tell I'm in a good mood yet can you?

A week ago we refied the house to get a lower, fixed interest rate. We were not taking money out of the equity. It was just a rate change refi. So what do I see in the mail today? A nice size refund check from the title company. Apparently there was money left over when the original loan was paid off so they sent us a check.

How great is that?! We just got an unexpected check! My thoughts are racing with things to do with the money. Get a plasma TV, get a recliner, get an entertainment center, take the family out to dinner tomorrow night, get new shoes for the entire family (any suggestions Therese?). The top of the list though for me is to get the 4 wheel drive working in my Toyota. I have been waiting to get my drive shaft for 4 years now. Do you know how much it kills me to drive on the pavement with 35" Super Swampers?

Any ways the list goes on and on about what to do. We'll have to see what Summer says when she gets home from work and finds out. She don't know yet. I left a message with the receptionist to have her call me but nothing yet. That was over an hour ago!

*Bonus points to the first person to name the song and band in which this verse is a part of.

As predicted

2007-04-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

Well my friends as predicted we had a wonderful time last night. Dropped the kids off at mom and dads and headed on out. Went to dinner at a real nice Italian restaurant.Got right in to sit down too. No waiting. That was great. I hate waiting. I didn't even worry about how much we spent on dinner last night. That don't happen very much at all. But when it has been almost a year since our last alone time together I didn't care what we spent. As long as we were alone.

I also had my first martini in awhile as well last night. Actually had two. MMM-mmmm good. Had a new one that was great. It was a white chocolate martini. The other was an apple. I can't go out and have a martini without having my favorite now can I?

One last thing about dinner last night. The martini's came with cherries in them. They even had stems. Well the talented person that I am I decided to take the stems and tie them in a knot. With my tongue. Yes ladies. I am that talented. Sorry though. I'm taken. ;-) Well Summer didn't see what I was doing. Then see finally sees me manipulating my mouth and asks what I'm doing. I proceeded to take a knotted cherry stem out of my mouth. She got a smile on her face. That's when the smart ass in me kicked in. I said "well that's why you married me isn't it? Because I'm so good with my tongue?" She almost choked on her drink. We both had a hard time controlling our laughter and keeping it quiet enough so as not to bother the other people around us. IT was great.

As predicted after dinner we went to the mall to take a look at Victoria's Secret. It was the first time I had ever been in one of their stores. Was a bit awkward feeling at first. Being a guy in a lingerie store. But that wore off as soon as we started looking at the bras. She went and tried some on and that's when I realized I wasn't alone. By the time she got out there were 3 other guys standing outside the dressing room. Someone said to bad we didn't have a deck of cards. We could start a game of poker.

Unfortunately the bras didn't fit right. Yet. There is still a little swelling that needs to be reduced. So just a little bit longer and she'll be in a sexy new VS bra. Oh I can't wait. Just more to look forward to.

Then we went to the movie. Saw Wild Hogs. Really good movie. A lot of funny moments in it. This was the first movie for Summer I to go see in the theatre since we saw Episode 3 Revenge of the Sith.

The movie was fun. Expensive, but fun. $4.00 for a bottle of water. That's robbery I tell ya.

After the movie got out it was after midnight and was after 1 by the time we got home. So there was no coupling when we got home. We were both beat. But we did put the alone time to good use on Sun. when we woke up. There was no holding back for fear of the kids hearing. :D

So it was a great night. We really need to do this more often. But next time it's gonna be old school. We're sneaking in soda and snacks so we don't have to sell our limbs.

A night for thought

2007-04-03T00:56:00.000-07:00

Well it has been an interesting night at work tonight. But before I can explain it I need to do a quick back story.

The town we live in has a real bad stretch of highway running into and out of town. It is so bad that there have been6 fatalities in the last week of March on this road. 46 if you want to count the 40 sheep. 5 of the accidents were from passing in a double yellow zone, in a hilly section. Head-ons. I'm sure my Sacramento readers have seen it on the news. All the accidents on Highway 12.

Well the most recent accident was on Sat. morning around 6:00AM. A guy was passing at the base of a railroad bridge. He was .17 BAC. The limit in Ca. is .08. The BAC was taken 3 hours AFTER the accident. It took that long to cut the driver out of the car. He survived. He also had cocaine in his system and 1.5 pounds of crank (meth) in his back seat. Cops found 2 more pounds of crank at his residence. Along with several thousand dollars. He was doing approximately 95 when he went head on with another guy. Killed him.

Well tonight I found out that the guy that died was the next door neighbor to a guy that I work with. The guy was the same age as me. Had a wife and 5 kids ages 3-12. He was on his way to work to work some overtime to pay for a trip with his family. The sad thing is that the guy from work was telling me is this. Having 5 kids a wife and a mortgage life insurance was the last thing o his priorities list due to finances. So his wife is now dealing with the loss of her husband but also the threat of losing her house as he was the sole provider of the family.

I commented to the coworker that I'm in the same situation. Life insurance is not at the top of my list of things to spend money on. So he proceeded to lecture me for a good 15 minutes about all the reasons that I need life insurance.

