Last week FTN wrote a very good post about male friendships. I wanted to post a comment on that post but couldn't figure out how to word it. Then I figured that it would be too long for a comment. Then Passionate Man (whom I miss reading very much btw) mad a comment in the comment section of my last post that tied right in with what FTN had said in his post.
To quote PM: "Your wife is very cool to say that.
And, after all, you have friends IRL to who you talk about your gripes and frustrations, right? Summer is smart enough to know that...and that you need to voice them so they don't build up."
So here we go with my reality/oppinion on friendships in general. Not just male friendships.
When I was in school (Jr. high and High school) I didn't hang with the "in crowd". I didn't really have a specific group of friends that I hung out with. I had a whole bunch of acquaintances though. There were some real good friends I had. One of whom was the best man at my wedding.
But looking back on my past most of my friends were of the female persuasion. I've always had an easier time of talking with members of the opposite sex than I did talking with guys. In the core group that we had towards the end of high school we had a ratio of close to 3 girls to 1 guy. It was what worked for us.
I don't know what it was or actually still is that makes it easier for me to talk to people of the opposite sex. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm not into the normal guy stuff. I'm not really into sports. Or things that most guys do.
Then after graduation I got into the stoner crowd. You know the group of people that were always in a cloud of smoke pondering the meaning of useless trivial stuff. Oh the fun we had. :D But even then we had more girls than guys we had in that circle as well. That's also when my sister got to be one of my good friends. We finally had something in common. At that point I was 19, my sister was 17 and we would hang out at a local bar with about 6-8 other people ranging in age from 16-19. Yes we were allowed to hang out at a bar when we were underage. As long as we didn't actually step up to the bar it was cool. We were there for the pool table. We were dam good too. That's where I met my first GF. After I met here and started having sex with her that was it. For the entire time we were together (a whole whopping month) and for a time afterwards when we were just sleeping together without dating I didn't hang out with any of my friends. It was just her and that was it.
After I stopped sleeping with her I found myself back in the core group at the bar playing pool. A month later I moved away from home for the first time. For the first time I had more guy "friends" than girl friends. But they were more like acquaintances than friends. A few months later I met Summer and we became an item.
We got married and moved to Oklahoma (just the thought of that state makes shivers go through me). Then from that time forward it was just her and I. For the last 13 years I haven't had any real close friends at all. Male or female.
Currently I don't have anyone that I consider to be my friend. At least in real life. There's no one that I call on the phone to just shoot the shit with. I don't go to someones house to hang out or do stuff with. I go to work and come home. That's it.
So in answer to PM's comment no. I don't have friends IRL that I talk to about anything.
I don't even consider the people that I work with to be friends either. I talk to them about work and that's it. I'm there to work. Not make friends.
I sometimes think that has a lot to do with my frustrations in life. I don't have any one besides Summer that I talk to about anything. Don't get me wrong. I love Summer and love to talk to her. But sometimes I think that it would be nice to go hang with the guys once in awhile and do guy things. Whatever guy things are.
With that being said about real life friends, I feel that the only friends I do have are the friends I have online. Not saying anything bad you all that I consider to be friends but how sad is that?
Once again FTN brought up another post about
friendships. This time it was about friends as a couple. You know friends that you and you spouse have in common. Another couple to hang out with. That is another thing that Summer and I don't have (she has friends of her own we just don't have friends as a couple). I'd like to have another couple that we can got out to dinner with or go to their house and play a game of swap your undies. :D You know stuff that friends do as couples. At least that is what FTN makes me think couples do when they get together. that is what you do together isn't it?
But as my brain works at the moment I want these things on one side of my head. The other side says how are you going to do this? Here you are at 33 years old. Do you plan on just going up to a couple and say "Hey let's go out to dinner and go home and play a rousing game of swap you undies." It's just not gonna happen. So here I sit.
you know something? I just realized that this is 2 days in a row that I posted something that probably made no sense at all.