So after I'm done talking with him I'm driving down the levee roads to my next destination and I start to have an anxiety attack. First one since I have been taking my meds. (Which I have been very poor about taking lately since my schedule change.) I was thinking about the fact that this guy was the same age as me. 33 years old and now he's dead. Just like that. No warnings or anything. then I started thinking about what would happen to Summer if I were to die tomorrow. Happy thoughts right? Then it hit me. My chest got tight and I had a hard time breathing. My vision blurred a little bit. I was listening to this song on the radio by Green Day. The faster the song got the tighter my chest got. It was really weird. It lasted for a few minutes. Then went away.

So here's my question to no one in particular- How do you choose a life insurance company? How do you determine what type to get? Life or term? What does that mean? How do you determine how much is necessary? Am I over reacting? Tell me! I need to know! It's 1 AM. I should be in bed right now!

:D

2007-03-31T15:55:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah!!

And since we are finally getting a date night tonight (the first in so long I can't remember), Let's just go ahead and chalk up another Oh YEAH!! for tonight as well.

My parents are watching the boys over night, we're going to dinner and then a movie. Maybe take a stroll through Victoria's Secret to look for some new bras for the boobies. Then we'll come home and have The Sex. Hopefully more than once.

Have a nice night. I know we will. NOTHING will spoil this. Nothing.

Pictures

2007-03-29T13:49:00.001-07:00

I just took some pictures at work the other day and thought that I'd go ahead and share them here. These pictures actually have a lot of meaning to me. Simply because of the fact that I am scared of heights, and I had to climb to the top of a draw bridge to take these pictures. This is a picture of the bridge at sunset. Excuse the junk in the freground. We are replacing the bridge haouse so it is a construction zone.
Here we are atop the bridge looking east. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be up there.

Looking south we see the other bridge in the air to let a tug boat go underneath. The birdge would be the tower you see in the middle of the picture.
Here we are looking straight down. Scarey.
This is looking north towards Sacramento. If you click on the image and enlarge it you can actually see the tall buildings in the city. We are currently about 30 miles from downtown.
The following pictures are the bridge in the open position for the tug and barge to go under.

The next bridge I hope to concur is over 100 feet tall. There are some amazing views from that bridge. Then I'm hoping to concur the final bridge which is close to 200 feet tall. From that bridge I will actually be able to take a picture of my roof.

**NEW POST BELOW**

The thinking blogger

2007-03-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

I am honored to say that I have been nominated by RS of Restoring the Covenant as a blogger that makes him think.
Thank you very much RS for the nomination and sorry it took so long to get to doing this.

Here are the rules:

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,

2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,

3. Optional: Proudly display the ‘Thinking Blogger Award’ with a link to the post that you wrote.

Wow. Now I need to think of 5 blogs that make me think. Obviously all of the blogs I read make me think! :D

Alas I can only nominate 5 so here goes.

Of course you had to know this one was coming. I'm going to nominate my very sexy, very loving, very special wife Summer Rose. I am choosing her not because she is my wife. So there is no fear of favoritism. I'm choosing her because she has made me think about our life and what I needed to do to change it and make it better.

Next will be a person that has already been nominated. But I can't help but to nominate Unsolicited Advice. Both versions. I have stated on many occasions that in his comment section that the post made me think. And isn't that the point of the award?

Next on the list we have Dirty Filthy Princess. She is a wonderful adult blogger. In a committed relationship with her husband. She is very devoted to her values and loves sex with her husband. How great is that?

LBP makes me think quite a bit as well. he makes me think about how badly I want to go hunting in the places he has been. We share a great love for the outdoors and our families.

Last but not least We have a tag team nomination that makes me go a little over 5. They have been nominated already, but I have to nominate them once again. This couple is an inspiration to all. They have proven that even when things get unbelievably difficult and hard, You can make it out the pother side together. Not just together in their case though. They have come out stronger as well. I'm talking about Therese and RS.They are open and honest about their struggles. Yet they have a wonderful sense of humor when they get on some topics in the comments. Especially when it comes to making Therese blush. :D

My take on male friendships

2007-03-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

Last week FTN wrote a very good post about male friendships. I wanted to post a comment on that post but couldn't figure out how to word it. Then I figured that it would be too long for a comment. Then Passionate Man (whom I miss reading very much btw) mad a comment in the comment section of my last post that tied right in with what FTN had said in his post.

To quote PM: "Your wife is very cool to say that.

And, after all, you have friends IRL to who you talk about your gripes and frustrations, right? Summer is smart enough to know that...and that you need to voice them so they don't build up."

So here we go with my reality/oppinion on friendships in general. Not just male friendships.

When I was in school (Jr. high and High school) I didn't hang with the "in crowd". I didn't really have a specific group of friends that I hung out with. I had a whole bunch of acquaintances though. There were some real good friends I had. One of whom was the best man at my wedding.

But looking back on my past most of my friends were of the female persuasion. I've always had an easier time of talking with members of the opposite sex than I did talking with guys. In the core group that we had towards the end of high school we had a ratio of close to 3 girls to 1 guy. It was what worked for us.

I don't know what it was or actually still is that makes it easier for me to talk to people of the opposite sex. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm not into the normal guy stuff. I'm not really into sports. Or things that most guys do.

Then after graduation I got into the stoner crowd. You know the group of people that were always in a cloud of smoke pondering the meaning of useless trivial stuff. Oh the fun we had. :D But even then we had more girls than guys we had in that circle as well. That's also when my sister got to be one of my good friends. We finally had something in common. At that point I was 19, my sister was 17 and we would hang out at a local bar with about 6-8 other people ranging in age from 16-19. Yes we were allowed to hang out at a bar when we were underage. As long as we didn't actually step up to the bar it was cool. We were there for the pool table. We were dam good too. That's where I met my first GF. After I met here and started having sex with her that was it. For the entire time we were together (a whole whopping month) and for a time afterwards when we were just sleeping together without dating I didn't hang out with any of my friends. It was just her and that was it.

After I stopped sleeping with her I found myself back in the core group at the bar playing pool. A month later I moved away from home for the first time. For the first time I had more guy "friends" than girl friends. But they were more like acquaintances than friends. A few months later I met Summer and we became an item.

We got married and moved to Oklahoma (just the thought of that state makes shivers go through me). Then from that time forward it was just her and I. For the last 13 years I haven't had any real close friends at all. Male or female.

Currently I don't have anyone that I consider to be my friend. At least in real life. There's no one that I call on the phone to just shoot the shit with. I don't go to someones house to hang out or do stuff with. I go to work and come home. That's it.

So in answer to PM's comment no. I don't have friends IRL that I talk to about anything.

I don't even consider the people that I work with to be friends either. I talk to them about work and that's it. I'm there to work. Not make friends.

I sometimes think that has a lot to do with my frustrations in life. I don't have any one besides Summer that I talk to about anything. Don't get me wrong. I love Summer and love to talk to her. But sometimes I think that it would be nice to go hang with the guys once in awhile and do guy things. Whatever guy things are.

With that being said about real life friends, I feel that the only friends I do have are the friends I have online. Not saying anything bad you all that I consider to be friends but how sad is that?

Once again FTN brought up another post about friendships. This time it was about friends as a couple. You know friends that you and you spouse have in common. Another couple to hang out with. That is another thing that Summer and I don't have (she has friends of her own we just don't have friends as a couple). I'd like to have another couple that we can got out to dinner with or go to their house and play a game of swap your undies. :D You know stuff that friends do as couples. At least that is what FTN makes me think couples do when they get together. that is what you do together isn't it?

But as my brain works at the moment I want these things on one side of my head. The other side says how are you going to do this? Here you are at 33 years old. Do you plan on just going up to a couple and say "Hey let's go out to dinner and go home and play a rousing game of swap you undies." It's just not gonna happen. So here I sit.

you know something? I just realized that this is 2 days in a row that I posted something that probably made no sense at all.

Dilema time

2007-03-26T13:31:00.000-07:00

That's right friends. I'm in a bit of a dilemma. A conundrum if you will.

You see here's the problem. I used to use this blog as a place that I could go to so that I could vent my frustrations and what have you. But I'm finding it harder and harder to do that here. Take my last post for example. I just don't feel that this is the place that I can vent some of my true feelings anymore. I can vent issues with work, my parents, and society in general. But I feel that I can no longer talk about things that upset me and hurt my feelings when Summer is concerned.

She reads every single post that I write. Most them she reads as I'm writing them over my shoulder. So that's part of my dilemma. The other part of the dilemma is that I really don't want to get into a he said she said thing here. Maybe that's not the correct wording. Many of my readers read what she has to say along with reading me. I'm just starting to see the down side to having us both blog.

I guess my point here (if there really is a point) is that I love my wife with all my heart. But as in everything marriage has it's ups and downs. I like to be able to write about both here. It just seems like it's getting harder and harder to write the downs that we go through. Maybe it's because I spent so many years being nothing but negative. I've really tried to to be a better person for her and for the kids the last few years. I feel that if I do some venting here that I'm reverting to my old ways again. I don't want Summer to feel that I am doing that to her either. On the same token as that I know that it will do absolutely no good to keep it all inside.

Did I make any sense?

I'm a WHORE!

2007-03-23T20:39:00.001-07:00

That's right friends. I have turned into a WHORE! (TM) . Not you typical whore as in the lady of the night street walker mind you. I'm turning into an over time WHORE! Since 2 PM last Fri. March 16 I have worked 25.5 hours of over time. I'm going in at5 midnight tonight to work another 8 hours of overtime. If not more. This is really going to come in handy to after not having an income from Summer since the end of Jan.

In other news Summer and I ended our dry spell this morning. I was like a volcano erupting! :D It was an impromptu spur of the moment coupling. I like that term. Coupling.

Anyways Summer thought I was asleep this morning as she got undressed at the foot of the bed for her shower. I called her over to me, and pulled her back into bed and on top of me. It didn't take long to find my way inside either. We both had so much pent up sexual energy that it didn't take long for either of us to finish either. So that was the appetizer. The main course is coming after the boys go to bed here in a few minutes. I plan on using the entire time I have between the boys' bed time and midnight when I have to be at work to give her all the attention she deserves.

Have a great night friends. I know I will. ;-)

**Update 3/24/07 10:00AM**

Well that didn't go like planned at all. After I hit publish I went to take a shower. You know, so I could be all squeaky clean for our coupling. I still love that word. Coupling. Yeah.

So I walk into the bedroom, get undressed and Summer comes in after me. She starts grabbing me and says that when I get out of the shower it'll definitely be time for some coupling. (She actually said make love but I like coupling better.) so I'm all riled up and wired for sound. Things are getting hard already. I'm in the shower for 15 minutes tops (I had to give my hands a scrub type treatment to make them nice and soft for Summer). Get out dry off and walk out to the living room in my Scooby Doo 'Rrradies Man' boxers. How much more irresistible can a guy get? Only to be told that she is tired and ready to go to bed and sleep.

Can we say instant feelings of dejection? Good. Instant feelings of dejection. So instead of coupling we went to bed where I held her as she fell asleep on my chest. And I almost overslept for my midnight shift to start.

Don't get me wrong now. I thoroughly enjoyed the cuddle time. It felt great after a week of no cuddling. It just really hurt my feelings to be turned down like that. Especially after being told 15 minutes earlier that she was looking forward to our upcoming coupling. In my opinion the cuddling would have been much more satisfying after a good hour or more of coupling.

Don't you?

Getting really bad

2007-03-20T14:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to say this but I have become really terrible at updating this place. My new schedule is just throwing me for a loop. Don't get me wrong now. I LOVE my new shift. It's great. Except for the part about not seeing Summer and the kids as much as we would like. But you have to take the good with the bad I guess. It may be hard now but in the long run I believe it will be for the best.

For starters the new schedule has left me in a much better mood. Work is going smoothly and I don't have anyone micro managing me and watching my every move. I don't have to work with any of the annoying coworkers now. And my old supervisor is talking to me like an equal mow. Amazing what a promotion can do for you. The good thing about being in a better mood is that when I do see the family I'm in a great mood when I see them.

The down side is that there has been no time at all for Summer and I to get physical with each other. She had a visitor last week and it was really an unpleasant visit at that. Then yesterday she started back to work. So now I get home a little after midnight and she's dead asleep. She gets up at 5:30 to get ready for work and I'm dead asleep. I get up around 7:00 or so and try to help get the kids ready for school. The kids leave around 7:45 and she's out the door 10 minutes later. I go back to sleep for a few more hours, get up do whatever and leave for work at 3:15. She gets home from work a little after 4:00. So we don't have time to see each other, talk, or have fun time.

Truthfully I feel like my balls are going to explode at any moment now.

Seriously.

I may have to rethink this whole no masturbation thing.

The next time I possibly see any fun time in the future is maybe on Sat. night when she gets home from work and the kids are in bed. Oy-Ve'. I might forget what to do with everything by then.

Other than that things are going great! I'm happier. Summer is back to work so we once again have 2 incomes. It's finally raining again. I love my job and look foreword to going to work every day now.

It's good to be alive. :D

2007-03-16T22:58:00.000-07:00

OH yes. The game is ON! These would be in response to RS and fadkog. They have been inundating me with videos and songs long since forgotten. So I decided to strike back.

how bout the boots being knocked.

Or the Medina?

How about this favorite walk of mine?

This is in response to fadkog and Debbie Gibson.

And who can't forget this red head?

More hospitals

2007-03-14T23:04:00.000-07:00

Well today I get a call from my mom saying that the Dr. wants to operate on my grandma. She has been in the hospital since last Thu. They did some type of test today and found that her pancreas is back to normal after 5 days with no food. The gave her a small meal last night and did the test this morning to find that the gall bladder is still inflamed and swollen. So the Dr. told my mom they would operate either this afternoon or tomorrow morning. They would let her know. So she said she would call me to let me know, that way I could take off work and be at the hospital when they were doing the operation and when she woke up.

Well my mom calls around 1:15 and says the nurse just came in and said they are taking her down to the operating room in 15 minutes. Nice notice. So I rush down there and wait with my mom. Any ways they wanted to do the operation laproskopickly, but said it may have to be done by cutting her open due to some adhesion's from having her appendix removed and from a tubal pregnancy. Luckily they were able to do it the first way.

Everything went fine. They were able to remove her gall bladder with no problems. The Dr. came out and talked to my mom and I and said that the operation isn't the thing to worry about though. He said that with people her age the first 2-3 days of recovery are the critical time periods. After the operation her heart is working harder and at more risk. So now the real waiting game begins.

The problem was when I was in the waiting room. I get a call from Summer asking me when I was coming home. Grandma had just gotten out of the operating room so I haven't been able to see her. And here is SR wanting me to come home because she can't control the kids. I understand that the kids are a handful. But I needed to be there for my grandma. After all when her mom was in the hospital for her bypass operation I watched both our kids and another kid for over 14 hours by myself so she could be at the hospital where she was needed.

Am I asking too much by wanting the same in return?

13

2007-03-12T00:09:00.000-07:00

13 years ago an amazing thing happened. Summer Rose said 'I do'. We celebrate 13 years of marriage today. I still feel the same today as I did 13 years ago as we drove to Reno to get married. I'm the luckiest man on earth. Never again will I take that for granted.

Summer I love you with all my heart. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and I am thankful for that every day of my life. I just hope I can make you as happy as you have made me.

With all my love.
Jeremy

nice

2007-03-10T23:41:00.000-08:00

that describes how today was. i finally got to sleep for starters.i hit the pillow last night and crashed. then i didnt wake up till about 930 or so. we all slept real good. then i did some laundry and saw how good of a day it would be and loaded the fishing poles in the truck. those of you that dont like my cali weather ( therese andfadkog) you might not want to here about the rest. :D

the weather was so good that in the 3 hours we were out thee i got a nice tan on my arms and summer got a tad bit red on her arms. the fishing sucked but the relaxing sunny springtime day was just what i needed to recharge my batteries. we'll have to go fishing more often this year i think.

well this needs to be short. summer is feeling "hungry" tonight. ;-)

one last thing....happy birthday! to my sister.

oh my grandma is still in the hospital. her pain got really bad this afternoon when my mom and sister were there and they gave her a shot of morphine. she still cant eat or drink. she is living off of an iv and using a sponge to moisten her lps.

39

2007-03-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

That is a number of significance.

Why you may ask?

I'll tell you why.

That my dear deaR FRIendsa is the number of hoursa I have been awake.

Oh fine. I guess your going to ask this too then - Why CH have you been up for more than 39 hours straIGHT?

I guess I'll have to tell you that as well. Just don't expect it to be coherant. My thoughts are anything bUT cohereant at the moment.

Anyways it all started yesterday. I woke at 7 and all was well for the entire day. I went to work at 3:30 and all was well at weork too. Then sR calls me at arouinf 9:15 or so. She says that my 83 year old grandma has called her because she was unable to get ahold of my mom. She was having severe stomach pains and cramps. I tried to get ahold of my parents to no avail. So I called my grandma. Talked to her and wanted her to call 911. Well not only is she 83 she is also STUBBORN!` She refused to call. Wanted me to call the adsvice burse first. So I called tme and told the info that I could and they said to get to her and see oif she was in a shocky condition. Called my boss and said I was leaving, got my work stuff all locked up. I couldn't just leave. I was sorting 60 preples pay checks. Had to put them in the safe. Then my mom called. Her and my dad were at a play in Sacto. To,d them what was going on and they said they were on the way and would meet us (grandma and me
) at the hospital in Vallejo.

I left work at 10 and went to her house to find hewr ion the phone to the advice nurse. She gave me the phone so she could ......how to say it nicely?........upchuk.

The nurse asked me some questions then asked me if she was having shortness of breathe. Grandma said yes so I was told to call 911. Called them and a few minutes later they ger there, do their thing and load her in the ambulance. Then they say they are tasking her to Stockton!! So they leave and I call my mom again to tell her that thjey werent taking her to Vallejo but stockto instead. They were in Dixon. 40 miles the other way. OUT of they way. So they came back through town and picked me up on the way as I didn't have gas to get to the hos[pital. We get there 15 minutes after the ambulance. Dad was making good time for an o9ld man. :D

By this time it was11:00. Importsant!

They tkae her blood and xrays around midnight. dad goes home with my sister around 1. My uncle goes home around 1:30-2:00. Mom and I stay. Around 2:30 they take her to get a cat scan? Cscan? some type of scan.

Around5:00 they take her for an ultrasound.

Qwe have been there for 6 hours so far and never ONCE did a Dr. come out to talk to us. Nurse says that there were some real abnormal test results. Theyre thinking intestinal blockage or gal stones.

Also keep in mind thAT NEITHER MOM NOR i HAVE SLEPT YET. Oh did I mention that when SR called I just put dinner in the microewave and it was dsetill in the their at work as I was at the hospital. That means no food since 11:45 on Thur. it was now fri.

arouind 8:00 this is 25 hours of no sleep we are told that she has pancritis or something like that. Who told us this? Grandma! DR still hasn't spoken to us!!!!!!

MY mom called relatives and told them what was going onh. Appparently my aunt called the hospital and reamed there asses for not taliing us directly. Head nurse comes out toi talk to my mom, says she just czame on shift ands asked what was happening. We told her the whole story. She says she didnt even know that grandma hasd relatives in the waiting area. I'm ghetting pissed by this time. I was tired. I needed a shower. I STUNK!! I could smell myself. My mom was still dressed up for her night out with my dad. I was starving!

Finally at 10:00 27 hours of being awake we see a Dr. He says that she is being admitted to the hospital indefinately for the pancriitis. She is allowed NO food. NO water untill the symptoms cure themselves. Great. Finally around 10:30 mom decides that if we dont go home soon she wont be able to drive us home. So we leave. My uncle and aunt would be there in 30 minutes anyways and there was nothing we could do. She finally was sleeping. Get home around 11:30 do to an accident. (4th fatal on higfhway 12 in 5 days) I takew a shower take a 45 minute nap, get re-dressed, go to grandmas house to meet mopm to get grandmas stuff so I coild take it to the hospital for her. She needed her bibles, rosary, glasses, teerth, stuff like tn atg.

Things get interesting around 2:30. I thought my mom wasa going back with me. She wasn't. That meant I had to take Summers truck to Stocjkton as she had a full tank. I don't. I call her and tell her and she gets mad at ME!!! WTF!!!!! She's mad because I'm driving her truck and leaving her truck less. She was planning on staying home anyways. I didn't feel like arguing so I hung up on her. Came home got in her truck and went back to the hospital. Just got home about half hour ago. Maybe 45 minutes.

Nothjinhg has changed. She is still in pain. Staying there at leasat throught the weekend. Maybe longer. Don't kinow. They do want to take another ultrasound to check the golstone issue when the pancreass gerts better.

So it is niow 10:30. Been awake since 7 yesterday morning. I have eaten a pice of cake and half a bowl of clam cjower. Anbd I'm no longer tired! I'm wired and ready to go! maybe has something to do with 8 cans of mountain dew, 2 bottles of mountain dew energy drinks and a 1 litre bottle of dew.

And there's no sex to put me to sleep either! no visits but lother issues down there. GRRRRRR! How am I going to fall asleep?

Sky rockets.....

2007-03-05T19:44:00.000-08:00

......in flight.

Afternoon Delight!

:-D

What month is this?

2007-03-05T08:15:00.000-08:00

Seriously. I really want to know. I'm not trying to pour salt into some peoples wounds but I need to know. Here we are supposedly in March now. We are in the 70's during the day. And what do I see while at work last night? People out water skiing! Seriously. Not just one boat either. At least 3 actively skiing/wakeboarding, and a few more ski boats going up and down the sloughs and river. They have to be nuts (or have some pretty big ones) to be out there right now. Yes the outside temp is nice. But the water has got to be cold still. Not to mention that there hasn't been enough time to clean the runoff out of the water to make it clean. It's still murky and brown. Bleah.

2007-03-03T22:11:00.001-08:00

Oh yeah! :D

But this just wasn't your typical run 'o the mill 'Oh yeah'. This one was special. this morning for the first time in a month I got to see some tatta's while in the throe's of passion. While my sexy wife was perched up on top of me I decided to undo the bra that she has been wearing 24/7 except to shower. Oh what a site. It was pure bliss. What was even more blissful was getting to rest my hands on those now much smaller tatta's. No fondling, or playing. Just resting my hands there feeling the new firmness in them. It was like the first time we ever slept together. I was making love to a 14 year younger SR. The stimulation for Summer was great too. Right after I put my hands on her she had one of the biggest, longest climaxes that she has had in quite some time. And that's a good thing. It means that there was no nerve damage in her sensitive places causing her to lose sensations there. That was a concern of ours going into this.

So all in all the recovery is going quite well. If only I can keep her resting like she is supposed to.

Interesting weekend

2007-02-26T20:51:00.001-08:00

Well it was an interesting weekend. Actually a pretty good one. Besides the sex we had Fri. night and Sat. morning. Fri was my dads 61st birthday. So we went over there for dinner and cake. But as Summer has said her truck has been in the shop. So that meant we had no transportation to get over there. To my surprise my dad called and said that he and my mom would come over and drop off his F350 and leave it with us for the weekend. I was stoked. I LOVE his truck. 4 door crew cab, power stroke engine, this truck is just reeking of testosterone. :D So that was a good part of Fri. Then at my parents house my dad brought out a bottle of something he bought while in Mexico a few weeks ago. I thought that it was tequila. Nope I was wrong. It was something called mescal or something like that. Whatever it was I was a little apprehensive about drinking it at first. I was supposed to be driving my dads truck home. He said that Summer is capable of driving and gave me a shot. WOW! That was gooood. 1 shot, 3 beers and I was feelin' pretty good the rest of the night.

After dinner we had a cake for my dad and my mom thought it would be fun to put 61 candles on it. Talk about a blaze. :D Then she even got about a dozen of the candles that re lit. The youngest thought that was the greatest thing since sliced bred. After that my dad brought out the slide projector and we watched slides of my parents wedding day. It was pretty cool until the slides appeared of my cousin that was the ring bearer at their wedding. Those slides got fast forwarded through.

Sat. was the day to put the new closet organizer in youngest closet. I took everything out of the closet, took all the old shelves down, and found out the new one won't work. So that meant a drive to Lowes about 40 minutes away to buy a new one. Which they didn't have. So we had to buy separate pieces to make one of our own. It worked though. He is SO happy about his new closet. He is able to hang up his own clothes now. So when I did the laundry Sat. he wanted us to watch him hang up all of his clothes. He was so proud of himself. I also got 4 hours of overtime on Sat. as well.

Sun. I got another 4 hours of overtime as well so I was unable to make it to church with Summer. She also got to drive my dads truck again. For some reason she's not to thrilled with driving it. I suppose that it just has to much testosterone for her to handle. :-D

Lastly I am such a good cook! Oh MY GOD! I cooked something new last night and it was wonderful. I took a pork loin roast that had 2 pieces tied on top of each other. Then I cut the string and separated the two pieces. Placed new string on a cutting board and placed 4 pieces of bacon over the string. Next I placed a loin half over the bacon. Then spread some raspberry preserves on top of the meat. Place the other half of the loin on top of the preserves, put on another 4 slices of bacon, and use the string to tie the loins back together. Oh I forgot something. I soaked some hickory chips in water for two hours before I started to cook. When I lit the gas grill (wanted to use charcoal but it was wet due to the rain) I put the soaked chips in a tin cup over the flames to get some smoke going. When the grill was good and smokey I placed the loin on the grill with a drip pan under it to keep the bacon grease from catching on fire and burning the meat. Let me tell you that the smells coming from the yard every time I went out there was just amazing.

I AM the grill master.

2007-02-24T09:13:00.000-08:00

Oooohhhh Yeah! x2 :D

It's gonna be a good day.

Sex Quiz

2007-02-22T21:18:00.001-08:00

I've seen this quiz a few different places. So I decided to go ahead and take the test myself. Below is the actual quiz and the answers that I gave.

1. How often do you and your partner have sex (on average)?
Not in the last year (1 point)
Several times a year (2 points)
Once or twice a month (3 points)
X Once or twice a week (4 points)
Four or five times a week (5 points)

2. What are the longest periods you have gone without having sex together?
7 months to a year or more (1 point)
3-6 months (2 points)
1-2 months (3 points)
X 2-3 weeks (4 points)
A week (5 points)

3. Just how passionate and erotic is your sexual relationship?
Sex is non-existent (1 point)
Sex is passionless, mechanical, and non-erotic (2 points)
Sex is friendly but predictable and uninspired, lacking in creativity and spontaneity (3 points)
X Sex is pretty steamy (4 points)
If it got any hotter, our bed might catch fire (5 points)

4. How much intimacy and emotional connection is present when you have sex?
Sex is an intense meeting of our minds and souls, and not just our bodies. (5 points)
X Sex is a little personal, but much of "who I am sexually" never really shows. (4 points)
Sex is mostly on trading orgasms. (3 points)
There is no joining. I spend most of my time fantasizing about other partners, or thinking about other things. (2 points)
Sex is non-existent (1 point)

5. Do you and your partner structure your relationship to avoid sex and intimacy?
We go to bed at the same time and use it as a time to connect including sexually. (5 points)
X We go to bed at the same time and connect, but it rarely leads to sex. (4 points)
We go to bed at the same time, but there is no physical or emotional connection between us. (3 points)
We go to bed at different times to avoid having sex. (2 points)
We sleep in different bedrooms or live apart much of the time. (1 point)

6. How often do you and your partner kiss during sex?
X We kiss multiple times in almost every sexual encounter (5 points)
We kiss at least once in three quarters of our sexual encounters (4 points)
We kiss at least once in half of our sexual encounters (3 points)
We rarely kiss when we have sex (2 points)
We never have sex (1 point)

7. Do you and your partner ever have eyes-open sex?
X I and/or my partner sometimes have orgasms while looking into each others eyes. (5 points)
We sometimes make eye-contact during sex. (4 points)
We open our eyes, but never make eye-contact. (3 points)
One or both of us keep our eyes closed during sex. (2 points)
We never have sex (1 point)

8. Do you and/or your partner have sexual dysfunctions (problems with lubrication or erections, or orgasms)?
Neither of us have difficulty getting aroused or having orgasms. (5 points)
X I am (and/or my partner is) slow to arouse, but once we get started, we don't have any difficulties. (4 points)
One or both of us occasionally have difficulty with arousal and/or orgasms. (3 points)
One or both of us frequently have difficulty with arousal and/or orgasms. (2 points)
We never have sex (1 point)

9. Do you or your partner struggle with low desire to have sex (before you start)?
Almost always (1 point)

Usually (2 points)

Sometimes (3 points)

Rarely (4 points)

X Never (5 points)

10. Do you or your partner have problems with lack of desire during sex?
Almost always (1 point)

Usually (2 points)

Sometimes (3 points)

Rarely (4 points)

X Never (5 points)

YOUR SCORE IS: 44

Summer took this test as well. She did not see any of the answers that I gave and I was not in the room when she took the test. She got a score of 45 points. I must admit though that I answered number 2 based on our relationship over the bulk of our marriage and not the first 5 months of our marriage. At that point we didn't have sex from March 20th (8 days after our wedding) to July 25th (when I came home from boot camp). I don't count that period because we didn't choose to not have sex. If we were together we would most definitely have been making sweet sweet love. Oh yeah.

Dancing!

2007-02-21T19:59:00.001-08:00

Finally! I have tried to make this post since last night. I forgot that when I set up my youtube account that it was set to make posts to the old Blogger account not the new one. But I finally got it straightened out after needing to create a new account with youtube. So here is what I tried to put up last night.

Tonight (last night) while downloading songs onto my ipod and shopping itunes I came across this song. I have heard it many times on the radio before but it was always with the electric guitars. Never acoustic. So I bought the song and played it on the computer. When the song started playing I grabbed Summer and started to dance with her in the living room.

It took her completely by surprise. We haven't danced in years. I'm not a dancer. I really love to dance. The closeness of it. The intimacy. It just gets me so horny! So it's a good thing we took care of that earlier in the afternoon. ;-)

Anyways it was real great. She was so happy and surprised. Her smile was huge. I'd even be willing to bet that if I were to look close enough that I could see her eyes starting to well up. We had a real enjoyable evening.

Any ways the song is called Everything changes by Staind. Their lead singer is Aaron Lewis and he sings some really moving songs. Most of them are about relationships. Like the one here. Someday I'm going to go see a show that Aaron Lewis does without the band. It's just him a guitar and a mic. Nothing else.

2007-02-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

Well maybe I was over reacting a little bit in my previous post. I don't know. I do know that writing it out did make me feel a little better. I wasn't trying to make Summer look bad. I was just trying to get my feelings out without letting them fester inside me until they come out in a negative way. Like they used to with me blowing things WAY out of proportion and losing my temper.

My favorite blonde reminded me in her comment that I never said what her romantic gift was. I heard about this place on the radio and thought that it was perfect. Real romantic. And unlike flowers, balloons, and other things that fade or die, this would be with us forever. I had a romance novel custom made just for her and I. I got it here at a site called Book by You. If you click there I got her the book called ER Fever. What you do is insert specific information like names, hair color, eye color, etc. and they add it into the story. The book has Summer as the heroine and me as the hero. I even got to add her best friend into the story.

I thought it would be perfect.

She loves to read. Check.

She loves romance novels. Check.

She loves me. Check.

It's romantic and Valentines is about romance. Check.

True she wanted a CD or just some flowers. I got her flowers, and balloons. But the CD just doesn't say I love you, or romantic. I also don't want to go buy a CD at a store when I can get one through Itunes for a lot less. (Yes I know it's not about money.) Lastly I didn't here the CD she wanted till it was too late to go to a store and get it on time. We live in the boonies remember.

Any ways before I sign off for the night I'll leave you with the back cover of the book. It has a picture of Summer and I thought I sent along with the order. Then it has the normal description of the book.

In ER Fever,gifted nurse Summer Rose works side by side with the dashingly
handsome doctor, Confused Husband, saving lives in an action-packed emergency
room. Both have sworn off romance, but even our pair of dedicated professionals
aren't immune to Cupid's spell.... thanks to a little help from Bo and their
trusted friends. Just as CH begins to win the heart of SR, a vengeful former
flame swoops onto the scene threatening not only their budding relationship but
also their careers. With lives on the line, spicy romantic encounters and
drama-filled boardroom showdowns, the high stakes world of ER Fever will get
your temperature rising. Pick up your prescription for passion and catch the
fever!

2007-02-15T17:12:00.001-08:00

Well I did it again. Even though I told myself not to. I even promised myself last year that I wouldn't do it ever again. I told Summer for a few weeks that I wasn't going to do it.

Do what?

Get a Valentines present for her. After the debacle that was last year I was through.

Then the day got closer and closer. I realized that it was very petty and child like of me to act in that way. So I found a gift that was very romantic. i thought that this would be the perfect gift. If I were a woman this would be exactly what I would want from the man that loves me.

So I ordered her gift on Mon. Paid extra money to have guaranteed delivery for V-day. That's when the first problem hit. The dam storms back on the east coast delayed the delivery. So much for guaranteed delivery.

It did get here today though. It was delivered to my parents house so that she would not see it. I picked it up and made sure it was the right thing. Came home and presented it to Summer. As is usual for me when I have a gift for her I am excited and happy. Just for the fact that I have a gift for her to show my love. I LOVE to give gifts! She opens it and gets upset. Again! That's 2 years in a row that this has happened.

So why should I bother with giving gifts anymore? Seriously. Our anniversary is in a few weeks, and a few weeks after that is her birthday. But apparently I suck at giving gifts so why bother? Why continue to set myself up for failure and humiliation? All those people that blog about how much V-day sucks and is just for businesses to make money are right. Not even a card next year. I'm DONE!

2007-02-12T21:00:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to ME!
Happy birthday to CH,
Happy birthday to me.

That's right. It's only 3 more hours till my 33rd birthday. I actualy can't wait for my birthday this year. That's just because of how great my wife is though. I'm getting an Ipod!!!!! I'm so excited. We bought it Sat. afternoon but she won't let me open it till tomorrow.

So we will be having my parents and grandma over for a lasagna dinner (my favorite), and some cake and ice cream.

As for an update on Summer she is doing beter. Today she didn't need any pain killers. YEAH! She also started to sleep in our bed again over the weekend. She was kinda forced to on Sat. night. Youngest gpt sick and insisted on sleeping on the couch. It's nice to have her in bed again, but it's still not the same. She is still staying in an upright position. She's not alowed to lay on her side. That's the worst part. No side laying means no spooning. No spooning means no cuddling. None the less it is still great to not sleep alone anymore.